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StudentWithTMS
5 Posts |
 Posted - 12/21/2010 : 20:00:35
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Hi all. I have been suffering with chronic pain between my shoulder blades and the surrounding areas for 3 years. I just recently (a week ago) discovered I had TMS, and the results have been amazing so far. I just want to share my story so far, and solicit advice on how to continue getting better. The story gets quite wild -- particularly the stuff I tried to get rid of the pain, so please enjoy!
I'm a male graduate student, 28 years of age now. Between the age of 17 and 25, I had occasional spasms -- 1 or 2 per year -- in my left trapezius (or some other muscles that run down the lower back parallel to the trapezius, who really knows). This was fine, as the spasm-attacks were infrequent enough that they didn't really affect my life in a major way. I went to the chiropractor occasionally, and tried the occasional doctor, and nobody gave me a convincing reason why my back was in pain.
About 3 years ago, when I was 25 and in my second year of graduate school, I had the worst spasm attack of them all the day after a rigorous workout at the gym that involved pullups. In the weeks prior, I had also been boxing and doing Judo -- two activities that placed a burden on my back and neck. After this spasm attack, bed rest and pain medications for a couple of days got the spasms to stop as they had in the past. But this time -- unlike all the times prior over the years -- the pain did not resolve completely. A lingering ache between my shoulder blades remained. The pain had finally become chronic. I have since, over the past 3 years, seen many chiropractors, physical therapists, and medical doctors, to no avail. My MRI showed several (I think about 7) bulging/herniated disks in my upper and mid back, but none to the extent that would cause this amount of pain.
My pain was somewhat unusual: It was an ache, and never resulted in spasms anymore -- probably because I kept the muscles well-exercised at all times out of fear. The severity of the pain varied widely from day to day. Exercise made it better, and never made it worse -- THE MORE ACTIVE I WAS THE BETTER. So I basically became very athletic to stave off the pain. Notably, the painful area/muscles were never tender. I repeat: THERE WAS NEVER ANY TENDERNESS TO THE TOUCH, which is apparently rare for TMS.
During periods of inactivity, stress, and activities that involved concentration like computing and reading, it got worse and the ache spread up to the neck and down to the mid back, turning to a burning sensation at its worst. To make it better, I would need to set aside several hours for a few days for lots of physical therapy, exercise, massage with a foam roller or tennis balls, pain medications, and ice. Often, these measures would make it better for a couple of days, but it would invariably return, often unpredictably. Over the past two years, I would spend 2-5 hours exercising/massaging/icing my back every day -- this made my graduate studies much more challenging, but the alternative was to be in constant severe pain all day, which would have been worse.
It was very difficult to predict when the pain would resolve and when it would come back -- for 3 years I tried to find patterns and for the most part failed. I spent thousands of dollars on fancy beds, fancy chairs, exercise devices. I thought sleeping on my stomach was aggravating the pain, so for years I ran a rope under my bed and used each end to tie up an arm while I sleep -- this prevented sleep on my stomach, which seemed to improve the situation, sometimes, maybe. I also stopped sitting at my computer, as that reliably aggravated the pain and set in motion a chain reaction of pain that would last for days or weeks. Instead, I installed an HD projector at the foot of my bed, pointed at the ceiling, and hooked it up to my computer so I can use it while lying in bed. All this seemed to help, but only kind of -- these measures made it managable. I was able to live, if you can call that living.
I had read about TMS in passing over the past year or so, but essentially dismissed it. I am a scientist, and my level of skepticism is high. It also didn't help that I seemed to lack some of the defining characteristics of TMS, most notably tenderness on touch. Moreover, over the past year I have been engaged in a rigorous physical therapy program supervised by a great physical therapist and a well-meaning medical doctor -- two things that were hard to find. I had hope that it was working, slowly -- that it would improve my pain over a period of years. So I kept my chin up, and kept at it.
However, a month or so ago I began to lose hope. It became clear to me that the improvements from all my physical therapy might have been imagined, as it is hard to keep track of progress over such a long period of time. I also took a close look at my back in the mirror. MY BACK WAS HUGE. I had worked out my back muscles very diligently in every way possible, in an attempt to make them stronger and healthier so as to cure my pain. THERE I WAS, A 5'11" GUY WITH AN AVERAGE BUILD, YET WITH A BACK RIVALLING THAT OF AN OLYMPIC DEADLIFTER! Under no circumstance can a back that looks like that be unhealthy -- this is when I finally realized that there was no way my back problem could be a structural one.
So I finally dusted off that "mind over back pain" book I bought a few months ago but never really read, and started reading. I was in a hurry to understand, though, so I launched up my browser and looked for videos online that would deliver a large dose of "convincing" in a short period of time. The best was the 20/20 segment on TMS with John Stossel. I had finally crossed the threshold -- I was turning into a believer. This was a week ago, and happened during one morning where I was having quite a bit of pain. I got up, went to work, and started talking to my mind: "Stop it! I know what you're doing you a**hole unconscious mind! I'm onto you! Down boy!" MY PAIN PROMPTLY MELTED AWAY OVER SEVERAL HOURS. That was one week ago -- today I am essentially pain free. I feel like I have my life back -- no longer is my career in jeopardy, no longer are my relationships and frienships in the balance, and no longer is my willingness to live teetering on the edge. I continue to read "mind over back pain" (almost done), and have a couple of more books on the way. I went to see my medical doctor, and told him what happened -- he believed me, and told me this stuff is real but poorly understood. It seems like I am on the road to complete recovery -- fingers crossed.
While I am very happy about what seems to be happening to me, I can't help but wish someone had told me this 3 years ago. THERE WAS NO LEGITIMATE REASON FOR ME TO SUFFER LIKE THIS FOR 3 YEARS! I went to many doctors and health care professionals, someone should have mentioned this! As far as I'm concerned, it seems the medical community is committing a crime. How many lives are destroyed, families torn apart, and careers ended because the medical community refuses to acknowledge this effective -- albeit poorly understood -- approach to back pain? WOULD IT BE SO HARD TO JUST INFORM THE PATIENTS OF THIS IN PASSING? This should not be allowed to continue. Yesterday I as at a coffee shop doing some schoolwork, on a hard unergonomic chair no less!! Two gentleman in their twenties sat next to me, and one started complaining to the other that he recently was diagnosed with 3 herniated disks, and the prognosis was that he was going to be in pain forever, and he would have to do physical therapy every day for the rest of his life. I interrupted them, and told him what I wish someone else had told me three years ago. I told him my story, and urged him to look into TMS -- he seemed very receptive. I feel warm inside knowing that I may have saved someone the years of pain that befell me for no good reason. I wish we could do this on a larger scale!
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ecpasos
USA
21 Posts |
Posted - 12/22/2010 : 12:28:19
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Hi,
That's a very cool story. Thanks for posting. I'm curious... How did you first hear about TMS? I'm someone who felt very much like you do now, that this information needs to become more available.
I mention it to lots of people.. some are receptive and others are not. I post about it on "injury" boards and sometimes get some complaints about it and sometimes I get good feedback. Every once in a blue moon, someone sends me a message that their pain is gone and have their life back. I love those messages :)
In any case, I'm curious how you found out about it.
Enrique |
Edited by - ecpasos on 12/22/2010 12:30:39 |
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suegr98
USA
39 Posts |
Posted - 12/22/2010 : 19:29:52
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Thanks. I envy you making this discovery at 28. I am 51 and have sent more of my life in pain than not. I believed almost instantly but have so much ingrained conditioned thinking to unravel. I really appreciate your story, especially regarding how hard you have worked with pt. Iw as doing the same for the last year with at best, a placebo response.
take good care,
Sue
http://healingwithfeelings.wordpress.com
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StudentWithTMS
5 Posts |
Posted - 12/22/2010 : 20:50:44
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Thanks for the encouragement guys. Today I had a bit of a relapse. I was worried at first, but then kept reminding myself of what is really going on, and "cheated" a bit by using a hotpack to increase local circulation, and now feel a lot better. Hopefully just a minor stumble on the road to complete recovery. In the old days this episode would have lasted a week.
I just finished "mind over back pain" by Sarno, and have "healing back pain", "divided mind", "mindbody perscription" by sarno and "unlearn your pain" by Schubiner on the way. What would you recommend I read next to keep the recovery going strong? My current plan is to read the classic "healing back pain" first, and then go on to "unlearn your pain" for a concrete program I can follow.
Enrique - I learned about TMS by rummaging on the internet. I believe I was looking on Amazon for books about back pain, or it may have been google, hard to remember. In any case, I basically dismissed it at first -- sounded cookoo. Then one day I was desperate and ordered "mind over back pain" on the odd chance it would help. Then after I got the book and looked through it briefly I dismissed it again. Only recently did I start taking it seriously, and finally saw the light a little more than a week ago.
Sue - Good luck to you too. I like your blog. You are a very engaging writer! |
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HilaryN
United Kingdom
879 Posts |
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HilaryN
United Kingdom
879 Posts |
Posted - 12/26/2010 : 13:03:29
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Sue,
Your blog is another great way of raising awareness. I've added that back onto the wiki page. I think it was there before but got deleted at some point.
Hilary N |
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suegr98
USA
39 Posts |
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Just Accepted TMS... My Wild Story
