| Author |
 Topic  |
|
|
shannclapp
62 Posts |
 Posted - 05/04/2011 : 08:32:55
|
I decided I wanted to write out my experience. Possibly it will be good for me, theraputic and possibly someone will run into some of the symptoms I have over come and get some faith that they can over come them as well and possibly I can get some advice or tips.
I just in Dec discovered TMS, it all really makes a ton of sense to me.
I look back to when I was on college and working full time (going at night) I started getting symptoms like a lump in my mouth, constant headache, lump in my breast and the occasional chest pain. All required me to rush out of work to the Dr ASAP. The headaches eventually passed after months.
I can remember being at work and feeling around my neck and head swearing I had lumps and cancers. But I think I was just too busy to be able to give into it.
So in hindsight things really went astray after I gave birth to my daughter, I was home full time and my husband started a job that kept him working from home full time and traveling ALOT. He went to vegas for 6 weeks when my daughter was only 5 weeks old. So right then I had chest pains, had to rush to the ER, thought it was a clot due to my c-section. Guess what the Drs found nothing and in a few weeks the pains cleared up and gave way to HIVES, every day all day for over a yr.
Finally they subsided around the time I got pregnant again, weird thing started happening then, put it this was during my nine month pregnancy, I had lumps in my breast ultrasounded, an ultra sound on my leg cause i swore i had a clot, constant foot pain where i could not walk, runner knee, mouth pain insisted a dentist remove a lump, was going to a dr about once a week for mouth abnomalities I discovered while digging around. Pain in my TMJ as well. So about three weeks befoer birth started this constant right sided facial pain, went to all the drs, said it was sinuses, gave birth never went away I was convinced I had trigeminal nueralgia from MS (which my mom has) and I was doomed. No Dr could find anything this goose chase went on for yrs, tried nerve meds a $10,000 facial pain specialist etc etc. I eenutally told myself this run around was making things worse and just dealt with it, it would subside but still worry me. I knew it had something to do with my muscles or anxiety and kept functioning. So then I find TMS, great no pain for a good three weeks! Then things start shaking up it hurts on all my teeth and gums on that same side, No dr finds anythign wrong, no my gums sort of burn or feel weird. Googling starts and I am in this awful cycle again. I get so nervous because it is all around the same area, not moving from one side to another. I hate this darkenss and am trying to ignore and heal. trying ot to feed the fear!
Oh I also had a case of burning legs for three or four months!!!
I guess writing all of this out I see all the vague symptoms I have encountered over the years and it is obvious! But boy when you are in the middle of a fear/worry cycle it is hard to believe.
Thanks for listening and if you have any advice or input I would be forever gratful!!!
|
|
|
shannclapp
62 Posts |
Posted - 05/04/2011 : 08:37:36
|
Also I can pin point a few emotional casues to these pains (in indsight of course) bt what i dont get it what to do about it.
I had an alcholic dad, my mom was sick with MS that is my child hood thing LOL. I think the pressure of having children and being a mom started the other. Currently we are moving and trying to get a double mortgage and all the stress. I am a perfectionist, I want everyone to like me, I have low self esteem, I over analyze everything, oh and I own my own small business from home. So yes all these things can be "enraging" but what can I do anout them? |
 |
|
|
tennis tom
USA
4749 Posts |
|
|
art
1903 Posts |
Posted - 05/04/2011 : 10:48:12
|
Hey shan,
Can I pick winner or what? :>) I knew you had the stuff to get better. Not everyone does.
It takes both guts and brains. It's great that you wrote all that out in order to see it in black and white. You're right, it's very hard to get a sense of perspective when you're in the middle of a fear spiral, so this is a valuable exercise..
And it's normal to go get a quick improvement when discovering TMS followed by a relapse. That's often when the real work begins.
It might help if you got some counseling. You've got A LOT on your plate..
By the way, you've every right in the world to be upset that your husband took off for all that time under the circumstances.
Just sayin' |
|
|
|
shannclapp
62 Posts |
Posted - 05/04/2011 : 11:48:37
|
Well thank you!
My husbands job sent him out to Vegas for training for six weeks, how convienant all his training gets to be in Vegas, must be hard LOL. But it was a work not leisure trip, for the most part.It was good to write it all out, and now I can look back at it all in one place, not inside some sloppy journal, to remind myself.
I was in therapy and I really enjoyed it, I think that is how I discovered I held a lot against my sick mother and there for had an irrational fear of getting sick like her, becaue i did not want to be a mom like her, the way she was. But also wht i learned was whether she was sick or not she would of most likely been the same type of mother. And if God forbid I got sick, i would not be like her.
Anyway thanks! |
|
|
|
art
1903 Posts |
Posted - 05/04/2011 : 14:49:26
|
Ah, well, it sounded worse about your husband without the explanation :>)
Still, the unconscious mind (I don't like the term but I'll use it), does not distinguish good reasons from bad. On some level, all you knew was that your husband was abandoning you when you really needed him...I understand that's not what he was doing, but try explaining that to your id...
Bottom line, it wouldn't be surprising if it caused you quite a bit of upset under the circumstances.. |
Edited by - art on 05/04/2011 14:49:58 |
|
|
|
shannclapp
62 Posts |
Posted - 05/04/2011 : 15:08:11
|
| Oh yea makes a ton of sense plus i was jealous i was home and doing everything. He was working but was still able to go out to dinner and hang out at night. Aghh what i would give for a night out, alone LOL> I bet there is a lot of uncouncious rage that develops that way. MMMMM. Not that he means to casue it to me but it uncounciously bothers me.... MMM something to really consider. Thanks |
|
|
|
shannclapp
62 Posts |
Posted - 05/04/2011 : 18:35:44
|
| So I have to ask/confirm this. somthing that I am conciously happy with, like my marriage, could in fact cause me unconcious rage? I never really considered this cause I am happy and my husband works really hard to tkae care of us. But maybe I in rage because I am responsible for everything, stuck home, my needs sort of come last etc, etc. I just sort of assumed it was my stress levels. This is a new thought process for me today! |
|
|
|
art
1903 Posts |
Posted - 05/05/2011 : 05:05:47
|
According to Sarno, unconscious rage is the number one reason for TMS....the pain we feel being a distraction from same because our conscious minds find such intense and unreasonable anger unacceptable..
Any analytic shrink would very likely agree you've got a lot of anger. To me, it doesn't even sound that unconscious but pretty near the surface. Being a mother is hard. All kinds of demands are being placed on you by your children. That kind of anger certainly fits the Sarno model as unconscious rage against one's children, while perfectly natural, is surely going to be at least partly repressed///
Repressed rage=TMS |
|
|
|
shannclapp
62 Posts |
Posted - 05/05/2011 : 17:02:32
|
I see it, but this is where I get lost, I cant sit around angry at my kids or husband all day, i love them beyond words. So what do I tell myself?
Do I just say, ok unreasonable self, I know these things make you mad, but there is no need to cause me pain?
See this is where i get very confused!!! Help.
No wonder my mind picks the pain HAHA.
|
|
|
|
susan828
USA
291 Posts |
Posted - 05/05/2011 : 17:28:47
|
| Shannclapp, you might do better with Schubiner's program than Sarno's. He gives you the exact explanation about the changes in various parts of the brain and tells you exactly what to say to re-program them. The book and the CD it comes with are very inexpensive. It's the same program he uses with his patients in person. Look up Howard Schubiner Unlearn Your Pain. I can't say it worked for me because I am going slowly and only in week 2. Look at the Amazon reviews, all good writeups. |
|
|
|
shannclapp
62 Posts |
Posted - 05/05/2011 : 17:36:26
|
Funny you mention that i planned on purchasing it once my move is donne in about 10 days. to me there is no way to commit to a program while moving my entire family lol. Do u think its working for you? I have read all the reviews, i alwasy read them for all the books to find some success stories!
thanks |
|
|
|
Darko
Australia
387 Posts |
Posted - 05/05/2011 : 17:50:07
|
Hi Shannclapp,
I have a slightly different perspective on things that may help you.
quote:
I think the pressure of having children and being a mom started the other. Currently we are moving and trying to get a double mortgage and all the stress. I am a perfectionist, I want everyone to like me, I have low self esteem, I over analyze everything, oh and I own my own small business from home. So yes all these things can be "enraging" but what can I do anout them?
Personally I don't believe repressed rage is the only trigger. I strongly believe the trigger is whatever emotion you produce the most and are repressing. So in your case looking for anger might not make any sense.......and might not be the dominant cause of your pain
Sounds to me you're pretty stressed and anxious......these are also emotions that we don't like to experience. When I look at just that small paragraph it's amazing how much emotion generators are in there
- I am a perfectionist = anxiety about screwing it up, needs to be right
- I want everyone to like me, I have low self esteem = I'm not enough.....negative thoughts about myself
- I over analyze everything = usually all negative.....thus produces more stress and anxiety....I know cause I do this also
- oh and I own my own small business from home = this one is a bonanza.....mountains of anxiety here, including money pressure.......which leads to vast amounts of anxiety....I know cause I get this also.
When I address my anxiety my pain eases dramatically or goes. Just 4 days ago I was soooo stiff and sore that I had trouble getting in and out of my car......today my pain is almost gone, I just have a few tight stops left. All I did was acknowledge my financial issues and start CHANGING THE WAY I THINK ABOUT MONEY.
When I change the way I think......I produce less anxiety........less anxiety means less repression and less repression means less pain.
I believe TMS is generated by our dominant "issue" whatever that is. Some people it's anger, some it's anxiety or fear.
Try it and see what happens.
D
Also it would help you to do some type of meditation daily.....even if you just focus on your breath for 5 mins. You can't expect your body to be under so much stress and not give you problems...... |
Edited by - Darko on 05/05/2011 18:04:43 |
|
|
|
shannclapp
62 Posts |
Posted - 05/06/2011 : 10:32:39
|
Thanks Darko. Now I just need a mantra to help me say to myself when the pain in here, which is all the time. It is more like weird sensations.
I see it as anxiety, pressure which is giving me rage!! |
|
|
|
art
1903 Posts |
Posted - 05/06/2011 : 13:20:12
|
Shannon,
YOu can't get rid of unconscious rage by definition. That part of the mind, the "id" in Freudian terms, is not rational. It's sole function is to want and to feel anger and frustration when it's not getting its way.
All that's required for recovery is that one understands and accepts that the physical pain is not structural, but emotional.
That said, conscious stress and anxiety can be mitigated to a degree. Obviously, that's a good thing and should be pursued to the extent possible.... |
Edited by - art on 05/06/2011 18:31:14 |
|
|
| |
Topic |
|
|
|
So what do you all think?
