| Author |
 Topic  |
|
Wavy Soul
USA
779 Posts |
 Posted - 08/11/2011 : 00:58:43
|
Thanks for your story Golden Girl. Very interesting about your mom and her twin.
Re Alzheimers and dementia: In fact, I read an extraordinary book (which I can't remember the title or author of, but it's somewhere in my home probably) which presents the hypothesis that Alz is caused, or HIGHLY correlated, with childhood issues that are traumatic and unresolved. I was absolutely riveted by this book, which I read before my mum came down with it about 3-4 years ago.
In the book the author (a scientist) took multiple cases and showed the pattern. Reagan was one of them. The basic idea was that an unfelt emotional backlog catches up with people and this is one of the ways. Well... erm... sounds like...
The ultimate distraction perhaps - literal distraction?
I can say this, because I just had cancer and I'm perfectly willing to say it was TMS (although YOU can't say it!)
Just saying, is all...
Love is the answer, whatever the question |
 |
|
|
Back2-It
USA
438 Posts |
Posted - 08/11/2011 : 05:00:42
|
quote:
Now, my mother, who is pushing 70, is showing signs of forgetfulness, unfounded stress and anxiety, and a change, really, in behaviour. Everyone is seeing this as a demise into dementia, like her sister. I think she's just getting old (much as this makes me want to scream into my TMS-ness!)
I don't know what my point was. My mum doesn't really like her sister, but read a book about it, went to a course, (about dementia) and tried to help in some way. Now everyone thinks she's got it. It makes me feel sick. Don't people get OLD anymore, without it being ALZHEIMER'S?!
It seems to me, that Alzheimer's et al is the new... TMS. The one that gets you. I guess few will agree, as it's like saying cancer is TMS. I just don't know.
Not sure about dementia being the new TMS. I've had experience in dealing with this very closely. This was 20 years ago, though. It was a sudden onset.
Lately, there is some question in SOME dementia cases about the lack of Vitamin D3 or lack there of, and also the effects of the typical, sugar laden diet from ALL sources contributing.
My sister's mother in law was suddenly slipping mentally. They were ready to declare her demented (not clinically, but that was the next step), but I finally asked what meds she was on. She was on an SSRI and Xanax, plus a few other assorted things. This because she had just lost her husband of 50 plus years and was depressed and anxious. She was living alone and taking the meds in double doses.
The real bottom line: she was lonely, lost and confused, and was being allowed to just bounce off the bumpers like in an old pin ball machine. Correction in the meds and taking them and increased company has brought her out of her "dementia".
Not the case for all and maybe for just a few, but as a TMS doc just said to me about a med I was taking -- that there are many unknown side effects to common meds.
"Bridges Freeze Before Roads" |
|
|
|
alexis
USA
596 Posts |
Posted - 08/11/2011 : 05:56:28
|
| Art, I'm so sorry to hear you're dealing with your mother's dementia now. I found it gets a very little bit better after the denial about the dementia is over for everyone. Then though there's also denial about just how awful it is that can be as bad. I'm not saying it's always bad, denial can work for you too (we humans do it daily or wouldn't survive)...that's why we have the capability...depends who you are and what you can handle best. Good luck. |
|
|
|
art
1903 Posts |
Posted - 08/11/2011 : 19:54:58
|
| Thanks sincerely Alexis. It's nice to have the understanding. Lonely stuff, especially with the stubborn family dynamics. Some believe it or not, want to give her back the keys to the car. It's very hard to deal with... |
|
|
|
alexis
USA
596 Posts |
Posted - 08/11/2011 : 20:47:37
|
It's hard to tell which parts are better or worse. Early when there's indecision, denial and uncertainty is bad. You don't want to admit it's happening. In some ways its better once decisions are made and you know what has to be done. The problem is though that it keeps changing. At first you need to check on the person. Then you need maybe a cleaning service. Then intense and costly day time care (monetary cost, or family members giving up jobs and lives). Then ultimately full time...now a decision on who? And putting someone in a nursing home who doesn't want to go? I've seen a co-worker whose mother was flooding her toilet, unclean, eating raw spoiled food and getting lost. They had to bring lawyers in to get her into a nursing home. It took over a year during which time no one knew what would happen. There were fires in the apartment, floods into the floor below.
And if you can't aford the $100,000 a year or don't want to leave someone in a nursing home (it can save your sanity, but rarely means daily baths or regular cleaning or solid human interaction) then you are talking about doing it yourself. Well, maybe not yourself as the vast majority of cases fall to a female relative who, often as not, has their own job and kids and ends up living on the edge of sanity. And the strain on a marriage when a parent is taken in is immense. But what do you do when your parent cries not to go and your spouse threatens divorce if your lives are turned upside down by having a parent in the house who, for instance, regularly mistakes the living room chair for the toilet. I've seen this scenario too.
But even under more ideal conditions (which I've been fortunate enough to see too) there are so many other levels no one talks about. Alzheimer's, for instance, isn't a "memory problem" as people like to think, or is humorously portrayed in the media. It's a fatal degenerative illness from which people will ultimately die, usually with many symptoms worse than memory loss. Before that, they'll not only forget who their loved ones are, but potentially have radical personality changes, and almost certainly lose all control of bodily functions.
I don't want to scare anyone unnecessarily. I actually believe in letting the young live with some degree of innocence on this, but preparation for the reality has to happen once it’s imminent. The reality is that basic self-care and sanitation will ultimately be forgotten - for a period often lasting years. Not only will people forget where the bathroom is and how to take care of things on their own, but will ultimately lose control of bodily functions for a long period of time. Communication in the last period is usually monosyllabic at best, screams at worst. Then often mostly vegetative.
People who think it's not that bad I find were rarely primary care givers – rarely participating care givers at all. When not relegated to a nursing home (which will hide a lot of this from you) a relative will end up giving up their life to take care of basic needs for years (toileting, changing sheets, cleaning things you never imagined, living daily with a reminder of what’s been lost).
I've had a friend who grew up in a home where they had to lock doors at night because the grandmother, once loved by all, would walk the halls at night with a knife.
And other symptoms are awful to watch. The end stages can involve horrific and constant muscle spasms and cries of pain (after all other language is lost). Again, if someone is in a nursing home it's easier to miss, or forget, just how bad this is. Or if they were already ill from another condition you don't see the distinction, or this period lasts a shorter time.
This is what the media won't tell you in their little news stories because no one would watch the stories and no advertising would be sold. This is what your relatives won't tell you because they want to protect you ... or possibly to avoid scaring you off as a potential care giver. How many parents say to their kids "Oh, by the way, in your mid forties or fifties you may find yourself taking years off work to clean and feed me. If you don't and you want good care for me, expect to spend $100,000 a year."
I know you say you'll shoot yourself when it happens to you, but you almost certainly won't. You won't realize it's happening, and by the time it's diagnosed you won't remember the diagnosis for long. If you have kids they'll be making the decisions and will need both your legal intentions well written out, and all the money you’ve saved for nursing care legally designated. If you don't have kids, you want to have things arranged very, very carefully so that you actually will have the care you need.
As I said Art I’m really sorry – and I’m sorry to be so depressing. But I’ve lived with this for years and seen multiple family members and friends dealing with it. I’m well beyond forgetting or pretending.
|
|
|
|
art
1903 Posts |
Posted - 08/13/2011 : 09:53:41
|
Moved by your words and compassion Alexis. Very fortunately, she's already in an assisted living facility. The next step will be to get her into the part where she's watched more, taken to meals etc etc.
I don't think she has Alzheimer's, although in practical terms I'm not sure what difference it makes. I think it was the trauma of my father's death two years ago, plus a couple of surgeries soon afterward which required general anesthesia that pushed her into dementia.
The beginning was a rather slow slide. Now I see her losing more by the month, if not week.
As you point out, many imagine they'd commit suicide, But if I find myself in a decline tas slow as my mother's, I'm pretty sure I'd be able to do that. Maybe I'm kidding myself, but I've always been highly tuned into my own mental processes and I'm all but sure I'd recognize the first symptoms for what they are.. In fact, my wife and I, both in our early 60's, talk about stockpiling certain equipment to be sure we're good to go (literally in this case) when the time comes...
Assuming the person has the mental wherewithal, it strikes me as the moral thing to do. It seems self-evident that allowing oneself to become such a terrible drain on family/society when quality of life is next to nil, or actually nil, is not right. (Again, assuming the capacity to avoid that, which I'm sure many don't have....) |
Edited by - art on 08/13/2011 13:47:14 |
|
|
|
alexis
USA
596 Posts |
Posted - 08/15/2011 : 05:59:18
|
Hi Art,
I'm very glad to hear she's already in assisted living - that will make things so much smoother. The best planners downgrade their house to a small condo by their 60s and are in a community with continuing care by 70 or 75. But far too many hold on to their personal giant farm house long beyond practicality. It sounds like she was wise.
If it's not alzheimer's it would most likely be vascular dementia (next most common) unless you know something specific...autopsy is still really the only definitive answer. Vascular dementia is a bit more step-wise in pattern and can stall for longer (or shorter), though it otherwise looks about the same. Anethesia over 60 is a real nightmare, though it's getting better with new research.
Best of luck for both your mother and your own future. Maybe we'll all get lucky...some new drugs, including surprise oldies like marijuana, show real promise, at least for alzheimer's. And as they say, we don't have to cure senile dementia...just push it's onset back a few years further than you die of other causes.
Alexis |
|
|
|
Topic |
|
|
|
Sciatica...Structural or TMS, Opinions Please.
