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avik
128 Posts |
 Posted - 09/03/2010 : 15:42:27
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My first post here; apologies in advance for the long story-I will try to keep this as succinct as possible. Thansk to everyone in advance for any help/advice:
I have been suffering with chronic pain for almost ten years. It all began with sinus and jaw pain, which morphed into chronic neck/trapesiuz problems. Then came problems with urination, 6 months on/off bouts with debilitating IBS, followed by terrible tendinitis in both forearms and wrists. Last year I herniated my C5/C6 which was followed with a pinched nerve that caused horrific arm pain (this injury virtually came out of nowhere). On top of the above, I have battled with insomnia, have tinnitus in my left ear and TMJ.
In 2005, I suddenly started experiencing severe swelling in my parotid glands. Two years later I suffered from a 3 month bout with fatigue. The glands go up and down but never go away. Jump forward to 4 weeks ago; one day I wake up with extreme pain in my wrist. This is followed two days later my a resurgence in my fatigue and suddenly and out of the blue, leg weakness and sever pain (burning in the ankles, shins, legs feel like lead-also occasional burning in the hands and wrists).
I have had every exam under the sun. CT's. MRIS, x-rays; been checked for every auto-immune, cancer and other serious diseases. I do have elevated Mercury levels (0-10 range, I scored a 14) but other than that, nothing.
Ive known about Sarno and TMS for years and only began taking it very seriously one week ago. I have read all of his books and I am journaling twice a day. I am doing everything in my power to stay positive but certain things are just messing with my head.
For one, when the leg thing first started 2 weeks ago, I checked mys elf into an ER b/c I couldnt handle the pain. My Doc put me on Prednisone for 5 days which definitley helped. The pains subsided and the fatigue ultimately went away. Was that a placebo affect? How could that have worked if there was no inflammation in my body? Did I psych myself out of getting better b/c I thought the Prednisone really did help?
Well, I used the time that I was feeling better to teach myself about TMS and I swear there were times where I had a pain and I made it go away by yelling at myself and writing about what emotion I may have been feeling at the time. This, along with some really eye-opening writing/crying sessions really empowered me. I was super positive until Monday, when I took my last pill of Prednisone. I kept saying to myself, nothing was going to change or revert back b/c its all TMS related and ultimately I have the control here. To make a long story short, the pains and fatigue have creeped back in through this week and now I feel like im holding on by a thread.
What to do now? Its so hard to write while im this fatigued...I feel like ive lost my momentum and my brain is winning.
Also, no matter how hard I try to hold onto the TMS diagnosis, I cant help but think that the parotid swelling and fatigue are from something else, as I rarely see people here speak about those two nor have I read much about them in any of the books.
I had a very traumatic childhood and to be honest, I dont remeber much prior to 16 year of age. I know I need to find a therapist that understands TMS and am in the process of doing so right now.
In the interim however, I am suffering like never before and am desperatley and this pain/fatigue is beating me down. Would love to hear people's thoughts.
Thanks again for reading this. |
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Darko
Australia
387 Posts |
Posted - 09/03/2010 : 20:06:42
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Hi Avik,
Welcome! I tip my hat to you for having the strength to keep up the fight.....says a great deal about you. You should acknowledge what a strong person you are. Also acknowledge your success every time you beat one of these brain farts ( pain syndromes )
I can only offer you a few tips around what I did when I was in a dark place. The first 6 months of this year were incredibly challenging for me, and I found depression to be......scary, we'll just leave it at that.
I think for you trying to focus on getting out of the hole you're in is going to be very hard, while you have frustration towards it. If you are constantly looking at your condition and trying to "move away" from it you will have little relief. You a locked into this downward spiral with your mind and symptoms. Observe what is going on in your mind and what current life events could be causing you pain.
First try and accept your current life situation....truly make peace with it. Find a way to live as best you can with the symptoms and have no resistance. Resistance is the source of suffering!
Secondly do what you can to get your spirit up. Get your energy levels up, make sure your diet consists of 60-80% of fruit and veg.
My morning RITUAL is
-grapefruit
-L-Tyrosine *****
- walk
- 500ml of fresh fruit and veg juice
- banana
- hand full of nuts
- couple of bits of toast
- omega 3 oils
- I also take 5HTP ******
This gives me loads of energy and helps pep up when I've had a hard night with pain. The L-Tyrosine and 5HTP have been amazing for me and helped me get out of my depression. Google them and read up!
Whether you are suffering TMS or have inflammatory effects from the mercury is a hard call. If the doctors don't think it's an issue then don't worry about it. Inflammation comes from anger and a bad diet....also look into "plant sterols" I take them as I have had problems with Iritus/uveitus ( inflammation in the eyes ) Basically, get and eat really healthy so you can focus on the job at hand......which is to look at your emotions.
What I have suggested so far is just stage one.....which is to get you ring side....you can't fight a fight if you can't even get to the ring, right?
I think for you the challenge is going to be letting go of the mercury elevation and committing to TMS. Unless you commit 100% with every cell in you body you will live with pain. From what you have said it certainly sounds like TMS to me.......TMS can be a real monster to face cause once you accept TMS you have to learn to dig into you emotions and look at how you feel......but I'm no expert on that.
Also the fact to can't remember parts of your youth is a MASSIVE hint, what is your mind hiding down there. What are you not willing to face? One last thing, the closer you get to finding out what is going on the more pain you will have.....well this has been the case for me.
I went to business seminar and had to look at parts of myself and confront areas around money.......I hardly slept 2 night because of the pain....once the event was over my pain eased.
This might be a long battle Avik, so make sure you're in shape and have the energy......and drop the resistance to the current situation as you don't know how long this will take.
Oh and work on your faith.....be it God, Universe or Source...whatever but it helps to be connected.....
There are people on this forum that are better equipped to give you advice around getting out of pain. I've cured my pain twice before and am now in my third episode, each time it's been a different journey for me. In the end you can have all the advice and read all the books in the world. Unless you make some serious and lasting changes to the way you think it'll be of little use. You must do the work! For me TMS has been a spiritual journey as much as emotional and without TMS I don't know if I'd be the man I am today.
The universe is giving us feedback based on what we're currently doing or thinking, once we address that issue the negative feedback eases, this has been my experience and you'll find it's a little different for everyone.
I hope this is helpful, I've dug really deep for this response and given you the best I can. Does this mean my advice is right....NO, if you start to believe your own BS then you're in trouble. Take from this what you can and see what some of the others say on here as there are some really great contributors on here. Look at the older posts also!
Good luck
P.S. I also second Wrldtrv's recommendation below on "The Happiness Trap" one of the best books I've ever read.
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Edited by - Darko on 09/03/2010 20:28:25 |
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wrldtrv
666 Posts |
Posted - 09/03/2010 : 20:21:58
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Avik, one thing stands out to me. During your Prednisone pain-free period, you probably unrealistically hyped your expectations about what to expect after the drug wore off. You talk of "control" of being "super-positive" "nothing going to stop me"...
Recovery is usually a slow process, and while Sarno mentions the occasional "miracle cure" those are not the norm. Patience.
I recommend a book called, "The Happiness Trap" which points out how little we really can control. Not thoughts. Not feelings. Just try to stop a strong thought or feeling and see how it persists. Better to accept, make room for it and concentrate on the one thing we can control: our actions. Your vowing that everything was going to be different after the drug wore off seems to have operated in the same way as trying to resist a negative thought or feeling. Just my thoughts. |
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wrldtrv
666 Posts |
Posted - 09/03/2010 : 20:42:18
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| Avik--good tips from Darko. I agree too about the mercury. If your docs aren't concerned it's probably nothing to worry about. Of course, you might want to avoid obvious mercury sources like albacore tuna, swordfish, and other large fishes. |
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avik
128 Posts |
Posted - 09/03/2010 : 22:17:54
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Darko-
Thank you so much for your response and for digging deep; know that this reader appreciates every word you put into that post.
I think the acceptance part is the stand-out for me here. Acceptance of this situation from a macro perspective and, acceptance that it is simply TMS. I'm curious though, have you heard of swollen parotid galnds before as being a TMS equivalent?
Are you suffering from fatigue as well and find that those supps work for you in that regard?
wrldtrv-thank you for your input as well; I will order that book right now. |
Edited by - avik on 09/03/2010 22:29:20 |
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Darko
Australia
387 Posts |
Posted - 09/03/2010 : 23:55:24
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Avik,
My pleasure! Your mind is having you question your symptoms in order to find something out of the ordinary, thus binding you further to the lie that there is something wrong with you. You MUST be awake to this, the mind is a sneaky little sh*t and the smarter you are the more convincing your mind will be. I have also convinced myself of physical issues in the past.....I then had to unconvince myself.
You must choose, either explore the physical until you are completely sure there is no physical issue or no longer believe the BS and see that you have TMS. Does it really matter what symptoms I or someone else have had? Your situation is different, and your mind WANTS you to believe you have a physical issue....that way you will focus on the physical and not the emotional. This is the trap....you really need to get this!!!!!!!! Super important.....I'm harping on about it cause you missed this point in my last post. My posts are a waste if you don't commit, and even worse you'll have little chance of health.
The supps help me feel great on a good day and better on a crap day. 5HTP helps keep me from wallowing in depressed thoughts or getting to strung out by stuff. I get the fatigue when I haven't slept and then my emotional state becomes lousy. I try to make sure I feel the best I can, so that if I have a bad night with pain at least I'm in a good mood......and accept the situation. Fatigue will also have you avoid the emotional exploration cause it takes energy.
I'll add that I have all sorts of crazy stuff happen. Recently my heart starting pausing for a beat while I had a weird sensation build up and then my heart would give a big thump and go back to normal.....to top it off my father died from a heart attack. I had it checked by a specialist and he said it was nothing to worry about. It continued for months but I new it was just a TMS/stress thing......it's now gone. This was very easy for me to buy into but in the end it was BS, so forget about the swollen gland, it's BS! :-)
D
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Edited by - Darko on 09/04/2010 00:08:39 |
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maccafan
130 Posts |
Posted - 09/04/2010 : 16:49:52
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Avik, what Darko and wrldtrv is saying is so intelligent. Their posts are helping me too. I really like what Darko said about the mind being a sneaky little sh*t (I've thought this often) and that the smarter you are the more convincing your mind will be.
I've done well combating my mind and have stopped some serious symptoms in the past but I'm caught in a tail-spin myself. I have some big decisions to make very soon and I'm really scared to the point where I'm on the verge of crying or I just cry. My ears are screaming (tinnitus really bad today) and an IBS (this is such a stupid symptom) flare up for a couple of weeks now and my floaters are really getting my attention and making me worry about my vision again. And when my symptoms are this bad and I have this much anxiety I can't think well enough to do my war strategies. So what they have said is very helpful and reassuring.
I'm so worried and scared and my unconscious mind is really angry about this so it's trying really hard to distract me. It would rather be listening to The Beatles and painting a painting.
Thanks again Darko and wrldtrv. Good luck to you, Avik. |
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Darko
Australia
387 Posts |
Posted - 09/04/2010 : 18:52:01
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Macca,
Thanks for the kind words! It appears you're torturing yourself and buying into your minds BS. The mind is the biggest drama queen on earth, you've gotta learn to rise above it. I've been in your situation in the past and found it was because I was "in the future having what if thoughts" This is the BS I'm talking about. Just say thanks for sharing and act in spite of fear or anxiety. Anxiety is simply "anticipation of future hurt or loss" The way to combat it is to act with courage.
Also read the book "Feel the fear and do it anyway"
In Wrldtrv's post was a very profound statement that's easily over looked.
quote:
Just try to stop a strong thought or feeling and see how it persists. Better to accept, make room for it and concentrate on the one thing we can control: our actions
The mind will always have an opinion....accept and make room for it, but you don't have to believe it, it's a choice! Thank it for sharing and move forward with courage = action! Simple.....but not always easy :-) |
Edited by - Darko on 09/04/2010 20:12:28 |
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maccafan
130 Posts |
Posted - 09/04/2010 : 21:16:47
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| Thanks again Darko, I needed that. I've got tears in my eyes. A person can feel very alone sometimes. I like the way you put things and you're right about what wrldtrv said. I bought a cassette tape years ago called "Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway". I didn't know there was a book called this also. I'll see if I can find it and buy it. The tape was my favorite self help tape. OK, I'll be thinking about what you said. |
Edited by - maccafan on 09/04/2010 21:20:02 |
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tennis tom
USA
4749 Posts |
Posted - 09/05/2010 : 09:19:29
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quote:
Originally posted by avik
My first post here; apologies in advance for the long story-I will try to keep this as succinct as possible. Thansk to everyone in advance for any help/advice:
I have been suffering with chronic pain for almost ten years. It all began with sinus and jaw pain, which morphed into chronic neck/trapesiuz problems. Then came problems with urination, 6 months on/off bouts with debilitating IBS, followed by terrible tendinitis in both forearms and wrists. Last year I herniated my C5/C6 which was followed with a pinched nerve that caused horrific arm pain (this injury virtually came out of nowhere). On top of the above, I have battled with insomnia, have tinnitus in my left ear and TMJ.
In 2005, I suddenly started experiencing severe swelling in my parotid glands. Two years later I suffered from a 3 month bout with fatigue. The glands go up and down but never go away. Jump forward to 4 weeks ago; one day I wake up with extreme pain in my wrist. This is followed two days later my a resurgence in my fatigue and suddenly and out of the blue, leg weakness and sever pain (burning in the ankles, shins, legs feel like lead-also occasional burning in the hands and wrists).
I have had every exam under the sun. CT's. MRIS, x-rays; been checked for every auto-immune, cancer and other serious diseases. I do have elevated Mercury levels (0-10 range, I scored a 14) but other than that, nothing.
Ive known about Sarno and TMS for years and only began taking it very seriously one week ago. I have read all of his books and I am journaling twice a day. I am doing everything in my power to stay positive but certain things are just messing with my head.
For one, when the leg thing first started 2 weeks ago, I checked mys elf into an ER b/c I couldnt handle the pain. My Doc put me on Prednisone for 5 days which definitley helped. The pains subsided and the fatigue ultimately went away. Was that a placebo affect? How could that have worked if there was no inflammation in my body? Did I psych myself out of getting better b/c I thought the Prednisone really did help?
Well, I used the time that I was feeling better to teach myself about TMS and I swear there were times where I had a pain and I made it go away by yelling at myself and writing about what emotion I may have been feeling at the time. This, along with some really eye-opening writing/crying sessions really empowered me. I was super positive until Monday, when I took my last pill of Prednisone. I kept saying to myself, nothing was going to change or revert back b/c its all TMS related and ultimately I have the control here. To make a long story short, the pains and fatigue have creeped back in through this week and now I feel like im holding on by a thread.
What to do now? Its so hard to write while im this fatigued...I feel like ive lost my momentum and my brain is winning.
Also, no matter how hard I try to hold onto the TMS diagnosis, I cant help but think that the parotid swelling and fatigue are from something else, as I rarely see people here speak about those two nor have I read much about them in any of the books.
I had a very traumatic childhood and to be honest, I dont remeber much prior to 16 year of age. I know I need to find a therapist that understands TMS and am in the process of doing so right now.
In the interim however, I am suffering like never before and am desperatley and this pain/fatigue is beating me down. Would love to hear people's thoughts.
Thanks again for reading this.
You've suffered from TMS for years, you are not going to change your "conditioned" brain overnight. The speed of the reconditionig process will be on a level with your belief/understanding that it's ALL TMS!
You've read all the books, but you are still missing important stuff. This is NORMAL for TMS'ers, Since TMS is a protective defense mechanism, why would your subconscious brain want to not use it. You may even think of your bodily pains as "gifts" preventing you from feeling the more emotionaly painful occurrences in the 16 years of your life that your TMS has repressed/distracted you from feeling.
For example you state you have a disc issue, but if you read the books carefully you would have seen that the Good Doctor says this is nonsense. There is no such thing as a perfect x-rayed back, what you have is "gray hair of the spine" and normal imaging anomalies that we all have. Until you get that, you will not progress. This is a TMS fundamental.
In another post you said you were disappointed in the "Hraling Back Pain" Audiobook due to it's not being organize into chapters. I can assuur you that ALL your issues were covered and simply explained on that gem of a three hour set of discs! The TMS grmelin did not let you get it, YELL at him/her for distracting your attention! Don't blame the messanger.
You mention that your fatige and "parotid" sp.? swelling are not covered in the "books", this is also normal for TMS'ers. They feel their synmptom should have a whole book devoted to it by the Good Doctor--I feel my right hip gets short-shrifted. Once again a trick by the grmlin in defense of your conscsious dealing with your emotional baggage. Have you searced here for these two symptoms, I know fatigue will come up hundreds of times and I think the other is mispelled, but will probably turn up also.
As for your symptoms, a normal list for TMS'ers. I've had most of them at one time or another. Right now I have jaw pain due to an old filling that fell out no where near where the jaw pain is--the gremlin is not to precise!
Yesterday I had urinary urgency, I'm on a long road trip and drivng 400 miles a day, Flowmax helps and I've gotten good at spotting turn-outs with big trees.
It's not your symptoms but how you feel and deal with them, if you fear them then your TMS symptoms are doing their job as a distactor- defense mecdhanism- protector.
You may neeed a therapist as you stated, there are many links here to TMS savy therapists. Have you seen a TMS doctor? There are lists of them also, here, the TMS Wiki and the TarpitYoga site.
Hope this helps and Good Luck!
DR. SARNO'S 12 DAILY REMINDERS:
http://www.tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=6415
TAKE THE HOLMES-RAHE STRESS TEST
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Holmes_and_Rahe_stress_scale
Some of my favorite excerpts from _THE DIVIDED MIND_ :
http://www.tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=2605
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avik
128 Posts |
Posted - 09/05/2010 : 10:53:19
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Darko, Wrldtrv and Tom-
Thank you for informative posts; for putting the time in to educate me. I am hearing what you are saying, incorporating it has been another issue altogether.
I am happy (and proud) to report that yesterday I had zero fatigue and very little leg pain. I was swimming in a pool the whole day and even went out with friends last night! This was the first time I had done this in nearly a month. More importantly, this was how good I felt on steroids last week, and I presently I am NOT on steroids. This was huge for me as I proved to myself that my moments of clarity/times without pain have nothing to do with any medication.
Your posts have helped me tremendously.
Further, I purchased the Healing Back Pain audiobook; for anyone who is has solely read Sarno's books, I strongly recommend you buy the audiobooks as its not only important to hear the Dr's voice, but there is something more effective about the information going straight into your ears as opposed to just reading.
This TMS is a nasty fu$%&er and Im learning that I need to stay on top of him at all times. Literally, if I drop my guard for a moment and consider somse sort of physical abnormality, hes up and back to work.
Im a little fatigued as I write this but now I know I can get to where I was yesterday; with repeatedly reading the books, journaling and the valuable advice that I receive from the people on this forum, I am more confident than ever that I will ultimately beat this thing. |
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tennis tom
USA
4749 Posts |
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Darko
Australia
387 Posts |
Posted - 09/06/2010 : 01:15:57
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| Woohoo.....good to hear! |
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My 10 yr. battle; ur input is greatly appreciated
BRAVO ! Good Job, keep it up.