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heelsdown
USA
49 Posts |
 Posted - 01/19/2011 : 15:20:13
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Ok- for those of you who have read some of my other posts, I ended up getting the "screws" that were bothering me removed from my ankles. The surgery was fine, I am pretty much recovered.
This now means that I definately overpronate and have flat feet. Which is okay, right? I am NOT using orthotics or anything else that I used to use. I started getting some of the old arch pain a week ago, but it has subsided after convincing myself it was TMS yet again.
BUT, I have new pain that really does NOT seem like tms, but I don't know what else it could be. It is a weird shooting nerve-type pain in the second and third toes of my left foot (which is the "flatter" one). It doesn't seem like morton's neuroma because there is no pain inbetween my toes or the ball of my foot. It does not hurt when I squeeze my toes together with my hand.
The weird shooting pain comes randomly when I am walking. With or without shoes, it doesn't matter. But the thing that gets me is that I can reproduce it by pushing on the top of my foot, along the course of the nerves that lead to those toes. This seems very physical to me.
However, I know if I go to a doctor, they will just tell me to wear orthotics, take anti-inflammatories, etc. The bones are fine b/c I had an x-ray at the follow-up from my surgery 2 weeks ago.
The pain is also no where near my surgery site, so it can't be that. And it started 2 weeks after.
I HAVE had this pain before, a year or so ago. I didn't think too much of it and it seemed to go away. But now it is back and it seems to be getting worse everyday.
It is bothering me a lot and I am obsessing over it. Google-ing symptoms, even though none seem to match up with mine where I touch the top of my foot and reproduce it! And I'm thinking about it all the time. I know all that is characteristic of tms. But it just seems SO physical. Even though I don't know exactly what could be causing it. It is a very specific spot too. Right on the top of my foot close to the ankle. I touch there and get the shooting pain in my toes. But when I am walking, shoes don't seem to bother it more or less. Every few steps I feel it, whether barefoot or in shoes. Sometimes I will feel it more than other times and it does not happen with every step.
Any advice? Could this be tms or could it be related to flat feet and really be physical. It is such a weird pain/feeling. And sometimes it isn't even really pain, sometimes it feels more like a "pulling" feeling that shoots down the side of my toe. Ughh.
Heeeeeeeeeeelp. |
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art
1903 Posts |
Posted - 01/19/2011 : 15:32:48
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It went away before it will go away again. Think about your reaction objectively. The human body is an amazingly complex piece of self-regulating machinery. We're going to feel weird pains from time to time. A shooting here, a zapping there. Maybe it lasts a minute, maybe it goes on for a few days. What is it? Who knows?
"Normal" people, that is non-TMS types, take things things in stride. But what does a TMS'er do? He ponders, he jabs, he pokes, he prods, he goes online, he finds ways to duplicate the pain, even ways to make it hurt worse. Before you can say "psychosomatic," the TMS'er is in a state of utter panic.."OH MY GOD! I HAVE THIS PAIN! IT MUST BE CANCER! I'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO EXERCISE AGAIN! I"M GOING TO DIE! ARRRGGHHH!
Relax heels. It's all part and parcel. It will pass. I can (virtually) guarantee it.
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Edited by - art on 01/19/2011 15:34:11 |
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heelsdown
USA
49 Posts |
Posted - 01/19/2011 : 21:23:29
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Thanks Art, for your words of wisdom. Your post makes sense. Mine sounds like a crazy person.
I am freaking out about this stupid little "pain." But it's just that it seems to be getting worse, not better. And it's in a very specific spot so that makes me think physical!! And somehow, I can't get into the "think psychological" mind-set for this one. I just have too much doubt and it's hard to ignore.
But the way I am obsessing and freaking out and internet searching and poking and proding is most definitely tms-esque. |
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art
1903 Posts |
Posted - 01/20/2011 : 06:22:20
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Many of us are catastrophising hypochondriacs. It's an exhausting way to live. The way out is to begin recognizing the pattern.
Some suggested do's and dont's:
DO NOT GO ON THE INTERNET TO GOOGLE YOUR SYMPTOMS
DO REALIZE THAT YOUR BODY IS AN AMAZINGLY RESILIENT MECHANISM
DO NOT PANIC
DO UNDERSTAND THE DYNAMICS OF TMS
DO USE THE FORUM FOR SUPPORT
DO READ THE BOOKS
DO LOOK BACK AT PREVIOUS RESPONSES TO PAIN AND RECOGNIZE YOUR PATTERNS
DO RELAX
DO EXERCISE
DO FIND MEANING IN YOUR LIFE |
Edited by - art on 01/20/2011 12:07:58 |
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heelsdown
USA
49 Posts |
Posted - 01/22/2011 : 15:57:41
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Well, of course, I stopped worrying about the symptom so much the past few days and it stopped happening so much. It is still there, but not as often, and it's not as bothersome, and it doesn't stress me out! Of course. This is how it works.
Also, yesterday I had the most pain-free day in a while. And I worked all day from 6 am until 7 pm, a lot of it on my feet! And I actually felt pretty good. I did take an anxiety pill in the morning though. So I wonder if that has anything to do with it. I don't take these regularly. But I took one because I knew I had a long day of work ahead of me and knew I would worry about pain from it. |
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skizzik
USA
783 Posts |
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art
1903 Posts |
Posted - 01/23/2011 : 09:56:54
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quote:
Originally posted by heelsdown
Well, of course, I stopped worrying about the symptom so much the past few days and it stopped happening so much. It is still there, but not as often, and it's not as bothersome, and it doesn't stress me out! Of course. This is how it works.
Also, yesterday I had the most pain-free day in a while. And I worked all day from 6 am until 7 pm, a lot of it on my feet! And I actually felt pretty good. I did take an anxiety pill in the morning though. So I wonder if that has anything to do with it. I don't take these regularly. But I took one because I knew I had a long day of work ahead of me and knew I would worry about pain from it.
Today's "life or death" emergency is tomorrow's realization that we're all of us (or most of us) just a little bit nuts. But this realization must be generalized to the next weird physical symptom, or the craziness continues. I have a theory that most TMS'er are introverts in the sense that we're focused on how we feel to an extreme extent. We examine our bodily sensations minutely, holding up each and every minor twinge and ache to the light as if we were panning for gold.
You had a good day, heels, possibly because your were busy. The busier we are, the less time we have for this constant self-analysis. And that of course is all to the good. |
Edited by - art on 01/23/2011 09:57:43 |
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susan828
USA
291 Posts |
Posted - 01/23/2011 : 16:55:05
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| Art, you have so much good stuff to say all the time. You say that the body is resilient. I tend to agree that for the most part, it IS self-healing. The trouble I have is that how am I supposed to trust something that we have no idea, how it got here, who, whatever did this, created us? I don't want to stir up a religious debate but I have so little trust in this because I feel that we were cheated by not being told who put us together. How do I trust this, how do I know it wasn't a big mistake? I know we are an incredible machine...the eye, the fact that an egg and sperm can do all this, every animal, every enzyme having a purpose. But still, I don't trust my body and I think this is the root of my hypochondria. How do you come to terms with this? It makes me angry that I don't know how I got here and when I have pains and problems, I feel that we are just put together by someone/something that didn't know what they were doing...so how can I trust that I'm going to be all right? |
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Back2-It
USA
438 Posts |
Posted - 01/23/2011 : 18:55:51
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quote:
feel that we were cheated by not being told who put us together...But still, I don't trust my body and I think this is the root of my hypochondria. How do you come to terms with this? It makes me angry that I don't know how I got here and when I have pains and problems, I feel that we are just put together by someone/something that didn't know what they were doing...so how can I trust that I'm going to be all right?
Would the answer to who put us together make any difference if it were the accidental combination of cells in a primordial soup, or a god of good or bad temperment? You still exist, for the better (hopefully) and sometimes for the worse. It could be that the work on the human body is not complete yet, with much more learning and evolving to be accomplished between the mind and the body, which will someday self correct so many more things, with our brains being more active pilots.
The root of my hypochondria, or more precisely for me, health anxiety, is not that I don't have trust in my body, but that I don't have total faith in the continuum of the body's energy. |
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susan828
USA
291 Posts |
Posted - 01/23/2011 : 19:32:06
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Back2-It, I see your point but I have a hard time accepting a life where I wasn't told how it happened, who/what created it. How do I know it wasn't some dummy and we are meant to have pain and anxiety, depression. How do I know we were made "right"? My thinking goes as far as why do people have kids, knowing this is such a fragile and unknown thing.
But like you say, I exist, it's not going to help me to keep questioning this. There is no philosopher or clergyman who knows more than you and me. Nobody knows. I wish I could stop fighting this and just LIVE. I was a very pensive child, this started young. So did the health anxiety. My life has been so fear filled and not a day goes by now where I don't obsess about one symptom or another. I'm not free...I am afraid of traveling, afraid of being away from medical care. What if. The worst 2 words. I've read every book under the sun on anxiety disorder, health anxiety, Sarno, his disciples. It just hasn't integrated into my brain yet.
I have days of euphoria, days of depression and days in between, days of good moods. I have days where I wish I had a relationship and days where I think who on earth would understand me, what man would put up with this health fear. I vacillate between extreme confidence in my self-worth as a loving person and partner to someone, which I have been, to feeling like I would be a burden to anyone I meet. the more I'm alone, the worse I get.
I am rambling but it's good to vent to people who understand. Thanks. |
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Back2-It
USA
438 Posts |
Posted - 01/23/2011 : 20:12:38
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quote:
I'm not free...I am afraid of traveling, afraid of being away from medical care. What if. The worst 2 words. I've read every book under the sun on anxiety disorder, health anxiety, Sarno, his disciples.
Anxiety and fear exist because we do not live in the present. If we lived in the moment, content with it and observing of it, there could be no anxiety, because anxiety is the mind leaving the present, where we can only truly exist, and speculating and coloring what the future might be like. The future does not exist. You may not make it past reading this sentence. It is only reading this sentence that exists.
This is a bad knock-off of Erik Tolle and "The Power of Now".
I'm struggling to live in the present or "now". Today, though I knew I would be in pain, I went to my best friend's house to watch the Bears lose. It was a great experience, as in recent years I haven't seen him or his family much, and I tried to focus on the game, on the reactions to the game, on the bad (but so good) fattening snacks and food, and I noticed that I was standing in their kitchen and feeling so less pain and feeling so how I used to be.
What I've learned on my TMS journey of 2.5 months now, is that I was not the person I thought I was. I too am very fearful, always was. I never recognized it. It started as a young child and not wanting to anger my parents. I lived a life under the radar and didn't ruffle feathers. All the while I thought I was being independent and self-reliant. What I really was was afraid. Afraid of confronting people and afraid to be myself.
One cannot worry, I think, about to whom we are or are not a burden. This is flying under the radar. I think we (very much me) must be ourselves and let the chips fall.
I think reaching our bedrock persona will calm the ego and the parent battling in our minds and kick the pain out once and for all. This means just living and be damned with it. Live and let the others get out of the way.
I'm learning all these lessons and am making slow progress, but progress, one step at a time and one conscious action at a time.
Aloneness is not good. Force your unsure self out the door and attach it to someone and then someone else. Chances are they are looking for a little less aloneness, too. And they too might be afraid. |
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art
1903 Posts |
Posted - 01/24/2011 : 05:19:43
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quote:
Originally posted by susan828
The trouble I have is that how am I supposed to trust something that we have no idea, how it got here, who, whatever did this, created us? I don't want to stir up a religious debate but I have so little trust in this because I feel that we were cheated by not being told who put us together. How do I trust this, how do I know it wasn't a big mistake? I know we are an incredible machine...the eye, the fact that an egg and sperm can do all this, every animal, every enzyme having a purpose. But still, I don't trust my body and I think this is the root of my hypochondria. How do you come to terms with this? It makes me angry that I don't know how I got here and when I have pains and problems, I feel that we are just put together by someone/something that didn't know what they were doing...so how can I trust that I'm going to be all right?
Susan,
In the end, we're all mortal. Bad things happen to not just good people (referring to thqt book title), but all people. We get sick. We suffer. We die. But, and this is a big BUT, on a day today basis, simply to get through life in what very well might be a cold, uncaring universe, we can CHOOSE how we look at things. Our days are so short. Do we want to be lying on our death beds looking back at a life full of fear and worry? Accept death, realize that it most probablly isn't going to happen today, and move on.
If you want something to trust, and we all do, trust millions and millions of years of evolution. Our bodies are near miracles of adaptability and resilience. That's why it's so silly, to pick just one little thing, to think that we have to stick little plastic platforms under our feet (orthotics) on the assumption that nature somehow made a structural mistake in how our arches are formed.
We all struggle spiritually. I certainly do. In the end, we hopefully realize that we as individuals are not all that important. What is important is that we find people (and animals too!) to love and take care of, and to look for things we can be passionate about. To flip out over each and every little ache and pain when there's such terrible suffering going in the world at JUST THIS MOMENT, is somehow spiritually unbalanced.
I have the same worries and concerns as everyone else, believe me. Your questions are good ones. |
Edited by - art on 01/24/2011 08:03:39 |
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susan828
USA
291 Posts |
Posted - 01/24/2011 : 13:43:24
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Art, your post brought tears to my eyes. When I post here, I'm serious and troubled. When I'm on something like Facebook, I'm a clown and nobody knows what's going on inside. This is such a good forum to just be ourselves. I agree with the animals part, they are my heart. One time, it was my birthday and I was walking in the street, just alone to get pizza that evening. I felt like swinging around a lamppost. It was one of the best euphorias I had ever experienced. Afterwards, I figured out why. I had received about 17 messages on my answering machine saying happy birthday. I felt so loved. I know that's what makes me happy and at this time, I am lacking in this, little family, no man in my life, my best girlfriend lives far away, it just looks so bleak.
And so I have too much time to think and dwell on every symptom, plus I have a medical background so know too much. I really need to change, this is no way to live anymore and no, that's not what I want to look back at someday. What a waste. Intellectually, I know this but it's SO hard to change. For reasons I never understood, I was this way as a child. I kept a diary, I was 9. Hypochondriacal, fearful of everything. Can I change at 60? I think so, I hope, I pray. Thank you as always for your wisdom. I don't post much but I read your posts and want you to know how valuable they are to me. |
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art
1903 Posts |
Posted - 01/24/2011 : 17:56:33
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My heart goes out to you, Susan. Facebook and the Internet in general can be a wasteland when used as a substitute for real life. You're obviously an extremely intelligent, sensitive woman (have to be to like my posts :>). I know it's easy to say go out and find love. But 60 ain't old. I'm right there myself. We've got good years left. Maybe you could do simple things. Take a class, volunteer some place, join a 12 step group of some kind. AA saved my life. There's a no more supportive place in the world than a 12 step group .If that doesn't fit the bill there are always other options.
Loneliness is a terrible thing. No wonder you're unhappy. But there are things you can do! |
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AHHH I'm going Crazy. New Nervey feeling. Help.
