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fadoozle
33 Posts |
 Posted - 01/18/2010 : 20:14:17
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About a year ago I started suffering from acid reflux and found this forum to be really helpful. I also have ulcerative colitis which I know is not considered a TMS equivalent but I have found it flares almost exclusively in times of emotional stress.
I went through a period of feeling that I was free of all symptoms, that I really "got" TMS, had processed some ugly feelings about the pressures of motherhood, etc.
The reflux is now back, and I'm experiencing what I think is more IBS than colitis.
One of my best friends is dying of ovarian cancer at age 49 (her initial diagnosis completely freaked me out, and it was at that time that I started getting reflux symptoms for the first time in my life) and will leave behind a seven-year-old daughter. My mother was diagnosed with uterine cancer at age 63 this past August. She is living with us (me, my husband, and my kids) while she is undergoing treatment.
I am now finding that I am obsessed with the possibility of dying--of me dying, my mom dying, anyone that's close to me. But in particular me. I will be 40 in June and my children are 3 and 6. I am terrified that I will get sick--specifically cancer or some other terminal illness--and die, and that I will not be there to see them fully grown.
I know I am a hypochondriac, but now I think, well, big deal, you can be a hypochondriac and think that everything is psychosomatic, and you can still get sick and die! Just calling yourself a hypochondriac doesn't take away your mortality! And thus I am finding my entire digestive system out of whack, afraid to eat anything, panicking about occasional tingling in my hands, headaches, any little symptom.
Does anyone else experience these feelings as part of TMS? Or does this just make me your garden variety whack job?
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catspine
USA
239 Posts |
Posted - 01/19/2010 : 04:32:53
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fadoozle
Yes TMS can do that and much more to you if you let it do so. The difficulty sometimes is to figure out if that's what you've got.
Just read a few of these posts and you'll see that it can be awful sometimes but also that you can get better, much better! A good question is which door you're going to focus on... the closed ones or the open ones. Chances are if you got better once you can get better again.
I'm sorry for your mom and your friend.
Dependently on how advanced the disease is you may not be able to change their fate but you may be able to give them what they need while they're still here. The last thing they need is you to be a reflection of their declining health. They need to hear and see that you can accomplish that they may not be able to do. They need something uplifting eg. an example it can be done.
I do not think they want to hear that the rest of their world is going to collapse too for they already worry about themselves but even more about the loved ones they might not be able to care for anymore... you need to show them that you are working at getting better and you can do that in many different ways.
Fear can wrench your guts but still you can learn the mechanisms of it and therefore reduce by at least half the impact it has on you and consequently your friend and mom . If you're in fear of maybe getting a cancer think about how much they must be in fear of it when they already have one for sure. If you are in fear it will inevitably fuel theirs and then their fear will fuel yours in return in a snowball effect. It's easier for you to break the cycle than it is for them to do so.
I could bet that they would be very interested in finding how you work your fears out and there is plenty people and material available to help you do that which you can talk to them about. Louise Hay has a double DVD called 'You Can Heal your Life' that can be a good start.
By definition the imagination of a hypochondriac is running wild so you may want to read or watch or think more about the cures than the possible problems, symptoms and scary manifestation of potential maladies that way the condition doesn't have much to feed on . Every time you think of something you believe you're getting just research and read about the cure or about how many people have recovered from the illness. Get your mind to work for you not against you.
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skizzik
USA
783 Posts |
Posted - 01/19/2010 : 07:49:08
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Fadoozle, your'e fine! Relax.
If you get a thought, "what if I get cancer"?
You can let your mind race, as that is the function of the mind. Or, you can take all the fuel away from the anxiety and say "so what"?
Yes people die, but cancer treatment is better than ever, and your'e chances of dying are less then they were even 10 years ago. But even then, "so what"?
Let the scary thoughts be there, tell them they're just thoughts, irrational thoughts. When they pop into your head, instead of your usual frightened counter thoughts, act like your'e opening the front door of your house, and with a smile, say, "oh, hello, I was'nt sure if you were coming, come on in, make your self at home, dance away, bounce off the walls a bit, just so you know I'm kinda busy taking care of the kids, so don't get to annoyed if I can't give you all the counter resistence thoughts that I usually do, I'm a bit tired and need a small break, I'm sure you'll see yourself out when you get bored". At some point you'll realize the thoughts went out the back door with little fanfare. And they'll be back, but you'll see how providing no resistence bored them to death.
Little by little you find yourself caring less and less, until the thoughts dwindle to a normal level over time.
I know it's so hard because your'e going thru alot with your best friend and mom and the comparisons to your own family and your friend are overwhelming, but your'e fine. Just keep living your life, put your trust in the hands of your regular medical checkups, and leave it at that. Trust that if you did get the "c" then you lived a normal life, where you did the normal things that people do/did in your society, and if you get it your'e completely not to blame because you got all the right checkups as a responsible mother and what happens happens and accept that God has a different mysterious plan for you.
On another note, I went to the "body works" exhibit this past year, and thats where they have peeled cadivers plasticised for exhibit. And they display damaged lungs versus healthy, and obese cadivers, vs healthy and say how we can have an impact on our health and longevity by how we eat and take care of ourselves. And my mind starts racing, and thinking "man why did'nt I eat better...etc."
Then, you come upon a display that states of all the things scientists have determined to be risk factors to premature aging, death etc. the number one factor was an pessimistic attitude. Being pessimistic will kill you quicker than any other factor. (which would include sun damage, eating crappy, smoking, but I think it's likely that happy people would then not depend on tanning, smoking, eating pure junk to make them feel good which helps support the data)Never the less Yes, thats what it said! So theres something (maybe everything) to be said about feeling good. Optimism has an energentic value that helps reverse premature aging.
Fadoozle, your'e fine! Let the "irrational" thoughts in, and simply leave the back door of your mind open for them to let them selves out. They'll get sick and tired of all the "i'm fine" thoughts coming in and taking over the party. |
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fadoozle
33 Posts |
Posted - 01/27/2010 : 20:04:29
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Thanks, skizzik and catspine, for the great advice. Lately I have said to myself, "worrying about whether or not you will get a terminal illness doesn't change anything, so stop it."
However, I am also in touch lately with the tremendous anger I feel--at myself and my own bad choices, my mortality, the sacrifices involved in parenting even though it was my choice, and a happy one, to become a mother, staggering student loan debt...you name it, I'm pissed about it.
It puzzles me as I thought that in TMS we're talking about repressed rage...and yet more and more I feel myself get so angry all the time, and less afraid about what people think about me if I express it. Does this mean I'm dealing with it the "right" way? Also, does anyone else feel that they have so much anger they don't know if they'll ever have peace, or get rid of it all? Or make sure it doesn't eat away at them, mind, body and spirit?
Any tips on not spending life as an angry, bitter, snappy person with roaming TMS symptomology and chronic anxiety but rather a calm, joyful, healthy and relaxed one? |
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Dave
USA
1864 Posts |
Posted - 01/27/2010 : 20:47:38
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It is good to get in touch with and express your anger. However, don't confuse that anger with the repressed rage that causes TMS.
It might be helpful to treat the anger as a symptom -- it serves the same purpose as the pain: to distract you from the repressed emotions.
Keep digging for those "ugly" feelings. You may be surprised what lies beneath. Most importantly, as you spend time thinking about what feelings you might be repressing, you will not be thinking about the symptoms. |
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anxiety about health
