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sarah430
37 Posts |
 Posted - 07/03/2012 : 13:39:29
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Hi - I'm not new here but haven't posted often - last time was in March. Here's the mini-history I posted back in March:
"I am new here, but not new to TMS and Dr. Sarno's ideas. I've likely suffered from TMS all my life, but didn't learn about it until Fall 2010 when I developed sciatic-like nerve pain in my left leg/foot. I'm generally an anxious person and as a child/young adult my TMS would manifest itself as GI problems - mainly upset stomach/indigestion which seems pretty mild in the grand scheme of things now. Lately it's the nerve pain and also skin rashes (which I had a bit as a child too.)
I think the nerve pain manifestation came about after an actual physical injury I sustained in 2008 when I slipped on some ice and really hit my hip hard. I look back now and realize that I was pretty much healed when it suddenly became worse. I'm sure now that was TMS. I was in pain for about a year. I hadn't read Dr. Sarno at the time, but I think I cured myself using a version of of his ideas that I came to on my own. I developed an "I'm not broken, I can beat this pain" mindset and over a period of 6 months or so I became pain-free. This included getting back to the activity I love - long distance running, which I couldn't do for most of 2008 and half of 2009.
But my pain came back in November 2010, manifesting itself in a slightly different way. Of course I thought I was injured again. It wasn't until March or April 2011 that I discovered Dr. Sarno and was convinced I had TMS. I was painfree by the end of June, but I recall now I had a bout of skin rashes right after this. But the pain came back after only 3 months and I've felt it on and off since then. Unfortunately, I'm not too bright and it wasn't until just recently that I started to think it was TMS again. I wonder if a lot of people go through this -- Get cured of TMS via Sarno's work, but when something new crops up go straight back to thinking it's physical."
My current situation: I've been pain free and feeling great for the past few months. I'm a long distance runner, training for some big (to me) events and have been in a great mood lately. Amazing how good you feel when you're pain-free and doing what you love.
Anyway, 2 weeks ago I went to a new massage therapist for just a maintenance sports massage. He had a special rate advertised so I thought I'd give him a try rather than my regular LMT I see a few times a year. Long story short, he ended up wrangling my ankle (he told me I had a stuck tarsal) resulting in a very sore and achy foot and ankle the next day. At first it got better with a few days rest, but has not resolved - worse than better than worse. Can feel okay when I run, but then worse again later.
I've seen a doctor for it - I basically have full function and strength - he doesn't think anything is broken or torn. He couldn't make it hurt when he pressed in a particular spot or turned my foot a particular way. But I'm back to where I was at times over the past year and a half with intense (at times) nerve pain in my foot. It moves around, sometimes around my ankle, sometimes my toes or arch, etc. It's causing me a lot of mental stress and anxiety. I know it has to be TMS, but I'm still kind of at the panic stage. Because TMS or not, pain is pain and I hate being back in this spot after battling out of it. And I'm mad at myself for seeing that LMT, though I suppose with TMS something else would have triggered it.
Anyway, I don't really have a question, but just need a little talking down that it will be okay and I can get through this again. I just bought The Great Pain Deception and am looking forward to tomorrow's holiday so I can just relax and read without any commitments. Thank you. |
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PianoGuy
USA
9 Posts |
Posted - 07/03/2012 : 19:38:19
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Hi Sarah,
I'm new here, but nobody else jumped in so I'll give it my best.
Yes, I think it is common to beat TMS in one place in the body and have it come back in another. That happens to me, and I know how frustrating it can be.
It sounds like you're on the right track. You know what's happening, but you're frustrated. That will pass. It takes time and patience to work through these things. Relax over the holiday. Reading or rereading Sarno can often help.
I hope this helps. |
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sarah430
37 Posts |
Posted - 07/04/2012 : 10:20:51
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Thank you!
It's amazing how much just visiting and reading this forum helps.
For me, the biggest worry is fear of pain when active. I made myself go out and do a short trail race last night that was already signed up for. Actually felt the best I have since this came on again. Stopped off for some food on the way home for the family and actually forgot about my pain while I was sitting waiting for my order.
It was an encouraging moment, but my anxiety is still high so will just try to be calm today and read the book. |
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kstarnes
USA
21 Posts |
Posted - 07/04/2012 : 12:52:44
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You picked a great book to read on TMS! After reading about Steve O and all he went through, one cannot feel inspired that no matter how big the problem, it can be solved. Fear is a tough one for me too. I have to FORCE myself to do what activity I fear doing most and the more I do it, the easier it gets. Every time we give in to our fears, they get stronger and gain more control over us. You dig down deep inside to finish races so it is no different with fear. You have to constantly conquer the impulse to give in to the pain and you will see more and more results. So if you have been told there is nothing physically wrong then that is a green light for taking on this latest challenge of fear. Be patient with this process as it is like long distance running: you have to train and slowly and then you gain. Lastly, whenever I feel my ankle start to twinge while running, I step harder on it and ask it if that's all it has to offer. I know I can take much more pain so bring it on. Every time I have done this the pain resolves itself in a matter of minutes. In short, if you want to feed fear, avoid it. If you want to conquer it, challenge it and yourself. You are much stronger than you think. Be patient and persistent and you will see results.
kevin starnes |
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sarah430
37 Posts |
Posted - 07/04/2012 : 21:59:36
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quote:
Originally posted by kstarnes
Lastly, whenever I feel my ankle start to twinge while running, I step harder on it and ask it if that's all it has to offer. I know I can take much more pain so bring it on. Every time I have done this the pain resolves itself in a matter of minutes. In short, if you want to feed fear, avoid it. If you want to conquer it, challenge it and yourself. You are much stronger than you think. Be patient and persistent and you will see results.
kevin starnes
Thank you for your insight Kevin. Your words really resonate with me. |
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SteveO
USA
272 Posts |
Posted - 07/05/2012 : 12:19:36
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Kevin that was very well stated. You're in the applying the information stage. Many gather but few apply.
This stems from fear which is exactly what the brain wants. Once again the good doctor made a great observation when he said that you shouldn't become more physical until you have a fair degree of confidence in the diagnosis. You may set yourself back a little if you take the jump but don't believe quite yet.
But when you do believe enough and you take that leap to face the fear you will find that your brain backs down. Then energy levels rapidly rise since they're no longer used in keeping the fear alive and holding anger down.
Everyone should take their time, gather the information, slowly building their confidence until they feel ready. Then it comes time to stand on the second pillar and act on that knowledge. This takes courage but is well worth the effort. There's a sensation of exhilaration when you face the pain and it backs down. Then rises a great sense of confidence in the self and a new life begins.
Steve |
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sarah430
37 Posts |
Posted - 07/05/2012 : 14:24:26
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Thanks for your comment Steve!
If this were the first time feeling this level of pain I would probably be reluctant to be very active just yet. But having gone through this before and having pain in the same exact spot and having regrets that I waited so long, I'm making myself take the leap of faith.
It's apparent to me that I'm displaying a classic case of TMS recurrence. I did experience some actual physical trauma in my foot/ankle due to the LMT being too rough on it. But the physical part resolved itself with a few days of rest and OTC pain relievers.
However, then the TMS took the opportunity and decided to rear it's ugly head. I'm resolved to not let it stop me this time! |
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MatthewNJ
USA
691 Posts |
Posted - 07/06/2012 : 10:20:00
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Sarah,
come join us on the TMS Peer Support group tomorrow at 3:00 EST.
TMSwiki.org/chat
Matthew
Ferretsx3@comcast.net
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Less activated, more regulated and more resilient. |
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wrldtrv
666 Posts |
Posted - 07/07/2012 : 11:07:27
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Sarah, first, I don't know what a "stuck tarsal" is supposed to be. Second, whatever the massage guy did couldn't possibly have done anything serious. Third, you are so right that often when one thing gets better, something else crops up to challenge our thinking psychologically.
I too am a long distance runner and have dealt with many issues over the years. All have eventually disappeared, one by one, except for one: "plantar fascitis" I put it in quotes because TMS theory says it is psychosomatic, and while I pretty much agree, I'm not yet in 100% belief. That might be why it has dragged on for 2 1/2 years. A woman at work told me she has had it for 9 years! I tried to pass on info about Sarno...
The strange thing about my pf is that I can run marathons despite it. Two this year so far and it didn't bother me in the slightest during these races. There often doesn't seem to be any rhyme or reason why symptoms appear or disappear, the hallmark of TMS. I have tried everything, and while it is generally better than a couple of years ago, it is still there. It does indeed serve its TMS function, which is to keep me focused on my body. But lately, I have been much more successful in ignoring it. I want to do 1-2 more marathons this year. |
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drh7900
USA
194 Posts |
Posted - 07/07/2012 : 11:34:08
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I think that sometimes, people who are intending to help us tend to do more arm than good by the use of their words. Now I can't speak for the massage therapist, but let's assume he had good intentions...by using the words "you have a suck tarsal" he planted a seed in your "Type T" mind that there was something physically wrong with your ankle. The actions he did in "wrangling" your ankle very well could have caused some discomfort or even some pain, but it's highly unlikely that the work he did would cause pain lasting 2 weeks. The idea that there was something structurally wrong with your ankle coupled with the discomfort/pain induced by the massage were enough to act as a trigger for your brain to place some "lasting" pain.
Also consider this; what else was going on (emotionally) that may have been a reason for your brain to seek a physical pain substitution? Maybe nothing obvious...just make sure your brain isn't succeeding at is goal of creating a physical distraction from emotional turmoil.
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Dustin |
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sarah430
37 Posts |
Posted - 07/07/2012 : 21:30:58
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Thank you for the new replies!
Actually, I mis-wrote - It was a stuck talus (bone in the ankle). But that is neither here nor there.
Still not 100% sure whether any actual physical trauma occurred. But agree 100% that any that might have been there would have resolved within a few days and the resulting pain is TMS.
Had a great first part of the day on Friday - was feeling almost pain-free at times. But then I went to see my chiropractor for an already scheduled follow-up appointment. I almost cancelled but decided to go anyway, partly because I would have incurred the charge anyway at that point. I honestly tried to go in with the idea that anything he was going to do would help me since my problem wasn't physical. But I think just being there and letting him treat me physically was a set-back.
Pain came back somewhat but it's currently in the stage where I can ignore it. I even went on a 22 mile mountain trail run. No signifcant pain while running, but it's come back some this evening. (And of course moving around - toes to top of foot to lower shin and back.)
So I think I'm at the point where intellectually I know it's TMS, but I still need to work on really believing it and putting more of the techniques to practice. I am under a lot of stress at work - a lot of it self-imposed - ie. I should be doing a better job, work harder, etc. Also some family issues. I need to do the work to acknowledge these issues more directly.
wrldtrv - I have a lot of runner friends who have dealt with PF. I agree, from what they report, it seems to come and go without reason. I have not experienced it myself but agree it seems classic TMS. Good luck with your marathons! |
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drh7900
USA
194 Posts |
Posted - 07/08/2012 : 09:57:18
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"I should be doing a better job, work harder, etc"
Whether the criticism is coming internally or from an external source (such as a boss coaching you), this is a classic personality trait of a TMSer. I think it was in SteveO's book that it was mentioned (though it could have been the Mindbody Prescription...can't remember...) that procrastination is actually a perfectionistic trait. I have ALWAYS worked hardest at the things that came easyier to me...and procrastinated on the rest. I never thought of this as being perfectionistic trait, but it makes sense. Often if we feel like something isn't going to be done perfectly, we'd rather not do it at all, so we put it off. I can't say this is true in your work, but it's an observation I've seen in my work history.
Anyway, aside from the procrastination side, TMSers usually want people to like them...we often feel that we must work harder or do things better so that we will be better liked. Dare I say that some of us have a bit of what I call a "messiah complex" wherein we compulsively make sure others' needs are met at the expense of our own. Regardless of the level of this that occurs, we are hard on ourselves and always feel we must do better. It's the goodist in us...the perfectionist...the anxious...
Ok...that was a bit of a tangent...but my intent was to say your comment is further evidence of a personality type subject to TMS. Keep improving!
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Dustin |
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wrldtrv
666 Posts |
Posted - 07/08/2012 : 12:34:40
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Sarah, I would think if you can do a 22 mile mountain run, it's probably nothing serious, espec if you say the regular doc couldn't find anything. You must be in the Rockies too if you're running mountain trails.
You're lucky you have never had PF. Almost everybody I know, runner or not, has had a bout of it at some time. The woman who has had it for 9 years is not a runner and she's only about 30. She says every day she has to go through a process in bed, massaging and stretching her feet, before she can get up. That's crazy! |
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sarah430
37 Posts |
Posted - 07/09/2012 : 10:06:10
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quote:
Originally posted by drh7900
"I should be doing a better job, work harder, etc"
Whether the criticism is coming internally or from an external source (such as a boss coaching you), this is a classic personality trait of a TMSer. I think it was in SteveO's book that it was mentioned (though it could have been the Mindbody Prescription...can't remember...) that procrastination is actually a perfectionistic trait. I have ALWAYS worked hardest at the things that came easyier to me...and procrastinated on the rest. I never thought of this as being perfectionistic trait, but it makes sense. Often if we feel like something isn't going to be done perfectly, we'd rather not do it at all, so we put it off. I can't say this is true in your work, but it's an observation I've seen in my work history.
Anyway, aside from the procrastination side, TMSers usually want people to like them...we often feel that we must work harder or do things better so that we will be better liked. Dare I say that some of us have a bit of what I call a "messiah complex" wherein we compulsively make sure others' needs are met at the expense of our own. Regardless of the level of this that occurs, we are hard on ourselves and always feel we must do better. It's the goodist in us...the perfectionist...the anxious...
Ok...that was a bit of a tangent...but my intent was to say your comment is further evidence of a personality type subject to TMS. Keep improving!
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Dustin
Dustin - You just described me to a T! If I can't do something perfectly I'd rather just not do it. But then I stress about not doing it. If I can't clean the house totally and perfectly, I'd rather live in clutter and mess - but hate it.
Ran another 20 trail miles yesterday. Foot felt okay during the run, later than day, and today feels absolutely normal and pain-free. So obviously there was nothing physically wrong with my foot! Of course now I have a new pain - not sure yet whether I think this is TMS or a physical result of running 42 miles over the weekend (which may sound like a lot for most, but is not too out of the usual for me.) I should probably not wonder, but assume it's TMS.
I have a lot of obligations this week - some of which involve serving the needs of others at the possible expense of my own - like you mention.
I think I've finally realized this go around that I can beat TMS, but that my propensity for it doesn't necessarily go away when a particular pain subsides. It's a constant work in process.
Thanks much!
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Edited by - sarah430 on 07/09/2012 10:43:55 |
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drh7900
USA
194 Posts |
Posted - 07/10/2012 : 12:10:28
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And it will continue to be a work in progress. My uncle (who first referred me to Sarno's work) told me that after 5 years of chronic severe pain, he has been pain free for 12 years. He said that every once in a while he'll get a flare-up, but using the TMS methods/techniques, he is able to keep them short-lived.
Now take control of that ship that is your mind and sail on toward healing!
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Dustin |
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need moral support - trying to not panic....
