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mcone
114 Posts |
 Posted - 03/22/2010 : 19:54:04
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For the longest time, I've had chronic, or intemittent chest pain...tightness around the left side of my chest - pressure, soreness, etc. and pain that radiates into my left arm and back sometimes.
And now, in recent months, it's escelated. Chest pain continues for hours on end,virtually all day...And symptoms have been spreading and mutating in more frightening ways - like pain into my neck and jaw. And numbness and pain in my left leg too - like my leg is falling asleep and going dead. And most troubling of all, it seems like's it's progressed to profound weakness, fatigue, malaise...like my heart is just too tired. This is extremely, extremely, extremely upsetting. It feels like my body is shutting down on me. When these symptoms come on I'm overwhelmed with unreal physical fatigue - like just moving my fingers or rearranging my body in bed is too demanding. And the depression and anxiety is out of control. It literally feels like I'm close to expiring. And of course I do my best to frame it in terms of Anxiety/TMS, but I'm not being very successful - as these symptoms seem to parallel the experience of having serious heart disease or a fatal heart attack.
IF this is TMS/Anxiety etc., then I must be caught up in some kind of pervasive, hard-wired fear-conditioning mode that has taken over - (and perhaps this is being driven by conflict and stresses in my life right now.) And it's not even like I have any doubt that the symptoms were brought on by stress, it's fear that stress has done so much damage to my nervous system, body, muscles, etc. that I can no longer sustain ordinary endurance or functional capacity - and that I will not be able to recover.
Yes, there are things going on in my life that are stressful for me - but whose life isn't stressful? - and on some level (not the TMS level) I often think the main reason my life is stressful now is because symptoms pervade my life. I have a lot of things going for me now too that are very positive and promising.
Yes, this is morbid, but this is how I feel at the moment, and how I've frequently felt over the past three months or longer - and these symptoms did seem to escelate last year towards end of year - during a period of great stress related to a prior therapist and a disability insurer that I felt dependent upon.
Doctor? No Doctor? Where do I go? Who do I turn to?
I don't know if it would help or hurt to see a doctor...
-Indeed, like others, I have found that my symptoms diminish with reassurance...
-More than once, receiving "counseling" from my doctor - a *medical* doctor resulted in reduced symptoms. And there was one instance where I insisted upon asserting all the "morbid theories" I was harboring about my symptoms and where I would not let my doctor go until he addressed every item with clear, complete and satisfactory responses - After leaving his office that day, I recall the my symptoms were reduced dramatically...the improvement lasted for about a day, then symptoms began escelating again - although it may have taken days or weeks for them to really progress again.
And of course, I've been through a good deal of "objective" testing:
"Some" testing I've done has completely extinguished specific fears (from a dizzying array of speculative worry) about my "condition" -
[an example is the recent non-invasive angiography I've done - which completely abated the fear that my arteries have become calcified -by way of a definitive objective measurment showing no disease process.]
And yet, despite all the objective testing and re-assurances I've received, I still have severe symptoms which of course drive these "morbid" theories...
(or vice-versa, etc.)
So, to what possible end is it for me to persist seeing my doctor when "everything that he can evaluate and test for - or speak to" has already been looked at?
To the extent I propose theories that can neither be proven, nor disproven, I get nowhere or worse.
For example, The most problematic notion I struggle with is a notion that the integrity of my muscles/nerves have been altered/damaged at the cellular level - an idea not encompassed within current medical practice, but a notion that that I've seen proposed in seemingly credible sources. And quite ironically, one of those sources in Sarno's own TDM - where one of Sarno's contributors discusses this very idea - about telomere lengths being altered by stress. Of course the point being made in TDM was the connection between mind and body. But the notion of telemore changes conjures images of permanent and pervasive change to the resliliency of the physical body (as per my very limited understanding of how this all works). So, this complpetely freaks me out (even though I can think of many things that refute this idea "as the explanation for my symptoms" and other ways to explain pain and symptoms in a more benign fashion)
What do I do with this? Talk to my Doctor? Again?
Do I try and talk to my doctor about this? Will be even take me seriously? And if he's not taking me seriously, how could I rely upon anything he says? And if he is taking me seriously, but really doesn't know, then won't this just fuel my uncertainty and anxiety?
Go For Esoteric Testing?
Do I go for telomere testing? I actually might be able to find someone who does this.
And I keep thinking, that if the results are "normal" that I'm elated! My worst fear is proven to be untrue
But what if my results are bad? Then what? I'm really screwed? How do I interpret such results? Are these things dynamic? Can they change and change back? Does this really explain my issues? etc?
And of course I recognize that nearly all my symptoms have been explained, at one time or another, in terms of anxiety/tms etc. But even those characterizations are simply labels for things medicine doesn't really understand - let alone have the tools to treat effectively in many cases - and what of Fibroymalgia? and Somatization disorders? and Chronic Fatigue?
This symptom pattern, particularly when it gets to the "life-drained" weakness level, is probably the most distressing I've ever experienced. And the heart/chest weakness sensation is probably the most morbid physical/emotional state I have ever experienced under any circumstances.
All TMS? All a result of repressed emotions?
Has all the emotional volatility brought on by my now-transformed (happier, more-fulfilling, more promising, etc.) life and world exacerbated my TMS further?
Or have I experienced some kind of irremediable nervous system /body burnout that I just will not recover from?
And how can I mentally navigate these symptoms when they occur and when episodes become virtually incapacitating? |
Edited by - mcone on 03/22/2010 20:30:16 |
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Dave
USA
1864 Posts |
Posted - 03/23/2010 : 07:37:36
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If you have not had a full checkup with a cardiologist, I urge you to do so.
If, despite complaints of chronic chest pain, your doctor has not referred you for a full cardiac checkup, including an echo cardiogram and possibly a stress test, then I urge you to find another doctor, because yours is not doing his job. |
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skizzik
USA
783 Posts |
Posted - 03/23/2010 : 08:11:09
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I can't relate to the same chest pain, but I did have chest pain too. More palpataitions then anything, and an inability to breathe, not asthma, but every 10 breaths or so I'd have to take a deep one, as if I just was'nt getting enough oxygen.
As far as the lack of energy, I had some condition that I referred to as a "slump". It scared the crap out of me for a long time. Aside from the back pain at the time, and anxiety, I found that getting out of bed in the morning was a struggle more so than climbing the utility pole later that day.
I recall having to pull over in my work truck and just flop my head on the steering wheel for relief. And the relief never came. It was like I could'nt rev up my engine. I thought I was gonna die a few times (serious). My wife could tell too, because I could'nt smile, or talk. And after a while, it would come in waves, like "oh no, I'm in a slump". Then I started to have fun with it (if thats possible), I just let go, and decided if I die, I die so what who cares? And began to time them, and found that they seemed to have a time limit. Maybe an hour, maybe four. This was after blood work (twice) and a neurologist visit where he told me it was just depression.
Looking back, I think I had the symptom for quite some time. A couple years. But I was under an enormous amount of lifestress for a long time too, so that doe'snt mean you will be. If I had a doc who would've been convincing that it was all in my head, I perhaps would've recovered sooner, but the search for that accurate diagnosis is a "Sisyphean task".
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mcone
114 Posts |
Posted - 03/23/2010 : 18:02:52
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@Dave:
Thanks for your concern. I'm fortunate to have a cardiologist who has been thorough with his clinical evaluations and also sympathetic and insightful regarding "stress" disorders. The ultimate explanations and treatment still elude us, but he has been very considerate of his time and willing to help advance care as needed.
I've had all the tests you've suggested and more. Stress test and echocardiogram in the middle of 2008; CT Angiography this past January. Stress test results within low-risk range for heart attack; and echocardiogram normal. All testing reviewed and evaluated with last few months by local cardiologist. He advises that repeating these tests at this juncture isn't likely to yield any major changes. In January, I had the CT angiography. Everything structurally normal (with some normal variants); calcium score of zero and no evidence of "disease" at least as conventionally understood.
What I struggle with, of course, is the question - How do we know if we are measuring the right things? What about explanations for symptoms that are not within the purview of establsihed medicine? (as described above) And how could I have such extreme symptoms all around my chest – and the entire constellation of symptoms that would seem to resemble cardiac problems – and yet still maintain a belief that this is somehow benign and resolvable?
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Littlebird
USA
391 Posts |
Posted - 03/24/2010 : 03:04:30
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If it were true that the integrity of your muscles/nerves had been altered/damaged at the cellular level, the effects of that should have shown up in at least the stress test, if not in some of the other tests you've had done. It sounds like the tests you've had done have not shown this lack of resiliency in your body that your mind is perceiving, so perhaps the mind's perception of the situation is mistaken.
I've had a similar experience with symptoms that seem to indicate serious heart disease and I had a flare-up of these symptoms recently, which kept me confined to bed for a few days. Then I started to think about my stress test experience. During the test, I felt like I was getting progressively weaker, my chest pain was increasing throughout the test, and I feared I might collapse and roll right off the end of the treadmill, but what the cardiologist saw was that my heart was functioning quite well throughout. I told myself that if I had heart damage of some sort--a blockage, muscle weakness, etc.--the effects of any such damage should have shown up on that stress test (regardless of the cause of any damage--if your heart's damaged it can't function normally in the test). After reflecting on this, I told my brain to stop trying to trick me with these heart-disease-like-symptoms. The next day I woke up with none of those symptoms--a clear sign to me that I was just TMSing.
What I actually tell myself during episodes of any symptoms that I suspect to be TMS is that I'm well aware of the conscious stressors and that my unconscious stress and anger is probably somewhat related to those things I know about, then I tell my subconscious mind that my conscious mind is going to take care of these matters so it's just not necessary for the subconscious to keep producing these symptoms. Might sound wacky, but it's been pretty effective for me.
I hope you'll soon be free of these distressing symptoms. |
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catspine
USA
239 Posts |
Posted - 03/24/2010 : 03:09:51
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Mcone
Don't panic . Last year I went through many of the chest and heart symptoms you described including the pain under the arms between the ribs and in the groin area and legs , the front and sides of the neck were not spared either with it culminating from July to Oct . even the tongue and the ears canals and the sinuses were affected and my vision became blur sometimes from what I thought was lack of blood circulation to the brain . maybe it probably was if TMS was acting on the vascular system or the muscles i the neck near the arteries.
It is now much better even if a few glitches come back now and then but do not last nor are they as intense.
I was able to eliminate a lot of the nasty scary effects by getting rid of the fear and panic attacks. I suspect the remaining symptoms to be due to residual anxiety base in the unconscious for I can not find a conscious explanation for it, Tonight by accident I was reading a passage of the mind/body prescription that seems to confirm that. bizarre how things work.
Also the symptoms seemed to be revolving from one day to the next or from one week to the next. Anyhow in spite of the rush of questions arising from the fear of something more serious it always goes away if I can quiet my mind down and not give in to where this wants to take me for a ride.
It has been helpful to experiment with different solutions when it was at the worst in order to find which one to use when the going got tough . One thing I found helpful was to lay down for five min if possible when I got seriously dizzy. I also place a infra red lamp or a hot pack r a heating blanket over my chest or neck or stomach for a few minutes when I felt like that and it brought good relief
although I don't know why. i suppose the heat does something to the muscles.
Anyhow I could not go to the doctor much less a specialist because of lack of money and because of where I live you get what there is and that's it .
quote:
And it's not even like I have any doubt that the symptoms were brought on by stress, it's fear that stress has done so much damage to my nervous system, body, muscles, etc. that I can no longer sustain ordinary endurance or functional capacity - and that I will not be able to recover.
An other thing not to forget is that your body does not naturally want to be ill and will always tend to get better regardless of how bad you may feel .It regenerate its cells without your conscious knowledge on a constant basis but It's important to promote this natural ability with positive thoughts or readings if you want more control over your relief . The only thing that you may really fear to become permanent is actually the pattern(s) that led you to this condition if you do not practice what you learned regularly while avoiding falling into a ritual.
Tms loves to play with the vascular system because the autonomic brain controls a good part of it like your heart beat . All the rest is just consequences. |
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Dave
USA
1864 Posts |
Posted - 03/25/2010 : 16:40:06
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I am glad to hear you had a full cardiac checkup.
Sometimes the symptoms we get are the ones we fear most -- the ones that have the greatest potential to make us believe we have a serious health problem.
I had cardiac symptoms. One week after I had a "back attack" I had the worst heart palpatations of my life -- they were constant, for days. It literally felt like my heart stopped beating for 2 seconds every 10 seconds. I wore a Holter monitor for 24 hours which captured all of this arrhythmia, and the cardiologist said it was benign.
I later realized that these symptoms were during a time of my life when my consulting business was growing. On the outside, I was happy about my success. On the inside, I was terrified of the pressure and afraid of failure. The symptoms provided a convenient distraction from how "the child" inside me felt about the increased responsibilities I had taken on.
As difficult as it might be, ignoring the symptoms and living a normal life is essential to recovery from TMS. |
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Profound Weakness, Like my heart is just too tired
