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armchairlinguist
USA
1397 Posts |
 Posted - 08/09/2008 : 10:45:35
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quote:
Is there NOTHING I won't beat myself up about?
Doesn't sound like it. Gosh, you are giving yourself the mother of all hard times. You are struggling in a really hard situation (and 40 pounds hardly sounds like anything!) and you are expecting yourself to overcome TMS and fear and telling yourself you've "failed", coping with your kitty friend being ill, and...who knows what else.
Wow, I'd be going nuts in that situation, completely nuts. So if you aren't, and you are having lots of pain instead, you can see that your emotions are repressed and they are going into pain.
Give yourself a break. You are coping with a lot, and it doesn't seem to you like it (because you are so hard on yourself, as we all are) but you are doing great. You are still here. You haven't failed, because you are still reaching out. You are just having a setback. You can find the ah-ha moment again in time, because somewhere your brain remembers the feeling.
I know you have done lots of work with the FFF book, but have you ever just written down a long list of your pressures? Things that are going wrong now, bad things that happened in the past, things you beat yourself up about. Write that list and just look at it, and maybe you will experience the revelation I did "Look at all this stuff! No wonder I am in pain!" Just seeing that there is a reason why we hurt. We have not been allowed to learn how to hurt emotionally, so we hurt physically instead.
Because you are feeling a failure, it may help to think about the long view. In the long view, you have already learned how to solve your problem. The Aha moment means that TMS is what you're dealing with. Therefore you know that in the long run, you have nothing wrong with you physically, and eventually you can progress toward beating it. You don't have to do it tomorrow or next week, but in the long run you can look forward to many years of pain-free life. Try to take that calming way of looking at it. It may keep you from the calendar syndrome and pressuring yourself so much.
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winnieboo
USA
269 Posts |
Posted - 08/12/2008 : 11:10:56
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To brightondebs,
Don't journal if you don't like it! Chuck any books that aren't helping! I was in bad shape for a year (drs called my problems fibro, too). Worked with a therapist which was helpful, but my a-ha was two months ago on vacation, when I picked up a book I heard about on one of the forums, "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Toole.
Like you, I hated all the self-help books, and I couldn't journal (re-reading all my mountains of negativity was very distressing!) but this book is simple and it spoke to me...
I came out of all the physical pain. Look out though, you are right, underneath the pain you might find depression, which was the case with me, and I was tempted to go on anti-depressants but resisted. I was determined! I sat with the negative feelings (not fun!) but it's all slowly lifting and I'm starting to feel like myself again! I went running this morning! You can do it. Yes, stay committed and know that you are strong and remember who you are and that you can be balanced and happy, as you were before. You'll get back to it, one day at a time. The Tolle book's premise is that if you focus on the moment, on today, the past and future will not matter. Please pick up the book. His books led me to a buddist monk's teachings that are also fabulous for centering yourself--her name is Pema Chodron. Good luck and we are rooting for you! |
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armchairlinguist
USA
1397 Posts |
Posted - 08/12/2008 : 12:45:21
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Oh yeah, I love Pema Chodron. Totally recommend her. Jon Kabat-Zinn too, Full Catastrophe Living.
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brightondebs
United Kingdom
21 Posts |
Posted - 08/18/2008 : 08:45:09
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A good friend gave me the Power of Now a year ago....It has sat on my bookshelf, sometimes reaching the side of the bed, I've even read the first couple of pages but that's it. I know I should read it. I know I'm doing a classic self-defeating behaviour here. I'm going to try and break out of this depression which leaves me wanting to do nothing other than watch TV and try and read it this month. I'm reading Louise Hay (You Can Heal Your Life) right now also. That is really helping. It's something I read a long, long time ago and it helped me then so I thought I'd go back to it. It's really clear to me I need to find self-acceptance and happiness before I can be pain free. And yes, I will be seeking therapy. I finally got around to changing doctors last week so that was step 1!
BTW I reached rock bottom last night and just felt like I couldn't go on. I was so stressed and I didn't want to go to work today. So guess what? I woke up with a throat infection and couldn't go to work today :) I'm at home, in bed, and it feels great. |
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winnieboo
USA
269 Posts |
Posted - 08/18/2008 : 11:30:32
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Hope you feel better!
Louise Hay is great, too. I went back to her books after the Tolle ones and they are similar. Tolle drove the points home a little more for me. Tolle is also live on the Oprah website now discussing his "New Awakening" book, and he has audiobooks. Sometimes it's nice to just relax and listen. Take care... |
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Freedom from Fibromyalgia
