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yogaluz
USA
81 Posts |
 Posted - 01/16/2010 : 21:05:20
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I hear myself saying "I've just about had it with this vertigo thing" and I realize how I'm stepping into the fear trap. But afraid I am. I have been free of my most perplexing symptom, dizziness and vertigo, for a few months now and then wham! I was in a yoga class on Friday, just laying down at the end of class, when everything started to spin. I sat up and the symptoms immediately went away. I went into the dressing room and had another brief bout. The rest of the day I was fine but in the night, every time I turned over, the room would spin. I went to the doctor today and she did the Epley maneuver but couldn't recreate the symptoms. It's now getting close to bedtime and I'm feeling jittery and dizzy. I want to believe this is just anxiety as I've had the year from hell that is finally improving. But it came on so suddenly and violently, that little voice of doubt is screaming in my ear. My mind has already gone to the place of thinking I'll never be able to do yoga again. How will I ever work if I can't even walk? How can I participate in my writing workshop when I'm so out of it? Encouragement please. You all have helped me so much in the past so thanks in advance. Off to read Claire Weekes.
p.s. I had a full workup a year ago but I've never had this extreme vertigo. More like extreme dizziness in the past. |
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catspine
USA
239 Posts |
Posted - 01/16/2010 : 23:44:11
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yogaluz
Did you read Monte's post in the topic runningpain .com update where he talks about the fear?
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yogaluz
USA
81 Posts |
Posted - 01/17/2010 : 09:41:33
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Catspine,
Thanks for directing me to Monte's post. It was great. I responded there but am copying here as well as it related to my original post.
"Monte, thanks for a wonderful post. I love what you had to say about yogis. Yes, we are attempting to be mindful, inner-energy focused, deep breathing beings but many of us came to yoga because of our fears, our striving, our anger and self consciousness. Many of us are works in progress and by no means have I, through yoga, reached some pinnacle of peace and most likely never will.
So it seems you are a 'pain' guy and I will tell you that I have successfully beaten my TMS pain syndrome which started over 20 years ago. It took many years but when my back starts spasming, I go to yoga, keep moving on and the pain goes away.
But over the last two years I have been dealing with a symptom I can't get a grasp on: vertigo/dizziness. It waxes and wanes and it oddly seems to coincide with some sort of seasonal allergies - when the trees start blooming, I get congested, fluid builds under my eyes and whammo - I'm dizzy again. It can take months to go away no matter what I do. I have had a complete workup with MRI, CT scan, blood work, neuro exam etc. and all checks out fine.
I had been dizzy free for many months when I had a severe case of it on Friday just after a yoga class as I was laying down. Every time one of these periods has started, it seems to have been exacerbated by a yoga class. My mind instantly believes that the inversions and the heat are causing this to happen and then it goes to that place you describe so well below: yoga is my life, it's the only form of exercise and meditation I love, what if I can't do it anymore? And now I'm back in the fear cycle.
It makes sense that my subconscious is preying on my yoga to get my attention and I know that at least part of my symptoms are TMS equivalents/anxiety but there is that cloying worry that indeed, standing on my head and twisting myself around every day could indeed be causing problems for my inner ear. And with this symptom, I can't simply go to yoga class and ignore it. I literally fall over and can't function. I worry about driving home. Scary and very anxiety provoking.
On the physical side of things, I've decided to finally go to an ENT and if they can't find anything, I'm done with trying to find a medical cause.
On the emotional side of things, I'm going to follow your advise today and really sit with my emotions. I've been holding them in for the past year because I felt I had to to function. My husband was unemployed for almost a year and I, having been at home with my children for many years, could not find a job myself with the damn recession. We almost went under financially and it had a huge impact on my marriage. It also brought up a lot of guilt feelings about not having contributed financially all those years while simultaneously I felt resentment at the prospect of having to go back to work and spend less time with my children and less time on my yoga and my art. I still haven't decided what I want to be when I grow up and I don't have that many years left to decide. I chide myself for being much like a spoiled child, unwilling or fearful of taking on adult responsibilities. I am truly at a life crossroads and this may be the way all those emotions are manifesting. And of course, now that things are improving (my husband is working again, I'm doing some great writing and art, my yoga practice is in full swing, etc.), my old friend TMS comes along to remind me not to get ahead of myself. It's a strange thought but I often feel as though TMS purposely sabotages my happiness and that's a component of this disorder I simply don't understand and don't much like.
Anyway, thank you so much for the post and if you have any insight/thoughts on vertigo vs. pain, I'd love to hear them. Warmly,Y."
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catspine
USA
239 Posts |
Posted - 01/17/2010 : 15:20:36
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Yogaluz
Try to melt down the fear first and see how it affects your vertigo . Also I would just postpone the standing on the head part too for a while...
In my personal experience with tms I've had powerful anxiety and panic attacks for about 2 months the first time and 3 months the second time and I didn't even know that's what it was until other possible causes were ruled out.
One of the effects was that it made me loose my balance and kept me dizzy while it lasted as if the blood did not reach my brain correctly while my heart beat would race at the same time. After I became aware that tms was at work symptoms which remained unexplained so far started to make sense and I work with it.
I noticed that under my jaw bone there was something deep pulsing and swollen when I got really dizzy and if I pushed and rubbed on it the dizziness would not last as long and I could stand up again.
It felt like a congestion of some sort like when the flue makes it hard to swallow . It was not there a week before so i thought there was no serious reason for this to be there except if tms was affecting my vascular system in this particular spot.
TMS likes the vascular system a lot. Under normal conditions the diameter of the blood vessels is determined by the effort and the temperature of the body or the environment through the autonomic system making it a good target to launch symptoms.
I must also say this : A prevalent factor for the fear to work is the way we think when we don't know what is wrong with the way our body feels . Once the known causes for symptoms have been eliminated then imagination comes into play . The sum of the knowledge we may have (How well we know our body, how easily we get upset, how we dealt with medical issues in the past, what works for us or not, how and which medication works for us, how much we trust in the health care system, our understanding of medical help, when to fear or not, how we react to influence from others doctors included, how much we can take , how far beyond our boundaries we went, what our options are, where information comes from etc...) makes a huge difference on how where and when fear will affect us if it ever does.
One must be reckless or have a good technique ready to deal with fear successfully or both.
On the other hand there is a lot of uncertainties in life and we must accept that in order to live peacefully with ourselves.
Sometimes ignorance is great and we can go through the most difficult thing not knowing how dangerous it really is. In order to make anxiety go away I think of what happened to me once:
I flipped my truck at 80 mph and 14 cars were totaled in the accident. I came out of it without even a scratch. Nobody else got hurt either. The chances to survive this were slim to none and I did. it was an incredible experience so why should a racing heart beat loss of balance and a few other symptoms make me so sick ?
So I just bet on the probability that I can survive this too and so far I did. The fear went away too. Now I can laugh at myself.
Don't worry yogaluz if you beat it once you can probably do it again...
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yogaluz
USA
81 Posts |
Posted - 01/17/2010 : 21:39:01
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| Thanks for your wise words catspine. I too have had some muscular involvement in my neck these past weeks and I know that my vascular system is particularly sensitive to TMS from other symptoms I've had. I will continue to work through this and I appreciate your support. |
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catspine
USA
239 Posts |
Posted - 01/20/2010 : 22:45:07
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Yogaluz
You wrote
quote:
It's a strange thought but I often feel as though TMS purposely sabotages my happiness and that's a component of this disorder I simply don't understand and don't much like.
I have never experienced it in this way but my wife who has powerful migraines does. She feels like it is some kind of punishment which of course makes me think of guilt somehow .
Dr Sarno mentions that guilt is the second most common reason after rage to develop TMS so I thought I would mention it to you if it can shorten your dealing with vertigo. Sometime the cause for all the trouble buried in the unconscious mind is much different than what we consciously imagine the reason for the symptoms to be. Dr sarno says that this is why it comes and goes and sometimes comes back: because we don't know what it is that cause it in the first place so we can not intercept the emotion and stop it or express it.
In all the times I managed to get free from the symptoms of tms I was not able to tell which one was the word(s)I heard or read that made it stop so now I just read different things or opinions that are appealing at the time and I let my unconscious mind sort it out for itself and it works just as well as if I tortured myself with sophisticated thoughts trying to figure out what caused it. In fact there can be so many reasons simultaneously that I would have a hard time anyway.
Probably a reason why it works that way is that the brain is like an administration taking what ever time it needs to make decisions but once it does things can finally move forward.
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yogaluz
USA
81 Posts |
Posted - 01/21/2010 : 14:42:45
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| Thanks again Catspine. A little update. Today I went into a very stressful academic situation where I had to present something very personal. I had heart palpitations, my palms were sweating, and my head was throbbing, but NO dizziness. So, I had more immediate multiple distractions and the dizziness went away. Perhaps this should be a new TMS healing strategy - throw yourself into the most terrifying situations possible and see what happens to your primary symptom. :-). Somehow, I don't think there will be that many takers on this one. |
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catspine
USA
239 Posts |
Posted - 01/22/2010 : 00:25:10
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Yogaluz,
Happy for you it went well.
The reason why it worked is that it was not a distraction it was a priority.
Your unconscious knows everything your conscious mind knows : everything you think everything you feel everything you do but it has no control over the consequences of it and therefore is sometimes forced to operate as in a fight or flee situation you can take advantage of. It is a difficult one to master but it does the trick and can reveal very useful information in the process to avoid repressing certain emotions. Now you know how much you can take ... |
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damn vertigo
