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drh7900
USA
194 Posts |
 Posted - 05/14/2012 : 16:06:42
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Hello, all! My name is Dustin and I am brand new to this forum. I wanted to hop on, share a little about myself and maybe get some thoughts and opinions of those more experienced in the process.
My story starts 13 years ago. I was in the Army and had a (stupid stupid) accident that left me with an "injured back". It was just back pain until almost a year later when things flared up and started radiating down my left leg. In the super-efficient way that the Army does, they made it very difficult for me to get a genuine "diagnosis" for several months after the sciatica started. Of course, once I was able to finally get an MRI, I had...can anyone guess? That's right...herniated disc. And degenerative disc disease. I was medically discharged and have suffered nearly every day since in severe to excruciating pain.
Over the last 12 years, I have had physical therapy, ultrasound heat therapy, chiropractic adjustments, traction, aqua therapy, epidural steroid injections, AIRROSTI treatments (Applied Integration for the Rapid Recovery of Soft Tissue Injuries). I have had SOME relief from SOME of the treatments, but like every other TMS sufferer, nothing ever lasted long and nothing ever even worked consistently.
Recently, I had the single worst flare up of my life. A week into the flare up, I had another ESI and was very hopeful for relief because prior to the flare-up I had the best 5 months of lowered pain levels in 12 years...and that happened after my third in a round of injections. Unfortunately, 2 days after the injection, I went from bad to worse and literally could not get out of bed. I couldn't even crawl. The next 7 weeks were spent primarily in bed because I, although I could get up after the first day of that flare-up, I couldn't stay up for long and sitting/standing/walking was excruciating (thank God for a job with a company that was understanding enough to let me continue working at home in bed with my laptop!).
In the midst of all of this, I had something big happen in my life (was not the cause, happened in the middle of it) that made me face the pain head on. I had to drive to a city 8.5 hours away to pick up our newly adopted baby girl (that's a whole different story in and of itself). Anyway, I was able to make the trip after being prescribed prednisone and taking a regular course of morphine the whole time.
I started researching online...trying desperately to find something to tell me how to rid myself of the pain. I was, for the first time, actively pursuing surgery through Veteran's Affairs. I happened to read just a slight bit about Dr. Sarno and TMS and had just the slightest idea of the concepts, but didn't really pursue it because I had, after all, a physical diagnosis.
Fast forward just a little bit (to about a week ago) and I finally decided to buy "Healing Back Pain" because one of my uncles who knew what I was going through said it saved his back. I had actually only put off buying the book because I was in the middle of another book I wanted to finish first (has to do with my diet and health routines I am currently involved in). I bought the book on Saturday 5/5 and finished reading it on 5/9. I was intrigued and fascinated. As so many TMSers say, "I saw myself in the pages". From pain patterns to personality traits to response to treatment (or lack thereof)...it was like Sarno was writing about me.
So here I am, working my way through this. I have been hovering around these boards for the last week, but unable to post as I was waiting for my registration to get approved. I had my appointment with a VA neurosurgeon last Friday. Fortunately (I think), he told me he recommended against surgery at this point because my most alarming symptoms (muscle weakness in my left calf, numbness, tingling) had started to reverse themselves.
So, I'm a week into knowing about TMS and what to do to fix it. It's already been an emotionally exhausting ride. I have found some sources of some boiling rage inside me that I didn't even realize was there. I've found other emotional pain that has helped to explain some other feelings I've had on the surface. In addition, I've already been able to witness how physical pain can wax and wane with different memories I sort through to find the pain my brain is trying to distract me from.
I understand the concepts intellectually. I don't think it has sunk in to my subconscious yet. I'm not even sure my conscious mind has fully accepted that TMS is the cause of the pain yet, but I am proceeding as if I have accepted it 100% and gaining confidence with each minor victory.
My biggest question I have in all this, because I can't seem to find anything definitive so far, is should a herniated disc with a "severe" compression of the s1 nerve root be addressed medically? The neurosurgeon said that my MRI showed that the nerve impingement was worse than it ever has been (of course, this makes it hard for my brain to accept TMS, but I continue to push) and that it would explain the numbness, tingling, weakness (and pain), but since the symptoms seem to be receding then the disc must either be retracting or the extruded material is being absorbed by the body...and he would rather not do the surgery if I'm improving. I know that red-flag symptoms should be addressed immediately, but I don't have any. I'm just "scared" about the possibility of having nerve damage. The pain is one thing and, having had many MRIs and X-rays, I'm pretty sure nothing of serious medical concern is going on...I just don't want to risk nerve damage...if that's a risk.
Anyone know?
-Dustin |
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balto
839 Posts |
Posted - 05/14/2012 : 20:06:52
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quote:
Originally posted by drh7900
I'm just "scared" about the possibility of having nerve damage. The pain is one thing and, having had many MRIs and X-rays, I'm pretty sure nothing of serious medical concern is going on...I just don't want to risk nerve damage...if that's a risk.
Anyone know?
-Dustin
Hi Dustin, all your symptoms are very very typical of tms symptoms. Thousand of us on this forum had it. So don't be "scare".
If you can find anyone with herniated disc that lead to permanent nerve damage, I'll give you $1000. Ask your doctor if he can help you find one. I heard that doctor Sarno have never seen anyone with nerve damage caused by herniated or protruding disc with all his year as a doctor. I tried to look myself and didn't find one too.
Stop your fear and your pain will stop. |
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SteveO
USA
272 Posts |
Posted - 05/14/2012 : 20:13:52
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Hi Dustin,
You are stuck in the TMS-dillema. TMS can only be diagnosed by an MD who specializes in the process. But like many of us there isn't one nearby so we self-diagnose after a general exam to rule out dangerous possibilties.
I would feel a lot better if you would email Dr. Marc Sopher and tell him some of what you wrote here.
But in the interim there are a few observations. An injured back will heal over time it will not continue to hurt forever. And--if there is a nerve being pinched that nerve will die off and will stop transmitting pain signals. A dead nerve feels no pain. So you can't pinch a nerve in perpetuity unless there is something really odd going on there. Having said that, you already identified yourself as a TMSer so that is big.
What you've described is post-collision pain. The most common is whiplash. I won't get into the details of why whiplash is TMS.
Also, I had paralyis with my TMS, total loss of calf, loss of hamstring, loss of reflexes, tingling, numbness, etc. So mine was not from a structural cause and I had every symptom you described.
So a severe compression will kill the nerve, it shouldn't cause the constant symptoms you've described.
It sounds a lot like what I called Phase 2 and 3 TMS but I would like to have you ask Dr. Sopher before I pass on any advice. Do you have the radiologist's reading?
Go to my website at PainDeception.com and get Marc's email and send him an email telling him Steve was hoping to get his opinion before I offered you TMS healing advice. It sure sounds like it, but if you can give him a report conclusion he will know. He doesn't need the imaging, just the report.
If he says go ahead, then come back here and I can offer some healing advice. If you don't want to do that you can ask away here. I never saw a TMS doc either, and I healed. I'm just not comfortable saying anything to you yet. Remember, only a TMS doc can say for sure, and Dr. Sopher is one of the best. He has been kind enough so far to answer for free. He only charges for consultations, but this isn't a consult, it's just an email question.
Good luck, I hope you come back, and if you don't leave here and wish to continue on your own there are certainly many folks here with lots of knowledge who can get you going.
Information will be your key to healing, soak up all you can.
SteveO |
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drh7900
USA
194 Posts |
Posted - 05/15/2012 : 05:50:22
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Thanks to both of you for your responses.
SteveO - I will see if I can get the MRI reading from the VA. It may take some time...I have to go to the VA hospital's "release of information" office to get it. I have sought out a doctor who specializes in TMS but the closest one to me is about 5 hours away (all things considered, I know that's not far compared to some other folks!) but he isn't on my insurance physicians list and I don't know how much he charges outright. I found a therapist who specializes in TMS a little closer (around 2 hours away) and emailed her to ask her rates (also not on my insurance) and see what she said about having an MD diagnose me first, but I've not heard a response form her yet. Really, I am seeking a diagnosis as Sarno recommends, but given the numerous MRIs and X-rays I've had over the years, I'm relatively confident I can rule out anything serious. I also remember that Sarno recommends that TMS be diagnosed directly and not by omission...so I'm seeing what I can do.
I've also already (at least on the surface) accepted that the pain symptoms are TMS...it is the "killing the nerve" I'm concerned about in regards to permanent nerve damage. I am just hoping to avoid permanenty losing strength or feeling, but hearing how you, SteveO, had paralysis, numbness, loss of strength, etc leaves me much more hopeful. I got your email, by the way, and I appreciate your comments and your willingness to assist. Your screen name name AND your email sound very familiar to me for some reason...any chance I know you from a previous life somewhere?
And I do intend to hang around here. I'm hoping that I can work through my TMS-inducing emotions, get pain free, and hang around to eventually help others who stumble across this like I did.
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drh7900
USA
194 Posts |
Posted - 05/15/2012 : 09:35:22
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| By the way...would you recommend I email Dr. Sopher sooner rather than later or wait until I can get my hands on my radiology readings? |
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Aleksey
Russia
3 Posts |
Posted - 05/15/2012 : 14:24:07
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Hi, Dustin. My name is Alex. Sorry for my English (with the next week I'll start taking lessons).
I have a very similar situation. Fear and pain is always near. But I found the book Sarno (in Russian there is only one book).
We're on the right track. Know of "regular" doctors you will not find understanding. They will only frighten them. A person can do everything, everything will be fine!
I noticed that the pain goes away when I do not think about it. When engaged in an interesting and important.
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Craigy
USA
15 Posts |
Posted - 05/15/2012 : 16:02:06
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Dustin,
The duration of your pain is very similar to mine. The only difference that I see is that I had 4 failed surgeries and no changes to the pain. Take Steve O's advise today and call the TMS doc and while you are at it, buy Steve's book, it's a great read (I have no affiliations with Steve O)! I am also seeing a TMS therapist, which I highly recommend, I have lots of shame, guilt and rage built up, over 40yrs worth and I am so grateful for her. Knowledge is King with TMS, get crackin!
Craig |
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drh7900
USA
194 Posts |
Posted - 05/15/2012 : 18:24:03
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Thanks, Craig! I think I am going to try to get my hands on Steve's book...though it would be ideal if I could get it in ebook or audio format. I kind of wish I had chosen audio format for "Mindbody Prescription" because I generally garner more from audio than reading. Either way, I want to finish MBP before I start another book. I am going to talk to my family doctor about TMS...he seems pretty open to alternative treatments (ie, not jumping to statins right away for high cholesterol like most docs I've met).
And nice to meet you, Alex! Last time I struggled to communicate with someone whose native tongue was Russian was about 12 years ago when I was stationed in Korea! :) and you raise an interesting point. I've read studies in the past that indicate that video gaming is a sufficient distraction for many people with chronic and severe pain...interesting when you consider that in the light of TMS. I have noticed similar trends in myself.
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Dustin |
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SteveO
USA
272 Posts |
Posted - 05/15/2012 : 19:41:18
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No Dustin, don't go jumping through hoops to get your results unless Dr. Sopher tells you he can't help you without them. Don't add unnecessary stress to an already besieged self. I'm pretty sure you have TMS but I would prefer to protect you from harm until a good doc has listened to your short story. I give people advice because I lived through a devastating battle with TMS and healed completely. I had so many people asking me for help that I decided to write down how I healed. But no 2 people heal the same way so I put in how others also healed and those things the TMS docs advised me on.
I can guess that you have TMS but I'm not an MD. Your accident is the only thing that caused me to hesitate a little. But accidents are normally just triggers for a deeper need. Our bodies heal over time, but memories don't always heal. The good news is that you had a plethora of exams, this is more and more like TMS. That's the good news. a nerve gets "killed" very quickly, yours should have been dead by now if it was going to die off.
I would bet the family farm you have TMS, mostly because my family has no farm.
Dr. Sopher is very open to answering emails of this type of nature. I try not to bother him too much, but in your case I think you should email him to that address I gave you and see what he says. I would feel better helping you if he says it's a go. He's a great guy don't worry, he won't get angry. He loves to help people.
I do remember you in a past life. Where's that $5 you owe me?
SteveO |
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Aleksey
Russia
3 Posts |
Posted - 05/16/2012 : 08:48:49
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Yes, and Video Games is one of the things that helps. But my oldest son (age 14) spent a lot of time playing PS3 and is very fond of social networks. I'm turned off. I can not show a bad example. Now I'm back to an old hobby - to paint small figures of soldiers.
Today is the first time went to the park to run. To run until painful. Just a quick walk.
"long way to Fuji starts with the first step" |
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drh7900
USA
194 Posts |
Posted - 05/16/2012 : 09:26:17
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Thanks for the advice, SteveO. I'll email Dr. Sopher as you recommend. I'm still going to try to get my hands on my radiology readouts...in case I ever find myself able to get to an MD versed in TMS, they might prove useful. Oh...and as for that $5, I'll try to put it toward a copy of your book! lol
Alex - it is intriguing that focusing on something, whether video games or painting small soldiers...or even work...can relieve symptoms for a short time...because the conscious mind is distracted and therefore doesn't need to use pain as the distractions. Although, there are times when the pain is too severe for even that...I wonder if that means the mind is so "distraught" against the rise of certain emotions that it increases the distraction factor...just in case.
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Dustin |
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Aleksey
Russia
3 Posts |
Posted - 05/16/2012 : 14:27:17
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Even if this is a temporary distraction from the pain ...
I have a very long time been focused on the pain. Now, even a short period - a holiday.
We are overcrowded suppressed emotions (anxiety, fear, anger) and when our "bowl" is complete, involves the subconscious pain. When a very long time and you can not hurt to think about other problems. Maybe it's time to think about yourself?
I noticed splashing emotions (anger, yelling, cursing, swearing) I often feel better. But the people around us, it's not the way out.
Something needs to be changed. Probably within.
Interestingly, the Buddhist monks have back pain? |
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drh7900
USA
194 Posts |
Posted - 05/21/2012 : 08:28:51
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SteveO,
I heard back from Dr. Sopher. He said that although he cannot make a diagnosis by phone, the history I provided was consistent with TMS and similar to many cases he has helped to resolve. He suggested I treat as TMS and discontinue any physical treatments including the narcotics. Fortunately, I hate the way narcotics make me feel, so by the time I heard from him, I had actually been off all my pain meds for 2 full weeks. I can only stand to take that stuff when my pain is at its absolute worst.
Interesting factoid: I think my subconscious is finally starting to accept TMS. I had a dream (owned by the subconscious) on Friday night wherein I had received another MRI...this time of my upper back. The MRI revealed all kinds of strangeness with discs and whatnot and my response in the dream was, "oh great, this will make my TMS go nuts...gotta make sure I don't believe any pain is structural."
--
Dustin |
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Only a week in, but noticing new patterns
