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Laura
USA
655 Posts |
 Posted - 02/15/2005 : 12:30:13
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Hi, all -
I haven't been posting on here much lately. Seems my dizziness hasn't been too bad but my stomach problem has taken it's place to keep me busy running to doctors. Yesterday, after three weeks of stomach pain, I finally gave in and saw a gastroenterologist. It was hurting so much I started to think that ignoring it was not the best thing. If this is truly IBS, then it's the worst case I've ever had in my life. Of course, the doctor has no clue what's wrong with me. After examining me (fun!) and going over my family history, he prescribed two lovely medications for me (each with it's own set of wonderful side effects, some worse than what I already have and some that give me more of the same) and told me to see him again in three to four weeks to re-evaluate. With his typical medical doctor mentality (he was amused that I was taking an IBS herbal formulation to help calm things down) I knew there was no way I was going to even mention Dr. Sarno and TMS. Apparently, since I've already gone through many of the awful tests (sigmoidoscopy and barium enema - NOT FUN!!) he tend to think it's just a "nervous stomach" due to "all the stress" in my life. Duh!!! Do you think?????
So, here I sit today, not better off than I was yesterday, with wrenching pain in my gut. I either have an ulcer or the beginning of one because it feels like someone kicked me between the ribs just the way it did years ago when I had gastritis (pre-ulcer condition). Then we have the cramping, bloating, and 24/7 discomfort in the abdomen that is pretty much ruling my life at this moment. Forget trying to do anything (projects around the house), eat anything (it hurts too much), or go anywhere.
I could use some encouraging words from the members of this forum. It's hard to talk to my husband about all this, cuz he's got his own worries right now. He finally got his first check at his new job (we've gone 5 weeks without any cash coming in) and they screwed it up and shorted him $600. He's got his own problems at work to deal with and I don't want to overwhelm him. By the same token, every time he starts talking about his job and the stresses and aggravation of it my stomach starts burning up top and cramping down below. This Thursday I'm having a medical procedure done (removal of cervical polyps and biopsy) which I'm a little anxious about. I'm sure everything will be okay but it's the anticipation that's hard. My daughter's situation at school has finally been resolved and the threats have stopped so at least I don't need to worry about that anymore. But still, I feel like the past two months have been wrought with nothing but stress and worry and I guess that has wreaked havoc on my tummy.
I remember when I was a kid, about 13, and we moved to a new house. I hated the new house and I was so sad to leave my friends behind and start at a brand new school. My stomach felt very similar to how it feels now, and I was miserable. It seems that things haven't changed in these 32 years. I still take all my stress and put it in my stomach.
If anyone can offer me some comforting words or helpful tips I would greatly appreciate it. Sometimes it's hard to see the forest through the trees, you know?
Thanks!
Laura
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Susie
USA
319 Posts |
Posted - 02/15/2005 : 13:21:25
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| Laura- As I have posted before, I have had the same gasto problems as you are experiencing. It sounds like you have alot of stress right now in your life. The pain is very scary and the fear just causes more pain. You have shut down to focus on your pain. You are not eating, not running around, and not working. The inactivity will just give you more time to obsess. Go eat something, get out of the house and go do something. Your dizziness just moved to your stomach and is becoming quite successful at frightening and distracting you. You have had your stomach all checked out. You are O.K. Don't give ol Tms such a big head start. It only makes it harder to catch up!! |
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tennis tom
USA
4749 Posts |
Posted - 02/15/2005 : 21:14:05
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Laura,
Sorry to hear about your pain. I was listening to Schechter's tapes in the car today and he mentioned IBS as a TMS symptom. Didn't you used to see Schechter? If so is their a reason you don't anymore?
I missed the outcome of the Bar Mitzva? Did you or your husband finally go?
Is your daughter glad you got involved with the bullying or is she still mad at you?
Glad to hear your husband is bringing home some money again, hope that relieves some of the stress on the homefront.
Best wishes,
tt
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Laura
USA
655 Posts |
Posted - 02/16/2005 : 16:36:49
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Dear Tom,
Yes, I did see Dr. Schechter before on two different occasions. I had planned to continue seeing him and then there was a problem with the insurance and they weren't going to pay as promised. I kept calling his office making every attempt to straighten it out. One of the office girls was pretty rude actually. It turned out that when I received a bill from Dr. Schechter's office it said I had a "psychological diagnosis" i.e. Anxiety. The office told me to call my insurance company, which I did. The insurance company told me that if there is any type of psychological disorder they will not pay it. I then had to try to get Dr. Schechter's office to change the diagnosis and it turned into a big mess. I finally gave up and stopped going. I haven't received any more bills so apparently they got it straightened out (I hope! I don't know, but ignorance is bliss.) Anyway, it's such a long drive and I really feel like I can help myself by doing the work on my own. I don't need anything extra to spend money on right now. The money coming in is too scarce and I need to watch every penny!!! I will, however, pull out the Schechter CD's because they did help me when I was listening to them. Thanks for the reminder!!!
You asked me what happened with the bar mitzvah. Well, it's a week from this Saturday (4-26 I think) and we are going. That situation created so much turmoil for me that I finally just tried to put it behind me and move forward. After two emotionally charged telephone conversations, we decided to meet. I called her the day we were to meet and laid down the ground rules for our meeting. I told her that if she was willing to go forward from that point and not drudge up any more of the past then I would meet with her. I told her that I'm not sure if this friendship can work but I was willing to give it one more try. She told me she agreed and was glad I said that. I then told her we would be attending the bar mitzvah and she was overjoyed and thanked me. When we did actually meet (which ended up being a few days later) it was fine. We talked about what we've been up to and what things were going on in our lives. We talked about the bar mitzvah she's planning and the bat mitzvah I'm planning. All in all it was a fine evening. I won't allow myself to get sucked in emotionally the way I was before. I see the relationship for what it is, but I see it in a whole different light. I'm okay with it now. I never thought I would say that! I don't think I will ever think of her as a "best friend" the way I did before. When I see her, I'll be friendly and I'll be kind. If she treats me like crap, I'll stop spending time with her.
As far as our daughter, yes she's over being angry with us. Things did work out in her best interest. The bully is leaving her alone and things are much better. What a mess that was.
Wow - looking back over the past couple of months, it really HAS been rough. No wonder my stomach is in knots and my abdomen has been doubled over with pain and cramping. At this point, the biggest stressor is my husband's new job and the fact that there's not enough money coming in to pay our bills. He's stressed out and I'm the only one he has to dump all his stress onto. I can only hope things start to improve with that soon! It sure makes it easier to deal with things when you don't have to worry about money. My husband was doing great with the loans -- he had a ton of them lined up and was waiting for approval and appraisals. The problem was, his boss didn't have his license yet for the state where all the loans that came in were. My husband told him "If we don't have the license yet, I don't want them" but his boss said "Just take them. We'll have the license by the time it all goes through." Well, that was a month ago and there is still no license. Now, my husband has been having to stall people and it turns out he's having to hand the deals over to another bank and give them half of his commission. This is a huge amount of money to us and it's killing my husband that he just worked his a-- off for four weeks on these deals and is now going to give half of it to someone else. Also, since they are all screwed up he has to do double the work to fix everything. His customers (who all loved him and were happy) are now getting irate and yelling at him. It's so hard to see him going through all this, I can't tell you how it upsets me.
I just have to learn to deal with things. There's always gonna be stuff - what matters is how you deal with it and process it. I'm learning to "digest" things better. This is all a learning process for me.
Thanks for asking and thanks for the support.
Laura
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tennis tom
USA
4749 Posts |
Posted - 02/16/2005 : 16:50:04
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Dear Laura,
Thanks for the updates. It certainly sounds like you have been through a "rough patch", to say the least. But, it also sounds like all the issues are on a path to positive resolutions. Thanks for the update on Schechter and glad to hear that you've assimilated enough TMS "penicillin knowledge" that you can cope on your own. I hope that the future is smoother and thinking TMS'ly helps.
Best wishes,
tt |
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Hilary
United Kingdom
191 Posts |
Posted - 02/16/2005 : 17:12:46
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Laura,
I'm really struck by the fact that you don't mention being angry at all in your posts. I can identify plenty of things you could be feeling angry about, and it's interesting that your focus is almost entirely on anxiety and stress.
I'm not saying that you're not feeling intense anxiety and stress - of course you are! - but maybe you need to go back to TMS basics again and get at the rage underlying the anxiety. To me, that's a lot more helpful than trying not to feel "stressed" (which is such a useless, broad-spectrum term). |
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Laura
USA
655 Posts |
Posted - 02/16/2005 : 19:47:03
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Hilary,
You are probably right. I don't mention anger. I guess I'm avoiding thinking about who or what I'm angry about. Very good point. I suppose I should delve into that and maybe I'm just avoiding it altogether because of the unpleasantness of it all. I'm angry about a lot of things and instead of focusing on that, I focus on the pain in my stomach which is being caused by the ANGER!!!
I need to sit down and journal my feelings and I need to probably do it sooner than later. I need to write what I'm feeling angry about and get it out. Thank you for pointing out the obvious to me!
I guess I'm so wrapped up in thinking about tomorrow's procedure, the neverending stomach pain, and the worries of my husband's job. You are absolutely right!
Laura
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Hilary
United Kingdom
191 Posts |
Posted - 02/17/2005 : 02:37:45
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| Laura - yeah - go for it! Scribble them out here too if that helps. It's amazing how we can know all about TMS, know that anger's at the root of this problem, and yet somehow forget that when we're actually in the throes of a TMS attack. Something happens to the brain in those moments! Get that anger out of your body - write it down, beat some pillow, talk it out - and you're right, sooner than later! |
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Laura
USA
655 Posts |
Posted - 02/17/2005 : 09:00:51
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Thanks, Hilary! I'm off to have a fun gynecological procedure done (cervical polyp removal and biopsy) but when I get home I'm going to do all that you suggested. Thanks again!
Laura
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Stomach distress continues
