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kstarnes
USA
21 Posts |
 Posted - 02/27/2012 : 09:45:28
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My wife asked me yesterday What I was more afraid of: showing fear and anger or feeling them? I am still thinking about this question and am no closer to an answer than I was yesterday. As I am a hs teacher, I learned to never let students see me in a weakened position or I would be in trouble with some of them (the not so nice students). I have held in my emotions since I was a kid so this was not difficult for me to do. Now I am confused as to what I fear more: feeling or showing my emotions? I just wanted to see if any of you have a clearer perspective on this in your life.
kevin starnes |
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andy64tms
USA
589 Posts |
Posted - 02/27/2012 : 13:08:57
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Hi Kevin,
In my opinion this forum is the place to show your fear, anger and emotions, the classroom is not. If you have been holding in your emotions since you were a kid you are in the right place.
I have chatted with my wife about showing and feeling my anger, she agrees it's good to do both, but has asked me to be more passive about it.
The more I read and participate here the more I feel at home. I have increasing admiration for people who want improve their lives, and are not afraid to look into their emotions and their dark sides.
Andy |
Edited by - andy64tms on 02/27/2012 13:19:32 |
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rbart4506
Canada
37 Posts |
Posted - 02/27/2012 : 13:52:21
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It's funny, but expressing my anger is the thing that has gotten me into the most trouble :)
When I'm pissed or something annoys me I let it be known, which is not always a good thing and was what finished off my first marriage. Albeit there were a lot more issues then just that, but that was the one that was always focused on.
The second marriage has been a lot better and therefore less anger :)
When it does happen though, she can see through it and not focus on it. We're pretty certain I'm hypoglycemic since the temper gets much shorter when I'm hungry and/or tired.
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andy64tms
USA
589 Posts |
Posted - 02/27/2012 : 14:37:58
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rbart4506
My wife actually said this to me the other day to me “You are one of the kindest people I know, but go into a complete rage sometimes, and it’s frightening”
She is right about the second bit, and I did not know it was frightening until then. I must admit hearing people argue is not pleasant, even though they believe it’s only venting.
I felt very guilty and said I was sorry. Most of my anger is shown when I encounter house chores that don’t go well, partly due to my being a hard taskmaster and a perfectionist. I cuss and huff to myself in pretty much a rage.
I notice my wife is always soft spoken and when making a complaint, and doesn’t get angry often. Might be Female = Soft-Quiet, Male =Angry-Loud.
I have decided to break this habit by wearing a rubber band on my wrist and flicking it when I want to rant. I do not know if this will work, but it’s worth a try. I recently posted a message on aversion therapy about this. Oops spelt Therapy wrong on the topics list, I will fix it.
Andy |
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Darko
Australia
387 Posts |
Posted - 02/27/2012 : 17:43:56
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You can feel your emotions without showing them.....in fact this is the right way to do it in my experience. If you're feeling them without showing them you are actually present to the sensation and allow them to flow through the body. Showing them means you become unconscious and consumed by the emotions and are not actually present to the bodily sensations.
D |
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rbart4506
Canada
37 Posts |
Posted - 02/27/2012 : 17:46:44
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| How would one not repress anger without actually getting angry?? |
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Marlawantstohike
USA
48 Posts |
Posted - 02/27/2012 : 18:25:29
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My husband is like a paper tiger sometimes, sounds very angry but means no harm. He gets real angry about politics, the economy stuff like that...
Because of my background from childhood where I listened to my parents scream every night, my whole life I have fear of anger healthy or not, so when I hear someone angry even if it's not at me I get scared.
And sometimes it's just the tone of voice instantly I am back in time. I have tried over the years to deal with my anger fears and issues but it's hard...
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bryan3000
USA
513 Posts |
Posted - 02/29/2012 : 00:16:00
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Darko,
Interesting response. I agree on the whole, though I do wonder if anger needs a physical release at times? Similar to how science tells us how tears chemically ease sadness and anxiety. Clearly, there isn't always the time/place for this. But, biologically, I do wonder if we can deal with all anger wihout physical release of some sort. |
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Darko
Australia
387 Posts |
Posted - 02/29/2012 : 00:52:02
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Bryan,
Is allowing the feeling to flow through your body the same as a "release"?......I know it's beneficial that's for sure. The interesting thing with this whole conversation is none of us really know what we're talking about when it comes to emotions, that's why it's important to try things out if they resonate with you. I'm certainly no expert. 
When I go to gym and I have to do a big set, I will sit there and visualize my success and then try and tap into my anger and use the explosion to help me push the weight. Seems to to work, I have in the past also used a punching bag....that works well too. I call it the emotional account, and yes it needs to be purged or it gets too full and you either blow up and small things or get TMS.
However this is a conscious connection and release of emotions.....not reacting unconsciously when getting pissed off.
What is also more important it to make sure you don't create more deposits in the account than you're purging, through negative mind habits and thinking......this is basically how I manage my TMS and it seems to work for me. Fear is normal and I just step through it these days, but anger is really really over-rated. I just try to change my perspective on a situation so it no longer pisses me off.....same goes for any other negative emotion.
I bang on about it a bit, but ultimately I have found "my perspective/how it occurs" to be the most important thing in regards to generating unwanted negative emotions.
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Topic |
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Fear of showing or feeling Fear and Anger?
