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iyusaf
USA
57 Posts |
 Posted - 03/06/2009 : 09:59:04
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I am having a really bad morning. I woke up with terrible pain (sciatica) and did some deep feeling work. I could hardly stand on my own two feet while taking a shower. Almost decided to go to the emergency room. Decided to pop two Tylenols and rest on my back for a bit. Then I muscled through getting dressed and made my way to the office. I cried in front of my kids. Needed to share this with someone.
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Bobbypols
Canada
46 Posts |
Posted - 03/06/2009 : 10:03:26
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| Stay strong. Things will get better. Accept the moment as though you choose it, and then move on. Also think about all the positive times and successes you have had against fighting tms! |
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marsha
252 Posts |
Posted - 03/06/2009 : 10:25:53
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Sometimes when pain appears it is impossible to get our minds off of it. Then of course the pain gets worse. I think this kind of mind process is typical for TMS sufferers.
I have noticed on this forum that we give our pain medical names ie. Carpel tunnel syndrome, sciatica, tennis elbow, we say I have a bad back and on and on. Maybe if we say that our TMS is causing us discomfort (really bad pain) we will be able to focus on the real cause.
Sometimes our pain is at its worse before it gets better. It will get better, but for some this process takes some time.
Keep reading the success stories.
Hoping to hear that tomorrow is a better day.
Marsha
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mizlorinj
USA
490 Posts |
Posted - 03/06/2009 : 10:56:33
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Happy to see you did some deep feeling work. My dad is currently reading MBP and doing some deep work too as he's in sore straits with so-called stenosis and leg pains. He said he feels worse sometimes immediately when he uncovers something (emotional), but then feels better after writing.
You reminded of when the ER doc told me I had "classic sciatica" as I was in agony and couldn't sit. He was wrong!  And Marsha makes a good point about labels--I prefer "that darn TMS is acting up!"
Best wishes. Hang in there. As you process feelings, the pain does lessen.
-Lori |
Edited by - mizlorinj on 03/06/2009 10:57:43 |
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iyusaf
USA
57 Posts |
Posted - 03/06/2009 : 12:41:28
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Thank you Bobbypols, marsha, and mizlorinj. Your words have been incredibly helpful.
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Bobbypols
Canada
46 Posts |
Posted - 03/06/2009 : 14:09:13
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Hey, no problem.
Listen iyusaf, you dont have feel like you "go it alone". Remember that everyone here has pain at one time or another, in the past or present, more or less severe then you, and that many of them have found permanent relief. But most importantly I feel you shouldnt trade this position for that - ie. "if only i was better", or "what i would give to be painfree". Just remember that every moment is precious - pain or no pain and live with a healthy mind set of the present. That is a huge component in my recovery (still recovering after 6 months), and it also helps to realise that yes we have bad days, but we also have good and great days and as the good and great days out number the bad ones you realise you are on your way. Personally, I would rather have pain and this awareness of the present, then live pain-free and with the psychologically polluted personality traits of the past.
P.S. - ive cried infront of people as well regarding back pain, i have taken back pain medication, done the thinking about the past work, and aslong as i was doing it out of obligation or feeling like i "put my time in", it was ineffective. It was only until I read the "power of now" by eckhart tolle, that basically taught me to live in the now as much as possible that i learned the process is infinitely more important than the outcome (we all end up in the same place anyways). So what does this mean? If you going to go to work, do it your fullest, if you decide to stay home do it your fullest with no regrets on not making it into work. If you journal, journal your fullest, not with the expectation that it will relieve pain but with the enjoyment and serenity of doing. Lastly, if you decide to sit on the couch and be lazy, gosh darnit do that to the fullest as well!!!
Sorry for the rant, Iyusaf - im rooting for you! |
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tpunk
USA
22 Posts |
Posted - 03/06/2009 : 21:44:23
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iyusaf...I'm sorry you are having such a crappy day! We have all been there and hopefully by the time you read this things will be much better for you! As far as crying...I'm not a big cryer myself but when I do, wow I feel so much better and I think it's a great release! As far as crying in front of your kids...it's no big deal! They now know you are human and it really is okay to cry. Let us know how you are doing.
Take care,
Floss |
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Peg
USA
284 Posts |
Posted - 03/07/2009 : 05:50:51
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That does sound like a tough morning. Sorry to hear it. Hope you are feeling better today.
Did your pain get better as the day went along? Did you feel any better after crying?
When you say you did deep feeling work what did you do? I find that just thinking about them is not as helpful as writing about them.
I agree with tpunk, it's okay to let your family know that you are human. It makes us more real and gives them permission to be real as well.
Your story reminded me of an experience I had a few years ago.I don't know if it will be of any help to you and I apologize for it's length.
I had been better due to Dr. Sarno's information, but we were having renovations done on our house and things were getting really stressful.
I had been out straight, making sure we had all the supplies at the house for the builder to reno the bathroom while we went away for the week (we only have one bathroom, so we thought it would make sense to vacate temp). My hubby was supposed to pick up the last of the floor tiles, but hadn't. I was trying to get things ready to go and he asked if I would pick up the tiles. Meanwhile, it had been like pulling teeth to get him to met me at the home improvement store to pick out the BR products.
Well, I got pretty angry but didn't say anything right away. I was moving something heavy on a storage shelf when I felt a sharp excruciating pain in my mid back (not my usual spot). I wondered if I had injured myself, but then I quickly turned my thoughts to TMS. I was angry and I knew it, but it was hard to believe that I needed pain this severe to distract me.
I took a few deep breaths and slowly went to talk to my husband. I said, "want to hear a funny TMS story?" I told him that my back had begun to hurt quite badly. I also told him, NO, I would not be going back AGAIN to Lowes to get the tiles and that I was angry, and resented the fact that he hadn't done what I needed him to do. I acknowledged that we were both pretty stressed and that hopefully the week away would help.
The pain didn't go away totally like I had hoped, but it eased gradually as the day went on. Unfortunately, the next day just before we left, my son was not cooperating by getting packed because he was unhappy about not being able to bring a friend. I wanted to get out of that house and start our vacation and my husband was beginning to demo the bathroom to help the builder out (yes, he's a goodist too). I picked up an EMPTY cooler and turned to speak to my son and WHAM, the pain happened again.
Now, I actually wondered if I would end up in an ER,having them do tests and telling me how bad my spine looked. Of course it looks that way, I was 50! But by this time, I had some experience with the symptom imperative (minor) for years and knew that I was stressed and angry. I decided that even if I had a disc injury, it would heal with conservative approach. I decided, more likley it was a doozy of a TMS episode.
We left for the Cape while I was in quite a bit of pain. When we were away, I read part of TDM and journaled about how I was feeling. I tried to relax. The pain eased gradually as long as I didn't freak out about it and start worrying. I also tried not to beat myself up because this had happened. I tried to listen to my body and heart. My husband had a long talk and that brought the stress level down quite a bit.
Oh, yes and guess what else? At the same time my stressed out husband was having pretty severe GERD, which didn't ease up until after our long talk!
My back pain eased enough that I enjoyed the week away and I think it was gone after a week. I'm not sure since, I stopped paying much attention to it.
The ending of the story is funny, because when we got home the bathroom wasn't even close to done and we had no toilet! We had to stay with family for a couple of days but had to return because of the workweek ahead. My husband built an outhouse in the yard. It was pretty fancy, staging, tarps, a plywood floor and our old toilet seat nailed to a plywood platform. We showered at a friends pool cabana.
We were upset, but it didn't trigger any more TMS. We spoke to the builder about out displeasure (not easy for us since we're both goodists and our builder is really a great guy) and he made things right in a way that we were satisfied. Plus we have a funny story to tell about our renovation.
Take care,
Peg
In questions of science, the authority of a thousand is not worth the humble reasoning of a single individual. Galileo Galilei |
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iyusaf
USA
57 Posts |
Posted - 04/08/2009 : 11:17:12
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Here is the update:
I am back to "normal" now, meaning pain free. Sadly, the situation got significantly worse before getting better. Every flare-up is unique in my experience but a few things happened around this flare-up in particular which were a real challenge.
I landed in the ER the next day and took narcotic pain killers for a few days after that. The drugs allowed me to take a break from everything. Looking back, lack of rest was one of the most significant contributors to the intensity of symptoms. I was exhausted from various life pressures including severe jetlag from overseas travel. TMS pain fed off the exhaustion in a vicious cycle so doing the TMS work proved to be very difficult.
I returned to the core TMS work once I regained my strength and experienced a shift in pain from Sciatica to much milder lower back pain to simply residual soreness.
There are a few other details concerning a lingering doubt about TMS and the deep feeling work I was doing that I had to work through. PM me if you are interested and I can go into more detail. Thanks everyone for your kind words and support.
Be well.
-iy |
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Bad Morning
