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skizzik
USA
783 Posts |
 Posted - 03/02/2010 : 13:27:04
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I figure this is relevant considering for 2-3 years I thought my life was over, and the mere thought of bending over to put weight on the bar would send me into the pain bin. This was a month ago. And yes, I'm wearing jeans lol..It's a habit I got into when I realized I have no time for the gym, and have to sneak in there during my lunch break or on the way home to nagging wife and picking up 3 kids from school. Hanging around the locker room to change into and outta sweats is another 20 min I don't have..
This is 225#, which is nfl combine testing weight for those who don't know. During my recovery I made myself go into the gym and plug away at a lifting regimine without excuses. It took 3-6 mos to go from 185 for reps to this, which was what I was doing in '06 prior to my TMS nervous breakdown.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ROve9W6TXaw
Squats and deads....maybe next year -cheers |
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forestfortrees
393 Posts |
Posted - 03/02/2010 : 13:58:46
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Go Skizzik!
I didn't read your post very carefully before clicking through, and I half expected to see you wearing workout pants covered with the smilies from TMSHelp.    . The way that you've [ahem, over-] used them in some of your posts has really cracked me up. Do you remember your first post to my original post about the wiki and how I had to ask you to tone it down because I wanted to impress people for the Wikia application?
More seriously, your story is one of the more inspiring ones because I saw you at the depths of your desperation and felt some of it along with you. To see feeling this good now, we all share some of your triumph.
It makes me want to make a page about what I think we should call "relapser's curse." It seems like recoveries from relapses are often so much harder than the original recoveries. We just had two more relapsers pop up in the last two days at the wiki they could really benefit from your wisdom, if you care to share it... More pain than one person can endure & Major relapse AFTER therapy). When I read stories by people like you, Marsha, and Roxygirl (remember her?) it's all the more inspiring because my own faith has been tested...
Forest
My story at tmswiki.org |
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winnieboo
USA
269 Posts |
Posted - 03/02/2010 : 14:15:38
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| Whoo hoo, Skiz! That's exciting! Thanks for sharing. Very inspiring for a relapser like me, although I seem to be rapidly improving. Think I'll hit the gym tomorrow (to borrow your phrase) "without excuses!" |
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HilaryN
United Kingdom
879 Posts |
Posted - 03/02/2010 : 14:50:29
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Great, skizzik!
Hilary N |
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mala
Hong Kong
774 Posts |
Posted - 03/02/2010 : 16:53:23
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Way to go Skizz! Fan bl-----y tastic.
BTW from what little I could see, you are very cute  .
What a good idea. Why don't we have more pictures/videos from members showing what they are able to do. You know what they say. 'A picture is worth a thousand words'.
Good Luck & Good Health
Mala |
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guej
115 Posts |
Posted - 03/02/2010 : 19:05:34
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Skizzik, so that's what you look like! It's so funny to read posts from the same people over and over, and to finally put a picture to a name.
That's a great piece of PR for Sarno's theories. Much more effective than words in a book. Regardless of whether you're in pain or not, you're lifting a lot weight, and from the looks of it, pretty easily. That's a HUGE difference from those in pain or who were in pain but who fear any type of activity. As far as I'm concerned, getting back to what you love to do is half the recovery right there.
I went skiing yesterday. Let me write that again...I went skiing yesterday. I almost had my friend take a picture of me so I could send it to a few doctors who I saw in my travels who really had a huge negative impact on me with their whole "incurable...learn to manage the pain...be careful" speeches. I was in so much pain this time last year. I remember being in my attic last year, looking at my ski bags, and just sobbing because I thought I would never be able to ski again. It's something my whole family did together, and I couldn't believe that wouldn't be part of my life anymore. Thank you Matt R. (from NJ and from the Wiki) for encouraging me and taking me on my first ski outing in 2 years. We had a blast. I'm in no greater pain today, the day after, than if I had done nothing at all. More importantly, I"m happy as a clam, and thrilled to know that I didn't lose skiing as part of my life. It was the last long-term goal I checked off yesterday from my list of goals I had made in July after reading Fred Amir's book. By the way, I'm still in pain, but I'm getting my life back, and unbelievably, that seems to be lessening the impact of the pain, which is actually lessening my perception of the pain, and so on...Funny how that works.
Keep at it Skizzik. Maybe you should email the link to Dr. Sarno. I'm sure he gets a kick out of seeing people active again. |
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HilaryN
United Kingdom
879 Posts |
Posted - 03/03/2010 : 05:39:10
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Great, guej!
quote:
(mala)What a good idea. Why don't we have more pictures/videos from members showing what they are able to do. You know what they say. 'A picture is worth a thousand words'.
What, like a video of my hands typing? (You won't get me down the gym, even after seeing skizzik's video! Not because I can't, just because it's not my thing.)
Hilary N |
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skizzik
USA
783 Posts |
Posted - 03/03/2010 : 07:20:22
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quote:
Originally posted by forestfortrees
Go Skizzik!
I didn't read your post very carefully before clicking through, and I half expected to see you wearing workout pants covered with the smilies from TMSHelp. . The way that you've [ahem, over-] used them in some of your posts has really cracked me up. Do you remember your first post to my original post about the wiki and how I had to ask you to tone it down because I wanted to impress people for the Wikia application?
More seriously, your story is one of the more inspiring ones because I saw you at the depths of your desperation and felt some of it along with you. To see feeling this good now, we all share some of your triumph.
It makes me want to make a page about what I think we should call "relapser's curse." It seems like recoveries from relapses are often so much harder than the original recoveries. We just had two more relapsers pop up in the last two days at the wiki they could really benefit from your wisdom, if you care to share it... More pain than one person can endure & Major relapse AFTER therapy). When I read stories by people like you, Marsha, and Roxygirl (remember her?) it's all the more inspiring because my own faith has been tested...
Forest
My story at tmswiki.org
thanx for the kind words forest. Yeah, I forgot about your request. I was pretty smiliey then for sure. I liked how you ventured out to create more tms awareness, and did'nt want anything to have anything make you nervous about that so I was glad to edit anything for ya.
Thanx for the "inspiring" comment. I never thought I'd be on the other side of this thing. Sometimes I wonder if I am..haha. But gotta admit, things are well enough
I'll stop by the other site when I get a chance. TMs relapsing is worse in my opinion. When we're first cured, I don't think we realized what was goin on. It just kinda happened as the word of Sarno, those magical, relieving words sunk in to our brains with no expectations, and then viola! we get relief.
The second time around, we're loaded with expectations. Thinking we licked it the first time (when in actuality there was little effort other than reading and worrying less due to the reading) then we will just dive in to it harder the second time, more writing, more soul searching, more effort, and until we get relief we can't go on with our lives. Hence the cycle of pain is only intensified. Breaking free of that is the chinese fingercuff of the mind. How to let go is then quite the individual journey. |
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skizzik
USA
783 Posts |
Posted - 03/03/2010 : 07:27:25
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quote:
Originally posted by winnieboo
Whoo hoo, Skiz! That's exciting! Thanks for sharing. Very inspiring for a relapser like me, although I seem to be rapidly improving. Think I'll hit the gym tomorrow (to borrow your phrase) "without excuses!"
thanx Winnie. glad you got something out of it. I'm torn between thinking if I'm just feeding my ego with my gym accomplishments, or am I returning to "normalcy" as that was what I did normally prior to my breakdown. Ah, screw it.
I do think that approaching the gym as a normal routine for me was key as opposed to going there and thinking "I'm gonna beat this TMS". The latter would always kill me. I think slipping into and out of the gym without making a big deal about it was important. Do it before the mind catches on, don't celebrate it, and it just becomes a normal thing, and you realize in hindsight, perhaps 2 mos, that your pain has'nt gotten any worse (better even?) and you hav'nt died. I think Sopher is wrong when he says celebrate it, I think recovery is a subjective hindsight type of recovery thing.
I'm gonna end this post since I'm out thinking myself  |
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skizzik
USA
783 Posts |
Posted - 03/03/2010 : 07:28:29
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quote:
Originally posted by HilaryN
Great, skizzik!
Hilary N
Thank you Hilary |
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skizzik
USA
783 Posts |
Posted - 03/03/2010 : 07:36:07
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quote:
Originally posted by mala
Way to go Skizz! Fan bl-----y tastic.
thanx Mala
quote:
Originally posted by mala
BTW from what little I could see, you are very cute .
aw shucks um, er, but yes it's true! (thank God for blurry video  )
quote:
Originally posted by mala
What a good idea. Why don't we have more pictures/videos from members showing what they are able to do. You know what they say. 'A picture is worth a thousand words'.
Yeah, I was thinking good idea, then kinda thought along the lines of Hilary.
Okay so Dave puts up a photo video gallery here.
"Heres Forest mowing the lawn"
"Heres Hilary driving"
"Heres Mala sitting"
Can you imagine people who just found this site, they'd be like wtf????
Ahhh, what tms'rs appreciate |
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skizzik
USA
783 Posts |
Posted - 03/03/2010 : 07:51:40
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quote:
Originally posted by guej
Skizzik, so that's what you look like!
um yeah...I got 2 arms and 2 legs, what did you expect?
I liked Mala's observation more.
quote:
Originally posted by guej
It's so funny to read posts from the same people over and over, and to finally put a picture to a name.
I know, the mind is funny how we automatically assign looks to people when we don't know how they look.
quote:
Originally posted by guej
I remember being in my attic last year, looking at my ski bags, and just sobbing because I thought I would never be able to ski again. It's something my whole family did together, and I couldn't believe that wouldn't be part of my life anymore. Thank you Matt R. (from NJ and from the Wiki) for encouraging me and taking me on my first ski outing in 2 years. We had a blast. I'm in no greater pain today, the day after, than if I had done nothing at all. More importantly, I"m happy as a clam, and thrilled to know that I didn't lose skiing as part of my life. It was the last long-term goal I checked off yesterday from my list of goals I had made in July after reading Fred Amir's book.
nice job! I had a similar experieince with snow boarding on a ski trip. The worst of the pain was the trip there. I threw myself to the hills, I chose tms even though the pain was a 10 when I arrived to the cabin. I decided that if my spine blows while I'm on the hill, then to hell with it, I'd rather that happen, then skip being with my kids feeling sorry for myself back at the cabin. I survived. Have great memories of the trip. And feel it was important to where I am now, even though proving it at the time was not an instant relief. But the thoughts of never doing those things again are gone thanx to that. You did the right thing. Like I said before, I would not frame that list on the wall, and celebrate it but maybe even throw it away, and think in your mind "told ya" and move on with your life.
quote:
Originally posted by guej
By the way, I'm still in pain, but I'm getting my life back, and unbelievably, that seems to be lessening the impact of the pain, which is actually lessening my perception of the pain, and so on...Funny how that works.
oh so damn funny, yeah, your'e actually right on.
quote:
Originally posted by guej
Keep at it Skizzik. Maybe you should email the link to Dr. Sarno. I'm sure he gets a kick out of seeing people active again.
probably would just feed my ego and be a "whole thing." Ultimately, I wanna forget about TMS, the relapse, the re-recovery and just watch American Idol after work with the kids. |
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guej
115 Posts |
Posted - 03/03/2010 : 10:02:47
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Skizzik, I hear you. I used to track my progress every day last summer after I first saw Sarno and read Fred Amir's book. At first, it was really inspiring because I was going from being completely inactive, to doing things again. Then it became another source of stress and pressure.....These last few months I gave that up. I just went back to being active because that what I used to do, and I don't set goals anymore. Everyone now and then I'll think, wow, I just ran 20 minutes and I couldn't even walk down the block this time last year, but it's more of a recognition than a victory "against" TMS. Skiing Monday was a pretty cool. It was the only thing I hadn't gone back to since being in pain. Now that I've done it once, it's back on my list as something I just do. I no longer have a pre-pain and post-pain life. I'm just back to being me again.
As for what I expected you to look like....I thought you would look older! You know, when you read someone's posts when they are in a lot of pain, they're talking about how miserably they feel, the responsibilities of jobs, kids, etc., you just picture this haggard looking person. That's how I perceived myself to be. For the past 18 months, I barely allowed anyone to take my picture. I recently saw a picture of myself with my family taken over Xmas and I was shocked to realize that I looked "normal" (if you don't look too close and notice the bags under my eyes from not sleeping well..). |
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pandamonium
United Kingdom
202 Posts |
Posted - 03/04/2010 : 05:15:42
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Hey Skizz, that is so damn cool, and what a great idea to post it on here.
And Guej, what??? You went skiing with Matthew, I am so jealous and so proud of you for facing that fear head on, and so pleased to hear you say "it's more of a recognition than a victory "against" TMS"
I know you never understood me when I said you can't fight TMS, you have to accept it, but it sounds like you have come to understand that in your own way.
I also had a great skiing holiday this year with no pain at all.
I tell you what though, being TMS-free has it's drawbacks sometimes...this year my husband didn't offer to carry my skis 
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
A beginner's guide to psychology: If it's not your mum's fault.... it's your dad's... |
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skizzik
USA
783 Posts |
Posted - 03/04/2010 : 11:47:57
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quote:
Originally posted by guej
As for what I expected you to look like....I thought you would look older! You know, when you read someone's posts when they are in a lot of pain, they're talking about how miserably they feel, the responsibilities of jobs, kids, etc., you just picture this haggard looking person. That's how I perceived myself to be. For the past 18 months, I barely allowed anyone to take my picture. I recently saw a picture of myself with my family taken over Xmas and I was shocked to realize that I looked "normal" (if you don't look too close and notice the bags under my eyes from not sleeping well..).
funny you make that observation. I feel like whenever I see my face in the mirror, I've aged 20 years in the last 3. But with the blurry video, I appear younger, and er....um cuter haha. So, I will take that. At the same time, when I had my break down, I went from a gym rat 6'2 240 pound lifter, to 183 (the weight I saw Schubiner at)pounds in 3-4 mos. (I was pretty fat though, not chisled by any means but the weight loss is the point, and after the weight came off, it was the wrong kind of weight, it's like I kept the fat and lost all muscle and water) The depression and pain left me with no appetite, and seeing my face wither away while I was powerless to eat was horrifying. Seeing pics of me lately has helped as I was around 225 in that video.
Oh, on a good note, under that hat, I still have a full set of hair, something I worried about as my Dad was pretty much bald by this age. Thanx mom! |
Edited by - skizzik on 03/04/2010 11:48:40 |
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skizzik
USA
783 Posts |
Posted - 03/04/2010 : 11:52:24
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quote:
Originally posted by pandamonium
Hey Skizz, that is so damn cool, and what a great idea to post it on here.
thanks, my next video will be of frying eggs at the stove without a heat pack belted on to my low back
quote:
Originally posted by pandamonium
I also had a great skiing holiday this year with no pain at all.
I tell you what though, being TMS-free has it's drawbacks sometimes...this year my husband didn't offer to carry my skis
Good for him! one for the Husbands! |
Edited by - skizzik on 03/04/2010 11:52:57 |
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forestfortrees
393 Posts |
Posted - 03/04/2010 : 21:16:33
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quote:
Originally posted by skizzik
quote:
Originally posted by forestfortrees
More seriously, your story is one of the more inspiring ones because I saw you at the depths of your desperation and felt some of it along with you. To see feeling this good now, we all share some of your triumph.
It makes me want to make a page about what I think we should call "relapser's curse." It seems like recoveries from relapses are often so much harder than the original recoveries. When I read stories by people like you, Marsha, and Roxygirl (remember her?) it's all the more inspiring because my own faith has been tested...
...
TMs relapsing is worse in my opinion. When we're first cured, I don't think we realized what was goin on. It just kinda happened as the word of Sarno, those magical, relieving words sunk in to our brains with no expectations, and then viola! we get relief.
The second time around, we're loaded with expectations. Thinking we licked it the first time (when in actuality there was little effort other than reading and worrying less due to the reading) then we will just dive in to it harder the second time, more writing, more soul searching, more effort, and until we get relief we can't go on with our lives. Hence the cycle of pain is only intensified. Breaking free of that is the chinese fingercuff of the mind. How to let go is then quite the individual journey.
Hey Skizzik, I've been answering some more questions by people who are having a lot of trouble with relapses. It seems like it's a definite "thing." And the more I think about it, the more I want to make a page to collect success stories by people who have had crazy bad relapses, but have somehow made their way through them anyway. Would you mind if I pasted some of the stuff that you've written into a wiki page?
I've made a mockup, if you want to see what I'm thinking of (but I could change it any way that you wanted). Ideally, I'd like to get a whole bunch of people who'd be willing to allow me to include them in the page--perhaps like Guej and Marsha, who I know were also really struggling.
I've been emailing with truenorth recently (who posted the "TMS Psychologist" thread) and he's been having a lot of trouble despite working really hard at it, just like you were. I'd love to have something to show him.
Forest
My story at tmswiki.org |
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skizzik
USA
783 Posts |
Posted - 03/05/2010 : 07:35:19
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quote:
Originally posted by forestfortrees
quote:
Originally posted by skizzik
quote:
Originally posted by forestfortrees
More seriously, your story is one of the more inspiring ones because I saw you at the depths of your desperation and felt some of it along with you. To see feeling this good now, we all share some of your triumph.
It makes me want to make a page about what I think we should call "relapser's curse." It seems like recoveries from relapses are often so much harder than the original recoveries. When I read stories by people like you, Marsha, and Roxygirl (remember her?) it's all the more inspiring because my own faith has been tested...
...
TMs relapsing is worse in my opinion. When we're first cured, I don't think we realized what was goin on. It just kinda happened as the word of Sarno, those magical, relieving words sunk in to our brains with no expectations, and then viola! we get relief.
The second time around, we're loaded with expectations. Thinking we licked it the first time (when in actuality there was little effort other than reading and worrying less due to the reading) then we will just dive in to it harder the second time, more writing, more soul searching, more effort, and until we get relief we can't go on with our lives. Hence the cycle of pain is only intensified. Breaking free of that is the chinese fingercuff of the mind. How to let go is then quite the individual journey.
Hey Skizzik, I've been answering some more questions by people who are having a lot of trouble with relapses. It seems like it's a definite "thing." And the more I think about it, the more I want to make a page to collect success stories by people who have had crazy bad relapses, but have somehow made their way through them anyway. Would you mind if I pasted some of the stuff that you've written into a wiki page?
I've made a mockup, if you want to see what I'm thinking of (but I could change it any way that you wanted). Ideally, I'd like to get a whole bunch of people who'd be willing to allow me to include them in the page--perhaps like Guej and Marsha, who I know were also really struggling.
I've been emailing with truenorth recently (who posted the "TMS Psychologist" thread) and he's been having a lot of trouble despite working really hard at it, just like you were. I'd love to have something to show him.
Forest
My story at tmswiki.org
wow...and there it all is. My journey
Yes, if you feel it has a place, use it.
I think I've written and deleted 5 paragraphs in response to what you did there. I got your e-mail to.
I think I'll respond more later. Or not. I'm pretty touched. Nice work. |
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forestfortrees
393 Posts |
Posted - 03/05/2010 : 11:13:54
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quote:
Originally posted by skizzik
wow...and there it all is. My journey
Yes, if you feel it has a place, use it.
I think I've written and deleted 5 paragraphs in response to what you did there. I got your e-mail to.
I think I'll respond more later. Or not. I'm pretty touched. Nice work.
Hi, Skizzik, I'm so glad that you like it! I think it's a real testament to the power of the TMS diagnosis and what keeping with it can do for you. I think that that is the real touching part.
I think that there is absolutely a place for it on the wiki. The "how to ignore crippling pain" and "getting unstuck" pages are consistently some of the most visited pages on the wiki, and it always makes me sad to see those statistics every month and wonder about those 60 visitors. Those particular pages haven't changed in 9 months, so it must just be a lot of people who are dying to find out what to do.
I think that stories like yours by people who have come face to face with desperation and hopelessness, but are much happier now, can give people a lot of hope, which may even help with their recoveries.
Can others think of similar stories, where people have faced real desperation and/or hopelessness, but have found some sort of equanimity and happiness? If the people in question will give their permission (it's of course very important to be sensitive about this), I'd love to add them to the page...
At the moment, I've got to run. I'm already quite late, but I'm pretty excited about this page. Thanks again for having the courage to share your story.
Forest
My story at tmswiki.org |
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gav
Australia
13 Posts |
Posted - 03/06/2010 : 21:30:06
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| You're a beast skizzik! Nice work. |
Edited by - gav on 03/06/2010 21:30:29 |
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PRCalDude
49 Posts |
Posted - 03/10/2010 : 09:58:19
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Good job, Skizzik.
About 2 years ago, I started lifting also having gotten sick of not exercising. Just start squatting and DLing. Ignore what your back tells you since it's all BS anyways. Your bench will go up faster if you build your entire body. I'm trying to DL 500 before the end of this year. I'll see if I hit it. |
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video of me at the gym
