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garystil
Australia
42 Posts |
 Posted - 04/24/2009 : 23:09:38
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I know a 70 year old lady who began suffering food intolerances at the age of 43. She became very ill, lost considerable weight and lived on a diet of potatoes for 2 years.
Doctors were puzzled by her intolerances so she was forced to become her own doctor. She evidently took 10 years to work out which foods were ok and which ones weren’t. She still has numerous setbacks.
When I discussed my own food intolerance problem with her a few months ago, I came to the conclusion that my situation was even worse. But that has changed dramatically since applying TMS.
My dilemma:
I am a compassionate person and I like helping people, but at the age of 70, if she recovered like I did, could the simplicity of a TMS solution make her unhappy for having to suffer needlessly for 27 years?
Further, she claims she’s gluten free, yet proudly tells me that for years she has enjoyed a gluten free bread made from wheat flour! Do I enlighten her that that is impossible and risk comprising her faith?
My feeling on both points is to say nothing, but I am interested in the thoughts and arguments of others.
What is the right thing to do?
Gary
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LuvtoSew
USA
327 Posts |
Posted - 04/24/2009 : 23:20:42
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| Me- I would say nothing also, it she was alot younger I would suggest Sarno to her, but not now. |
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HilaryN
United Kingdom
879 Posts |
Posted - 04/25/2009 : 07:22:59
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I disagree. Don't be age-ist!
If she's 70 she's got 30 years of life ahead. That'll outweigh the 27 years behind her. Surely even 27 years of not enjoying + 10 years of enjoying food has to outweigh 37+ years of not enjoying food! (Not to mention health.)
Of course, there's no guarantee that she'll accept what you say even if you do tell her, but far better to let her have the choice than for you to decide for her.
Hilary N |
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Hilary
United Kingdom
191 Posts |
Posted - 04/27/2009 : 09:25:24
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Interesting that you're worried about her response even before talking to her. It is a very TMS-personality characteristic to take on the responsibility for someone else's unhappiness.
I don't think we should ever be in charge of deciding whether or not someone is "too old" to learn something new.
I'm 41 and I've suffered random symptoms for over 20 years. Many other people on this board have probably had TMS for years. I would hate someone to "protect" me from this kind of knowledge because they imagined I would suffer from it. Because at the end of the day, who are you really protecting?
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Hilary
United Kingdom
191 Posts |
Posted - 04/27/2009 : 09:29:07
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| Oops |
Edited by - Hilary on 04/27/2009 09:31:21 |
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garystil
Australia
42 Posts |
Posted - 05/10/2009 : 07:52:50
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I've spoken to a few people now about TMS, but they very quickly change the subject.
I'm quite certain that the 70yo will think I'm crazy. I could end up doing more harm than good.
I've chose not to say anything. Nor will I push or persist with others in the outside world who just don't want to know.
Thanks for the feedback guys.
Gary |
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crk
124 Posts |
Posted - 05/10/2009 : 17:09:41
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Hi Gary,
You know how Sarno emphasizes the susceptibility to TMS among people who have "goodism," always helping and wanting to take care of others? I have found that my wanting to spread the word plays into that part of my personality. If I have evidence to think someone is suffering from TMS, and if I have an opportunity to suggest it, I vow to say something only once and then never again, no matter how many times after that they complain about their pain to me. That's what I do. Hope it helps.
:) CRK
p.s. regarding diet - I believe the best human diet is the Paleo Diet, but I run into the same incredulity about that. |
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HilaryN
United Kingdom
879 Posts |
Posted - 05/11/2009 : 05:03:22
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I don't blame you for not wanting people to think you're crazy. I sometimes don't tell people if I think they'll think I'm crazy. I usually only tell people if they're desperate and can't get a medical diagnosis / cure. I'll often say "this may sound weird.... but it worked for me".
There's other ideas for promoting TMS Awareness here on the wiki, including a couple of sample letters to doctors:
http://tmswiki.wetpaint.com/page/Ideas+for+Promoting+TMS+Awareness
Hilary N |
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alexis
USA
596 Posts |
Posted - 05/11/2009 : 05:18:19
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I agree with the present once and then drop approach. I'm afraid I don't agree that a 70 yr is likely to have 30 years ahead of them. There's a 50% chance that early signs of dementia are measurable by 75. And that's just what we call dementia...slowness in learning is universally measurable by 50. Heck, slowness in language learning appears after age 8. OK, call it agism if you want, but if you've lived through various family dementias like I have you know the stats all to well.
And in the US 50% at age 75 is for caucasians...we see this vary greatly, and tragically, by race, weight and other demographics. Learning and change are greatly impacted by age. Certainly denial of this may sometimes be good...evidence suggests it may well be the core root of happiness. And that it prevents unjustified (or illegal and undesirable) agism.
But in dealing with others I'd try accepting personality rarely changes after 30, almost never after 40 and learning is ever harder. For yourself on the other hand, deny away...the realities of aging may well be too much for most people. Just be careful you aren't trying to force a new personality on yourself which will bring on TMS faster than anything.
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marsha
252 Posts |
Posted - 05/11/2009 : 11:44:41
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I hope you all make it to 70 and remember this thread of course if you are able and don't have dementia. See how you feel about your lives and the quality you are experiencing. The people I know that are in their late 60s and 70s even some in their 80s have great lives. They can manage to live productive lives contributing to society while experiencing happiness. Wouldn't it be nice, if you found someone who was suffering unnecessarily no matter how old they were, to advise them about TMS and then let them decide what to do.
I think your moral dilemma is you think anyone over 60 is already dead.
Marsha
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flutterby
United Kingdom
79 Posts |
Posted - 05/11/2009 : 12:47:53
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Alexis - I find your post just a little bit depressing!
I will be 66 next month and for the past five years I've been on one of the steepest learning curves of my whole life! First I learnt how to build a website and how to get my art exhibited. Then I spent two years learning how to teach reading to strugglers in a completelydifferent way from how I had always previously taught and most recently I have started to learn how to design greetings cards for publication. And now I am busy learning all about TMS!
I love learning new things so maybe I'd better hurry up and learn everything there is to know with the spectre of a closed mind looming! 
Mind you, I do know people younger than myself who are very hostile to new ideas so maybe personality (I'm extremely curious!) and circumstances (I need to learn things in order to supplement my income) come into it? |
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alexis
USA
596 Posts |
Posted - 05/11/2009 : 20:17:51
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quote:
Originally posted by flutterby
Alexis - I find your post just a little bit depressing!
I find it depressing too -- but I've had a family member fine at 66, showing notable incapacitation at 68, unable to live alone by 70. I won't go on, I have stats that could scare the hell out of most people, but there are also stories that are much more hopeful. What I do think is that if only for a very brief moment people need to view the possible realities and get their lives in order: fill out the living wills, the chain of power of attorney. Make realistic plans for where and how you'll live if the worst happens.
Don't get me wrong...I've known friends and family who did great in their 90s. But in most communities this is not the norm, and the odds of dementia are greater for anyone reading this than they were for their parents...due either to increased lifespan of increasing obesity rates.
If only for the briefest moment people need to look at the possible futures realistically, and make the plans for the worst case scenario. No, I wouldn't normally make such statements here on this board where people are generally scared. But the pain not planning can cause a family I've seen far too often. And I know I'm not the only one here whose TMS was worsened by family who didn't plan. I wouldn't wish that on anyone. |
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marsha
252 Posts |
Posted - 05/11/2009 : 21:45:56
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Alexis,
I have no idea where you live and what community you are talking about.
I live on Long Island and I am 65 years old. I taught art for 30 years . Now I have the time to really get involved in my art and have been very successful in selling my work. I have no plans on packing it in.
Most of my friends are in the same age range. We are all active intelligent people.
Stonybrook University has given space on the campus to a school for retired people. The classes are attended by people that are in their 50’s through their 80’s and some may even be in their 90’s. Retired people teach the classes as well. The school is attended by over 700 people. There is such a great demand in the area for more places for “older” people to continue learning, participating and contributing to life.
Dr. Sarno is in his 80’s and I think he is pretty alert.
My father was 84 when he died and he was really smart, alert and funny. My mother was 90 and she was always crazy.
Your attitude toward getting older is a bit frightening to me. Sure being 65 is really a shock to me. I find it difficult to believe that I have lived this long, but I am delighted to be here. My husband is 73. He continues to work, plays in an over 70 soft ball league, goes to the gym every day and is really good looking. We travel all over the world, have a drink or two with dinner and even have sex. I plan on living much longer. Life is good.
Life is a journey with lots of highs and lows. There are no guarantees about love, health, happiness and longevity. There are no guarantees about anything. We only can do the best we can with an optimistic outlook. Your vision of the future seems bleak to me.
Cheer up. Make your plan just in case. .But lighten up and enjoy yourself.
Try to live in the moment.
Marsha
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pandamonium
United Kingdom
202 Posts |
Posted - 05/12/2009 : 02:26:20
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Alexis, I'll be 42 in 2 weeks time and I don't agree with your comment "personality rarely changes after 30, almost never after 40 "
It will change if you want it to change; there are many of us on this board aged 30+ and we are all changing our personalities in some ways, and many of us are pain free and planning on staying that way.
"Just be careful you aren't trying to force a new personality on yourself which will bring on TMS faster than anything." This comment is so unhelpful, I cannot understand why you would say it.
In the light of the recent discussions on here prompted by Webdan about reprogramming your subconscious, if I were you I'd be very careful about the things you seem to focus on.
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A beginner's guide to psychology: If it's not your mum's fault.... it's your dad's... |
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Hilary
United Kingdom
191 Posts |
Posted - 05/12/2009 : 04:40:26
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Alexis,
Wow - I am quite struck by how discouraging your viewpoint is, especially on a board for people who are above all seeking some kind of change in their lives.
A while ago I did a fantastic course on creating your own reality. I experimented with a number of different realities which directly countered the "reality prison" I'd built for myself ("I'm too old to do xyz", "people are scary", etc etc), including "I'm exactly the right age to do whatever I want to do" and "everyone else is friendly and wants to talk to me". It was a dramatic lesson in how much the world changes when you change your opinion of it.
I would suggest that the ability to change has little to do with chronological age and much more to do with an individual's ability to be open, curious and, above all, flexible. As I get older I have more and more respect for people older than me who have created dynamic, fulfilling lives.
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alexis
USA
596 Posts |
Posted - 05/12/2009 : 05:37:09
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| I won't comment on this again, because I do believe that creating your own reality is good for your own psyche. If you are capable of believing in selective evidence over research and statistics, I honestly believe it can be a life benefiting skill, and I'm not out to steal that. |
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garystil
Australia
42 Posts |
Posted - 05/25/2009 : 17:53:28
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Well, I made contact with the food intolerant lady.
Before I could get a word in, she began telling me about some recent events.
Evidently some of her grandchildren have been reacting to some foods and she's been telling them to have themselves tested for allergies.
But the kids' mother resents the grandmother's interference and feels that she is undermining the kids confidence in their health.
She said that her family thinks she is a bit psycho and when she said "THEY don't understand what WE are going through..." I made my decision to keep my mouth shut.
My apologies to those who think I have done the wrong thing.
And amongst others, good wishes to Alexis.
Gary
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alexis
USA
596 Posts |
Posted - 05/25/2009 : 19:53:03
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| I'm very glad those kids have a strong mother looking out for them. I think you've tried...some battles are just too much to win. Hopefully we'll each have a real chance to meaningfully share what we've learned through this experience. |
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Webdan65
USA
182 Posts |
Posted - 05/25/2009 : 22:08:07
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Wow, there seems to be a battle of horrible statistics versus self choice and creating your own reality going on here.
I'm definitely on the side of "what you sow, so shall you reap."
Dementia is NOT increasing due to us living longer - but due to the lack of healthy diets and nutrition. We have more obesity, and eat more calories with less nutrients than ever before. The prevalence of processed (un-natural food) is greater than ever before in history. Calorie and chemical rich and nutrient deficient foods causes brain problems. Not aging and statistics. UGH...
I'll suggest an amazing book that will totally open your eyes to dementia and the fact that it IS NOT inevitable.
Read this book by Dr. Mark Hyman - The UltraMind Solution.
Whether you have a problem with YOUR brain or not, it will teach you more about maintaining or restoring health than any other book that I've come across. And if you have a parent, friend or child with any type of brain disorder - it is a MUST READ. (Alzheimer's, autism, ADHD, Depression, dementia, etc.) I bought it since I have a nephew with autism. The book has totally changed my perception of how to lead a healthy life.
The basic premise is that we don't have ADHD because of a riddilin deficiency. We don't have depression due to a prozak deficiency. It's because our body chemistry is off. A sick body makes the brain sick too. And DRUGS are NOT the answer. Drugs are the band aid applied to the symptom - and do not address the cause.
Sound familiar? Seems we have lots of that in the treatment of pain too.
Dr. Hyman explains that the 7 areas of wellness include:
1. Optimize nutrition (whole foods - supplementation)
2. Balance your hormones
3. Cool off inflammation (allergic)
4. Fix your Digestion
5. Enhance your Detoxification
6. Boost Energy Metabolism
7. Calm your mind. (eliminate stress)
By addressing each of these areas, Dr. Hyman has pulled people out of autism, ADHD, depression, altzheimers and more.
It's REALLY amazing stuff - and it is a real education in how our bodies work. If the body isn't taken care of - it is VERY easy for the brain to get "sick" or "broken". This is groundbreaking medicine.
Unfortunately this is another case (like Sarno and TMS) where mainstream medicine is too busy handing out pills like a corner drug dealer to pay attention to a doctor that's figured out some critical and life changing stuff.
Read the book before you decide dementia and altzheimer statistics determine our fate in life. We have A LOT more control than people are willing to assume for themselves.
And planning financially for an old age home may be prudent for lots of reasons, but it's quitting the fight before ever getting in the ring.
Seriously - a great read.
As for the topic of the original post - I think you should offer up the explanation of TMS and give your friend or family member enough information to begin evaluating it for themselves.
I've told my own mother about this for years without being obnoxious. FINALLY - years later - something clicked and she started connecting her stress levels to an increase in muscular pain (fibro kind of stuff although she doesn't have that formal diagnosis). She has finally opened up enough to read the books and watch the VHS tape of Healing Back Pain.
Don't give up on your family so easily. You never know when their mental switch will click in to the point where they are open to considering TMS and the hope it has brought all of us.
Dan |
Edited by - Webdan65 on 05/26/2009 19:05:33 |
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A moral dilemma
