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Wavy Soul
USA
779 Posts |
 Posted - 03/18/2011 : 15:16:11
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Wow.
Since my last posts, I just got diagnosed with uterine cancer and had a hysterectomy. Fortunately it's pretty much considered a "cure."
It's interesting in the context of our conversations here. As some of you may remember, I have been dealing with my sister's death from cancer in the UK, and had to travel there twice under very stressful circumstances. The main stress was that she behaved as though she hated me all my life, and even at the end was spiteful and tried to work behind my back to ruin things for me legally and financially.
I had been having very heavy bleeding for a few years and have always felt that it was related to my TMS stuff. I've had all the tests, including a biopsy every year that has been clean, as all my tests for every "normal" illness have always been. Even after the biopsy this time I was sure it would be clear again, so it was VERY SURPRISING to find I finally had a "real" illness - and one with a clear cure! How cool is that?
It's made me realize how incredibly stressed out I have been, but also how incredibly stressful it's been to have TMS - so much physical suffering for decades that has supposedly been from my anger distraction process or whatever, but that has still hurt and inhibited a normal life. Now I'm in the camp where people are sympathetic, take care of me, insurance covered it, and so on, yet I don't even feel as bad as I have felt from Fibro and CFS at times.
Anyway, I'm taking it as my graduation from weird physical manifestations. I finally got to have a real illness and be somewhat validated! I'm drinking in the non-anxiety about knowing exactly what I need to do and doing it. Mmmmm...
I know - this is a rather weird post! love to all!
Love is the answer, whatever the question |
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susan828
USA
291 Posts |
Posted - 03/18/2011 : 21:31:35
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Hi Wavy. It is not such a weird post because it happened to me and I can relate to it. I think because we are so used to operating under a higher anxiety level than most, when a REAL thing comes along, we handle it better than people whose lives have been real easy.
I was far less shaken up having several surgeries than I am when I get a symptom that leads to panic with the TMS stuff. I have a friend who had uterine cancer, went from dr. to dr. until it was finally diagnosed properly, also had a hysterectomy and now she is fine and cancer-free. Good for you. Here's to continued health! xo |
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Wavy Soul
USA
779 Posts |
Posted - 03/18/2011 : 22:05:22
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Thanks, Susan. Come to think of it, it isn't weird at all. I've been feeling like a freak or a phoney all my life, with these "mystery" illnesses. When I first was given Sarno's books I threw them across the room.
Love is the answer, whatever the question |
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art
1903 Posts |
Posted - 03/19/2011 : 05:38:12
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Me 3, with the feeling of being a phony and somehow weak. It's a terrible predicament, to be made to feel responsible for being sick. The very last thing one should need to contend with on top of authentic as authentic can be physical suffering, is shame. I was furious with my family for years, back when I could barely get out of bed each morning...
I finally wrote an essay on my illness and showed it to my parents. My father, a decent man who just hadn't known any better, called me to apologize for dismissing my situation for so long. So that was somewhat validating. My mother who once called my food intolerances a "fetish," never said a word. Oh well. One out of two ain't bad.
I was worried about you wavey because you just disappeared after putting up those deeply pained posts. You were obviously suffering. Glad to know you're on the mend...
Love to you...
A, |
Edited by - art on 03/19/2011 08:57:13 |
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Wavy Soul
USA
779 Posts |
Posted - 03/19/2011 : 14:25:52
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Hey Art,
Thanks for being worried - that feels kinda good!
I'd love to read that essay that you wrote. Would you be willing to share it with me or with us here?
I have a book-in-progress about all this. The whole first section is about the confusion I have been through in being invalidated for my suffering by my family and others. How very difficult it has been, then, to acknowledge the mind-body connection. I have felt a deep conflict, as I have not wanted to betray the "child" who had already felt so betrayed...
Meanwhile, in unrelated I'm trying to rest and just watch tennis on TV in the background, and they have just this very minute as I am typing announced that we have declared war on Libya. Well... at least that's a bit more of a valid use of the military, like helping remove Hitler. Just as my surgery was a valid use of medicine.
Thanks for the love.
Love is the answer, whatever the question |
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suegr98
USA
39 Posts |
Posted - 03/19/2011 : 17:16:21
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Wavy i am so glad for you that you got the right diagnosis and treatment. Some of the mind/body lit, as I am sure you know, connects cancer with the mind though I am skeptical that the mind is as powerful as a surgeon's knife for getting rid of it!
Coincidentally I had a patient last week whose back always hurt because of the career he works in so he did not take it seriously when cancer started being the culprit. It had to break his spine before he went to the dr.
Bodies are so freaking unreliable!
take good care,
Sue
http://www.facebook.com/suegr98
http://healingwithfeelings.wordpress.com
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Wavy Soul
USA
779 Posts |
Posted - 03/19/2011 : 18:20:05
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Thanks Sue. Yikes about your patient and the back pain and the cancer. That's what we all DON'T want to happen as we try to ignore symptoms. I have to admit that although I knew that my excess bleeding was stress-related, I was taking it quite seriously, because you only have so much blood!
I followed your link to your blog. Love it! Fascinating so far.
Wavy xx
Love is the answer, whatever the question |
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art
1903 Posts |
Posted - 03/20/2011 : 10:55:49
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Hi Wavey,
Unfortunately I don't have a soft copy in my laptop any longer. Email me at 55pushups@gmail.com and we'll figure something out. It's far from timeless prose,
but if you're interested in the topic of undiagnosed chronic illness in all it's painful particulars, you might find it validating. No answers of course, but plenty of personal experience with unhelpful doctors and dismissive and even contemptuous family members.
It makes me almost sad, that contracting an actual diagnosable illness has been in some sense a relief to you.. Now doesn't that speak volumes! |
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Wavy Soul
USA
779 Posts |
Posted - 03/21/2011 : 11:46:12
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quote:
plenty of personal experience with unhelpful doctors and dismissive and even contemptuous family members.
Now THAT line is a very effective trigger that makes dem reservoirs of rage (RORs) want to ROAR!!
Love is the answer, whatever the question |
Edited by - Wavy Soul on 03/21/2011 11:47:25 |
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Oops - this was NOT TMS!
