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treetrunks
USA
1 Posts |
 Posted - 06/09/2010 : 09:49:21
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Where do I begin? A year and a half ago, out of the blue I felt terrible muscle spasms, and pain shooting down my left leg - I was in tears all night and I was at a point of pulling my hair out from the pain! I did nothing wrong to aggravate the pain. I have had 3 acute episodes since that time. My first episode left me with a number foot for about 3 months. My MRI showed bulging L5 - S1 disc. I was in a Human Anatomy class at the time and told my professor what happened - he groaned and said "that is bad" - he is chiropractor and believed his opinion. I searched the internet to learn more and to understand sciatica and what I had in store for me - I was sick at the thought of so much pain. My second acute attack was 3 months later and I could not walk - I was given a steriod pack and decided on chiropractic treatment. Traction and adjustments 3 times a week and a hefty bill. I did not care! My last attack was a few weeks ago and I could not walk the pain got so bad. I could not drive or sit or lay down. I woke up and pain. I was realizing certain patterns. I got Sarno's books and read them over and over and started journaling before the last acute attack - I feel like my exposure to my repressed emotions and feelings truly came to the surface and crippled me - I got scared and stopped getting fixated on the feelings and Sarno's books. I went to the ER and referred to a neurologist - I did not go. I sought Chinese medicine - deep tissue massage and acupuncture - not helping much. My pain is subdued but it wants to resurface and I battling it with all that I got.
Here is what I attributing this all to - almost 2 years ago my husband's home inspection business failed after 10 years, our marraige was on the rocks - stress and constant fighting - he was a nightmare to live with. My daughter diagnosed with Crohns Disease - I feel that it may have developed due to our stressful life - I lost my job and still unemployed. What has happened since? I put my energy to change it all!!! I got my husband into my old company as a vendor and he is making six figures. Since I am home my daughter's disease is in remission, my other daughter is off to college and I got her $25k in scholarships! I take of my mother who is always sick - always! Since my father passed 22 years ago my mother has been sick with something and suffers alot of fear and general anxiety! You see I am the do gooder! I serve my family and what about me? I am trying everything possible to serve myself. I don't want this pain anymore - I am impatient with it!!! I am journaling again, reading and feeling anxiety! I am going camping this weekend and my fear of not feeling well is causing pain - should i do self talk?? I am frenzied and fearful - now of everything. I need my strength back! I know I have lifetime of issues and stressed but I need to deal with them and understand that I can do this. Any suggestions?? |
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catspine
USA
239 Posts |
Posted - 06/09/2010 : 14:33:38
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Hi Treetrunks,
There is a lot on you plate but you can do it considering all that you did already.
You read Dr Sarno's book and scared yourself when your feelings were coming closer to the surface you said ( I'm sorry to hear that it was a scary experience maybe there was too much of it at once)somehow that's a very good thing at least you have an unmistakable idea now about the nature of the problem and a way to go about fixing it.
Do you know how many people would like to be able to do what you did and have access to their repressed emotions so quickly? Some people will spend a fortune just to discover what they are or if there are any that can cause the problem but here is an idea: if it is too scary perhaps you could try again to navigate your emotions with a TMS therapist's help who has experience with this .
With the load of situations you deal with your mind is constantly in the past or the future which creates non-stop tension ,with repetition tension builds up into fear and then soon you are in an endless cycle. As you know we can all deal with some tension but it is too much tension that is overwhelming the system.
Your strength is still there but you can't use it because of the constant interference of the fear and in spite of your efforts which also generate tension as you cannot expect the problems to disappear instantly obviously so the accumulated tension with its effects will remain as long as you feed it .
As long as there is tension there is a potential for pain. One way to slow this down is to be more in the present moment.
For example : you are going camping and you're thinking about it with all that may happen so your pain increases following a reaction of causes and effects fed by your thoughts through your brain and down your nerves that generates tension and anxiety but in reality no one knows yet what will happen then: What if nothing happens? What if there is no pain? or what if you have a great time?...
It is your projection into the future (especially if it is negative) that creates the reaction ... and this is what needs to stop . Turn it off if you can't think of it as a wonderful time. This was to help with the fear and anxiety... Be patient and you'll get there one step at a time.
Have a good week end. |
Edited by - catspine on 06/09/2010 17:03:22 |
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Dave
USA
1864 Posts |
Posted - 06/09/2010 : 16:58:07
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Sounds like you are on the right track. You seem to be accepting the pain has a psychological origin, and you are identifying the potential sources.
However, you need to be patient. Have a long-term view. Do not get frustrated with the pain. Accept the pain as a signal that you still have work to do. Ignore the pain as best you can. Do not focus on it. Do not think about it. When you are aware of it, force yourself to think about what is going on in your life that might be affecting you more than you realize. Think about the pressure you put on yourself to be the "do gooder" and how you resent that.
Don't be so consumed with trying to find the perfect process for dealing with the pain. There is no magic bullet and everyone is different. The most important thing is to continue to reinforce the belief that your pain is NOT due to the bulging disc, it is due to emotional issues. Defy the pain and live your life. Resume normal physical activity, and most important, do NOT visit a chiropractor or accupuncturist or seek any physical treatment to relieve the symptoms.
Your post indicates a willingness to accept that the pain is psychogenic. Continue to do the work, and take a long-term view. Accept that the pain will fade on its own over time if you just stay on the path. It might get worse before it gets better -- don't let that deter you. You've already made the important first step. The hard part is staying the course. |
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TMS - I have it but when will the pain go away!
