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Busted
73 Posts |
 Posted - 04/28/2012 : 21:27:24
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First let me say, I know that it is not necessary to overcome these things to be free of TMS. But in my case I would LIKE to be able to overcome them. I put so much stress on myself, by obsessing over completely stupid things and needing everything to be perfect.
I'm also wondering what the difference is between OCD and perfectionism?
Maybe someone here could tell me if my behavior is simply perfectionistic or if I may have OCD? Here's an example of what I go through: Yesterday I bought a new pair of glasses. It took me FOREVER to decide if I should by the frames or not. It takes me forever to shop for anything, because I always question myself. Do they fit my face? Would other people think they look good on me? Would people see me and laugh? Do other people wear glasses that look like this? Are they crooked? (And I mean down to 1/100th of a centimeter...things being the slightest bit crooked drive me insane.)
So I finally decide to buy the glasses (same prescription I've worn in the past) and take them home. I then spend HOURS obsessing over whether the prescription is exactly the same or not? I put on the new glasses, put on the old glasses, over and over again. It bothers me so much that I get very little sleep, and I start the process over again in the morning.
Is this perfectionistic or OCD? Either way, you'd think THESE distractions would be enough for my mind, but nope, my foot still hurts too.
BTW, I decided that the prescription was NOT exactly the same and brought them back today. Turns out it was off by .012 or something. Of course no "normal" person would have even noticed this it was so slight. I just want to be "normal" and not obsess or notice stupid things like this!
Any advice? Anyone the same way as me? Has anyone overcome these tendencies?
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balto
839 Posts |
Posted - 04/29/2012 : 05:55:46
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I always thought that perfectionists knew exactly what they want. They have a clearly defined goal and they work hard to achieve that goal. OCD sufferers usually doing the same thing over and over again. Their mind stuck in a ritual. Like constantly washing their hands, constantly checking if the the stoves is off, They live in fear that something is not complete.
Your problem, in my opion, sound like a problem with low self esteem. You don't trust your decision. You're not confidence enough to trust your own decision. And you have been like this for so long it became a habit and it is very difficult for you to come to a decision on anything.
Maybe you should concentrate on programs that boost your self esteem, increase your confidence. Take chances and make up your mind to accept and live with your choices. |
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racingspoon
United Kingdom
35 Posts |
Posted - 04/29/2012 : 06:53:18
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On a related note I have lost track of the stuff I have taken back to the shops because I believe it not to be 100% perfect or slightly crooked, skewed or marked etc...I get the weirdest look of sales assistants due to it.
Whenever I buy an item I spend literally hours examining it the tiniest degree making sure it fits my exacting standards. I know this is not normal behaviour and it drives me bonkers.
I'm sure that it is all too easy to transfer this exacting perfectionism over to the body and I know for a fact that this is where many of my issues are located. A good example is how you deal with a splinter in your finger...whereas most people will leave it to work out I'm one of those who will attack it for an hour with a needle, often making it worse, just because I cannot stand to think of something foreign in my body and destroying the 'way it should be'.
This is a the ideal breeding ground for TMS, somatic amplification and stress illness. |
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Busted
73 Posts |
Posted - 04/29/2012 : 10:42:46
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Balto - thanks for your comments, it's very helpful to hear this from someone else. So I guess my goal is to make the right decision, so you're saying you think I'm a perfectionist, that it's not OCD?
racingspoon - "On a related note I have lost track of the stuff I have taken back to the shops because I believe it not to be 100% perfect or slightly crooked, skewed or marked etc...I get the weirdest look of sales assistants due to it. Whenever I buy an item I spend literally hours examining it the tiniest degree making sure it fits my exacting standards. I know this is not normal behaviour and it drives me bonkers."
I am the EXACT same way. So do you just consider yourself a perfectionist or do you think you have OCD? I'm wondering how we STOP doing this? Maybe therapy is the only answer? Or maybe there's a book on the topic? I am glad to know I'm not the only one though! Thanks.
Lisa |
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skizzik
USA
783 Posts |
Posted - 04/29/2012 : 10:58:28
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Overcome it? No.
In recent years have I continually recognized it, take a deep breath and laugh about it, yes. |
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racingspoon
United Kingdom
35 Posts |
Posted - 04/29/2012 : 13:39:46
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I think it is more OCD...anxiety resides in the belief that something isn't perfect and the checking of it and then the returning of it is an attempt to quell that anxiety. I can list 101 different traits and quirks I have that point to OCD and the resultant anxiety it creates.
Have you ever read Zen and the Art of Motorcyle Maintence? There is a good example in there of a guy who needs a shim for his motorcycle handlebars. He meets this other chap who makes him a shim out of an old soda can and fits it to the bars...it fits perfectly and works a treat. The problem is that the fact that the shim is not the proper one and just a bit of a coke can eats into this chap and destroys all enjoyment of the bike and his journey. In the end he visits the dealer who fits a 'proper' shim to the bike and charges him a silly amount of money for what is basically a shaped piece of tin. His anxiety is eradicated however. I've lost count as to how many times I have displayed similar behaviours.
edit: I've just actually thought that this is probably how Apple have got away with charging £26 for those iPhone 4 bumpers...you can buy the unbranded ones for pennies on eBay but people still drop huge money for what is basically a plastic strip shaped into a band. Is it the need to have an Apple item on more the anxiety created by not having the correct item that makes people buy the official one for silly money? |
Edited by - racingspoon on 04/29/2012 13:44:02 |
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Busted
73 Posts |
Posted - 04/29/2012 : 16:31:20
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No, I've never read that book. Is that what the entire story is about?
Yes, when things aren't perfect I have anxiety. I really have no explaination about why they need to be perfect. And it's not EVERYTHING. My apartment is a complete mess, things thrown everywhere. But if I buy a new book and someone were to bend a page slightly it would cause me great anxiety. It usually has to do with things that are new or pristine for me. Well, put me down for a membership in the OCD club!
Lisa
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Joy_I_Am
United Kingdom
138 Posts |
Posted - 04/30/2012 : 04:13:10
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Yes, I recognise this - e.g. I take ages choosing things in shops, comparing identical items to be sure I've picked the 'best' one. In any row of books, bananas or bottles of wine, I am convinced one must be 'better' than the others, and it's vital that I choose it. I go over conversations, thinking of the best possible thing I could have said, and regretting that I didn't. I over-analyse situations terribly. I do try to be aware of this and laugh about it, though.
I think it comes from a combination of being naturally sensitive anyway, and my parents always impressing on me that life was hazardous, and that, if things went wrong, you couldn't just roll with it, oh no - it would be a DISASTER! Dealing with things like a normal person was not an option... if you didn't stay tense and alert, life would spring on you like a devouring tiger. I realise how much this came from their own insecurity and self-hatred. I feel sure that this hyper-alertness is where my TMS came from in the first place.
I even do it to my house; I'm always convinced I can hear dripping or cracking or just 'funny noises'. I wonder if the washing machine 'aways sounds like that' or if my car is making a different noise...
It's exhausting! But at least I recognise it, and can start to address it. It's enough of a lesson that I don't have to address it perfectly! Catching myself at it, giving myself a little mental hug and a smile, forgiving myself for it, is enough. Trying is enough, perfection is not required (I have to retell myself this many times a day). |
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racingspoon
United Kingdom
35 Posts |
Posted - 04/30/2012 : 04:42:11
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| Here is a thing. If you watch over a pile of newspapers in a shop it is amazing how many people disregard the top one or two and take one from the middle of the pile. Maybe this tendency is more common than we think. :) |
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Busted
73 Posts |
Posted - 04/30/2012 : 08:51:29
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| People still buy newspapers? ;) |
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racingspoon
United Kingdom
35 Posts |
Posted - 04/30/2012 : 09:36:22
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| I buy one most days...always the 5th one from the top ;) |
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Hilary
United Kingdom
191 Posts |
Posted - 04/30/2012 : 15:29:30
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It's all anxiety. It doesn't matter what 'flavour' the anxiety is, it all stems from the same thing: a tired mind. Tired minds are always trying to figure it all out. Is it this, is it that? It's typical of an anxiety sufferer to spend their time trying to figure it all out.
Claire Weekes talks about this. She even mentions indecision as a symptom of a tired nervous system. You go over the same things in your mind, over and over, analysing and analysing, month after month, year after year, decade after decade. Eventually your mind gets exhausted. How could it not? And how can it make a simple decision in that state?
The answer is to rest your mind so that your mind can be kind to your nervous system. You don't try to 'overcome' perfectionism and OCD because that results in more battling, more tension, more exhaustion. You do the opposite: you let it all happen, you invite it to stay for as long as it wants to, and you sag your body towards the symptoms. And then you get on with things, letting the perfectionism or OCD or whatever it is, be there. Eventually you lose interest in those thoughts, your mind calms down and your nervous system no longer goes into overdrive every time you have to make a decision. It takes time, though. |
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Busted
73 Posts |
Posted - 04/30/2012 : 17:41:48
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| Thanks Hilary, I'll have to check out her book. Has anyone read the Anxiety & Phobias Workbook? I keep coming across that one, and I'm wondering if that would be of help to me? |
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Has anyone overcome their perfectionism? Or OCD?
