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fibri
Belgium
56 Posts |
 Posted - 05/17/2009 : 11:11:57
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My chronic back pain was replaced by acute sciatica a few days ago when I first discovered, started reading about and diagnosed myself with TMS.
I just realised that while my TMS/brain tried to be clever by hitting me with acute sciatica as if to "prove" I really had a physical problem, in fact it proved for me without a doubt that I don't. Why else would my back pain instantly improve and a sciatic pain just appear literally out of nowhere, with no physical activity or injury to account for it?
At least I can be certain the sciatic pain is TMS. Pity it's so appallingly painful nonetheless. Aaaaarrrrghhhhh. Oh well, at least it disappears for a few moments every now and then, which is a welcome if momentary relief. But then the muscle near the top of my buttock goes into a sort of spasm (twitching) for several minutes at a time. It's unpleasant but it proves to me that there is something intense happening and I am staying confident that this is all GOOD.
I've been doing some journaling today and although I hate doing it and it brings up a lot of old sad feelings I'd rather not be feeling, I am so HAPPY that I have found this path to recovery. The idea that in just weeks or months I may have liberated myself from all this, after 32 years of one condition after the other, makes me want to shout from the rooftops! |
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scd1833
USA
124 Posts |
Posted - 05/19/2009 : 09:44:57
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| good work, you're on your way |
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crk
124 Posts |
Posted - 05/19/2009 : 10:06:33
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| That's exactly right!! Once it starts moving around you know you're almost there! Go ahead and tell it so. "Busted!" |
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fibri
Belgium
56 Posts |
Posted - 05/20/2009 : 07:42:23
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It's been a week now and my sciatica is as bad as ever. I've taken sleeping pills 2 nights in a row to sleep - that's usually what I would take in 6 months, not in 2 nights!
I'm finding it harder and harder to accept this pain as each day comes and it has not abated. I bought Monty Hueftle's book and I think it's great, but my redirected thoughts seems to be having no impact.
I know Monty says that at this stage I should throw away all crutches, including this forum, but I like this place :-)
I feel sick with the amount of painkillers I've taken. They don't work, and I keep telling myself that I won't take them, then in a weak moment when the pain is getting to me I take some more.
I'm feeling it was a bit arrogant of me to be so dismissive of my brain. It's doing a pretty good job with this TMS right now. |
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My brain ain't so smart after all
