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skizzik
USA
783 Posts |
 Posted - 02/15/2011 : 04:36:56
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This board over the years was pivotal getting me to the acceptence stage and "presence" and all that; But,
At some point you not only have to leave all the fear of pain behind but eventually move on to your passions. Follow them, and don't care what anyone thinks. You're the one who has to live with yourself, you're the one who wakes up with something passionate to do or improve in, or wake up in dread of the day ahead because you have to please others.
Did that pain come on when you stopped treating yourself, when you stopped that hobby? Did you feel unworthy of continuing that activity? What have you always wanted to do? What stopped you? Can you make behavioral changes to achieve your goal over a set period of time?
Do you wish you drove a better car? Do you wish you were a morning person with a relaxing commute to work? Do you wish you could join that gym you pass every day on the way home from work? Could you guide your kids from b students in to "a" students? Have you always wanted to eat healthier and exercise, but were held back because of others expectations of you?
How would you feel if you took all of your problems, balled them up, and went to work on your passion, put all of your focus into that passion and found that your problems manage themselves just fine over time? |
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Back2-It
USA
438 Posts |
Posted - 02/15/2011 : 07:23:21
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[quote]Originally posted by Back2-It
The reasons for my pain are many fold.
It came on when I was restarting a relationship and discovered that nothing had really changed and now I was going to have to deal with it.
In addition, I was taking care of my uncle, who had terminal lung cancer. I was bone tired of taking care of people. My mother and my father before had died of bad illnesses. Over 21 years of dealing with sick people, and I was sick of it. My conscious fear, stated many times to my sisters and friends, was that once U _____ died one of us would get sick. He wasn't even gone before my problems started.
The other reasons centered around who I was as a person: a "goodist" to the core, and a "people pleaser". Never rock the boat could have been my subconscious mantra -- at least for most things.
Roads not taken, opportunities lost; they all figure in.
Worst was the cap of being told I have a horrible structural problem, one so bad chiropractors did not want to work with me for fear of causing paralysis and having other doctors tell me that there was nothing they could do for me.
I found myself alone 95% of the time, because of work and relationships. This, I thought, was worse than most prisoners in solitary. All this I had to deal with on my own. It was worse late at night when all the fears came together.
I am making changes. I am trying now to follow and do things that interest me. My pain and discomfort are slowly improving. No matter what, I have to follow a better path and leave the past in the past now that I understand it.
Shakespeare was right: to thine own self be true. This counts no matter of you have TMS or not.
Another lesson every "goodist" should learn is that nobody cares as much as you think they should or gives as much as you think you did, so if you find yourself flat on your back you will find that you are SOL baby. No normal person can give back what you think you are owed. So for all goodists who want to wear the hero shirt, don't. The big "S" will fade and nobody gives a rats behind about you beyond normal caring, which you don't understand.
There's a lot wrapped up in a person's "passion". Most of it some don't even realize.
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Edited by - Back2-It on 02/15/2011 07:34:50 |
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Wodg
Australia
89 Posts |
Posted - 02/16/2011 : 04:33:50
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Skizz,
If you did those things you would not have TMS.
TMS is an excuse not to do what you want/need to do. |
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skizzik
USA
783 Posts |
Posted - 02/18/2011 : 07:40:55
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quote:
Originally posted by Back2-It
The reasons for my pain are many fold.
It came on when I was restarting a relationship and discovered that nothing had really changed and now I was going to have to deal with it.
funny how getting back into relationships after the "heart grows fonder" only to find old habits and patterns re-emerge"
quote:
Originally posted by Back2-It
In addition, I was taking care of my uncle, who had terminal lung cancer. I was bone tired of taking care of people. My mother and my father before had died of bad illnesses. Over 21 years of dealing with sick people, and I was sick of it. My conscious fear, stated many times to my sisters and friends, was that once U _____ died one of us would get sick. He wasn't even gone before my problems started.
Not a great way to apend your youth. We all die of something terrible. But to have totally focused on those things in your family says what about your personality? You focused too much on the wrong things? I don't blame you for being sick of it.
quote:
Originally posted by Back2-It
The other reasons centered around who I was as a person: a "goodist" to the core, and a "people pleaser". Never rock the boat could have been my subconscious mantra -- at least for most things.
Roads not taken, opportunities lost; they all figure in.
It's a terrible thing to be conditioned to think that you have to break your back (fig) to please others in order to show them love. It ruins lives.
quote:
Originally posted by Back2-It
Worst was the cap of being told I have a horrible structural problem, one so bad chiropractors did not want to work with me for fear of causing paralysis and having other doctors tell me that there was nothing they could do for me.
All it takes is one person of authority to tell you that and hello TMS. The way out of that is to understand the background of chiro's and that they're not the brightest people (why did'nt they become MD's), many of them had a history of dead end jobs where they finally figured out they could open up shop in the local plaza nest to the dollar store and run their pyramid scheme, and stroke their ego at the same time. Great way to get the Dr. title.
quote:
Originally posted by Back2-It
I found myself alone 95% of the time, because of work and relationships. This, I thought, was worse than most prisoners in solitary. All this I had to deal with on my own. It was worse late at night when all the fears came together.
I am making changes. I am trying now to follow and do things that interest me. My pain and discomfort are slowly improving. No matter what, I have to follow a better path and leave the past in the past now that I understand it.
Shakespeare was right: to thine own self be true. This counts no matter of you have TMS or not.
Another lesson every "goodist" should learn is that nobody cares as much as you think they should or gives as much as you think you did, so if you find yourself flat on your back you will find that you are SOL baby. No normal person can give back what you think you are owed. So for all goodists who want to wear the hero shirt, don't. The big "S" will fade and nobody gives a rats behind about you beyond normal caring, which you don't understand.
There's a lot wrapped up in a person's "passion". Most of it some don't even realize.
So, at this point it reminds me of the title of this book "Start from where you are."
It was written by an aspiring female Buddhist. The book itself was uninteresting to me. I think anyone trying to dwelve into an orginizied religion so completely is a sign they are suffering inside, but I always think of that title. No matter your age, when it all gets to be too much, when you think you wasted all your time, when you have'nt gotten the solutions you wanted; Start from where you are. You can't change your past. But from here on, you can create a "new past." And thats passion.
Something "flybynight" told me in an e-mail one time when I was explaining how hard of a parent I'm trying to be, and how hard it is with all of the pain, he said "all your kids need is love."
That floored me because they will never be on a therapists couch complaining that they did'nt get the newest version of Madden PS3, but they would be complaining that they did'nt get attention, guidance, affection, or a soft landing. Those things are free. That relaxed me alot.(It's still tough when they're whining though )
Anyways, did you "overcare" for your loved ones? Perhaps all they needed was your affection, and you could've still (and still can) follow your passions. And I think they'd be more proud of you if you did. I know the type though, my mom is addicted to sympathy and self pity, I've had to wrestle with that for decades.
Ok,I've forgotten what I was writing lol.  Gotta stop the ramble lol. |
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skizzik
USA
783 Posts |
Posted - 02/18/2011 : 07:42:38
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quote:
Originally posted by Wodg
Skizz,
If you did those things you would not have TMS.
TMS is an excuse not to do what you want/need to do.
I like the simplicity, but may not be getting the point. Expand? |
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Back2-It
USA
438 Posts |
Posted - 02/18/2011 : 13:05:55
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skizzik...
quote:
Anyways, did you "overcare" for your loved ones?
I probably did. I was in the position with my parents where my sisters had young families and I did not, so I spent more physical time with those who were ill. With my uncle it was the same, though my sisters' families were now older. I was the one who had to sit and listen to him day in and day out. The real kicker was how I resented it, because he was so condenscending (sp) and I had a deep anger with him for how he treated my parents and his parents (my grandparents). He was a drunk.
As far as the docs and my condition. It was not only chiropractors who said they couldn't help but regular MDs. In fact it was only one chiropractor who said he could help and did offer exercises, etc. He finally pointed out to me that he didn't think that after all this time that a herniated disc could still be causing the pain and discomfort and dismissed me. So profit was not his motive, no matter what his qualifications.
Starting over is what I've been doing since coming back to TMS. I had purchased MBP early on, because I thought there might be a connection with restarting a failed relationship and the onset of the pain. But once I was presented with my pretty MRI I thought the problem was in my back and not in my head, so to speak.
I've never looked at it as too late to begin again. I do admit to fighting with myself over TMS vs structural. I think the more improvements I see just getting on with life the more I will just "get" it. Yesterday was a good day, and today is more pain. I have been asking myself all day why it is worse today -- what's on my mind. Don't know yet. |
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Back2-It
USA
438 Posts |
Posted - 02/18/2011 : 13:40:30
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It also never helped when I saw these docs that they all commented that they had rarely ever seen a case like this, and that it wasn't like a lumbar or cervical back problem. They looked at me like I was the Elephant Man.
Another problem is that unlike many TMSers, my pain and discomfort has been consistent and never moved around. I feel day in and day out like I have a vise around my right side, which, unfortunately, is consistent with a mid back disc problem.
One thing that keeps me going is that many people with disc protrusions are asymptomatic and that Sarno believes that the brain can find the weak point. That is disputed by some on here, but I think I have to bow to Sarno's experience and the fact that we really have a lot to learn about how the brain operates. I have to hang on to this, because I don't find my symptoms described by anybody on any TMS site. No simple L5 for me. LOL
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skizzik
USA
783 Posts |
Posted - 02/18/2011 : 14:55:11
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quote:
Originally posted by Back2-It
Another problem is that unlike many TMSers, my pain and discomfort has been consistent and never moved around. I feel day in and day out like I have a vise around my right side, which, unfortunately, is consistent with a mid back disc problem.
One thing that keeps me going is that many people with disc protrusions are asymptomatic and that Sarno believes that the brain can find the weak point. That is disputed by some on here, but I think I have to bow to Sarno's experience and the fact that we really have a lot to learn about how the brain operates. I have to hang on to this, because I don't find my symptoms described by anybody on any TMS site. No simple L5 for me. LOL
I had this exact dilema. I used to refer to it as a "knife" right in between l4, l5 when I sat. And when I stood, it was if a spoon was wedged btwn the 2 bones and the feeling there was no disc, just horrible, consistent, chronic, "this cant be muscular" pain.
I scanned these boards hard, I too wanted to find the "fixed" pain people. But, when I did get other bad symptoms, the pain did lessen there, and that was only in hindsight that I noticed. But the pain was always consistent with the direct spot in my so called "Large central diffusion of L5".
I found helpful Dr. Schubiners take that when you've done all the work and still have pain, that the mind can still have pain pathways that are on hair triggers, and while your'e in dire pain, and looking for solutions, those pathways are well oiled guns. Just gotta let go and let'em rust up a bit |
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Passion
