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Laura
USA
655 Posts |
 Posted - 01/31/2005 : 12:33:55
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Hi, everyone,
I just got off the phone with my 15 year old daughter. She called me from school and said "Mom, my stomach hurts. Can you please come to the school and get me?" This is not the first time her stomach has hurt at school. On two or three different mornings, recently, she has asked to stay home from school because "My stomach hurts." Mind you, it doesn't hurt when she's home from school, it doesn't hurt on the weekend, or any other time. It only hurts right before school or during school. Is this classic TMS or WHAT?????
So, I told my daughter that we need to figure out what it is that is bothering her and that I want her to stay in school the remainder of the day (3 1/2 more hours) and when she gets home we'll try to figure out what it is that is bothering her. I also asked her "Do you think it could have something to do with the fact that you broke up with Alex and your best friend hangs out with him, even though it hurts you?" She said "No, I was mad about that but not anymore." She can't think of anything in particular that she is upset about that is going on in school. Perhaps it's the whole element of school in general. I mean, she started high school this year and she has such ambivalence about "growing up." She once told me "I wish I could stay this young forever. I just don't want to grow up."
I concluded our conversation with "Stick it out for the last few hours and we'll talk when you get home. I love you honey." This felt like the right thing to do but then, of course, in the back of my mind this little voice is telling me I should have let her come home. Any thoughts?
By the way, it's bad enough when the TMS affects us but now I'm feeling almost responsible that my daughter is suffering.
Laura
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Laura
USA
655 Posts |
Posted - 02/01/2005 : 09:23:44
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Well, I got another call from my daughter at school, this time saying to me "I think I need to go to a doctor. Maybe I have cancer." This is totally not like my daughter. She just doesn't talk like that. I again reiterated that I thought it was school and something in school that was bothering her. Her response was "Maybe I have school cancer." I know she was joking but I'm really trying to help her figure out what it is. So, when she got home and it stopped hurting, I asked her "Do you like school?" She said "No, actually I hate school. I really hate it." I told her that was the problem. She needs to find a way to enjoy it and find some pleasure in going to school. It was surprising to hear her dislike of school, considering she has pretty darn good grades and works very hard. Maybe she is resentful about that, who knows. All I will continue to do I guess is remind her that there is nothing wrong with her stomach and hopefully this too shall pass.
Laura
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Mobius
USA
32 Posts |
Posted - 02/01/2005 : 11:26:01
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Hello Laura,
When your daughter says to you that she wishes that she could stay young forever and does not want to grow up it probably indicates that the "Little Child" in her is very close to the surface. Too bad we don't have the Right of Passage in this society where one can separate childhood from adulthood as that would allow her to distance herself from being a child and being treated as such. With this Passage she would still be loved and cared for but would then consider herself to be an adult.
It sounds like she definitely has emotional issues with school. Your idea of trying to dig them out and bring them to the surface so you can both deal with them is commendable. Physical symptoms like a stomach ache can be caused by emotions and since they occur only while she is in school they are suspect. If she complains seriously about the stomach ache maybe she can indicate to you exactly what the pain feels like to her and if you feel it is a definite problem then might consider taking he to a health practitioner for evaluation as you would not wish to overlook something that is not psychogenically induced. Good luck and take care. Mobius
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Kavita
USA
47 Posts |
Posted - 02/01/2005 : 11:43:47
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Dear Laura,
When I was a young girl, I used to get these awful stomaches whenever I was dragged weekly cultural/social gatherings within our community. I wasn't able to mingle with the other kids because they were so much older, so I spent the whole night in a corner by myself. How I hated those nights! Needless to say, I had absolutely no appetite. Almost always the stomaches were gone by the time we got home!
So yes, I agree that your daughter's stomach troubles are emotionally driven. With that in mind, I think you did the right thing by asking her to stick it out for those few hours. Life constantly presents us with situations that make us uncomfortable, so the best thing to do for your daughter is to provide her with the tools to deal with these situations. See if she'll have a heart to heart with you, and you can go from there. Good luck, and let us know how it goes. |
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Rudy
United Kingdom
13 Posts |
Posted - 02/01/2005 : 11:50:40
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Laura,
Sounds like a school person tantrum to me. Don't think you can call a 3 time stomach ache TMS. In fact I would have thought you should not make her think this is TMS since she will be "conditioned" to think she has TMS with every pain. Just because she's avoiding school doesn't mean she has TMS, there are probably other emotional reasons for this which you have already touched on.
My kids are younger than yours and will sometimes have a stomach ache to avoid school. Assuming they don't have a genuine complaint then I just tell them "get your school bags we're going" !!
Good luck |
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Laura
USA
655 Posts |
Posted - 02/01/2005 : 12:26:30
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Thanks, everyone, for your input. Knock on wood I haven't heard anything from her today. If it does continue, I'll probably take her to the doctor to get it checked out. However, in my experience with stomach problems (and I have lots!!!), this has TMS written all over it. Interestingly, it disappeared as soon as she came home yesterday. I'm curious to see how today goes. The irony is, I'm having really bad stomach pain today!
Laura
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Baseball65
USA
734 Posts |
Posted - 02/01/2005 : 17:18:47
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It is NOT your fault!!
Our children inherit lots of our traits good and bad,and we are fortunate to have the insight to guide them....here's a recent story.
My older son is very aware of TMS,as I have posted before on another string (he's 12)..
He called me from school last week with a headache.He had had a similar episode a month ago...that time I went and got him,and found out that he had gotten his first F ever in his scholastic career(on a project,not for the whole class).
This time,I talked with him on the phone...I asked what was bugging him and of course he said "nothing".
I was just going back to work the next day after being home for 6 weeks.....I suspected that as the cause...just an intuition.
I told him to go to his next class and scribble down WHY he didn't like me going back to work,how it made him feel,and make a list of these angers,fears.I told him to call me after the next period and the little list were done,and I'd come and get him.
I never got the call....5 hours later,and a mile walk home ....we laughed about it together after school....He's always been "Dad's son"....My wife worked 60-70 hours a week when he was an infant,and he just feels better when he knows I'm home.We discussed it and hopefully that's one less gremlin for him as he gets older
What a great opportunity us TMSer parents have to prevent our children from becoming minions of the mythological medical world.
You GO Laura!!!
peace
Baseball65 |
Edited by - Baseball65 on 02/01/2005 17:21:25 |
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Laura
USA
655 Posts |
Posted - 02/01/2005 : 20:45:30
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Thanks, Baseball (Marc)! You made me feel so much better. She was fine today and seems to be doing fine now, so I hope I helped her. ....Now, if only I can get rid of my own stomach pains...
Laura
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Helping daughter with TMS
