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la_kevin
USA
351 Posts |
 Posted - 10/09/2009 : 01:57:06
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Hello people,
I use to be a regular poster here when I was ill. Some may remember me,most may not.
Came back because I was reminded of how sad my life felt with TMS and how different life is for me now. I have been practically pain free for over a year. My life is so much different...I almost cried thinking about it. Life these days is basically everything I wished for while I was disabled and stunted by chronic pain. Well,almost there, still waiting for the right woman,lol.
For those of you who remember me, hello. I hope you have found some healing or some lessening of pain in your life.
Will try and stop by to lend a hand if I can, other than that, take care all.
And above all, (like I used to say) LET GO !!!!
:)
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"Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans"- John Lennon |
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Plantweed
USA
109 Posts |
Posted - 10/09/2009 : 07:12:23
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| Hi, I went back and read a few of your posts. I identified with your thoughts about the need-to-control fueling the symptoms, and I've started to turn a corner after accepting that I'll probably be in pain for the rest of my life and I just have to be OK with it. The symptoms have started to ease after I truly accepted them, like a slow wither on the vine. Even started yoga, after six months of having trouble putting my socks on. I like your thoughts about really pondering why we think we "deserve" good health and having our "old lives" back, and imagining what it would be like if the pain never left, and what would we lose? The fear is always worse than the reality. Thanks. |
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forestfortrees
393 Posts |
Posted - 10/09/2009 : 07:31:30
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Thanks for dropping by! I think that I remember someone trying to find you a little while back... Perhaps Marsha?
Forest
tmswiki.org |
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miche
Canada
283 Posts |
Posted - 10/09/2009 : 10:55:55
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| Happy for you, I found a lot of insights in your posts , thank you . |
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SarnoFan
USA
72 Posts |
Posted - 10/09/2009 : 12:26:40
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Thank you for coming back to share. I linked this post to the Success Stories Forum.
The posts there are too few and far between. I am certain a lot of recovered folks never came to this forum, or, they decided to move on and forgot to share.
Soon I will post there too. My teenage son has recovered almost completely from his herniated disc. He's still less flexible than he was 1.5 years ago, but he's working on it daily. But he is working out 3-5 times a week and playing his college sport without holding back.
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pandamonium
United Kingdom
202 Posts |
Posted - 10/09/2009 : 14:28:14
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Hi Kevin,
I'm so glad to hear that you are well. I've also been 99% pain free this year.
Good luck and go find that "right woman" 
Panda
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A beginner's guide to psychology: If it's not your mum's fault.... it's your dad's... |
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skizzik
USA
783 Posts |
Posted - 10/09/2009 : 15:37:23
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 hey buddy! |
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sarita
130 Posts |
Posted - 10/09/2009 : 18:08:03
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hi la kevin! your posts were amazing for me! please stop by more often!!!!!! dont disappear for so long!!!
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la_kevin
USA
351 Posts |
Posted - 10/09/2009 : 23:53:24
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Hi everyone.
I'm glad some people got something out of my posts.
Yeah, I didn't stop by at all because at the time I didn't want to make TMS a 'thing' by talking about it. But I don't care now because I am confident I have full mastery of the syndrome, it's no longer a threat, not in the slightest.
So stopping by here isn't scary to me anymore.
Glad to hear that some are pain free. A lot of new names here from reading the home page. I guess pain doesn't discriminate.
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"Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans"- John Lennon |
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sarita
130 Posts |
Posted - 10/10/2009 : 17:51:26
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la kevin,
how much was this "deep insight" therapy crucial for your recovery? would you have made it without it, too???
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la_kevin
USA
351 Posts |
Posted - 10/11/2009 : 00:58:34
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"la kevin,
how much was this "deep insight" therapy crucial for your recovery? would you have made it without it, too???"
I'm not sure I understand your question. Did I use the term 'deep insight' in one of my old posts, (it's been a while since I've written anything)? Or are you asking me if I had a deep insight?
Or do you mean the therapist I saw?
 Could you be more specific?
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"Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans"- John Lennon |
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HilaryN
United Kingdom
879 Posts |
Posted - 10/11/2009 : 06:24:30
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Hi la_kevin,
It's great to hear you're over your TMS.
I think you have a gift for writing and it's great that you'll be dropping in from time to time to encourage newcomers.
Do check out the new (since January) TMS wiki:
www.tmswiki.org
If you'd like to make contributions, you'd be most welcome.
Hope you find your woman soon - and remember not to be too perfectionist about it! That's a mistake I made in my younger years! 
Hilary N |
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sarita
130 Posts |
Posted - 10/11/2009 : 20:44:56
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 deep insight therapy is such a funny term, hihi. well, i meant, how important was it to talk to someone, to become aware of things, to vent ones frustration etc. was it crucial to healing?? sarno seems to be so fond of therapy, and i just wanted to ask you how important it was to you. i saw him and he reffered me to someone. its just expensive. but i'll manage somehow i hope.
thank you! |
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la_kevin
USA
351 Posts |
Posted - 10/11/2009 : 21:49:59
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I think for me, it was deeply important to see a therapist. I tried the journaling that Dr. Schecter advised me to do, and it didn't quite work. There were maybe three days out of 30 that I felt little pain, and those days were 6 on the scale.
So I knew I had to go further. Plus I was a complete wreck in life, suicidal, on pain drugs all day, crying every day, spent 10 grand on treatments, etc. Pure desperation and also a nagging sense that I never really matured beyond certain years in my psyche and I knew there was a zoo in my brain waiting to come out.
The therapy helped me release memories I stored away. I remember after my first session I cried for 4 hours straight, no exaggeration.
But after the initial sessions, my therapist hit me with some insights on life I never heard before or thought of. I started healing since then, almost immediately.
Therapists can help you see things you can't.
As far as TMS goes, I can only advise one trained in TMS or at the least bit aware of a mind/body link to health.
Then again I am biased because my therapist seems to have been put in my path from some outside force. I think he understands the brain way more than anyone I've read on this subject.
As far as releasing anger or frustration, I HIGHLY advise it. I smashed and beat the crap out of many things in my initial stages. If you're the type of person that gets release from that kind of thing, do it. But you have to progress beyond that instant release into long term understanding, and acceptance.
Releasing anger is not enough though IMO. The whole "getting to know what bothers you" thing is way too overrated, also IMO. When you accept you have TMS and let it do what it wants with you, it just can't run anywhere anymore. It really has no reason to exist.
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"Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans"- John Lennon |
Edited by - la_kevin on 10/11/2009 21:56:06 |
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sarita
130 Posts |
Posted - 10/12/2009 : 10:21:04
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Thank you so much Kevin...I am pretty close to your description given on your second paragraph...not quite, but I am holding on to a thin piece of wood.
"I was a complete wreck in life, suicidal, on pain drugs all day, crying every day, spent 10 grand on treatments, etc. Pure desperation and also a nagging sense that I never really matured beyond certain years in my psyche and I knew there was a zoo in my brain waiting to come out".
Sarno saw this and that is why he reffered me straight to a psychotherapist. He seems to be a very human person. Sometimes I see no way out of the maze I am in.
Just wanted to ask you specifically because the outline of your story (at least what I can see in some of your posts) reminds me of myself. Maybe musicians are really like that. There is no smiley who cries but I would put it in. I see my future as a musician in danger and this is all I can be!
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la_kevin
USA
351 Posts |
Posted - 10/12/2009 : 11:47:10
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Yeah, I remember half of my reason was that TMS took a lot away from my musical career, which is STILL on hold. LOL But at least now it's my responsibility, not because I can't sit for 10 minutes, like it was years ago.
TMS took away a lot of my musical inspiration to, which is still a sore subject, but we have to remind ourselves we are NOT promised a thing in life.
Entitlement is part of the TMS mind in some people. I think musicians and artists more. The Ego thing LOL We're 'special'. We may not admit it, but we think it in some form or another.
"Sometimes I see no way out of the maze I am in."
Everyone is in this maze, the maze is life. I refer to the movie "The Matrix". Your mind also makes the maze bigger. Focus on right now and the maze gets smaller. Past and future are thoughts that haven't happened, they're huge waste of time. I bet if you focused less on thoughts other than the present , the world would get smaller.
THe person who works a 9-5 job they HATE , is in this 'maze' also. People trying to make their parents happy by being in college, paying bills, working. It's all a 'maze'. And that 'maze ' feeling doesn't end when TMS goes away.
Now think of the person who has no control over the fact that cancer is all over their body and they WILL die in a few weeks. You think most of them have that 'maze' feeling? Nope. They eventually have to come to the realization that they have no control. Acceptance of death. They HAVE to let go, they have no choice.
Odd that you find a key to life when you're dying huh?
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"Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans"- John Lennon |
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sarita
130 Posts |
Posted - 10/12/2009 : 21:20:43
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I appoint you as my personal psychologist. Its strange...now, with my endless cycle of TMS injury/anxiety/fear/being overwhelmed or whatever, my desire to play and make music is bigger than ever. It feels like a huge need. Are you a classical musician? But yes, the inspiration was gone for a while.
I feel confident that I will eventually conquer this, like you. ACCEPTANCE! This cant be over emphasized. But how do you accept a hurting back and arms when it prevents you from doing the only thing you love?
I am venting my frustration now!
As for artists being special: yes...I admit to it. It applies to myself and worries me, too..."I cant be anything else, I can only be with musicians...not with some ox"....and if I cant play it will alleniate me from my breed...etc....you see where this is going.
But Kevin, here is something I believe: the maze is so much bigger when your nerves are raw, when you cant handle things anymore, when there is no hope in the horizon.
I'll start the therapy.
And thank you! |
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MatthewNJ
USA
691 Posts |
Posted - 10/16/2009 : 13:26:02
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Kevin,
I heard you on the TMS Success Stories Live Panel on October 11th, 2009. You were great. An inspiration! (I was moderating). I would love to have you as a panelist for our next event. Are you interested? Contact me via this forum or the TMSWIKI.
I would like to add that your continued posts are an invaluable help to me as well as those that have not traveled as far on the journey as you or I have. Please keep posting! For me, I am still at work improving myself to be "in the moment" more frequently.
Do you have your story posted anywhere to read as an entity? I would like to read it. I have mine on the TMSWIKI.
http://tmswiki.wetpaint.com/account/MatthewNJ.
Stop WAITING for the right woman, go find her!
Sarita,
You have been diagnosed by "The Man". You are very lucky to have found him and be close enough to see him. I am a patient of Dr. Sarno (since 2004) and I consider myself a "success" in treatment. He referred me to one of his trained psychotherpists. My life is very different now.
You are on the right road now. Good wishes on your journey.
Matthew
The difficult we do right away, the impossible just takes a little longer. |
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sarita
130 Posts |
Posted - 10/16/2009 : 18:43:22
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thanks matthew, for your encouragement. i am starting seeing the therapist in 10 days or something. paying will be a huge challenge...its so expensive. but i will see what can be done. i am so clear on a few things:
1. my nerves are a mess, my reaction to strees abnormal. my pain persistent and debilitating. anxiety, unbearable at times.
2. i am not very happy.
3. i look back at my own thinking and views, and how i treated myself, and it seems so wrong that i would be surprised if i was all right
4. but i am firmly convinced that i will be fine!!!!!!!
sarno didnt even use the word tms, he just said i need to see a therapist asap. i was so upset, a mess, with my pain and anxiety...
btw:
i dont think you can LOOK for the right man/woman... thats sort of artificial...
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MatthewNJ
USA
691 Posts |
Posted - 10/17/2009 : 13:33:47
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Sarita,
You have an excellent attitude. You WILL succeed. Here is a thought on cost: Dr. Sarno likens seeing a therapist to going to a "special kind of graduate school". I agree. I see all the dollars I have spent on my therapist as educational. And my therapist is my guide and my teacher. At least these dollars are working on the cause NOT the symptoms!
Matthew
The difficult we do right away, the impossible just takes a little longer. |
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Been over a year since posting...just saying hello
