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holly
USA
243 Posts |
 Posted - 01/03/2005 : 12:48:18
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I need advice. I was driving around today so happy that as of the new year I am only a consultant now and not 25% partner anymore of a business I sold in August. I wanted out desperatly 100% but somehow I got roped into keeping a small portion of it. (BIG MISTAKE!)(BIGGER RAGE). We are just about finalized with all the detials when I find out from my husband that my ex-partners father is in the hospital with some kind of infection in his head. I REALLY don't want anything at all to do with this business anymore! I was just saying to myself before I got the phone call from my husband about this that it is such a huge relief to be out!! On one hand the "goodist" part of me is saying you should email him and offer the old "if I can be of any help" line. The other part would be totally freaked out if he took me up on my offer. I can't have ANYTHING more to do with this business that I hate. Do I say nothing? I need some advice fast!  |
Edited by - holly on 01/03/2005 12:58:52 |
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Ginag
51 Posts |
Posted - 01/03/2005 : 12:57:10
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Holly, You MUST do what is best for your well-being. The business should no longer be your priority. When it comes to your health and peace of mind, indulge yourself for a change. It may sound selfish, but the reality is if this business suddenly became "all the rage" and started making a tremendous amount of money, who would benefit?
Life is too short to waste a single day being miserable due to actions or inactions of our own doing. You must start treating yourself as No. 1.
Gina |
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holly
USA
243 Posts |
Posted - 01/03/2005 : 13:57:46
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Ginag, Do you suggest I just say "I am sorry to hear about your father, I hope he gets better soon"?
You know two years ago my mother got a cerebral bleed in her brain during my most buzy time of year when I owned this business. I had to continue selling advertising and running the business on my own while waiting for her to pass away. I also was responsible for having to make the decision of whether she should be let to live paralyzed down her whole left side or die. It took four long agonizing weeks till she finally died. My point is I still took care of the business without anyones help. So I guess I am looking for someone to tell me like you did that I should worry only about myself for once.  |
Edited by - holly on 01/03/2005 14:01:03 |
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holly
USA
243 Posts |
Posted - 01/03/2005 : 15:59:36
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OOOY! Feeling guilty about my whole post!  How do you stop this kind of guilt?? |
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n/a
374 Posts |
Posted - 01/03/2005 : 16:41:38
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I totally agree with Ginag. It's not selfish to put yourself first in a situation like the one you find yourself in, Holly. Your choices are to look after yourself in the way you have begun - by getting out of a business that was not right for you and by using TMS know-how to make strides in dealing with health issues; or you can risk being pulled back into that business and all the problems and unhappiness that that entails.
If you decide to offer to help with the business now, you know yourself that you might go back to square one - it's not an option realistically, is it?
When you ask if you should just say that you are sorry about your ex-partner's father - yes, you should send a message that lets him know that you are thinking about them and leave it at that.
Two years is no time at all to get over the traumatic death of your mother. Have you had time to let yourself grieve for her? It sounds to me as though you deserve a good going complete rest.
Give yourself permission to put yourself first - you know it makes sense.
If the goodist in you needs a reason - it's not only you who will benefit, the people close to you will benefit also from a relaxed, rested you.
Best wishes
from Anne (a reformed goodist) |
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menvert
Australia
133 Posts |
Posted - 01/04/2005 : 05:11:53
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My advice... don't go back to that work. No more really needs to be said it's obviously, what you want to and need to do.
But I don't like short posts so....
let me say, my goodism is what kept me in a job with painful RSI TMS for almost two years . the whole time in pain.
WHY did I stay in the job, because I thought I would be letting down my team(who cares about my own welfare, when other people might have a difficult time without me) had I quitted with my initial RSI I may have gotten over it quite rapidly, as it was the longer I stayed in my job - the more areas of pain, I received... my other arm, my throat, my knee ... etc.
When I did finally leave, despite telling my work to contact me if need be, they did not contact me... although it may have been difficult, they managed.
so yes , people will manage without you, and it's important to put yourself first(especially us TMS personality types). |
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Albert
USA
210 Posts |
Posted - 01/04/2005 : 09:57:58
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Man those people are childish and narcissistic expecting you to work in a business, even though you don't want to. They have too much of a "me, me" attitude.
Seriously-if they can worry about themselves, then why can't you worry about yourself? I don't know all of the circumstances, but perhaps they should employ somebody. Lots of businesses higher employees to do work. |
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Ginag
51 Posts |
Posted - 01/04/2005 : 11:41:49
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| Holly, In response to your last post, JUST DO IT!!! If it makes it any easier for you, send a note expressing your concern for her father and that you wish for his speedy recovery. That's it. Don't think any more about it - don't agonize over it - don't put it off. Just do it. Do someithing good FOR YOU!!! Guilt in this situation is akin to closing your hand in a door. It serves no beneficial purpose for you - only harm. Stop being your own worst enemy. There's nothing wrong with loving yourself and doing what's best for YOU. As you see from other posts, this is everyone's advice. Take it. Ginag |
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tennis tom
USA
4749 Posts |
Posted - 01/04/2005 : 11:58:01
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Holly,
You are working yourself up speculating on something that has not yet occurred. You are making videos in your mind of negative scenarios. I would imagine it would contribute more to your TMS resorvoir of rage than if you were in the real situation.
No one has called you yet. If they do there is a word that you can say if asked to help out - NO. I hear it everyday. We TMS "goodists" have difficulty with this word because of our life's programmiing. We feel pressured, put on the spot, to say YES when we don't really want to. We think we will be unpopular. Practice saying NO until it comes easily and naturally. That's what most of the real world is about - NO! Saying YES when you don't mean it is called being a sucker, a sap. There is no satisfaction to be gained by saying YES when your heart doesn't mean it. It's a TMS dead-end, it just fuels your rage.
Realize you are making negative videos in your mind about events that have not even unfolded. Practice saying the word NO. Keep it on the tip of your tongue it will help you ward off a lot of TMS rage. |
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holly
USA
243 Posts |
Posted - 01/04/2005 : 12:45:15
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Thank you all for your help! You all straightened my "guilt" out for good!
T.T you hit it right on the head ( that it didn't happen yet) That is what I am working on in therapy. But I am at least prepared to say "NO" if it comes up. I am practicing the word........NO NO NO  |
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overcoming "goodism"
