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ChrisSC
25 Posts |
 Posted - 11/08/2008 : 17:34:44
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Since discovering Sarno in April, I have made a lot of progress. Pain that was once in almost every part of my body all day long has been reduced to only some pain when exercising. My fatigue symptoms have completely vanished except for a few stressful days, which is completely managable. I have been able to fight off most of my other symptoms as well.
I'm having difficult with one thing still, though. Through exploring my thoughts and emotions I am pretty sure that my need for distraction came from repressed feelings of inferiority. The problem is that now I'm sometimes consciously feeling these emotions and uncontrollably thinking self-defeating thoughts. Most of these thoughts are centered around friends and my social life.
I know, when I can think rationally, that these self-defeating thoughts aren't true, but I tend to lose control of my thoughts at even the slightest trigger. I am not always bombarded with a sense of inferiority, and generally when I'm talking to my friends I have a really good time. Then, sometimes within minutes of ending my conversation with them, I start to think "they're just pretending to like me" or something like that. Weekends tend to be especially bad, as it's as if I need a constant reminder that these thoughts are false and inaccurate to be in a good mood. And then, something as simple as a text message can flip me back into a good mood and return me to control of my own thoughts.
One notable incident occured at about 3:00 AM a month ago. I woke up in a fog and my thoughts were really out of control and negative... I think that I woke up because of the thoughts. With my conscious mind dulled from sleep, it felt like I was experiencing the actual thoughts hidden in my subconscious.
So now I have a questions that I'd like to see some opinions on. Do you think that these obsessive self-defeating thoughts and conscious feelings of inferiority are just another distraction, or is it possible that I have uncovered the actual source of my pain?
There seems to be evidence for both ways. With my other symptoms moslty gone, it could be the symptom imperative kicking in. But at the same time, it feels as though, through picking away the layers of protection my mind has put up, there isn't anything left to keep these thoughts/emotions from sometimes slipping into consciousness.
Any opinions? Any suggestions? |
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debbette
44 Posts |
Posted - 11/08/2008 : 22:49:27
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Do you think that these obsessive self-defeating thoughts and conscious feelings of inferiority are just another distraction, or is it possible that I have uncovered the actual source of my pain?
Does it really matter? I seriously doubt these thoughts are realistic so I would focus on challenging them. A great book to help with that is The Feeling Good Handbook. My therapist worked with me using that book.
Keep up the good work. It sounds like you're on the right track.
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mcone
114 Posts |
Posted - 11/09/2008 : 00:30:59
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quote:
Originally posted by debbette
Do you think that these obsessive self-defeating thoughts and conscious feelings of inferiority are just another distraction, or is it possible that I have uncovered the actual source of my pain?
Does it really matter? I seriously doubt these thoughts are realistic so I would focus on challenging them. A great book to help with that is The Feeling Good Handbook. My therapist worked with me using that book.
Keep up the good work. It sounds like you're on the right track.
I learned about CBT techniques like those in "Feeling Good" many years ago - about 17 years ago, when I overcame very serious depression (I didn't think CBT was especially useful to me, but I did, and still do use the techniques). Not long after I recovered from depression, I developed my first (minor) somatic symptoms of TMS - although I didn't realize it was TMS at the time, and the *distraction* factor wasn't terribly great.
I actually believe that investing onself in the CBT model itself can be VERY counterproductive for TMS - and I have an intuition that too strongly committing oneself to CBT IS the very type of mental process that causes TMS. Why? Because CBT is based upon the premise that by restructuring one's thinking - application of rational reasoning, one can changes one's feelings. This may be true...to some varying degrees for different people and different times.
But if and when your feeling aren't changing (or aren't changing enough) despite your perseverative application of CBT techniques...you unwittingly begin to supress your true emotions when they don't reflect what you "should" be feeling. (i.e., you feel angry, even though your CBT process says you shouldn't - so you "cheat" or rather "shortcircuit" your brain, by simply burying the anger (perhaps because the perfectionist or goodist in you says that if you applied CBT right you wouln't be angry, therefore you can't be angry).
And if you believe anything in this forum at all...you believe that suppressing your emotions is what's being somatisized somehow as pain in your body. So be careful about CBT - despite the fact that the overwhelming majority of mental health professionals are zealous advocates and would probably dismiss as silliness any idea that conscious effort at assimilating CBT to thoughts and emotions can be counterproductive.
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Edited by - mcone on 11/09/2008 00:33:35 |
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scottjmurray
266 Posts |
Posted - 11/09/2008 : 04:45:58
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one thing you can do is let yourself think that way for a while, enough to get to know that side of yourself. it's all you doing it to you, after all. if you want to stop, you need to become fully aware of whats going on and take responsibility for it. eventually you let go of thinking this way.
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author of tms-recovery . com
(not sh!t, champagne)
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scottjmurray
266 Posts |
Posted - 11/09/2008 : 04:48:39
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by the way, thinking that thinking this way is a problem is the only real problem. problems don't actually exist, we make them for ourselves. so by looking at the way your brain functions as a malfunction, you create the tension you feel.
btw this is a projection of low self esteem, you don't like yourself or you feel as though you are fundamentally flawed, so you believe it's impossible for others to like you.
right now i don't care if anyone likes me, because i dont feel inferior. i dont need other people to like me. i like myself. this is how this works.
---
author of tms-recovery . com
(not sh!t, champagne)
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winnieboo
USA
269 Posts |
Posted - 11/09/2008 : 06:02:05
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quote:
Do you think that these obsessive self-defeating thoughts and conscious feelings of inferiority are just another distraction, or is it possible that I have uncovered the actual source of my pain?
They're most likely a distraction, the symptom imperative, as you say, particularly if you know that your friends are true and that your thoughts are inacurrate.
On the subject of CBT, it's supposed to be the gold standard for OCD. I have OCD and it didn't work for me, but maybe it was just the therapist. I'm not familiar with the Feeling Good Handbook...Psychodynamic therapy seems to be doing the trick. |
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RageSootheRatio
Canada
430 Posts |
Posted - 11/09/2008 : 07:55:46
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I definitely agree with mcone about CBT, in that it can be counter-productive re TMS if one suppresses the feelings, because one has "convinced" one's self in a very rational way that their "feelings" aren't rational and therefore not to be felt!
I have found the "cycle of feelings" and "emotional housecleaning tools" in The Solution Method (The Pathway) (several threads on Laurel Mellin's work have been on this board recently) more helpful than anything I recall using from The Feeling Good handbook.
Actually, one of the big things I recall from Burn's book (I admit it WAS years ago) was that he mentioned an incident which indicated to me he was available to his clients in a VERY emotionally supportive way off-hours ... so the results HE got with his patients were not just due to the use of CBT! (So, due to my not having a therapist who I felt was supportive to me at the time, I felt CBT was quite "cold.")
ChirsSC, I also found the book The Astonishing Power of Emotions helpful in my journaling/ thinking efforts... where one starts with one's current thoughts, like "they're just pretending to like me" which they would say is a "downstream" thought and then try to think up some slightly more "upstream" thoughts ... (while only you could say what would be an "upstream" thought for yourself, an example might be: "they do take the initiative to text me sometimes, so they actually seek ME out, when they don't have to.") |
Edited by - RageSootheRatio on 11/09/2008 08:00:01 |
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debbette
44 Posts |
Posted - 11/10/2008 : 07:07:18
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One thing I really got from CBT was that your feelings are created by your thoughts. If your thoughts are skewed and not realistic (because of low self esteem) and you believe the negative thoughts are the truth, then you'll feel sad and/or depressed.
I still think challenging unrealistic thoughts is helpful for me.
What I've learned recently is that some of my negative thoughts are realistic, so I feel sad and it's learning to be OK with that that I have a hard time with.
Sitting in that yecky spot is hard for me and I always fear I won't be able to pull out of it.
I guess that's why I've repressed so many feelings in the last few years.
Debbie |
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Symptom or Source?
