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joli
USA
51 Posts |
 Posted - 07/05/2008 : 16:15:45
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So you guys don't know me yet, I decided to let you in a bit.
I'm 34 girl.
married. husband is a doc finished residency last week!
he's a good husband, I just hate his profession haha.
I am not new to TMS, I belive in it, I think it a hard thing to deal with since we TMS people are darn smart so our brain finds the most
troubling ways to trouble us.
well after fostering 2 special need kids in my home 2 years ago, which was a terrible experience especially due to the agency we worked with, and after fighting with social workers day and night to get help for the kids, I found myself in shock, embarrassed, angry, hurt etc.
trued to move on and then my back episode begun, i am used to work out 6 days a week no problem, now i am fighting to walk without pain.
MRI, X ray, PT, massage, trigger point,Chiropractors, yoga, sports doctor(the best in Dallas), and nothing. maybe a bit stronger but the pain is driving me crazy!!! it is my lumbar going to my right ribs, shoulder blade, leg, knee.
I never knew what spasms were till i was asked by one doc , do u have spasms? i said- what does it mean(I'm not so good with my English)? he described and a few days later , i had spasms!!!nasty.
I know I have issues, I have anxiety disorder, and i had traumas related to family. so now, I seat at home, instead of shopping cause o began spasming yesterday, and it wears me out. plus IAm so annoyed that I can't go burn stress at the gym. I LOVE THE GYM. I had to stop school cause i can't focus. Well, I'm just venting. It seems much harder to apply TMS this time , maybe because I was sure that this time it is for real, cause it was the evening after a hard workout which I didn't like the instructor and i was tired cause my parents visited from Israel and I thought i did not pay attention to my alignment.. etc etc. But a year plus with no tear , fracture just strain? and now i feel like a crooked doll...any words of comfort?
 
namaste! |
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altherunner
Canada
511 Posts |
Posted - 07/05/2008 : 22:43:59
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Welcome to the forum! I notice your quote:"I think, therefore, I am"
by Descartes. Some say that constant thinking is a modern affliction.
The unconscious mind knows of course, that you love to work out, and what a better distraction to not allow you to do so. So, what is going on now that is causing more pressure? Are your parents still visiting? |
Edited by - altherunner on 07/05/2008 22:44:51 |
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joli
USA
51 Posts |
Posted - 07/05/2008 : 23:09:17
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hey runner,
well my husband just finished residency, i have some unresolved anger at him putting everything off including not being there when we fostered troubled kids.
parents are not here but when they came which i hate cause they are very manipulative and co Dependant, it was just after the whole fostering ha penned and also when we turned HARVARD off to do sub specialty and my husband's family kinda blamed me for that.Put me on the spot.
But since we got married it was about med school and a PhD as well.
And i really wanted to adopt and now there a whole unresolved business with the way things turned out with the foster kids. So i have blame om my husband but knowing that , does snot take the pain away. If i don't trust him who will i trust , so its sticky.
he is a really good guy btw. i am really mad at the adoption agency for twisting things around, i'm in shock actually.
so there is a lot to deal with. so knowing that, i still have pain.
so i think it doubt. i think it is so important to me to move, that in a way that isteh best way for my brain to keep me begging God to take this way instead on focusing on the having babies and anger etc.
I'm pretty expressive so it has to be a huge fear underneath.
BTW all-ask me anything, I've been through this a few times.
I would love to be helpful.
I think therefore I am. |
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altherunner
Canada
511 Posts |
Posted - 07/05/2008 : 23:27:30
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My wife and I fostered twin 2 year old girls 2 summers ago, 1 with special needs. It was not easy - and we had help from their grandparents. I had relapses of tms, and had a few therapy sessions that really tied the cause to my relationship/reaction to my parents. The therapist said this was the most common culprit.
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joli
USA
51 Posts |
Posted - 07/05/2008 : 23:57:49
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wow so u know how hard , we had 2 sibs 2 of them turned out severe needs but we didn't know and there was no support. The agency who hold
a lot of power in this area , had no idea what to do cause they are into international and their program was not prepared , again we didn't know. But it makes me angry that they twisted everything like we didn't do our job when i feel that i was the one that told everyone that these kids need intensive care and they thought i was dramatic but turned out , they have reactive attachment disorder which is really hard to treat if ever. gooogle it. I did love them and it was weird cause i always thought i can save any child. but had no idea how much damage they can have even at 4-5 years old. poor kids.
I think therefore I am. |
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altherunner
Canada
511 Posts |
Posted - 07/06/2008 : 10:53:03
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I read about their disorder, one of the twins we looked after was similar, she was neglected by the mother, while the other was not and is fine. I am sure you did the best you could, and that your loving care had some healing affect on those kids, even if they didn't show it. Just being with them, and being yourself helps.
Looking at how your unconscious mind would react:"why are you looking
after those kids, not ME!" Your parents just added another layer.
The narcissistic inner child must be furious! Now its punishing you by giving you pain and distraction. Being with those kids that were neglected may bring back thoughts of abandonment that we all have.
My barber had terrible back pain, during the time him and his wife
were beginning applying to adopt a child, I gave him Healing Back Pain, and it took a while, but his pain is now gone. By helping others, saving those children, being a "goodist", as Sarno would say,
you are doing wonderful things, but causing inner rage.
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joli
USA
51 Posts |
Posted - 07/06/2008 : 17:50:10
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that makes sense but how do I still do what i feel i have a gift for and keep my inner child happy? Because my inner child is very needy since my parents were not really parenting, on the other hand my inner child wants children as well(to play with )
wow.
I think therefore I am. |
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altherunner
Canada
511 Posts |
Posted - 07/06/2008 : 17:58:21
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| You can keep doing the things that you love to do - there is no pleasing the inner child or stopping the unconscious anger, according to Sarno. The knowledge that it is there can stop the symptoms. What does your husband think about Sarno? |
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joli
USA
51 Posts |
Posted - 07/06/2008 : 18:09:19
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he is all for him, which is great . i was the slow one to agree this time. he says i'm the typical case. but i'm the one who needs to do the work  !
because i'm so physical, i feel betrayed that i can't do whatever i want.
i hate limitations and i know i sound like a brat but i'm being honest.
TMS does not mean it is an easy ride, i used to wish it is TMS , mow i think that a disk issue would be resolved by now...
this is making me very tired. ALso, I hate the fact that i can't lift weights , i like being strong.
AND i want my husband to be perfect.
i'm writing without screening so forgive me for spilling my guts(Israeli term?)
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I think therefore I am. |
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altherunner
Canada
511 Posts |
Posted - 07/06/2008 : 18:56:32
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| Sounds like you are a perfectionist/goodist like me. Not being able to work out or run used to drive me cazy too, as it was a stress relief. Glad that your husband agrees with Sarno. I have a feeling that you will be back at the gym soon. |
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Yucky Day
