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RussWarf
8 Posts |
 Posted - 02/19/2012 : 14:48:27
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Hello everyone,
My name is Russell. I'm sorry to have to start what must be one in a long, long line of 'DO I HAVE TMS?!!' threads, but I really could use the support, advice and reassurance of people who have suffered from similar things.
Here's my story: I finished uni this May, and immediately moved to London to take an unpaid internship as a press officer for a small charity. It was a satisfying role and a fun team to work with, although I was moving around a lot, from spare room to spare room. Sometime in the first couple of months, I began to notice, and ignore, a nagging pain in the centre of my neck when I sat to type or make long journeys. Soon after, I started noticing a strange sensation in my arm, but thought little of it as it wasn't painful or intrusive. One day in August, I was sat typing at my desk, when suddenly my entire head and arm went numb. Since then, I've had infinite 'weird' symptoms, along with intense neck pain (sometimes aggravated by sudden movement) which has spread throughout my back. These 'weird' symptoms are numbness, cramps, shooting pains, weakness in my arms, legs, hands and feet. It would still seem to be most stirred by computer usage, but can happen at any time really. As it began to interfere with my ability to work, I also gained shallowness of breath, feelings of anxiety and an incredibly rapid heartbeat.
Last November, I decided to take time off and rest back at the parents' house. Despite courses of osteopathy (which seemed to help with the really, really bad initial symptoms of unbearable head pressure in any seated/lying position), chiropractory and Alexander Tech. lessons, nothing has improved dramatically. Some days/weeks are worse than others, but for no discernible reason. An MRI scan of my brain and spine show nothing, nor do extensive blood tests.
I read Sarno a few months ago, and I find myself in alignment with a lot of his descriptions of personality etc. and I'm certainly not opposed to the mindbody connection way of thinking. I do find it very hard to utterly convince myself it's not physical, not least because - on bad days - there is so much NOISE produced by my scrunching, popping neck and spine. Are there any hints for overcoming this? Does this sound like TMS to people?
I am giving it a go. I'm writing this message during a break from writing out all my recent stresses, mapping the timeline of the symptoms and pressures which might have contributed to it. I'm finding it therapeutic, if not a little painful to be using a pen for so long. I had already noticed some incredible coincidences between my emotional/personal life and my physical symptoms - but yet, it's hard to completely convince myself that they're more than coincidences. Indeed, I feel like after just a couple of days of serious introspection, I have come up with some fairly firm theories about why these symptoms occurred when they did, and what purpose they served my unconscious. (I might go into more detail in further posts). How does internal revelation translate into pain relief, though?
Sorry for such a long post. But I've been reading threads which begin with someone desperate, and it turning into a success story, and I drew inspiration from stories with the most detail - so that's why I have written at such length. I'll add more to my story as my recovery goes underway. I really am starting to believe in the ability of my body to overcome this, but it's such a difficult mental leap to make. Any advice and reassurance would be very welcomed - particularly about measures I could take to totally convince myself of this.
Many thanks,
Russ.
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lynnl
USA
109 Posts |
Posted - 02/19/2012 : 15:50:38
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I have, at various times, had every one of the symptoms you list.
I am 100% convinced that there is no imaginable body part or system that is not susceptable to TMS, except possibly such as hair, fingernails, and teeth. ...and even at that, I'm only excluding the hard parts of teeth and nails, not follicles, cuticles, gums, roots, etc. 
I think this is with us throughout life, in the form mostly of niggling little minor pains and afflictions, that we're successful at ignoring long enough that they go away. Then at some point later in life as the accumulated tension builds (unconsciously of course) along comes some event or series or combinations of event that pushes the total accumulation past the tipping point. Then presto! Now we're hit with something of such magnitude we can't ignore it successfully. Our attention is grabbed and held, and the pain (emotional/tension distraction) just skyrockets.
Like you, my first major problem, i.e. extremely painful, prolonged, persistent, issue was my neck. It hurt like a thumb smashed with a hammer for weeks or months at a time. The pain would sometimes abate (somewhat) for a period, again weeks or months, but never went away completely, UNTIL... after 5 or 6 years, it was replaced by sciatica of such intensity that I longed to have my old friend 'neck pain' back.
After finding the Sarno TMS cure some 3 or 4 years later, and resolving the sciatica, I've never had an issue with my neck since. In fact the neck never bothered me again after the onset of the sciatica. So, no question about it; the mysterious neck pain was TMS, plain and simple!!! You can count on it!
In your case, if the truth could be known, I'd bet dollars to doughnuts that your new position brought on, at an unconscious level, some very intense emotional churning: anxiety, fear of failing or otherwise unsatisfactory results, possibly anger at being faced with a new, demanding situation. Who knows? There's no way to determine just what, with any certainty. I remember clearly, that when I finished my initial college degree I was EXTREMELY apprehensive. The apprehension and fear just gradually built in intensity throughout my last semester, even though I had already been accepted for an officer program in the AF. Just the irrational fear of the unknown!
So what do you do? Well, you've gotten everything checked out with no major findings. Making the TMS symptoms stop is firstly a matter of coming to recognize that is exactly what is going on; secondly realizing that it is nothing serious, other than hurting like hell.
It is hard to ignore pain. Damn hard! But the attitude I took was: "Well, it isn't helping to pay attention to the pain, ...it's hurting whether I pay attention to it, or not; so might as well ignore it mentally and focus on other (emotional) things."
You know what? IT WORKED! The pain didn't completely stop permanently for quite some time. But once I found that I did have control over it and could extinguish it with a shift in my thoughts, then what pain I still had, I then perceived as down in the "nuisance" category. In other words, a level of pain that would have caused great anxiety and fear weeks or months before, was now simply a slight annoyance.
There is nothing that will intensify that pain more than getting all worked up and distraught about it.
I know, that puts us in a "chicken and egg" conundrum. But that's the way it is. It's what I call the Ultimate Paradox. We want the pain gone so we can be happy and joyful, but we need to be happy and joyful so the pain will go away.
Russel I hope my words have offered some encouragement. This can absolutely be overcome, but it does require some effort and concentration.
Lynn |
Edited by - lynnl on 02/19/2012 16:13:06 |
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Darko
Australia
387 Posts |
Posted - 02/19/2012 : 17:11:31
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Hey Russ,
I think for you it sounds like the first battle you have is to commit to your pain being caused by TMS. This is sooooo important and you would be wise to not do anything else in this area until you are convinced. Otherwise you will just make a mess of your head and the situation and it will take longer. You have to convince yourself, and rationalize it for yourself.
Without complete commitment to TMS your mind will use that small amount of doubt you have and leverage you into chasing the physical, this has happened to me before. Your mind wants to protect you, but you really need to be strong and cross the mental TMS gap.
Educate yourself as much as possible in the mind-body area, and you will start to see that a vast majority of humanities issues are the result of the mind in some way.
If the Docs can't find anything wrong then you have no reason to believe there is something wrong apart from fear.
Good luck
D |
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Neck/Back/RSI TMS?
