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Dr Dave
USA
53 Posts |
 Posted - 01/08/2010 : 15:06:58
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I agree that different approaches work for different people. Even after more than 7000 interviews of people with unexplained symptoms I haven't found a single key approach that works for everyone.
I can say that a common issue for my patients with particularly challenging illnesses was that, as children, their environment made them feel like and taught them to believe that they were 2nd class human beings. As adults, these individuals gradually recognize this isn't true, which makes them justifiably angry. But they had also learned, as children, to stuff anger into a box so they lack skills in expressing it verbally. So the anger gets expressed via the body instead. All this can be difficult to recognize in yourself and may take years or decades to become clear. In some patients I have been able to accelerate this recognition by asking them to imagine a child they care about growing up exactly as they did, and then to write about how that makes them feel.
This isn't "the answer", but it has helped many. |
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miche
Canada
283 Posts |
Posted - 01/09/2010 : 19:44:18
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| So true, thank you! |
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DrGUID
United Kingdom
44 Posts |
Posted - 01/11/2010 : 06:13:38
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Hi Dr Dave,
That's an interesting post. I actually had a very good childhood, yet the older I get the more stress/TMS problems I'm having. The "2nd class human being" feeling is very interesting. When I was a child I was very small for my age (I was pretty much the smallest kid in the class). For some reason my peers seemed to think that a small kid couldn't do as well as they could. Well it turned out I was academically gifted, but I wonder if I have been trying too hard to prove myself ever since? |
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Dr Dave
USA
53 Posts |
Posted - 01/11/2010 : 12:32:21
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Difficulty in childhood is an issue for a little more than half of my patients. DrGUID's experience possibly falls into that category since wounds to self-esteem can come from many sources. It can be a challenge to determine if those issues are capable of causing physical illness in a particular adult. Some patients have had dysfunctional childhoods that are not relevant to their illness.
Clues that the childhood issues are connected to symptoms include (but are not limited to) a) caring for the needs of others to the exclusion of yourself, b) overachieving and/or perfectionism, c) less than mutually supportive personal relationships, d) addictions (not always to substances, can be to work, exercise, gambling, shopping, sex), e) ongoing low self-esteem.
In some of my patients their symptoms' links to the past were more subtle and discovered only with a long interview. An exercise that has helped many of my patients with childhood issues is to imagine a child growing up just as they did and then write about how that makes them feel or what they would like to say to such a child. More info at [www.stressillness.com] |
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Singer_Artist
USA
1516 Posts |
Posted - 01/11/2010 : 12:43:34
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Great post, Dr. Dave. I am old timer on here, but it's been awhile. I come and go as the pain does. As for a) caring for others w/ the exclusion of self goes, I fit the bill 100%. I even put my dogs WAY ahead of me. I am living in one state, but want to return home to NJ. My 180 wolf-dog is the love of my life and I won't leave without him. Moving in this economy w/ a huge dog is impossible..So here I stay, for now. Perfectionism is me too..I just finished a music CD in which I did all the vocals and all the artwork (i am a painter too)..To get this 'perfect' I maxed out my last credit card! So now..finances are a mess..(I do have high hopes for future success w/ my art & music) but right now it's SCARY to say the least. As for addictions, food is my drug of choice. FInally, after a terrible stomach flu I am eating RIGHT and losing excess pounds. The primary areas in my body that TMS manifests is my neck, wrists and knee. I never saw Dr. Sarno, but I did see Dr. Schecter, years ago. The good news is i go for periods of time where the pain is manageable and I focus on the emotions..Bad news is other times I avoid the emotions and allow it to come out in physical symptoms..What a ride!
Blessings,
Karen |
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Dr Dave
USA
53 Posts |
Posted - 01/12/2010 : 00:01:21
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For my patients with childhood issues connected to their symptoms, a key foundation for treatment is to recognize that a hero in our society is someone who has overcome a difficult physical or emotional challenge for a good cause. People who have overcome a childhood that harmed their self-esteem are heroes by that definition.
Try putting the words "_____ is a Hero!" on a card (with your name in the blank) and tape it to your bathroom mirror where it will serve as a daily reminder. It takes time, but once you have truly internalized that belief, many things change for the better. (For one, you may feel worthy of taking a few hours per week for self-indulgence.) |
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Singer_Artist
USA
1516 Posts |
Posted - 01/12/2010 : 07:42:39
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| I'll try that, Dr. Dave..thx! |
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balto
839 Posts |
Posted - 08/21/2011 : 09:24:42
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quote:
Originally posted by Dr Dave
For my patients with childhood issues connected to their symptoms, a key foundation for treatment is to recognize that a hero in our society is someone who has overcome a difficult physical or emotional challenge for a good cause. People who have overcome a childhood that harmed their self-esteem are heroes by that definition.
Try putting the words "_____ is a Hero!" on a card (with your name in the blank) and tape it to your bathroom mirror where it will serve as a daily reminder. It takes time, but once you have truly internalized that belief, many things change for the better. (For one, you may feel worthy of taking a few hours per week for self-indulgence.)
Am I right to think that instead of one trying to imagening one is a hero, if one go out and actually working on some good causes and be the real hero, change for the better would come even faster? Another word, the more you can forget the self, the less change you're going to suffer from stress illnesses?
Thanks for your many great posts Dr Dave. |
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RageSootheRatio
Canada
430 Posts |
Posted - 08/21/2011 : 11:11:20
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Hi balto... I've enjoyed and appreciated your many posts, recently. :o)
On this topic, I really don't know. I think that "goodists" and "people pleasers" can change the world for the better... I've certainly "worked on some good causes", and many might consider me a "hero" but it was still stressful and I think pain-inducing because I had "forgotten my self" to such an extent that I was no longer taking care of my own needs... which was /is actually pretty rage-inducing. - RSR |
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maccafan
130 Posts |
Posted - 08/21/2011 : 14:16:31
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I'm glad you posted this information. I'm finally at the place you discribe figuring out that I'm not a 2nd class citizen afterall. The older I've gotten the more introspective I've become. And I'm able to be more objective when looking back at my childhood. For most of my life I've felt quilty that I'd done something wrong and deserved to be treated the way I was by my whole family not just my parents. I just felt confused and felt I deserved it for some reason. I loved them so much that I just let things go until the past few years. When I "woke up" to the reality that my family wasn't so great I felt scared. It's freightning to realize that the people you thought so much of and loved so much didn't really care about me that much. I started feeling angry too. This was all around the time that I started getting my psychosomatic symptoms. Thank goodness I happened to find Dr. Sarno's book.
Now I'm so much better physically and feeling stronger emotionally about my self. I'm appreciating who I am which is a strange feeling but also very freeing.
Usually when someone would try to discount something I said I pretty much let it go and stuffed my frustration or anger. Now I'm more assertive and will not allow someone to try to invalidate me or talk down to me. This happened to me on a recent reply that I made to a post by Abrooks. I stood up for myself and will do it again if necessary.
But thanks again for your very enlightening post.
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balto
839 Posts |
Posted - 08/21/2011 : 16:09:59
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quote:
Originally posted by RageSootheRatio
Hi balto... I've enjoyed and appreciated your many posts, recently. :o)
On this topic, I really don't know. I think that "goodists" and "people pleasers" can change the world for the better... I've certainly "worked on some good causes", and many might consider me a "hero" but it was still stressful and I think pain-inducing because I had "forgotten my self" to such an extent that I was no longer taking care of my own needs... which was /is actually pretty rage-inducing. - RSR
I think you should take care of yourself first, Rage. If you don't swim good how can you be a lifeguard? Don't forget yourself. We have to find balance in everything we do. I've seen people worked 60-70 hours at their jobs trying to be the model employee, they try to be successful at work but they usually failed miserably in their home life. Even mother Teresa need to sleep, eat, and time to pray. Take care of yourself first. We tms sufferers are very sensitive to changes in our emotion and stressful situations. We need to start out slow and increase our involvement in that "good cause" more and more as our comfort level rise. I really believe multitasking is a myth. We should priortize or tasks and work them start with the most important. |
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NMSunflower
USA
3 Posts |
Posted - 08/23/2011 : 11:01:20
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I am new to TMS and this forum Dr Dave but I am going to try your exercise on imagining a child I care about growing up exactly like me. I have grandchildren so that won't be hard to do. I am in the final week of The Mindbody Workbook and have had multiple revelations already about some of the potential causes of TMS for me...quite interesting is that I am a nurse (for 24 years now) and that there is no mechanism built into the US healthcare system anyway, that allows for debriefing/processing the almost daily overwhelming experiences we face in this profession.
I do recommend the workbook to anyone that is too far away from any type of TMS practitioner. Lots of learning...and thanks for your suggestions!
NM Sunflower |
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not The Answer but..
