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wiser
Indonesia
6 Posts |
 Posted - 02/19/2012 : 06:37:17
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I have low back pain since 2005, without clear reason one day I woke up in pain.
MRI result showed me that I had herniated disk on L5-S1 area.
I've visited a bone specialist, chiropractor and have done many physical therapies, deep massages, acupunctures, acupressures without success.
Luckily I found Sarno's book in 2007 and saw my personality as TMS candidate. Later in 2008 I found this forum and posted a topic (unable to find it anymore) related to my condition. Many suggestions coming out and I tried almost everything to get cured. To convince my mind that the body is OK, I've done sports like swimming, bicycling, yoga, boxing, walking, soccer, running but all lead to disappointment, my pain persists.
I used to be a very active person, since I got this pain my life is miserable. In 2010 I quit my job (7 years as IT specialist) and moved (from Jakarta) to a little town to start a new business in hope that I will live without tight schedule and stress.
This year (2012) to completely change my life, I start journaling, throw out my hidden emotions, stress, anger and dig in my forgotten childhood memories.
Every morning I run barefooted 6 km to maintain my physical health.
I started thinking psychologically whenever my pain is getting worse.
Many times I had a conclusions that my low self esteem and people pleaser personality is contributing to my pain and the pain was gone temporarily but not for long (one or two day/s), the pain kept coming back and seemed to refuse to leave permanently.
Now this is beginning like a war between mind and body, and the body always win.
Sometimes I felt anxious, angry, regret and hopeless for no particular reasons.
Please tell me, how to convince my self that this pain will go away and never coming back again?
Do I need to visit a Psychiatrist (since no TMS doctor) around here?
Any suggestions, advices, new methods, books or anything will be appreciated.
Please help me, I'm in pain.
Sorry for my poor English.
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shari
USA
85 Posts |
Posted - 02/19/2012 : 09:18:49
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Wiser, you wrote that you have low self esteem and that you are a people pleaser. This is typical of people who live with shame. Unlike anger and anxiety, shame is difficult to recognize because it's something we are reluctant (ashamed?) to deal with. As a child, when someone told you that something you did was bad, you believed it and you felt guilty. You dealt with your guilt by not repeating what you did or by making amend. But if you were told that YOU were bad, then you felt ashamed. And this shame stayed with you. You grew up hiding this shame, believing that people could only accept you if you went out of your way to please them. So you wore this people-pleasing mask, always afraid that someone might see through it and into your shame. To deal with our shame, we have to recognize what it is that we are ashamed of and what part of us we had to disown as a child in order to survive. We have to take the courage to drop our mask and realize that if we reveal our real selves, people WILL accept us. What has also helped me is to write letters to the people who shamed me. I never sent them, but it helps me express this shame and understand it. I also write to myself as a little girl and tell myself what I would have liked to hear.
You also wrote that it is like a war between mind and body. You have to learn to accept your pain and not battle it. The author most recommended on this site after Sarno is Claire Weekes. Her book is about acceptance.
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wiser
Indonesia
6 Posts |
Posted - 02/20/2012 : 06:00:34
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@Shari
Great advice I agree with Steve. Your explanation is covering many details and it is really helpful. After reading your reply, vaguely old memories of my childhood flashing out in my mind, and I'm beginning to understand why I become who I am now. So many ugly episodes in my life coming out to the surface.
Now I have to deal with it, I have to reveal my self and drop my mask. It's hard to do but worth a try.
Thank you Shari.
@SteveO
I read several posts regarding your book, people highly recommended it as the best book for TMS. I'm going to buy it.
Yes I believe I have TMS. I can do many sports from mild to extreme level without pain, but it's painful to sit for long time.
Funny isn't it?
Shame and guilt are the root cause, I believe, and another thing, I have a great fear of pain. I need more time to kick this fear away from my nerve system. Thank you Steve. |
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Stryder
686 Posts |
Posted - 02/20/2012 : 15:36:20
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Hi wiser,
Hope you are making some progress with your TMS. Like you, I have had past memory come to the surface. For a long time I would obsess about the past, and what I could/should have done better/different. Do you have these same thoughts, over and over? If so, here s what I have learned from a therapist and from posts here on TMSHelp.com from Darko.
After you experience the feeling, you have to let it go. This means hold the feeling in your mind for a short time, understand how it feels for about 10 seconds, and then let it go. My mistake was recognizing the anger consciously, but never releasing the anger. Take a look at the posts from Darko in this thread for some sound advice. http://www.tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=7098
I am still working on this approach, and making progress with some TMS-equivelants (anxiety). Continue with your TMS work and you will get better as so many have before you.
Take care, -Stryder |
Edited by - Stryder on 02/21/2012 11:37:59 |
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wiser
Indonesia
6 Posts |
Posted - 02/20/2012 : 22:59:49
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| Thanks Stryder, i've read Darko's post and he explained many aspects about releasing anger through forgiveness. Contrast to my case, shame and guilt are the most dominant factor and it's confusing to stop them from poisoning my system. I try to release or eliminate them and I my method is not through forgiveness. I try to be honest to my self and react naturally to the situation I face. Stop being a people pleaser and never afraid to confront if I have to. Well, It's not easy since the barriers that my mind have built for more than 7 years are solid and real hard to penetrate. I wish we had the same situation stryder, it might have been easier for me to overcome this pain. Thanks once again. |
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Darko
Australia
387 Posts |
Posted - 02/21/2012 : 01:45:06
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quote:
Well, It's not easy since the barriers that my mind have built for more than 7 years are solid and real hard to penetrate
Wiser,
You sound defeated, and as long as you continue this thinking you will find it hard to become pain free, sorry to be blunt.
You have to stop allowing your mind to push you around with all the negative mind chatter.
The post Stryder suggested may have been about anger in his case but he was referring to the Sedona method of releasing any emotion....shame or guilt.
As I always say to people don't believe a word I or anyone else says on here...TRY IT for yourself and see. It takes time and it's a different way of living.
Good luck
D |
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wiser
Indonesia
6 Posts |
Posted - 02/21/2012 : 04:58:13
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@Stryder
Just check the Sedona Method, sorry Stryder I missed this point.
@Darko
Yes, you are right, it sounds like I'm already defeated.
Just realize how good my mind playing tricks.
I guess this is the main reason why for almost 4 years since my first post here(2008) I have been failed to eliminate this pain completely.
Negative thinking swarming around my mind and easily I get lost in it.
Thanks guys for your insights and great advices, they help a lot.
Another help or advice is welcome.
Thank you
Wiser
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7 years of pain
