After almost 2 years haitis from this forum I thought I would share the amazing events of this last month with everyone. It's been a duzzy.
My symptoms have generally been pretty chronic but mild and even after a new baby they were quite managable. That all changed about a month ago and ignoring it didn't help. In my group I noticed a lot of sadness comming up when I heard the words to my inner child "you were a good boy". After my group session I felt pretty good but symptoms built back in and a few days later I got absolutely hammered like never before. Again I went back to talking to my IC telling him he was a good boy and it wasn't his fault. When I felt the sadness the symptoms eased but would come back pretty much when I came out of the emotion. I was totally engulfed with symptoms for a few days not believing this was actually happening to me after so many years of slowly improving symptoms. The mantra to my IC "you are a good boy" was able to get my out of the pain most of the time sooner or later.
Finally symptoms eased off but did not return to levels before the flareup. Then I finally bought a punching bag and with my private visualizations with my IC was able to feel the repressed rage and get it out of my system. This was interesting because normally I needed a witness to be able to feel this stuff but not now. All I had to do was get the family out of the house and I could go at it at will.
So why the big flareup now. I don't really have an answer but my best guess is that my baby, who is now almost 2, is starting to assurt his personality and get mad when he doesn't have things his way. I did not do this as a child. Also the repressed sense of shame that I felt was probably just working it's way to consciousness and would have arrived sooner or later with big symptoms trying to block it.
One mistake that I made looking back was to ignore the building symptoms when they started to show up instead of connecting with my IC and working on feeling. That is the right course of action for my worse than average case of TMS.
As my buddy in the men's group put it "the symptoms are just a warning that I need to connect more deeply with my IC".
Anyway I'm hoping that with a little more feeling work I can eradicate the lingering symptoms of this flare up.
Thx Hilary. I've been away from home for the past week so i have limited ability to work on this stuff. I'm also experimenting with alternative visualizations and will report back if anything interesting happens.
big flareup and my inner child
Posted - 08/20/2010 : 16:54:45
