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crk
124 Posts |
 Posted - 09/30/2009 : 10:31:06
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You defeat TMS with one strategy, and it pops up somewhere else...
I am now 11 days away from running a marathon, and about a week ago, my anxiety levels started to climb. I used my usual positive self talk methods, but over the weekend, I started getting TMS triggers - yet again!
In August I successfully conquered an episode using affirmations and concentrating on love and forgiveness and letting go. Why didn't it work again last weekend? Two weeks to marathon day and I'm suddenly limping? Terrifying.
Well, I am happy to say that something else has worked. I will tell you about that in just a moment. But first I want to point out that our brains are very, very complex. It is tempting, when you find a mental strategy that is helpful, to view it as another "must." "My brain must stop distracting me with pain whenever I do X." I think it is far more useful to see your brain as an intricate machine or masterpiece painting. If something is missing or broken, the signal (clanking machine, obscure image, or -outside the metaphor - pain) will always be the same but not so the "fix."
I do still believe that positive beliefs about myself are absolutely crucial to ending my TMS forever. But they are not a voodoo chant that works by simple repetition. They have to be believed, or at the very least vividly imagined. In August, I had issues that were more easily soothed (remember the "rage/sooth ratio") by affirmations. Last weekend, that just didn't cut it. The immediacy of my anxiety, fear and rage regarding my upcoming race and how I feel about myself as a runner was overwhelming. I have run many marathons, and the memories of my "bad" races filled my head.
So I went back to square one. I sat down with my Sarno books and looked over pages I have marked. Confidence in the diagnosis - check. (Could it be more obvious that this is TMS?) Know that it is a distraction from rage - check. Think psychologically - check? Well, being terrified that I will have to limp through 26.2 miles is not exactly a psychologically centered thought. Perhaps I should return to that rage issue? That got me thinking and here is where I ended up... The following is a script that broke through and made my pain go away:
It is safe to look inside. (-Louise Hay)
I want you (brain) to show me the rage.
I don't have to feel angry in my conscious mind; I need to see the anger, fear and anxiety of the unconscious mind.
I want to see it. I can handle it.
Show me the Child-Self's rage and narcissism; Parent-self, you can relax and show me.
No one will punish me for feelings of anger; you can show me the rage.
I will not fly into a murderous rampage; you can show me the rage.
Open the curtain and show me the rage.
You might as well open the capillaries too; it is safe to open both.
I want to see how enraged the Child-self is.
I love her no matter what, no matter how unreasonable she is; I want to see all of her.
It is safe to show me how much she hates the running, the pressure, and the prospect of disappointment.
Child-self wants attention and approval, but also fears judgement; show me how angry this conflict makes her.
Show me the rage.
After a while, all I had to say in my head when the pain started to flare up was, "Rage!" ... "Fury!" ... "Rage!"
For those still suffering through TMS pain, I would encourage you to go back to the basics with Sarno's material and explore aspects of your situation that you might have ignored. Some of the basic facts about TMS are sometimes the hardest to grasp: the unconscious reservoir of rage cannot be emptied, the brain really is trying to protect you, and your conscious self-image can be improved. Loving yourself matters. Forgiving others (ie letting go, not excusing what they have done, but letting it go and moving on) matters. Your past does not equal your future.
I hope my experience will be helpful to someone here. Be well.
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njoy
Canada
188 Posts |
Posted - 09/30/2009 : 14:37:00
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Someone I know feels he made a huge breakthrough in his own "goodism" when he realized his rage was at God for sticking him in this miserable place (the world). He said he was first aware of this at around the age of one (!). He has pretty much cured himself by deciding there is no personal God or, if there is, he doesn't like Him. With no rules except his own, my friend says he is much happier   .
Since I am convinced of the existence of a personal God, this option doesn't work for me.
OP, it does seem a bit much to be "terrified" of running a marathon in pain. Why not just not run it, may I ask? |
Edited by - njoy on 09/30/2009 14:38:25 |
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crk
124 Posts |
Posted - 10/01/2009 : 10:34:32
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I'm not sure I understand your question. The fear comes from worrying that TMS will attack during the marathon. (ie what if?)
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penguins
39 Posts |
Posted - 10/02/2009 : 18:55:57
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crk, thank you for your well thought out post. I completely understand why running a marathon would be terrifying. I haven't been on here in a while because I've been doing so well. I'm back due to a knee issue that's popped up. You have given me much to think about. I appreciate you taking so much time to share with us the steps you've recently taken. Your words give me lots to contemplate. Thank you again and I wish you well!
--Jennifer |
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cfhunter
119 Posts |
Posted - 10/16/2009 : 19:39:23
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crk-my friend Judy just finished KONA Ironman last weekend...she hurt her heel REALLY bad 4-5 days before the event. Something HELPED her swim-2.4 miles, ride 112 miles nad run 26.2 miles...pretty sure it wasn't accupuncture. Pretty sure it was her MIND...you can do the marathon.
you just need to tell your mind you are going to do IT.
my husband finished the Ironman Louisville event with such bad stomach pain he was going to look for a dr. tent to tell him if his appendix was rupturing before mile 13 of the run...he finished in less than 14 hours.
:)
I am riding 62 miles in 44 degree weather tomorrow (complete HILL course from hell-I live in Tennesee), my back hurts, my hips are tight and my elbow is tryin to torture me...but i won't tell my body that.
All this is meant to motivate you. You can do it. |
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Wavy Soul
USA
779 Posts |
Posted - 10/17/2009 : 02:00:06
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Well, on the subject of TMS and marathons... I'm not even a runner, but pardon me if I repost this recent post of mine with quote from "Born To Run" - also check out this thread:http://www.tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=5820&SearchTerms=born+to+run
"By mile 60 Scott was vomiting and shaky. His hands dropped to his knees, then his knees dropped to the pavement. He collapsed by the side of the road, lying in his own sweat and spittle. Leah and his friends didn't bother trying to help him up: they knew there was no voice in the world more persuasive than the one inside Scott's own mind.
Scott lay there, thinking about how hopeless it all was. He wasn't even halfway done, and the others were arleady too far ahead for him to see. And the wind! It was like running into the blast of a jet engine. A couple of miles back, Scott had tried to cool off by sinking his entire head and torso into a giant cooler full of ice and holding himself underwater until his lungs were screaming. As soon as he got out, he was roasting again.
There's no way, Scott told himself. You're done. You'd have to do something totally sick to win this thing now.
Sick like what?
Like starting all over again. Like pretending you just woke up from a great night's sleep and the race hasn't even started yet. You'd have to run the next 80 miles as fast as you've ever run eighty miles in your life.
No chance ...
Yeah, I know ...
For the next ten minutes, Scott lay like a corpse. Then he got up and did it, shattering the Badwater record with a time of 24:36 (120 miles)."
This is from the fantastic, incredible new book BORN TO RUN by Christopher McDougall, which you can get on Amazon here:
http://www.amazon.com/Born-Run-Hidden-Superathletes-Greatest/dp/0307266303/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1249016654&sr=8-1
I highly recommend you (RUN) out (or follow the link) and buy and read this book. I couldn't put it down, and I'm not a runner. It's about a tribe in Mexico where they run for hundreds of miles and never get piriformis or whatever everyone gets in the West, and about the new breed of "superrunners" who are going way, way, way beyond what is believed possible for a human body in our culture, and about how it all has to do with a generous, relaxed attitude of loving life.
I feel quite different after reading this book, and it is incredibly well-written, and a great treat for TMSers who are perhaps tired of all the more obvious "how to" books.
let me know what you think
Katie
Love is the answer, whatever the question
Love is the answer, whatever the question |
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Baseball65
USA
734 Posts |
Posted - 10/23/2009 : 19:47:49
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TMS whack-a-mole.....funniest thing ever! |
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Penny
USA
364 Posts |
Posted - 07/15/2010 : 21:41:39
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quote:
Originally posted by crk
The following is a script that broke through and made my pain go away:
It is safe to look inside. (-Louise Hay)
I want you (brain) to show me the rage.
I don't have to feel angry in my conscious mind; I need to see the anger, fear and anxiety of the unconscious mind.
I want to see it. I can handle it.
Show me the Child-Self's rage and narcissism; Parent-self, you can relax and show me.
No one will punish me for feelings of anger; you can show me the rage.
I will not fly into a murderous rampage; you can show me the rage.
Open the curtain and show me the rage.
You might as well open the capillaries too; it is safe to open both.
I want to see how enraged the Child-self is.
I love her no matter what, no matter how unreasonable she is; I want to see all of her.
It is safe to show me how much she hates the running, the pressure, and the prospect of disappointment.
Child-self wants attention and approval, but also fears judgement; show me how angry this conflict makes her.
Show me the rage.
After a while, all I had to say in my head when the pain started to flare up was, "Rage!" ... "Fury!" ... "Rage!"
For those still suffering through TMS pain, I would encourage you to go back to the basics with Sarno's material and explore aspects of your situation that you might have ignored. Some of the basic facts about TMS are sometimes the hardest to grasp: the unconscious reservoir of rage cannot be emptied, the brain really is trying to protect you, and your conscious self-image can be improved. Loving yourself matters. Forgiving others (ie letting go, not excusing what they have done, but letting it go and moving on) matters. Your past does not equal your future.
I hope my experience will be helpful to someone here. Be well.
Wow CRK ! This is beautiful and helpful ... what is this from?
>|< Penny
"Feeling will get you closer to the truth of who you are than thinking."
~ Eckhart Tolle
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Playing whack-a-mole with TMS
