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Baseball65
USA
734 Posts |
 Posted - 01/05/2005 : 10:12:42
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Hi People.
Just in case I ever get too uppity...I have a NEW stupid thing that's bugging me!!!
a little background: My wife and I have NOT slept in the same room since our second son was born 7 years ago....like Ricky and Lucy.
Our uhhhhh...marital obligations have been fine...we're like boyfriend and girlfriend....we just "go home" when were done.
Sooo...I've been sleepwalking!!!! I keep waking up in the middle of the night in strange places....sitting at my desk,sitting on the toilet(not going to the bathroom)in the kitchen, etc.
I told my wife about it,and she all of a sudden figured out that SHE hasn't slept well since we used to sleep together....so she asked if I'd start sleeping in her room again.
So...Last night,I wake up in her bathroom with BOTH LEGS COMPLETELY ASLEEP AND UNABLE TO WALK!!!.
I thought in my stupor,that something was strangling my feet...like I had forgotten to take my shoes off and they were too tight.I yelled for her to come and take them off..
She came,quite startled,and told me there was nothing on my feet....my legs were just completely numb from the butt down....I tried to stand and immediately almost toppled over.
As I awoke ,I immediately thought of TMS,andinstantly went to work on what might have triggered this attack.Fear of sleeping out of my own bed? Fear of committment? Fear of losing my private space?
Hmmmm...I also thought it was funny that it exactly matched the symptomology of a friend who I've been talking too(Unable to walk,complete numbness...I'm not even original!)
The entire episode was probably 90 seconds,but it was really scary there for a moment.Thank god I hang out here,or I'd be really scared...maybe I need to tie myself down in Bed!!!??
ever changing,always the same,TMS is really lame
confusedly yours,
Baseball65 |
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Albert
USA
210 Posts |
Posted - 01/05/2005 : 11:13:43
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I can't say anything for certain. Perhaps you haven't completely resolved your emotional issues, and your knowledge of TMS won't let you get resolution in the typical TMS ways.
I have a cousin who used to sleep walk when he was a kid. Probably because his dad was real difficult to deal with.
Going by what you wrote, it doesn't sound like you and your wife have had a complete communication about not sleeping together. Try to work together as one mind and figure out what's best. Perhaps what made it necessary for you to sleep separately no longer exists.
For example, right now I wouldn't want to sleep with anybody, because bed time has been a problem for me. About a week or so ago I finally got over a period of about 2 months where I got only 3-4 hours of sleep each night, due to back pain. I still get back pain when I wake up (in one of several locations), but I'm sleeping 5-6 hours per night now, which is almost what I need (about an hour or so short). I woke up at 3:00 this morning with some mild pinching pain in my lower spine area, but said too bad to TMS and went back to sleep. Sort of got off the subject here and wrote about my own problem. Sorry about that. |
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Baseball65
USA
734 Posts |
Posted - 01/05/2005 : 12:05:30
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Hi Albert.
That's NOT off the subject...TMS is TMS no matter who is having it,or how long they've been "cured"
My wife and I DID talk about NOT sleeping together way back when....she had just had our second son,and I
1.read in bed until I fall asleep ,and MAYBE turn the light out if I awaken
2.Eat in bed
3.get up about 3-6 times a night
4.I get up for work at 4-5 AM
It always bothered her,but after the birth of our 2nd,she needed every second of sleep she could get,thus the "separation".
We just got used to it,and presumed it was the way things ought to be.
Here's what I came up with this morning in meditating on it.
1.I see my bed as my one place of respite in the world
2.My father died in the middle of the night,so I am always afraid of falling asleep...bad things happen when I go to sleep
3. I used to be a bed wetter,so I have to get up all those times to make sure I'm OK.
4.Her and I just had a horrendous fight over the Holidays,and part of me is still NOT ok with us working it out...the childish part that wants to act out.
5.Sleeping in her bed precludes me from eating,reading,and is a big break in my "ritual"...I'm a big time ritualistic skinner-box victim.
6.there is something I'm not even close to figuring out.\
7.We just moved to across the country and I don't feel like I'm HOME anywhere anymore.or......
???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
Baseball65 |
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Michele
249 Posts |
Posted - 01/05/2005 : 13:20:48
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I'd like to know who said that married people HAVE to sleep together??? Where's the law that says married people MUST share one bed???
A few years back, my husband and I were having problems and we had a spare bedroom with a spare bed. He started sleeping in the spare bed while we worked things out, and I was finally able to get a good night's sleep. We only had a queen sized bed and a small bedroom. He is a horrible snorer and bed hogger, so I was in a severe state of years of sleep deprivation, while having 2 young children. We worked things out, but he kept sleeping in the other room because he liked the bed.
Fast forward a few years. We remodeled, bigger bedroom, bought a king-size bed, and we're sleeping together again because - according to my husband - we HAVE to, that's what married people do. He also has this annoying habit of sleeping on my side and smothering me. (He's very needy.) Once again, I'm sleep deprived and enraged inside because 1) he snores, 2) he hogs the bed, 3) I can't read in bed because he watches TV before he goes to sleep.
I'm with you BB65 - I WANT MY OWN BED!!! I think it is insane that married couples are expected to sleep together, just because they are married. Sleeping is a very personal thing, and sleeping apart shouldn't indicate a problem in the relationship.
Now if I could just convince my husband . . . |
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Albert
USA
210 Posts |
Posted - 01/05/2005 : 14:25:53
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You're right.
quote:
Originally posted by Michele
I'd like to know who said that married people HAVE to sleep together??? Where's the law that says married people MUST share one bed???
A few years back, my husband and I were having problems and we had a spare bedroom with a spare bed. He started sleeping in the spare bed while we worked things out, and I was finally able to get a good night's sleep. We only had a queen sized bed and a small bedroom. He is a horrible snorer and bed hogger, so I was in a severe state of years of sleep deprivation, while having 2 young children. We worked things out, but he kept sleeping in the other room because he liked the bed.
Fast forward a few years. We remodeled, bigger bedroom, bought a king-size bed, and we're sleeping together again because - according to my husband - we HAVE to, that's what married people do. He also has this annoying habit of sleeping on my side and smothering me. (He's very needy.) Once again, I'm sleep deprived and enraged inside because 1) he snores, 2) he hogs the bed, 3) I can't read in bed because he watches TV before he goes to sleep.
I'm with you BB65 - I WANT MY OWN BED!!! I think it is insane that married couples are expected to sleep together, just because they are married. Sleeping is a very personal thing, and sleeping apart shouldn't indicate a problem in the relationship.
Now if I could just convince my husband . . .
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Kajsa
Denmark
144 Posts |
Posted - 01/06/2005 : 04:54:52
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"I'm with you BB65 - I WANT MY OWN BED!!! I think it is insane that married couples are expected to sleep together, just because they are married. Sleeping is a very personal thing, and sleeping apart shouldn't indicate a problem in the relationship."
Seems like a “human right” to me.
Do not compromise with this!
The little time you have in bed before you go to sleep is SO VALUABLE.
Then you can meditate over life, read etc.
No one can force you to share your bed if you do not want to!
Kajsa
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Baseball65
USA
734 Posts |
Posted - 01/06/2005 : 10:39:09
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Hello.
A little follow up.
When I had made this post,I hadn't seen my wife to ask her what had happened.(she left first thing in the AM)
Interestingly,she said she heard me get up,and that I was gone so long she fell back asleep.She was awoken by me yelling,and that when she came in,I had two Big red welts along each thigh...like I fell asleep with my elbows on my legs and had cut off the circulation!
I tried sleeping with her again,and actually slept fine...no sleepwalking...I actually got up less times than I would have if I had slept in my own bed.
First off,I agree with all of you! We never thought there was any mandate for a husband and wife to share a bed.Every time we've moved,we've ALWAYS taken into consideration the need for an extra bedroom...and it ain't for guests!
My wife just thought SHE might sleep better if I slept with her.She used to complain about all my habits(reading,eating,etc),but I think she slept better when we shared the same bed....I always felt like I was bugging her.
also....she has a totally bitchin' queen sized bed with this really comfortable memory foam top stuff.It's like sleeping in a giant marshmallow.My bed is a little single that isn't broken in yet....I always feel like I'm rolling off the edge!!
We have no feeling of obligation to the arrangement.
In the past,when we've mentioned it to friends,they've always raised their eyebrows.....but than again we have a healthy sex life,and a sense of privacy that a lot of other people probably wish they had.
-out
Baseball65 |
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holly
USA
243 Posts |
Posted - 01/06/2005 : 15:55:15
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About the bed thing....... I found all your posts very interesting on this subject ( I am afraid to say I am starting to love this board!)
I sleep in the same bed with my husband who I love very much. We are not very compatable when it comes to sleep. I am a extremely light sleeper and he also sleeps fairly light. We both wake up too early many times and each one when the other is finally sleeping.We are never in sync with each other. I consider sleep one of lifes biggest luxuries. As hard as it is sometimes I think I would have trouble sleeping without him.  |
Edited by - holly on 01/06/2005 15:57:50 |
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Albert
USA
210 Posts |
Posted - 01/06/2005 : 16:24:20
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I'm hoping to get that luxory back. I'm tired of waking up somewhere between 3:00 and 5:30 with back pain. In recent times I've been looking at my bed as an enemy.
quote:
Originally posted by holly
About the bed thing.. I consider sleep one of lifes biggest luxuries.
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Michele
249 Posts |
Posted - 01/07/2005 : 07:41:02
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I was thinking of this post when I woke up this morning. Hubby was in the middle of the king size bed, facing me, and snoring away!! 
It's funny, because when we were shopping for beds a few years ago, his MOTHER said we should get twin beds. Her reasoning was that as we get older, we don't want to share bed space as much. I remember wanting to shout with joy that she was so sensible, but my husband wouldn't have it.
At this point, because we're in counseling, I don't think the suggestion of separate beds would go over very well! But I'm thinking about it . . . |
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Albert
USA
210 Posts |
Posted - 01/07/2005 : 10:13:00
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After 49 years of marriage, my parents are getting to the point where it is harder to share a bed.
quote:
Originally posted by Michele
I was thinking of this post when I woke up this morning. Hubby was in the middle of the king size bed, facing me, and snoring away!!
It's funny, because when we were shopping for beds a few years ago, his MOTHER said we should get twin beds. Her reasoning was that as we get older, we don't want to share bed space as much. I remember wanting to shout with joy that she was so sensible, but my husband wouldn't have it.
At this point, because we're in counseling, I don't think the suggestion of separate beds would go over very well! But I'm thinking about it . . .
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Stryder
686 Posts |
Posted - 01/08/2005 : 00:16:59
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| If you have a snoring, snorting spousal unit, try the soft foam earplugs. They also work great if your partner gets up earlier in the morning than you to do and is not very quiet when moving about the house. -Stryder |
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mala
Hong Kong
774 Posts |
Posted - 01/08/2005 : 02:51:55
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I adore my husband and we are best friends. He has been awfully supportive through this whole back pain business but he is a big man (weighs 230 pounds) and when he tosses and turns in bed, the whole bed shakes. He is particularly restless after he's played tennis in the evening which he does often. We have 2 single beds with seperate mattresses joined together and it is a whole lot better.
Good Luck & Good Health
Mala |
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Just in case I get too uppity.....
