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marsha
252 Posts |
 Posted - 03/15/2009 : 10:43:33
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Scott,
I can only speak for myself…and thank you for making me think. .I do this because early on I learned I wasn’t quite good enough.
My mother had borderline personality disorder and my father was a weak person unable to protect me from her. He had problems of his own from a very tragic childhood. They both relied on me to make the decisions for the family from the time I was a small child. I was always as good as the last thing I did and that was never right (good enough).
The only time I ever got positive attention was when I didn’t feel well. When things got to be too much for me I got sick. Uh oh, a pattern of behavior established early in life.. Be perfect and if you are not be sick.
Today is the first time I made the connection.
Thanks Scott.
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positivevibes
204 Posts |
Posted - 03/15/2009 : 13:54:17
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Marsha,
I think that I have a similar type of issue. I also had to be a "perfect" child and the only time I really got a break was when I was sick. I'm trying to figure out how it translates into my adult life. The only thing I can figure out is: I have so much responsibility as a parent and often feel overwhelmed by things I need to do. But if I get sick or hurt, "all bets are off" and I can give myself permission to let things slide, or say to my family "do it yourself because I can't do it for you." I'm sure I'll be exploring this with my therapist! |
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scottjmurray
266 Posts |
Posted - 03/15/2009 : 18:00:19
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Yeah. That whole "not good enough" thing. I don't get it. People think things aren't good enough and it just kills them inside. Not only them, but everyone around them and everyone they interact with. It's an illusion.
Glad I could help, Marsha.
~*~
author of tms-recovery . com |
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marsha
252 Posts |
Posted - 03/15/2009 : 20:46:20
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A powerful illusion that controls the decisions you make and how you feel about yourself( without you even knowing). Until one day you realize ..and maybe a new beginning.
Marsha |
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simplyfree
20 Posts |
Posted - 03/15/2009 : 23:49:24
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[quote]Originally posted by positivevibes
Marsha,
I also had to be a "perfect" child and the only time I really got a break was when I was sick.
What types of illnesses did you have as a child? Were you sick alot? Reading your experiences makes me rethink my own childhood (actually my life). I thought I had figured out why I was sick all the time but this put a new spin on that. I had to be the 'good child' in my family because my sister was so bad, from the time we were very young. I knew I couldn't cause the problems she did or hurt my parents like she did. But I never connected that to my being sick. I was treated for tonsilitis and ear infections all the time and I now know it was from allergies. And allergies are known TMS symptoms. I had thought the reason I had CFS was because of the abuse of antibiotics I took most of my life. Now I'm beginning to think there's more to it than that.
Thank you (all of you) for your insights. |
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scottjmurray
266 Posts |
Posted - 03/16/2009 : 23:33:07
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By the way, I'm sorry things were so rough for you as a kid Marsha. No one deserves to go through that kind of thing. I don't think that most people realize that even the subtlest emotional abuse (what some people would even call "good parenting") is incredibly damaging to the child. I'm a case study there.
~*~
author of tms-recovery . com |
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Thanks Scottjmurray
