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Northerner
62 Posts |
 Posted - 01/27/2009 : 09:08:42
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A start.
After two months of writing into journals, I think I have finally gotten somewhere.
Simple plan – combination of psychotherapy and some comments from a doctor familiar with TMS.
Yesterday morning, I met with my psychologist, and we went through a couple of items that I’d brought up in my journaling.
That afternoon, I received an email from a doctor familiar with TMS, who will remain nameless, in response to a letter I sent him a week before, asking for an appointment. I wrote a 5-page medical history of my possible TMS symptoms, including the word-for-word transcription of my MRI. He said that although he cannot diagnose by email (of course), that he is sure I have TMS – my symptoms are classic. He recommended that I work on the traditional book-reading, journaling TMS treatment approach myself for a month, and if I don’t get results, that I contact him then for an appointment.
My journaling and psychotherapy opened up some breakthrough issues that I discussed with my therapist yesterday.
I turn 50 tomorrow, and the economy is making me question my financial stability (I’m self-employed and had to borrow money last year to cover the bills, and like everyone else, have lost 1/3 of my pension plan). I went to a name-brand college, and my friends have become Governors, Wall Street tycoons who were able to retire at 39, Olympic Gold medalists, NFL team presidents, etc., etc., ad nauseum. So one of the bricks crashing into my mind is that I’m 50, and what do I have to show for it? I’m not famous, haven’t achieved the great things I wanted to and was supposed to achieve, and I’m wondering how I’m going to pay my bills this year.
Another thing that came up was my life insurance physical, which rated me at standard instead of preferred, to my and the agent’s surprise, in part because they didn’t like the results of the MRI talking about degenerative issues in the spine and the problems I’ve had from this in the past year. This shocked me, and I disagree with the insurance company about the condition of my health. They’re saying that my chance of dying in the next 15 years is something like 1 in 30. I’m physically active despite the TMS irritating-but-not-disabling symptoms, and am able to do some extreme sports. But it’s also reminding me of my mortality. I’m not 25 any more. Am I going to go downhill from here, not be able to do the physical things I once did, and have to work until I’m 100?
[Of course, this is irrational thinking. First of all, I have a good marriage, and three very good kids. I can think of one former Governor (Eliot Spitzer, who is also about to turn 50, but isn’t the college friend I mentioned above) who is obviously having some marriage problems, despite the heights he’s hit. My parents are healthy at age 77 and 74. I’m nowhere near bankruptcy, have nice big home that is 2/3 paid for, have some paying work to do right now, and have someone coming to my office next week to discuss a project that will pay a years’ worth of bills. Of course, as a TMS perfectionist, I worry that this project won’t materialize, and nothing else will, either, and I’ll go broke, but then I remind myself that I have always been able to find some way to generate income in the past, and if all else fails, I can go out and go to work for someone else. I’m far better off than many people, who are terrified of losing their homes.]
The words from Dr. TMS were comforting. If he was that confident that I had TMS, and has treated who knows how many patients for this, that started giving my brain some confirmation. I started feeling a bit better right away. That night, after I journaled, I started running on an exercise trampoline, my back started feeling strange – like it was kind of wiggling or something. I was even a little out of breath – which happens to me when I’m either really upset or really excited on occasion. I noticed that my anger at an upset I had journaled about disappeared. I was also watching The Bucket List while running, which is a good movie to help you keep things in perspective – try it sometimes.
The pain appears to be fading. I can still feel it as I type this (the pain is at its worst when typing), but I now feel confident that I can lick this. I’ll continue to work with the psychotherapist, do the journaling, read the books, and using the approach WebDan described, which is a programming tape.
So, the moral of the story is, get a diagnosis that you’re confident with from a qualified TMS doc, and keep with the program. And everyone out there, pray to your favorite saint or demon that this baby step works for me (I’m not going to let it fail).
***
By the way, has anyone noticed how well-written the posts on this TMS board tend to be? Check out other message boards, and you’ll see stuff with that looks like a 9-year-old wrote it. Does this mean that TMS people tend to be smart and well-educated, or are so perfectionist that they won’t post something if it’s not perfect?
… for the really anal, how many grammar, spelling or punctuation errors did I make in this post?
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Elorac
United Kingdom
41 Posts |
Posted - 01/27/2009 : 10:09:12
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That sounds very encouraging and inspiring.
Well done.
Best Wishes,
Carole. |
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winnieboo
USA
269 Posts |
Posted - 01/27/2009 : 11:09:01
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| BRAVO!! I will pray to many saints and angels for you. You will lick this for sure! I am a big proponent of psychotherapy and I am a huge proponent of faith and prayer. Congratulations and all the best on your journey. And yes, the board is full of very intelligent, articulate people. |
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HilaryN
United Kingdom
879 Posts |
Posted - 01/27/2009 : 14:12:49
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quote:
So one of the bricks crashing into my mind is that I’m 50, and what do I have to show for it?
quote:
First of all, I have a good marriage, and three very good kids.
and a happy life.
quote:
And everyone out there, pray to your favorite saint or demon that this baby step works for me (I’m not going to let it fail).
All my best thoughts are with you. I'm sure you'll succeed.
Hilary N |
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Bobbypols
Canada
46 Posts |
Posted - 01/27/2009 : 18:49:12
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Regarding breakthrough:
I ve been at the TMS treatment for about 3 months now. Its been a rollercoster ride for sure, but i can honestly say iam also beating this thing. What a great feeling. The key: consistancy, talk to those who have been through it, and dont give up!
While im not out of the woods yet, I can honestly say that I am doing things that would normally send my body into pain. Just yesterday i was Squating 225lbs in the gym. 1 month ago, I would be in pain the day after like you would not believe, and not muscle soreness the good pain.
Make sure to relish the good times, and to be thankful for those times. Also I like to thank my subconscious in such times.
dont give up.
I also think its important remember that there is no other option...sorry i will not go on drugs, I will not sit at home afraid to live a normal life, and i will not go into surgery with a 16% success rate, so keep pluggin away! |
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TotalStrangerFigure
USA
24 Posts |
Posted - 01/28/2009 : 11:27:25
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Northerner,
Once read a book on OCD that noted that people with the condition are usually quite intelligent. OCD is a TMS equivalent. Shall we conclude, then, that people who "get" the TMS concept are exceptionally bright? Sounds good to me.
Your post looks good - not too many errors! |
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scottjmurray
266 Posts |
Posted - 01/31/2009 : 03:15:38
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i think people that get tms concepts are exceptionally bright :)
---
author of tms-recovery . com
(not sh!t, champagne)
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Peg
USA
284 Posts |
Posted - 01/31/2009 : 04:40:26
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Thanks for the inspirational post Northerner.
Certainly does sound like you've "gotten somewhere". Looks like quite a bit of progress in just a few months to me. I would call you a "quick study" (although it may not feel quick to you). The course can be very variable as you can tell from this forum. Keep up the good work.
I've also had some of the same feelings "I'm 50 and what have I got to show for it? Is it too late to make dreams come true? Have I done enough? Has my life mattered?" etc, etc
Meanwhile like you, I've been married for over twenty years, have two great kids, am educated and employed, etc This "nothing's ever good enough syndrome" is tough to get rid of.
Loved the Bucket List! You reminded me how good it was, I'll have to see it again soon.
I agree with the others, the exceptional posts are due to intelligence (I feel boastful writing that, but I'm not referring to my posts) and insight gained the hard way, rather than perfectionism. Not to mention the compassion.
Take Care,
Peg
In questions of science, the authority of a thousand is not worth the humble reasoning of a single individual. Galileo Galilei |
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Scottydog
United Kingdom
330 Posts |
Posted - 02/03/2009 : 00:17:00
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quote:
First of all, I have a good marriage, and three very good kids
Whenever someone posts about how good their marriage / spouse is I just can't help wondering.
Not that the spouse is bad but maybe, hidden away is a niggle about maybe your haven't provided for them as much as you'd hoped, or, your spouse's siblings are much wealthier or more 'successful' than you or some little thing. TMS is all about the suppressed stuff so after many years of marriage things can be so suppressed you don't even know they're there.
I had always felt that my husband is the one with the long hours and demanding job and put his wishes first, for example at weekends. What did he want to do, after all he needed to unwind after his pressurised week. But lately have realised that these things have been bugging me after all!
We've been married for 28 years (eeeek) and expect to stay that way but lately I have aired a few of my views and, now the dust has settled, we are getting on even better.
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Finally, a beakthrough?
