Every time I return to the board to visit, I get a little.
I just worked through an interesting issue.
Right after I dropped by last time, to check in, so did a quick little relapse.
I have been having a tough time at the plate. My eyes aren't picking up the fastballs like they used to. On a 100 degree day, during a doubleheader, I hit a bloop single to right and pulled up 'lame' at first base. I had been hitting poorly up until then (rage..embarrassment)
I think it's dehydration and I ignore it. I try to finish the games, but by the 8th inning of the second game, I'm limping so bad, my coach pulls me (shame, humiliation)
I keep trying to ignore it, but it sort of comes and goes... from minor irritation, to barely able to walk.(relative to work/relationship/stress, not what activity I'm engaged in)
I keep plodding through.
After limping around for a few weeks, I begin to get concerned...not because I really think there is anything wrong with me..because I don't have a clue what triggered this episode????? Anger? Shame? Loneliness?
So I hit the books again. It's amazing how it keeps working over and over.
In the meantime, I saw a doctor on an unrelated issue, and he asked about my limp. He wanted to look at it and diagnosed it as a 'strain'...what is a strain? Nothing. it's TMS.
He insisted on prescribing an anti-inflammatory (they can't help themselves)... I insisted on reviewing and staying focused on the psychological. I wadded up the scrip and chucked it in the bin.
I realized how angry I am that my vision isn't what it used to be. I realized I'm angry about being more like a dad than a player (conscientiousness) and I realized that I'd rather play music and baseball than be a minion of some micro-managing morons at work. I stayed focused on THAT and it was gone before I expected it to be....
it's the gift that keeps on giving.
It's gone, but it was a neat little reminder that if we don't stay a bit vigilant, it can sneak up on us....
hogs and quiches
bb65 |
Gosh darn it!!!
Posted - 07/30/2010 : 21:31:27
