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Cath
116 Posts |
 Posted - 05/14/2012 : 05:44:41
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I have been immersing myself in the Sarno theory for a good 9 months now - read his books, journalled, had a diagnosis from a TMS professional, and followed a programme. I thought everything was going fine, still had quite a lot of pain (myofascial pain syndrome, TMJ, Fibromyalgia), but it had diminished to the extent that it was manageable, and I am a lot more active. Even ventured out for a few runs recently after 10 years of abstinence having read and being inspired by SteveO's book. This was a real milestone for me, as I had been a regular runner for a good 17 years previously, and it was my way of dealing with life's stresses. I had even considered a career change, and at the age of 40, completed a course as a fitness instructor. But it wasn't to be, and my health started to deteriorate when I was about 42, starting with chronic migraines. I know now that I have had TMS for most of my life, having had my first classic migraine at the age of 10.
This weekend it suddenly hit me just what is eating away at me. In the last 12 years, I have had some major changes and stressors in my life, married again after being a single mother, trying to adjust to a new family life, finishing my job when my teenage son decided to rebel by experimenting with drugs, losing my mother to cancer and worrying about my father after their 52 year marriage, my son eventually leaving home (after finally coming to his senses and settling down with his girlfriend), and buying a dog, who keeps me tied to home, as I can't leave him for long. Now that all the dust has settled, and I have what would seem to others an idyllic existence, I am incredibly LONELY, and I have no purpose. But these emotions hit me like a train - they are raw in their intensity, and my pain levels have sky-rocketed. I have wept this weekend like I have never done before, but still feel no relief.
Has anyone else experienced this kind of meltdown? And is it all normal in the healing process? I am trying to look at this objectively too, because now I know what is eating away at me inside, I can try to do something about it. I don't know what it is yet, but I know I must do something.......
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balto
839 Posts |
Posted - 05/14/2012 : 09:49:01
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quote:
Originally posted by Cath
This weekend it suddenly hit me just what is eating away at me. In the last 12 years, I have had some major changes and stressors in my life, married again after being a single mother, trying to adjust to a new family life, finishing my job when my teenage son decided to rebel by experimenting with drugs, losing my mother to cancer and worrying about my father after their 52 year marriage, my son eventually leaving home (after finally coming to his senses and settling down with his girlfriend), and buying a dog, who keeps me tied to home, as I can't leave him for long. Now that all the dust has settled, and I have what would seem to others an idyllic existence,
I don't know of anyone who went through all this and don't get tms/anxiety.
quote:
Originally posted by Cath
I am incredibly LONELY, and I have no purpose. But these emotions hit me like a train - they are raw in their intensity, and my pain levels have sky-rocketed.
It is very normal for you to get this after all that you've been through. You would be "abnormal" if you don't feel down or get tms.
quote:
Originally posted by Cath
I have wept this weekend like I have never done before, but still feel no relief.
If crying can cure or relief tms/anxiety, all the tms experts would have precribed it in their book/practices.
quote:
Originally posted by Cath
Has anyone else experienced this kind of meltdown? And is it all normal in the healing process? I am trying to look at this objectively too, because now I know what is eating away at me inside, I can try to do something about it. I don't know what it is yet, but I know I must do something.......
I don't think of it as a normal healing process. I think it is just a normal body reaction to extreme and prolong stress, trauma, grief, anger,...
You need to build a circle of close social support so you don't feel so lonely.
You need to set some goal so you have purpose in life. Or you can do some charity work, some volunteer works so you can feel better about yourself and help you realize that even in your darkest moment, you're still better off than million poor souls around the world, and that would help you feel better.
You need to accept that what you feel is absolutely normal. It is just a normal body reaction to stress and it will be gone when the stress is gone. Then start making plan and work on de-stress your life. (or accept it)
Do something, do anything constructive. Keep yourself busy so you don't have the time to sit and feel sorry for yourself. Life will goes on. Like doctor Z on this forum used to say. You have to believe in yourself. Use that belief. Make a life for yourself. A life that is wonderful, relax, and content.
The worst thing you can do while having tms/anxiety is just sit and do nothing. You can get better. Thousand and thousand of us on this forum did and you will too. Get busy, take action, DON'T FEAR ANYTHING. |
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Cath
116 Posts |
Posted - 05/14/2012 : 11:48:33
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Thank you Balto - Your advice is appreciated, and I guess I already know that action and trying to move on with my life is what I really need, which is what I have been trying to do. I am very grateful for what I do have in my life, and have racked my brains to find an answer as to what I can do for the rest of my life that is worthwhile, and within my limitations, and have not come up with an answer yet. I wasn't prepared for the intensity of my feelings this weekend. I don't think I have been really feeling anything for a long time - talking about what has happened over the last 12 years, as if it was happening to someone else, but not really feeling it inside. When my mum died I only cried once, but I miss her so much. (Forgot to mention, that I also had a brush with skin cancer just after she died with pancreatic cancer.) I hate it that I had such a self-indulgent meltdown, and am really trying to pull myself out of it with self-talk.
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drh7900
USA
194 Posts |
Posted - 05/15/2012 : 09:14:56
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Cath, I'm immersing myself in the Sarno theory as well, but I'm just over a week in my journey...that said, the overwhelming emotions and the feeling raw...you're not alone in that...I'm experiencing some of the same.
I think it is part of the healing process in the sense that digging to "unrepress" the repressed emotions is likely to cause some strong emotional responses...emotional responses that your brain has been trying to protect you from by distracting your conscious attention to your physical pain. I have noticed, at least for me, that as I approach some of these raw emotions, my pain levels intensify as if my brain is trying desperately to divert my attention from the emotions. In the last 5 days, I've probably ended up in tears 3 or 4 of the days as I waded through the emotions.
I find the process to be emotionally exhausting, but I keep telling myself that feeling the emotions is ok...in fact, it's important. Some of these emotions are emotions I had no idea even were down there inside me (but, I suppose that's what unconscious and repressed emotions are).
Here's to hoping for further recovery for both of us!! |
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Cath
116 Posts |
Posted - 05/16/2012 : 05:04:58
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Drh7900 - think you hit the nail on the head there. Since the weekend I've come to realise that I have been repressing so much. In fact I didn't realise just how much, and I was given a glimpse of how these feelings would really affect me if my mindbody hadn't distracted me with pain. They were very dark, destructive feelings, which would ultimately destroy me, and I can now appreciate why my mind has been distracting me from them. But I did need to feel them just for a short time, and then move on.
I have since lifted myself out of that dark pit with long walks with my dog and basically keeping myself occupied, and my pain has reduced again to a more manageable level.
On the plus side, I think the experience has finally rid myself of any doubts that my pain is absolutely driven by emotion, and not a physical problem. I say finally, but I have a really stubborn streak, and no doubt will still have to keep quashing those niggling doubts. It's these niggling doubts that are perpetuating my pain, but they are getting fewer and far between at last!
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art
1903 Posts |
Posted - 05/16/2012 : 06:13:45
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In my opinion your suffering is authentic and ultimately healthy. Life is suffering as the Buddhists say, and there's no way for a sane, sensitive, and intelligent person not to reach a certain age without a deeply painful awakening to that fact.
These are existential issues you're dealing with. The real deal. And they're never really "solved.' The search for meaning and the acceptance of aging and death is ongoing. The first is conscious for you at this point, the second perhaps less so, but understand that they're really two sides of the same coin. It's fine to want to be grateful, and that helps, but it can only take us so far.
In answer to your question (is it part of the healing process?), I'd offer a qualified yes, but with a recommendation not to expect this stuff to just go away on its own. Loneliness is a major signal that something's missing in your life.
All the best,
A |
Edited by - art on 05/16/2012 06:17:30 |
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Cath
116 Posts |
Posted - 05/16/2012 : 08:39:01
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Thank you Art - I have read Dr Zafirides' post on Existential Anxiety, and it definitely rang a lot of bells for me. I am 53, my son has left home and is busy getting on with his own life, and I know there is a gaping hole where both my mum and he nestled. I have also tended to isolate myself because of my pain, not wanting to commit to anything for fear of letting myself and others down. To add to this, I have a very needy little cavalier king charles spaniel, who coincidentally also has pain problems, and at one time or another we have both been on the same medication. Seems I have passed on my TMS to my poor little dog. :)
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Overwhelming emotions causing meltdown
