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ChrisSC
25 Posts |
 Posted - 06/16/2008 : 21:11:25
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I am 17 years old and have been dealing with TMS and its equivalents for at least six years, though the past two years have been notably the worst. Within the past two months I have discovered Sarno's ideas and read his books and have made a lot of progress dealing with the physical symptoms.
I need advice on dealing with emotional issues that I suspect are strongly linked to TMS however. I have been struggling with episodes of extreme low self-esteem for a while (this started at the same time as my original TMS-equivalent symptoms 6-7 years ago). Often the low-esteem hits me suddenly... as an example, I will be in a great mood and feeling good about myself until I find out that my friends went to a movie or something without me. Then, suddenly, I feel inferior and start to think that everybody hates me and that nobody actually wants to be my friend. I know its completely illogical but when the episodes hit my ability to reason completely vanishes. I haven't found a good method to get out of this low... it is usually broken by some self-esteem booster occuring like having a funny conversation with a girl I like. Once I break out of the episode I feel fine, only to fall down again either later the same day or the next day. I rarely go more than two days without being overcome with feelings of inferiority and thinking that everybody hates me and that I'll never beat TMS (even though I'm clearly making progress).
Does anybody else struggle from a similar thing? I know that the feelings of inferiority that can trigger TMS are at an unconscious level, but my conscious feelings of inferiority almost seem to be just another TMS-equivalent (it has become a much bigger problem since my physical symptoms have started to go away). Could it be just a TMS equivalent? Does anybody have advice to prevent these episodes from coming on or returning to a happy state without hoping for something positive to happen? |
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mizlorinj
USA
490 Posts |
Posted - 06/17/2008 : 08:04:54
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Ah, a youngster! Happy you recognize the mind/body approach to healing.
Get to the library and read books by Louise Hay. Your own affirmations can be your savior--if you let them. YOU are the only one who can give you self-confidence. Also YOUR opinion of yourself is really the only one that matters. Talking to yourself does work.
What is the underlying reason here? Parental expectations/ disappointment? Did someone in your family make you (still?) feel inferior? Suggesting the feeling of inferiority has a deeper source. . . maybe take out a paper and write a topic at the top (nobody likes me) and start to see what feelings come from that. I feel angry that . . . I feel sad. . . and look for where you could be being unreasonable (everyone has to like me all the time?). Writing it out may be a good exploratory exercise. Always end on a positive note--e.g. I LIKE ME!!!
It is quite common to feel inferior. But it can be overcome!
Best wishes for success.
-Lori |
Edited by - mizlorinj on 06/17/2008 08:06:39 |
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swmr1
USA
118 Posts |
Posted - 06/18/2008 : 11:54:24
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chrisSC--
Wow, for 17 you write very well. I think it's very normal to be sensitive to feelings of inferiority at your age. The teenage years are where you are figuring out who you are and vacillating back and forth between feeling good and feeling kind of lame is pretty normal. You sound like you have a lot going for you. Focus on your strengths--your ability to communicate seems to be one of them. Chin up! |
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scottjmurray
266 Posts |
Posted - 06/18/2008 : 12:42:30
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what's up. i'm 20 and i dealt with the same crap about a year ago and i beat it. that feeling like nobody likes you? it doesn't matter.
at first i tried schema therapy in an effort to make myself realize that everyone does like me. that was a bunch of bs and a waste of time. the truth was a bit harder to accept, but it got me where i am today.
the truth is, you don't need other people for validation and acceptance. you're in the problem of relying on others for feelings of self esteem, which means you are chronicly exiting YOUR reality and trying to please other people. the real solution to this problem is to start attacking the mental pattern that causes this. it's painful, but primal scream got it out of me.
this one day i was driving my car, completely absorbed in other people's BS, trying to prove myself, trying desperately to fix everything that was wrong with me, and BOOM. i just screamed my f-cking lungs out for i don't even know how long. i let out all that frustration and all that pain, all that horrible pain, and finally i could breathe easy for a little while.
i came to the very painful realization that there isn't anyone in this world that is going to be a stable provider of love and feelings of acceptance. i was the only one that could do that. from then on whenever i felt a surge of that negative energy i would release it from my body (just freak out) then i would get extremely angry at the thing.
right now i'm at the point where i'm almost an island. other people exist in my reality, they can be fun to hang around, but i'm no longer attached to pleasing them or supplicating into their realities. i try to exit my own reality as little as possible. usually i only do it with my parents because, crap, i'm financially dependent on them and so my life is kind of at stake with those b-stards.
anyway, i'm a fan of the buddhist idea that "who cares where the thing came from, childhood, your parents, your peers, screw that. just find a way to get it out of you." primal scream did it for me. screaming, convulsing, kicking, punching pillows, yelling, cussing, whatever it takes to get those pent up emotions out of you (directed at the correct target of course, your ego) will fix the problem permanently.
if you want to chat more drop me an e-mail. i hate seeing people jammed in a lower state of consciousness like this. it's a f-cking hell-hole and i know what it's like.
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i'm not s#!t.
i'm champagne. |
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armchairlinguist
USA
1397 Posts |
Posted - 06/18/2008 : 13:00:32
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quote:
the truth is, you don't need other people for validation and acceptance. you're in the problem of relying on others for feelings of self esteem, which means you are chronicly exiting YOUR reality and trying to please other people. the real solution to this problem is to start attacking the mental pattern that causes this. it's painful, but primal scream got it out of me.
Scott's description is really good here. This pattern is called co-dependence in the psychology profession. I was really resistant to being labeled co-dependent, but I really did show the behavior pattern of being focused on other people and not on my own inner life, which is basically what co-dependence is.
Your experience, your needs, wants, and feelings, are completely valid, and if you're having the feelings that you're having of inferiority/no one likes you, it's unlikely that you got the validation that you needed for them in your life. Your reality is valid. Your feelings are valid. You likely need to recover a sense of your inner self to move past the feelings of loneliness/emptiness/low self-esteem.
You might try looking into some of the inner child literature like Alice Miller's The Drama of the Gifted Child and Charles Whitfield's The Child Within. John Bradshaw's books may also be of help (Healing the Shame that Binds You). If you are able to get into counseling or therapy I would recommend that too. I struggled with this stuff all through high school and college on my own, and I wish I had gotten some help sooner. You are moving in the right direction looking at TMS theory and the related emotions, so stay aware and keep working on it.
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It's not 100% belief that's required, but 100% commitment. |
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Wavy Soul
USA
779 Posts |
Posted - 06/19/2008 : 01:42:59
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ChrisSC
I'm also marveling at your ability to articulate and express your issues.
My own experience has been that you have to get those feelings to literally move through your body. Just trying to combat them mentally creates a constant inner war that you can't win. But if you can learn to open up a bit at a time, to let the hurt or angry feelings move through you, you will be amazed how the thoughts don't come up so much.
People have talked a lot on these boards about the various methods of moving and releasing emotions. Personally I use a form of deep breathwork with wavy movement. But actually anything works, from screaming to beating pillows to singing loudly to dancing like a madwoman... The formula is basically more energy moving through you + awareness of your feelings, and the body takes care of the rest.
And I loved what people said about not caring what people think. Of course, this is a very big challenge to all of us here. TMS seems to be a specialty of the care-what-they-think crowd. There's a book called "What you think of me is none of my business" by TErry Cole Whitaker. It's quite a good book, but the title has always stuck with me when I've been roiling in agony about what people are thinking.
F*ck 'em if they don't see me, I SEE ME!
xxx
Love is the answer, whatever the question |
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carbar
USA
227 Posts |
Posted - 06/23/2008 : 13:20:19
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Hi Chris,
I'm on the younger side of things here and was 17 when I started developing physical TMS symptoms of arm pain.
It seems hopeful to me that you are aware of this pattern of low self-esteem in your emotional state. Since I had low self-esteem, it was really hard to admit this to myself because it seemed like just another thing to feel ashamed about.
I've been recovering from TMS physical symptoms for about 2 years now. The physical pain is completely gone, but it's still hard for me to tell myself the affirmations of "I love myself unconditionally." It still stirs up some shame and judgments about myself. However, I just keep saying it over and over and somehow each time is easier.
I second Armchairlinguist in recommending the Drama of the Gifted Child.
"I know that the feelings of inferiority that can trigger TMS are at an unconscious level, but my conscious feelings of inferiority almost seem to be just another TMS-equivalent (it has become a much bigger problem since my physical symptoms have started to go away)."
Can you look deeper into the "feeling of inferiority" -- are you feeling an emotion such as sadness, anger or shame? Can you try to really feel into those emotions in your heart? For me sometimes that releases me from being caught in *thinking/obsessing* mode about others and back into *feeling* mode for myself.
You are on a journey, Chris. Good luck! Congrats on discovering Sarno and starting down the road to recovering! |
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la_kevin
USA
351 Posts |
Posted - 06/23/2008 : 20:27:12
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Feelings of inferiority are a HUUUUUUUUGE contributor to TMS.
Imagine I'm your subconscious. All day I'm thinking thoughts of not being "good enough" almost every time I experience a social situation, or even AT REST with myself, which is even worse.
Imagine the tension and unreleased worry and doubt that builds up in the body over time. Imagine the rage and disgust the mind is feeling BEHIND your conscious thoughts. Remember, your minds caverns are a mad house. It's total chaos and insanity in there.
I still have everyday trouble with this one, it's my weakness.
They usually stem from thinking that you should "Be someone or somebody" you aren't.
You are who you are and where you are for a reason. It hurts to feel as thought you would give anything to be a different person. We say things to our brain like , "I will feel good about myself when....." (fill in the blank). Truth is, if you had everything you wished for, even unconditional love from everyone and everything, you still would have the issue of self esteem thinking.
Practice noticing what it is you are thankful for in your life. What about you is unique and a gift. Things like that.
I can say you're extremely intelligent for a 17 year old, almost scary. But people told me that all the time when I was your age, and I know from experience it's no consolation. Being "smart" can only solve a fraction of life's problems.
Use your intelligence to it's benefit. Read a book on how to interact with people more socially, if need be. Watch comedies and learn how to create stories around strangers and make people laugh.
If it's because you're sensitive because you think people are always thinking bad about you or don't want to be your friend, remember,
If you only knew how LITTLE people think about you, you wouldn't care WHAT they think about you. :)
---------------------------
"Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans"- John Lennon |
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hottm8oh
USA
141 Posts |
Posted - 06/24/2008 : 09:36:38
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| Kevin, your post really resonates with me. I spend a lot of time focusing on where I *should* be in my life right now. It's a vicious cycle. |
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MikeySama
Netherlands
55 Posts |
Posted - 06/25/2008 : 02:23:53
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Chris i can relate to you quite well. And have come to realise that feelings of inferiority are a large contributor to my symptoms.
I always seem to be pushing myself to my limits and beyond to try and please people around me. So they can see that i'm worthy, that i can do it. It generates a lot of rage. But it's something that is expected of us ( students ). We have to work our ass off to prove to others we are capable. It sucks but it seems to be the only way of getting forward in live.
There are people who have it easier though. The thing i'm struggling with for days on end, is something they do in less then a day's work. I'm just not able to perform on the levels they are, but i want to. I push myself twice as hard, and on occasion i manage to outperform them. Still there are plenty of times where i just can't measure up.
I also have this nagging problem of trying to please people when working in groups, or just trying to be helpful to people around me. Trying to prove to them i'm worthy of being their friend. But in the end they only come to you when they need that help again. A day later you find out they went to see some movies, or they had a party. And you are wondering... why didn't i get an invitation? Did i do something wrong? Didn't i prove myself?
I wonder if this cycle will ever go away. And while it probably isn't the only thing contributing to my TMS symptoms. I'm sure if i did break out of it, things would go much smoother. During this cycle i'm struggling with the same old TMS symptoms i've had for year. It seems you've already moved on though. You are definately going in the right direction. Maybe i will to someday....
Good Luck,
Mike
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Call me Mike :) |
Edited by - MikeySama on 06/25/2008 02:25:27 |
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Overcoming feelings of inferiority?
