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waterboy
USA
12 Posts |
 Posted - 10/19/2010 : 22:35:20
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Hi There,
I feel like I've been lurking here for a few days and have wanted to post for a while, but just found the time to do so. I've found a lot of success so far in using Sarno's theories to deal with my chronic pain and wanted to share my story as well as ask a few questions.
I feel like I'm a classic TMS case. I've always been a worrier and developed some OCD symptoms related to sleeping around the time I was in high school. This was initially related to performance anxiety about tests, but spread into other aspects of my life. I've always been a high achiever, a perfectionist, analytical, and very ambitious. In any case, the symptoms never gave me too much trouble (I always did well in school) until my third year of college when I started to get really anxious about a big transition (transferring schools to NYC) and started getting weird episodes of brain fog. After my transition, which was rough, I never felt fully acclimated to the city and the school and continued to suffer periods of anxiety/brain fog until I woke up one day after a particularly stressful period with pressure in my temples and bad mind fog, which turned into chronic headaches. My headaches continued until I graduated from college about 6 months later, at which point I was massively depressed and still not seeing any relief. I was totally withdrawn and would just lie on my parents couch, not looking for work despite having a very practical degree. My doctors told me that it was stress-related, but I continued to pursue various avenues of research into structural causes and treatment. I got an MRI to rule out tumors/MS and a thyroid test, which both came back negative.
Finally, I saw a psychiatrist/therapist who diagnosed me with MDD and GAD and told me that the physical symptoms came part and parcel with these mental disorders. He prescribed Lexapro, and, over time (about a year), I stopped having headaches and began to live a more-or-less normal life. I still had brain fog and was mentally dull, but did not have to deal with painful headaches all the time, which I guess was a benefit. It was still rather difficult to interact with people socially. In any case, I was able to hold myself together well enough to get a job in my field and moved out of my parents' house to Oregon (they live in CA).
Things went well for the year and I slowly weaned myself off of Lexapro. My anxiety started to come back, but not my physical symptoms, so I continued my old bad OCD habits and allowed anxious thoughts to gnaw away at me while looking for a medication that might help without the dulling and apathy. Nothing seemed to work, but I was enjoying my newfound clarity despite the insomnia and worry.
Well, two months ago, I applied for a dream job in the SF Bay area and got it. Preparing for the move and saying goodbye to my great life in Portland was very strenuous on me. In fact, the day after my interview, I woke up with a back ache. The back ache would move around to different parts of my back and sometimes up my neck. This only served to shoot my anxiety through the roof as I thought I was going to end up in the same hole I was in Senior year of college. Having no other choice, I clenched my teeth and grit through the move despite suffering increasing pain that was now moving to other parts of my body! I was getting burning pain in my chest, legs, and wrists. Of course my web-searching led me to fibromyalgia, and not having any time or insurance at the time to see a rheumatologist, I assumed the worst and started to accept this miserable fate. I figured, "Great, I have an incurable syndrome with no known cure that will probably continue to debilitate me throughout my life". I started getting pretty hopeless and people kept asking me why I was so down in the dumps despite the prospect of being closer to my family and having a great job to look forward to. I couldn't give them a good reason. Really, I just wanted to die. My psychiatrist was adamant that I didn't have fibro, but wanted me to try Cymbalta for anxiety once I moved to the Bay Area and got settled in. I didn't know how I could wait, but I scheduled an appointment as soon as I got into town.
Well, I had a little downtime before I started my job, which I filled googling various conditions and outlook for FM and whatnot, and saw some mention of TMS. The part about pain moving around got my attention, and, when I read further, I saw that I totally fit the personality type. The timing of the onset around a stressful event and the lack of known structural cause was also encouraging. But I couldn't help but ask, "How is this different from Fibro?" Well, after reading Healing Back Pain and accepting the theory that FM is a type of TMS, my pain actually started to abate. I figured this may be placebo, but really, the effect has lasted a lot longer than other "placebo-type" treatments that I've tried. Additionally, the pain seems to temporarily go away after the use of a benzo, which I use sparingly for sleep. This helped reassure me that the pain was tension related. So really, I figured, if fibro has no known cause and no known cure, why don't I try to put my faith in something that does instead of accepting a disease that could basically mean a radically debilitated life?
Ok, so it's been about 2 weeks since I picked up on this stuff and am really liking the new perspective I've gained on my pain, anxiety, and the reasons for it. I can now track how when I'm anxious or upset, my pain levels increase. I am examining aspects of my life that lead to fear and anxiety and am trying to face up to them instead of submitting to compulsions or changing my behavior in order to avoid them.. It's not easy, but every step I take makes me more confident, and I know that once I have conquered anxiety, I can conquer pain. I guess according to Sarno that means persevering in the face of pain and convincing myself that the pain is just a mask for my emotions.
I have, however, had episodes of intense depression, anxiety, and pain during the last 2 weeks. I realize the cure is not instantaneous, but I have taken benzos on these occasions in order to go to sleep and wake up with a more fresh mind (most of my rumination takes place when I'm in the process of falling asleep). I kept my appointment with a new psychiatrist yesterday and he prescribed Cymbalta, which was pretty much the same thing that all of my other doctors told me to use. I'm actually more-or-less okay with using a drug if it will help with anxiety, but I have been so bouyed by the improvement that I've seen using Sarno's methods that I think I'll hold off unless my anxiety gets too out of control. I also wanted to get people's opinions here.
So then that's one question: Is there any harm in starting Cymbalta at this point or at any point in the therapy? I realize that one should treat the cause not the symptoms, but I have had some success with a/d's in the past and am wondering if anyone found them useful as adjuncts to TMS therapy.
Second question: for people just starting out with TMS therapy, beyond reading HBP and following the suggestions, what other strategies should I try? The pain isn't so bad that I can't exercise, so I plan to start doing that once I get a little free time, but anything else? I feel like from what I've read, information overload can be a problem for some people in their recovery, so I'd like to find something that helps and stick to it instead of trying to do everything at once. I agree with some people on the board that have suggested that over-thinking TMS can actually be a detriment to recovery. I'd like to learn ways to accept my pain and work on other parts of my self.
Third: I saw some mention of TMS therapists in the Bay before. I'd like to continue to see some sort of therapist and preferably one versed in mind-body pain. Any bay area people on this board have anyone to recommend?
Thanks to all who have read this post, or at least part of it! I know there are tons of smart people on this board and am grateful for your replies or thoughts.
Thanks!
Sid
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tennis tom
USA
4749 Posts |
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tennis tom
USA
4749 Posts |
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Introduction
