I gave up last night and I gave in. No more journaling, no more TMS talk to myself or anyone else, no more searching for that THING that has set my pain a roaring. Living in and with pain for the last two years has been enough. I have allowed the inner child aka my ego control my behavior. I am letting it go. If there is pain I’ll deal with it. But, I suspect it will be completely gone before I know it. I cried myself to sleep and woke with the weight of the world off my shoulders. Today is a great day. I had a bit of pain but I didn’t care. It went away. Tomorrow will be better. I know it. I have learned so much about myself because of this forum. To be alive is good. to be alive and feel well is better. I thank all of you from the bottom of my heart. Signing off. Marsha
Wow Marsha, I've been away from this forum for a long time so I'm not familiar with your story but if I'm interpreting what you're saying correctly, there is a point in dealing with this "syndrome" where we just want to shut off all the self scrutiny and examination and just live. Whatever works for you in how you deal with your pain is the path you should follow - all the best to you whether you ever read this or not.
I'm sorry it's been such a strugle for you, Marsha! To be honest, if I had to struggle that long to be pain free I would have given up myself.... probably long ago. But results for me came in days (in some cases) and weeks or months (in others).
It sounds like you have a very healthy attitude about it. Maybe giving up is just what you need.
Giving up
Posted - 08/01/2009 : 15:29:23
