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winnieboo
USA
269 Posts |
 Posted - 08/27/2008 : 07:39:25
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I'm embarrassed to say that I'm back in a scary pain loop. Neck and upper back stiffness, shooting pains into my arms and hands, headaches. I can't believe this is happening!! I was 95% pain free for weeks, ran around telling friends I was great, came to the forum sharing strategies. I'm so discouraged.
My oldest son (will be a freshman) is packing up to go to college and I lost a client yesterday. I'm also back at work full time and I'm really hating it. So I see my stressors, I just can't seem to get in touch with the emotions.
Also what's bothering me is that when I'm in pain, I think I have Lyme disease. (After I convinced myself my discs weren't causing the pain, I moved onto this.) I've been tested repeatedly, I'm always negative. What's suspect and causes doubt for me still is that when I came out of pain six weeks ago, two things happened: I had a breakthrough in therapy and I was on amoxil for a sinus infection. Three days into the antibiotic I felt better than I had since the last time I was on amoxil., last October. In my mind, I more than half believed it was the amoxil that cured me.
I discussed this with my internist and she said I could do a spinal tap. Apparently that's more conclusive than the usual Lyme panels.
My therapist went nuts when I told her that; so did my husband. I was the queen of medical tests last year, it was ridiculous. So, I was able to drop the test idea from my consciousness since I was feeling better. But now that I'm plagued with this pain again, I'm thinking about it.
I want to be "there" for my son, and I'm twisted up in worry about my health, work, etc. Anyway, thanks for listening... |
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Elorac
United Kingdom
41 Posts |
Posted - 08/27/2008 : 08:02:29
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I'm a rookie at this, but maybe this strategy might help, it's something I use myself if I'm concerned about any health issue.
I give myself some time for things to resolve. I might say to myself, if I still have this symptom in a week or 2 weeks (whatever time you think appropriate) I will go and see the doctor. Then I tell myself that I have made a decision and that's what I'm going to do. I tell myself, there's nothing I can do in the meantime, just wait and try to distract myself from the symptom. Easier said than done I know, but sometimes just giving myself a timescale does help. You know logically that worrying about a symptom will not help, so try to give yourself a "worry holiday", telling yourself that if things are no better after a certain time then you will do something about it. I hope that doesn't sound too naff, it does help me sometime, by the time the week or 2 weeks are up the problem has resolved itself.
With regards to TMS, I think you should explore your emotions especially with regards to your son going away to college. Have you journalled about that?
Hope you feel better soon.
Carole. |
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armchairlinguist
USA
1397 Posts |
Posted - 08/27/2008 : 08:20:45
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Winnie, don't be embarrassed. It happens! Embarrassment is putting pressure on yourself to conform to others' expectations. Not fun for the inner child.
It's great that you're thinking about your stressors. Try to also remember that because you were 95% pain-free for weeks, it's clear that you have TMS and that pain-free is the true physical state of your body. Have confidence based on this evidence. You'll get there again. Just try to stay in touch with your emotions and let yourself feel them when you are able to get to them. Sometimes even manufacturing a trigger can help. I read a sad book last night and was crying about the book, which turned into crying about some related things that are bothering me. It was painful but I felt better afterward.
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What were you expecting? |
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Logan
USA
203 Posts |
Posted - 08/27/2008 : 08:49:47
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Winnie,
I hope this will help you...
I've been pain free for 4+ years. You can look at my success story in that thread for more details but long-story-short, I was in a car accident that led to TMS induced "whiplash" pain, which eventually morphed into body-wide "fibromyalgia."
I had all the symptoms you describe in your post. After several years of pain and every treatment under the sun, I was desperate and finally I read Sarno's books. I worked on my "stuff" and CURED myself of every single symptom. Some vanished almost immediately, others, like the shoulder stiffness, took almost a year. But I did it! (You'll do it too. Keep at it.)
So, here I am, four years after kicking TMS's ass. My life is good. I'm more active and in better physical and psychological health than ever before. BUT - last Saturday I woke up with a spasm in my lower back that hurt so bad it made me wince every time I tried to turn to the left or lift something higher than my waist.
Hmm, I thought, what a coincidence! School's starting on Tuesday. I know I'm really stressed out about starting work again (I teach college and I'm a writer who loves the free time that comes with summer vacation); I KNOW this is TMS. The pain was really convincing though; it was really working to keep me distracted from my annual pre-fall freakout. Every fall it's the same, I make myself crazy with insecurity and worry (will my students like me? will I be a good teacher? will I do well in my own writing, get published etc?). I had to laugh at it. : )
I admit, I started to get a little concerned when I woke up Sunday and the pain was still there. But, no, I thought, this is TMS. I'll get to the bottom of it. I started thinking about what particular things were making me angry about school starting. I realized that I felt like I had to have the whole semester planned out in my head before teaching the first class. What a perfectionist, I was basically carrying the entire semester's workload on my back and school hadn't even started yet!!
After I realized that, the pain started fading very quickly. I woke up Monday feeling good and rested. Yesterday I lifted weights! with no pain whatsoever.
Just because you feel the occasional twinge or spasm in response to serious stress, doesn't mean that you don't have TMS - in fact, it's a telltale sign that you do. Rest assured that you have TMS. Believe it. Relax into what that means = you're in control; you can heal yourself. Trust your ability to dig around in your mind, and keep digging until you find the cause, and you will feel better. |
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winnieboo
USA
269 Posts |
Posted - 08/27/2008 : 09:45:55
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| You guys are great. Thank you. This is all helpful, the worry holiday, remembering the pain-free evidence, and Logan, when you mentioned that you were carrying the whole semester on your back, the tears came. I started looking at what life would be like on the "other side" of taking my son to school...and honestly there aren't even words there right now. It's just hard to see/admit. He'll only be three hours away. He's a great kid and he's really ready to go, but it's a loss in a way and a huge transition for the whole family. |
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skizzik
USA
783 Posts |
Posted - 08/27/2008 : 09:48:14
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In addition to the above advice, one thing I noticed that "lakev" before taking off here, mentioned that his pain turned into background noise for some time before it left. And if you go back thru his posts, he would come out of nowhere freaking out about a pain (new or old) and ask board members for reassurance.
One particular time he came down with something debilitating, and a couple of weeks after his post about it (w/ responses) someone who read it for the first time responded to it. Lakev answered back that he had forgotten all about the incident pain ever happening until he saw the post updated. I would follow above posters advice and chillax about it.
There was a time last year where I think i got 50% Better just b4 Holidays, I was cleaning the house for a xmas party amazed I could bend over and pick things up. At this point I felt I had the TMS gremlin on the ropes and I bent and picked up kids toys and cleaned the basement w/ a vigor I had'nt felt in a year. The pain came bk hard, and I fought hard thruogh the stabbing and burning and shocks. That night I was a zombie at the party, I thought my spine was gonna dislocate, I went into a downward spiral that I lost all control of. I could go on about the depths of my despair at the time, and you know where I am now, but I feel had I never fought back, relaxed and floated thru it, I would be fine today.
I can tell you what has brought the pain from a 10 btwn dec and march to maybe a constant 5-6 was my point of demarcation in march when I decided to drive 5 hours to see dr Schubiner. Not so much the visit, but my decision to never visit a structural dr. Or website again if I was in fact diagnosed w/ what deep down I know I have. At some point I was able to regain the 20# of weight I had lost thru anxiety and depression and pain btwn xmas and march.
Logan had a good post here about "FOLO" that I think about from time to time and keeps me going when I'm deep in the muck.
Keep up the good work here winnie because you were helpful to me, even your relapses are good to post because as you can see they give me "aha" moments for myself. |
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ChrisSC
25 Posts |
Posted - 08/27/2008 : 09:55:36
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The other night my parents surprised me by telling me that they needed me to help move my sister into her apartment immediately (it was supposed to be the next morning, but they changed it to RIGHT NOW!). She had A LOT of stuff and while lifting and moving it my body ached like it used to before I started working on TMS. Joints that had not hurt in months started aching again. I knew it was related to the sudden stress of having to do something at 10:30 pm when I just wanted to lay down and watch the olympics, but in the heat of the moment I was worried that I was having a major relapse. Within a couple of days the severity of my symptoms went back down to what they have generally been.
Also, the only time my fatigue has returned since learning about TMS was during a school final!
Point of these two examples being: don't worry if you have a bad day/week, especially if its obviously related to a stressor. You have not lost the gains you have made in your recovery, they've just been covered up for a short time.
Don't worry about Lyme Disease! By your calculations, even if LD is responsible for any symptoms it would account for only 5% of your pain, as 95% of your pain has gone away by TMS work! I went through a phase of thinking I might have LD also, even after knowing about TMS, but finally decided to put it to rest. |
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Peg
USA
284 Posts |
Posted - 08/27/2008 : 11:09:55
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Hi Winnie,
You don't have to be embarrassed. Many of us have had relapses. The fact that you did become moslty pain free at one time, means it can/will happen again.
I've been recovered for over 8 years, but that doesn't mean I've never had pain. Just that when I do, I connect it with a stressor in my life and can help it to resolve fairly quickly if I re-read, journal, relax and reassure myself that it's TMS and not some dreaded disease or structural problem. Your doubt is most likely feeding the TMS.
Recognizing your stressors is very important, but writing them down seems to help get them out of our heads. Your brain probably thinks it's less frightening to worry about Lyme than to worry about your son going off to college (and all that entails with potential dangers).
My daughter started college last year. Second year is easier. Things will be fine and before you know it your son will be home on breaks and then you'll want him to go back to school(LOL).
Very inspiring post Logan!!
Peg
In questions of science, the authority of a thousand is not worth the humble reasoning of a single individual. Galileo Galilei |
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Dave
USA
1864 Posts |
Posted - 08/27/2008 : 15:29:44
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You need to stop focusing on the symptoms and pursuing alternate theories for your pain.
There are tons of places you can go on the web to read about the extremely controversial subject of Lyme disease. But what's the point?
Unless you break the cycle and refocus your thoughts to the psychological realm -- accepting that the symptoms are a benign signal of underlying emotional conflicts -- then you will have a very difficult time getting any relief. |
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winnieboo
USA
269 Posts |
Posted - 08/27/2008 : 19:24:07
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| Thanks for all the wonderful responses. I see I needed both a wake-up call and reassurance. I've come back to re-read your posts throughout the day and they've been hugely helpful. |
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Returning pain and worry...
