| Author |
 Topic  |
|
|
mala
Hong Kong
774 Posts |
 Posted - 07/14/2008 : 03:46:18
|
I have been in a great deal of pain since my last attack 6 months ago. It happened when I started doing yoga. I tried to ignore it a la Sarno and it got worse. I still did'nt give up and tried to go about my daily business as usual but it has got me BAD!. I am in pain 24/7. Sitting is UNBEARABLE.
So I went for 2 MRIs. One my lumbar spine & one for my pelvis. The lumbar spine MRI shows degenration at L4/L5 & L%/S1 (so what's new) and a posterior annular tear at L5/S1 which is what the doc says is causing the pain. I had a pelvis Scan to rule out the possibility that my fibroids were exacerbating the back pain. Yes I do have a few fibroids, the largest is 6 cm but he can't say for sure that it is making the back pain worse. I had 7 fibroids removed from my uterus 8 years ago and was told they will probably come back again & they have.
Doc also says my lumbar curve is very arched & is probably putting a lot of pressure on my disc.
I am on 2 muscle relaxants & 1 anti inflammatory a day but the effect is not very good.
I have thought that if the fibroids are putiing pressure on the nerves in the back then I will have my uterus removed for once and for all. I know this is drastic but I can't afford to have them grow back yet again. I am not keen on the op as it meansweak abdominal muscles & my back is already so arched. My pain is less when i lie down but does not completely go away. Much better than sitting though.
Life really sucks. I am reading sarno, Sopher, Fred Amir, journalling, but to no avail. I am not having any 'aha' moments as la kevin puts it.
Any thoughts please.
Good Luck & Good Health
Mala |
Edited by - mala on 07/14/2008 03:47:44 |
|
|
skizzik
USA
783 Posts |
Posted - 07/14/2008 : 04:59:57
|
mala, I'm so sorry for what your'e going thru since I'm in the same situation.
I posted this exactly one year ago:
http://www.tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=3694
and one year later, I'm still in the SAME BOAT! I too am on the relapse confusion ship.
On the other hand I'm glad to hear you went down the same road I did and am still in pain. Because, I'm beginning to think the treatment for tms is like learning a golf swing. Just as you need to learn what "to do" for treatment, you need to learn what "not to do" to make it click.
Had you said you had a relapse, and hit the books, and journaled and were better in 3 days, i'd be back in depressed city again, because I'd think damn why is'nt it working for me, or maybe I'm a month away from relief and would keep wasting all my time journaling.
It's good that you posted because often you need another observer in golf to look and point out some obvious flaws in your swing that you could'nt feel yourself. Then walla, ball goes far and straight.
I too am making a transition (slowly) from the tms books and constant journaling to......to I'm not sure, it's what la kevin has come around to. I know that much.
The one thread I've read 100 times that keeps sticking w/ me is "flybynights" victory after 2 years of constant hell pain that seemed so physical. And only after he gave up the journaling and saw tms as an evolutionary gift to humans even if he could'nt conciously see it as that.
http://tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=3710
And now "la kev" has not only come to the same conclusion after being in the trenches, but is explaining it w/ such great detail here on the board that its helping me get off the journal bandwagon.
Hellny is doing great work too!
I became interested in the "non-journaling" approach when Shawnsmith (the sarno purist) admitted to the guy in the e-mail that he posted that he has journaled 10,000 pages in the last 3 years to no avail. You know the old definition of insanity, keep doing what you do and getting what you always had while expecting a different result.
I can't help but think that tms at some point must be thought of as a gift. I can't fathom the notion anymore that humans were put here to deal w/ some "maladapted" syndrome we developed and must put in it's place b4 it puts us in it's place. Perhaps it's here to say "stop worrying about your past and future or else i'll zap you", and in that sense you can enjoy your life guilt free because you know once you take on the weight of your family, friends etc and try to be the goodist/perfectionist your'e gonna be zapped.
Perhaps it's a reminder to say "no" to friends and family guilt free when we are already overwhelmed w/ stress....
ok, I'm rambling. All I know is I've never fully thought of it as a "good thing" and that would be out of the box. Something has to change since I've been on the reading/ journaling bandwagon for a year and a half. You can only say "it gets worse b4 it gets better" so many times. I've said that for over 12 mos now.
You can only bull through the pain and want your old life back so much w/ no results/ relief.
If you have found relief, but havent learned anything except its psychological, tms is sure to return. I'm pretty confident in that.
|
Edited by - skizzik on 07/14/2008 05:51:32 |
 |
|
|
mizlorinj
USA
490 Posts |
Posted - 07/14/2008 : 13:53:24
|
Mala, sorry to hear about this.
Have you looked into WHY the fibroids are there in the first place--Dr. Christiane Northrup has information as to what the emotion could be, in fact, I remember a panelist asking this of her on Oprah some time ago and Dr. Northrup asked if she felt blocked or was in a dead end job or relationship!! . . .would be worth checking out Louise Hay too.
Sad to hear the doc gave you the expectation that they'd be back. . . your brain heard that.
Also, curved spine should not be causing pain. I have had a curve since a youngster and have never had pain from it.
I am one who now views my awful tms back pain as a blessing. Now I do. I sure didn't then!!!
I send you hugs and best wishes for healing, Mala.
-Lori |
|
|
|
armchairlinguist
USA
1397 Posts |
Posted - 07/14/2008 : 13:55:48
|
Mala -- it sounds like you are 'buying' the physical explanations. I understand that fibroids can be physically painful, but the annular tear thing sounds like a typical TMS-trigger. Remember, the disc stuff doesn't necessarily cause pain, and there is some mention in Sarno's later work that even if it does, it should subside after a few weeks. If you buy into it, that's going to make things tougher.
I don't know what your history has been with the relapse but you are clearly really angry and frustrated by it, which is totally understandable, but also is exactly what TMS would want. The whole goal of TMS is for your emotional life to center on the pain and to react to the pain and to be distracted by it. You are right in that mode, and it's important to get out of that mode.
My advice is to refocus on the emotions coming up from other things in your life, and try to live your life as much as you can separate from the physical pain.
--
What were you expecting? |
|
|
|
la_kevin
USA
351 Posts |
Posted - 07/14/2008 : 23:32:21
|
I saw my name mentioned twice in this thread, so I was wondering what was up.
MALA, I'm sorry you didn't or aren't having any "aha' moments. And sorry to hear about your pain, it is a bitch, I know.
As I don't know anything about Fibroids, I can't really offer any advise.
I don't really know much about anular tearing either. Heard that it is the cause of much 'pain' but that's all I have heard.
Some things in your post stick out.
quote:
. I still did'nt give up and tried to go about my daily business as usual but it has got me BAD!. I am in pain 24/7. Sitting is UNBEARABLE.
This is the worse pain ever. Can I offer a suggestion? Purchase Sarnos first lecture (video) or his first audio book (HBP?) and sit while listening to them. Force yourself to sit through them and see if while your mind is focusing on the lecture, if you notice any longer periods you're able to sit.
Also realize that the stabbing knife pain you feel running down your butt, legs, hips, groin area, like you're sitting on a bundle of nerves...all that is caused by you muscles and nerves choking off.
We tend to think it's a disc, but I have found it is most likely not. It is most likely the postural muscles around your lower back and hip flexors that are sqeezing tightly. It feels like 'nerves' because it's affecting them.
I'm assuming you can't sit because of sciatica? Forcing yourself to sit and seeing how far you can go in little steps might help. Re-conditioning the mind to accept that sitting is not 'hurting ' you , seems to help the muscles accept it better.
quote:
I am on 2 muscle relaxants & 1 anti inflammatory a day but the effect is not very good.
TMS has a way of overcoming muscle relaxants after a while. Autonomic Nervous Systems can adapt to whatever amount of drugs you throw at it.
quote:
Life really sucks. I am reading sarno, Sopher, Fred Amir, journalling, but to no avail. I am not having any 'aha' moments as la kevin puts it.
Everyone needs 'aha' moments' But they usually don't come when you are 'wanting' them. They come when you have run out of gas, hit the ultimate low point, quit entirely , or are at a point where you are ready to see how CONTROL is dominating daily thought.
I can't tell you that you have TMS. It seems from you're writing that you are at the initial phases of 'is this TMS, or is this real" crossroads.
SO do you believe that one point of your entire spine can cause all that pain? Because it sounds like a lot.
Do you think an anular 'tear' in a disc can effect an entire nerve root throughout the Cauda Equina, and all of it's branches?
Have you had ANY success with journaling? Any moments of peace? I ask this because if you are batting 0-100 with journaling, then it equates to just being hyper aware of your fears, anxieties and rages.
I know it's almost impossible to ignore chronic 24/7 pain. Here's a scary thought. Worse case scenario, you don't get any better. Let's say you have this the rest of your life.
Think long and hard what that means to you. What emotions come up when you imagine that? I bet those emotions and fears are a big part of what's bothering you.
Go through what TMS has caused you to 'lose'. What has it 'taken' from you. Then when you're done crying your head off...how are you going to go on from there?
WHO PROMISED US GOOD HEALTH?
This step is essential in long term TMS sufferers. What is the regret? What is the LOSS. What is 'unfair' about it all?
After that, you must ask yourself what is 'fair'. What was promised? What did you 'deserve'? I don't say this to be harsh at all. I say this because everyone in Western influenced or modern 'civilized' Culture needs to ask what they feel they have 'lost'.
TMS can blow the Ego away. So many of us want "our old life back". Who told us we deserved any life at all? Who dictates what life should be? One of the hardest parts of TMS work is finding in the end(if you're lucky), that our perception of 'loss' is greater than what really is.
The reason I say to ponder living with this forever, is not to toy with your fears. But it is to possibly shock you into one of the biggest questions facing the chronic TMS sufferer.
"Will I have to endure this forever"?
Nope, you don't. Pain will ease if you find the key. The key is different for all of us. But remember that the chronic nature is also a key.
I truly feel that TMS and all of it's concerns needs to get to a place where it 'dies' to the person it is afflicting. Even me posting on this forum anymore is a risk of allowing TMS to be an 'entity' again.
But I can't help my want to help others, at the sacrifice of my own health.
I truly hope you found something in my post that evokes a change in the cycle. It is afterall a cycle. Sometimes we have to desensitize ourselves to our worst fears for our mind to let go of them.
Sorry the post was long winded. It's just that I know this type of pain, and it is an awful place.
---------------------------
"Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans"- John Lennon |
|
|
|
altherunner
Canada
511 Posts |
Posted - 07/15/2008 : 06:41:17
|
Mala - sorry to hear about your pain. Many of us literally "feel" what you are talking about. When I had therapy with Dr. Dubin, he said that 90% of relapses are caused by childhood issues, coming up again as the "tms bank" gets full. You get relief at first by realizing it is tms, and pointing out the issues currently bothering you, but some past issue in the unconscious still is boiling away, inside you. Mine were issues of neglect by my mother of my siblings and I, and abandonment by my father. (he was away at sea a lot).
Maybe these things are truly fearful from a child's point of view, and seem silly now. You have courage and strength and a healthy body, and defeated tms before, you can be rid of it again. |
|
|
|
Susie
USA
319 Posts |
Posted - 07/15/2008 : 07:34:23
|
| Mala, sorry to hear about your setback. You know your mom makes you crazy. Are you having any issues with her right now? That would be the first place I would look. |
|
|
|
mala
Hong Kong
774 Posts |
Posted - 07/16/2008 : 03:29:07
|
Hi all,
Thanks for your responses. I am very tense at the moment and can't quite think straight. Very anxious. Just want to cry and lie in bed. Back muscles sre all in a bunch. I will post again tomorrow. Thank you all for your concern.
Good Luck & Good Health
Mala |
|
|
|
mala
Hong Kong
774 Posts |
Posted - 07/18/2008 : 06:09:26
|
Thnak you all for yr posts. Things have not improved. I am really trying my best not to think physical but the pain is overwhelming.
I am trying to push past the pain by sitting through it but it's not going away. The pain gets so bad I am tensing up my thighs, legs, knees, jaws. I have been reading and rereading the success stories too. Now major anxiety is setting in as well. Trying to do normal things but heart is not in it. Very good friend is getting married tomorrow but finding it too hard to even think about going.
The reason I mentioned the fibroids is becoz I know that sometimes they can make an existing back condition worse.
I have reached a point where i have tried to reach a compromise with my mom. I'm aware of the issues but I have hashed & rehashed it so many times that I'm tired physically & mentally. At some stage I have to let the past go and deal with the present .
Good Luck & Good Health
Mala |
|
|
|
Curiosity18
USA
141 Posts |
Posted - 07/20/2008 : 20:25:18
|
mala-
I'm sorry it's been such a struggle lately for you. Several years ago I was told that I had fibroids (one of them approximately 6 cm), I was also told that they were the cause of my bladder problems, and that I should have them removed, because they were putting too much pressure on my bladder. I was also bleeding very heavily every month. I had them removed through a procedure called uterine artery embolization (a relatively noninvasive procedure in which the blood supply to the uterine artery is cut off}, thus causing the fibroids to die off). Although this helped to resolve the bleeding, and I'm really glad I had this procedure, this did not help my bladder symptoms which were definitely TMS. I am doing much better now thanks to Dr. Schubiner's program. While you may need to have the fibroids addressed, it is very likely not going to help your pain. If you do have the fibroids removed, you might want to check out this procedure, and keep your uterus. Mine have not returned.
Take care-
Curiosity
|
|
|
| |
Topic |
|
|
|
depressed desperate & despondent
