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G_O_T
3 Posts |
 Posted - 09/07/2011 : 08:44:12
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Hello forumites
I found out about TMS a few weeks ago while surfing the web about something pain-related. So I'd like to tell my story so far and contribute. I've read the book Divided mind and started to read Healing back pain. Based on my readings I think I could be dealing with TMS.
I'm a 42-year old male from scandinavia. I grew up as the only child, my father was/is sort of "family tyrant" and i learned to stay away and avoid upsetting him at any cause. My mother encouraged such behavior. I could not express my feelings and I did not rely on anybody with my problems, fears and so on. I kept it all inside of me, which is pretty much how it still goes. I've come to believe that this inheld negative energy is pretty much causing my pains and other symptoms. As a child I was the goodist and perfectionist type. I still try to avoid any negative confrontations and have difficulty to say no to people. I am willing to help people and make sacrifices, even though I hate myself for doing that instead of defending myself.
I started having problems in my mid twenties after a breakup from my first girlfriend. Panic attacks and severe depression. I could not cope with the loss, I guess. Doctors started me on medications, SSRI and benzos. I had a job which I hated but felt thet it was impossible to get out of there. Then I married and we had children. I took the pills on and off for 15 years, got addicted to bentzos, sleeping pills and painkillers like codeine and tramadol. I started to have low back pains first and after that also neck and shoulder pains, which have been chronic for the past ten years. I had a herniated disk once but other that that, there have been no explanations for my pains and no treatment has had any effect. I've tried lots of things, psychotherapy, physiotherapy of many kinds, acupuncture, hypnosis and lots of drugs. And lots of alcohol too. One treatment, Rosen therapy had some positive effects but I had to stop it cause I was not able to work and could not afford the rather expensive therapy.
This year I started another new job, which I thought would suit me and have positive effects on my health. But I only got more anxious and tense and my pains got worse after I started. I have stayed off any drugs and alcohol for about six months now, cause I realised I was in lots of trouble with my dependency. I have been recommended to excercise, go out and so on but usually my pains get worse after physical activity.
I've now read about TMS. One thing that I thought about, about fearing your pain. I don't think I have fear, I know it is not anything serious but I absolutely hate it. And I hate it that no treatment does any good. I'd describe my pain more like over-tension, tingling than sharp pain. I feel it in my muscles and joints. Dr. Sarno's "oxygen deprivation" feels like a good description to me.
That's about it. Maybe this story sounds familiar to some other people here. Do you think this is about TMS.
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Bugbear
United Kingdom
152 Posts |
Posted - 09/08/2011 : 14:26:40
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| Hi G O T, I think you have already made the links between your perfectionist, goodist personality, your upbringing and your present stressors with the pain you have been experiencing. The pain may not cause you to fear and there really is nothing to fear but what is worrying is your drug and alcohol use. You sound frustrated that most therapies do no good. Well most are based on the pain being caused by something structural which it isn't. Education through reading books, possibly journalling if you are keen to give this a go, meditation and so forth are all things that you can do for yourself and not be reliant on drugs and alcohol. Feeling pain when you try to exercise? Is that a conditioned response? You expect to have pain so you do? Is that self-critical voice inside you trying to undermine your best intentions?I don't know how you are fixed for funds now but if you need some outside help, perhaps look into some therapy. Kind regards, Bugbear |
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G_O_T
3 Posts |
Posted - 09/12/2011 : 03:43:50
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Thanks for your response. Yes it is a vicious circle with drugs, you take them to feel better but you get more frustrated and anxious cause they make you feel worse in the long run. And physiotherapy is dealing with the symptoms and not the cause. Now I've started to realize that there really is no structural damage in my back and neck but for years I thought there was. I was also blaming myself for having bad posture, because many therapists point that out, like correct your sitting/standing posture and you'll get rid of the tensions. It's not that simple, as I have found out, when I have had short positive periods in my life, there's suddenly much less tension and pain. One of such occasions was just two years ago, I went through profession-related rehabilitation and realized I was in a dead end and something had to change. So I made plans about quitting my job and starting studying. The future looked much brighter and I felt a lot better, even though nothing had really happened as these were only plans in my head. But they had a huge impact in my overall being. Well, then these plans never realized and soon I was back in my old state, but I had a glimpse what my mind only can do.
I thought about the fear, maybe I have fear about my condition being permanent, I have struggled for ten years now, laid my hope on different treatments but disappointed time after time. Now I've read some literature that say you should realize that you are dealing with mind-related problem and accept the fact first, then you could start the healing process. That is tough, I've never accepted my state but always felt angry about it and thought why me. As I've never really accepted any other weaknesses that I have. But my energy goes into trying to hide my weaknesses from all other people. Like I have shame about biting my nails and try to keep my hands so my nails won't show. And the more anxious I get, the more I chew my nails.
Now with the concept of TMS I have a new view of things, I will keep reading and thinking about it and hopefully see some change in the future. Cheers.
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G_O_T
3 Posts |
Posted - 09/19/2011 : 03:57:45
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This is just a quick thought that occured to me when I was reading the forum. Does TMS-like phenomenon occur in for example dogs. Or is it strictly a human condition. Because I thought of some of the dogs I've known, when they are in a stressful situation, feel threatened, they may start to limp or otherwise pretend to be sick, supposedly so that the attacker should show mercy and not harm the animal that is sick and can't defend itself. They pretend having a physical symptom in a stressful situation to save themselves. And it seems to come naturally, like an instinct. What I don't know is, does the animal actually feel the pain then, or just act like having pain. But what I think is real, is that the animal does not decide to act that way, but it's brain makes it behave like that as a survival reaction.
I thought this to be a bit like TMS. Our brain makes up a symptom, to draw our attention away from painful, stressful emotion or situation. What I mean is, could TMS be a modern, complex version of primitive behavior like this. Like in the end of the same continuum. We have some of the same brain structures, after all, but our neo-cortex is of course much more developed.
Just a random thought. Not to turn this to discussion about animal diseases.
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Another new one here
