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Logan
USA
203 Posts |
 Posted - 04/12/2008 : 21:53:05
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Hey,
Just thought I'd share a little success story I had last night in kicking a TMS equivalent.
I've shared my big TMS success story before...long-story-short, I've been neck/back pain free for 4+ years thanks to Doc Sarno and this site and a lot of hard work...
And since then I've struggled with bad colds at least a couple of times a year that have been really hard for me to kick.
A lot of times the original cold lingers then turns into a sinus infection, bronchitis, and once even borderline pneumonia. It sucks. I know it's a TMS equivalent (if not the virus, then at least my mindbody's refusal to heal from it). I've been able to turn it around to lesser or greater extents depending on how depressed I am at the onset of the cold and how motivated I am to get back "out in the world." Most of the time, I end up on antibiotics, knowing it's TMS but needing that magic placebo in the brown bottle to help me kick its ass.
Last night, after being sick for four days with a fever, sore throat, ear aches, swollen glands, body aches etc., I realized I was really ****ing angry about a lot of ****, to put it plainly. I've been sort of "flatlining" lately, emotionally, not feeling much at all but that's been a mask for how angry, frustrated and sad I've been about a bunch of issues that combine the professional and personal.
I'm a writer. I'm in grad school. I'm almost at the end of my course work and about to embark on my thesis and I feel like I've accomplished pretty much jack, certainly none of the stuff that was written about in glowing terms on my school's website anyway. I've published nothing. I don't feel like I'm part of "a community of writers." I feel like the whole fiction workshop process is way more negative and discouraging than it needs to be because it's completely focused on "what's wrong" with one's work, etc. etc.
Yet, as part of my job at said school, I've got to try and convince people who've been accepted to multiple schools to come to OURS because it's so GREAT!
Last night, I kind of realized how frustrated I've been with having to sugar coat my feelings as I attempt to woo potential new students for the school via phone or email. So I just let myself go off on a rant right before I went to bed...
My poor husband was witness to something like this:
"AND MAN, THAT ****ING PISSES ME OFF! I FEEL ANGRY AND RIPPED OFF. I FEEL BAD AND GUILTY AND SAD BECAUSE, YOU KNOW WHAT, IF I'M NOT GETTING THE MOST OUT OF THIS PROGRAM, IT'S PROBABLY MY FAULT...I'M THE ONE WHO'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH OR NOT DRIVEN ENOUGH OR TOO LAZY ABOUT REVISING MY STORIES OR JUST NOT CAPABLE OF MAKING REAL AND LASTING FRIENDSHIPS WITH OTHER WRITERS/PEOPLE!!!" etc, etc
And then I had a good cry and went to sleep.
And you know what? I woke up this morning and my throat/ears didn't hurt and my glands weren't swollen anymore. No fever. No congestion. And now I feel pretty much normal/healthy.
Very weird...but very good. I've never had results that quick or that dramatic from an anti-TMS venting. It was awesome. I highly recommend it!
: )
Just maybe warn your significant other of what's coming...my husband's used to my anti-TMS venting by now but it did kind of take him by surprise 4 years ago when his formally "calm" wife started raising her voice and crying to get it all out.
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penguins
39 Posts |
Posted - 04/13/2008 : 05:33:48
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Wow Logan! What a great story!! I'm sorry you have all this stuff with grad school to deal with. I can see how difficult it would be to try to "sell" something that you don't necessarily believe in. Very conflicting. However, your story is so inspiring!! The power of the mind is truly amazing! I am so happy to hear that you were able to turn that cold around so fast!! WTG!
I'm still new here. You said you've shared your TMS success story before, so I will do a search and try to find it. I'm very eager to read it. Congrats to you for all your TMS success!!
--Jennifer  |
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HilaryN
United Kingdom
879 Posts |
Posted - 04/13/2008 : 06:09:30
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Logan,
I enjoyed reading your post.
quote:
I feel like the whole fiction workshop process is way more negative and discouraging than it needs to be because it's completely focused on "what's wrong" with one's work, etc. etc.
That really struck a chord with me. In my work at the moment I feel there's too much focus on my “development areas” .. which, as you say, is negative and discouraging and very demotivating so I don't have the motivation to address them.
I've noticed generally that a lot of people think that teaching (or trying to get people to “improve”) consists of pointing out what a person is doing “wrong” in the belief that if they know what they're doing wrong they'll be able to address it. But if we're not told what we're doing “right” then
1)we're less likely to continue doing those things
2)we'll be so demotivated by only being told what we're doing wrong that we won't have the energy to devote to addressing them
IMO (and experience) the really skilled teachers / motivators / parents etc. encourage us by focussing on what we're doing right. Suggestions for improvement are made in that context so that we're motivated to improve.
Have you tried raising this issue with your school? (Of course, you'd have to balance it with loads of things they're doing right, if you want them to listen to you ;-) You might want to sit down and make a list of those things first.)
quote:
Just maybe warn your significant other of what's coming.
That made me laugh! A while back when I was in bed with fever, my fairly new boyfriend (now husband) was sitting at the computer. I felt like death, but I was convinced it was TMS and I suddenly jumped out of bed with a cry of annoyance. He turned around in surprise and because he didn't speak much English I struggled for a moment to find the words to explain about TMS in his language. Finally I exclaimed “I'm not ill – it's psychological!”
It was a new concept to him but in the following few days at times when I was still struggling he occasionally gently repeated my words back to me as encouragement. (It was TMS – the antibiotics had no effect at all and I got better by forcing myself to go back to life as normal.)
btw my quickest recovery was when I started getting tummyache one time. I had a think about what could be bothering and it occurred to me that I was treating a sad situation in a matter-of-fact way. I thought “That's too obvious” but I went with it. I went to the bathroom and had a little cry. My tummyache cleared up like magic! The whole thing took less than a minute. (But I find the sooner I tackle these things the easier it is.)
Hilary N |
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JohnD
USA
371 Posts |
Posted - 04/14/2008 : 05:19:25
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| That your daughter deserved your tirade is complete BS and a cop out. What actually needed to happen was that you needed to be an adult and figure out a way to let out those emotions without hurting those around you especially a child. |
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RageSootheRatio
Canada
430 Posts |
Posted - 04/14/2008 : 08:00:21
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| About yelling at other people including children, I have found the "non-violent communication" method (developed by Marshall Rosenberg) suggested on this board very helpful, and am deeply appreciative to all those who have mentioned it. I just read "Raising Children Compassionately - Parenting the Nonviolent Communication Way" (by Marshall Rosenberg) and found it very moving and instructive. I did a search for his books in my local library and there were huge wait lists for his materials! (guess that shouldn't have surprised me.) But our library also provides access to eResources, and a couple of his books were immediately available for me to read on-line (for free, as a library member.) |
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armchairlinguist
USA
1397 Posts |
Posted - 04/14/2008 : 08:59:17
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quote:
But if we're not told what we're doing “right” then
1)we're less likely to continue doing those things
2)we'll be so demotivated by only being told what we're doing wrong that we won't have the energy to devote to addressing them
THIS IS SO TRUE!
I even read several books about management that said this. I was looking around trying to understand management better because it's my first time being managed and I wanted to understand what's recommended to managers and the dynamics better. And what I found is that many people recommend more praise and less criticism, which is exactly what I was wishing at the time my manager would do. And am still wishing...
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It's not 100% belief that's required, but 100% commitment. |
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Logan
USA
203 Posts |
Posted - 04/14/2008 : 09:17:13
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Thanks for all the responses.
I just want to clarify that there are plenty of good things about my school, program and instructors. It's just that I've been frustrated by the negative spin that workshop and post-workshop consultations have.
I do have one exceptional professor, who is on my thesis committee, and who is a good mentor to me. He is that kind of teacher someone wrote of in their post, the kind who frames criticism within a context of praise and recognition for what you're doing well. His comments are often more critical than his peers' but his overall approach is one of encouragement and this makes all the difference.
The reason I think I'm having such a hard time this semester is that he's been working on a side project and not teaching workshops. Next fall he'll be back and I've already signed up for his class, so I have that to look forward to.
And, of course, I know that I'm at least 50% of the problem here. I have a harder time than many staying motivated. I often see only the negative. It wouldn't matter where I was or what I was doing, I'd carp about something.
Case in point, this morning I'm reading the paper about a woman in my local mall who won an excellence in customer service award from the retail company she's worked 13 years for. I worked retail for 7 years and by the 5th year I couldn't stand it, couldn't stand people, couldn't wait to find another job where I didn't have to talk to people, be nice to people etc. And yet, 13 years later, this woman LOVES her job!
I think I'm just (genetically or by upbringing) a glass-half-empty person. And I have to express those feelings of frustration, anger and hopelessness before I try to counteract them - or suffer the health consequences. When I tried to be a go-getter/optimist seven years back when my TMS pain was at its height, all I ended up doing was giving myself the symptoms of fibro.
What I need to do now is figure out how to express frustration but not be swamped by it. And I best do it quickly since I have a story due in 3 days which I have not yet started! : ) |
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Baseball65
USA
734 Posts |
Posted - 04/16/2008 : 06:51:27
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Hi Logan.
As per usual, you rule!
When I first used to read your posts on the forum, I always thought "Man..this guy is cool...he's just like me". I never even bothered to read your profile . (LOL). The Moral imperative for calm cool response and a sweet disposition weighs heavier on a girl than a boy. If I was a girl, I'd probably have fibromyalgia.
I am considered a bit high strung and am constantly accused of being 'glass half empty' person. I talk about a lot of 'positive things', but No one seems to notice. Than I have one little meltdown, burn down one teensy relationship, and everybody says "Man..what a dick!"
Oh well.
I haven't had a cold or flu symptom in 2 years now. I have either found the most efficacious placebo imaginable (airborne) , or the "I am not getting sick no M-er F-ing what" tourettes therapy I usually employ is working. I'm not sure which, so I keep doing both. It's worth noting that I work around children constantly. I ran out of airborne several times this year but still didn't catch anything from the nasty filthy little germ farmers.
I just expanded colds and such into the catalog of what I thought to be TMS equivalents in my brain. The longer I do this, the longer the list becomes. I now have weird rashes on my leg and foot that the doctors can't explain. I guess they are 'hysterical' symptoms, because they have no pathology,no category, no name. I discuss anxiety with the doc's, but they only nod, smile and roll their eyes.
If you read any of my posts, you will probably know that I am a big fan of "Meltdown Therapy". In fact, I just read an article in Scientific American about heart disease and low level management types. The researchers felt that only 1/3 of the cases could be attributed to lifestyle (food,smoking,sedentary work) and that a full 2/3's were because their Autonomic Nervous Systems were in 'Fight or Flight" mode all of the time and since they couldn't act out on any of the natural instincts, their hearts were suffering because of it. That would account for why I always do well on Heart tests even though I am a glutton, a chain smoker and worship slothfulness as an end in it's own right.
I bought a big old Hunting knife yesterday...5 inch blade, snap handle....razor sharp. I spent the afternoon teaching my son how to pin it in a door. It is now severely damaged (the door...not the knife) That was very therapeutic. I also went after the mattress and I think I destroyed a bedspread as well.
..but I feel really good.
Keep letting it rip!
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Logan
USA
203 Posts |
Posted - 04/17/2008 : 00:39:46
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quote:
Originally posted by Baseball65
Hi Logan.
As per usual, you rule!
When I first used to read your posts on the forum, I always thought "Man..this guy is cool...he's just like me". I never even bothered to read your profile . (LOL). The Moral imperative for calm cool response and a sweet disposition weighs heavier on a girl than a boy. If I was a girl, I'd probably have fibromyalgia.
Hey, thanks Baseball!
It's not the first time someone's told me that I "sound" like a guy. I hear it sometimes about my fiction stories where I try to write in my "natural voice" but don't specify right off the bat that the narrator is a woman. I take it is a compliment, in any case.
I'm just checking in here now for something to get my mind off of the story I'm working on so that I can sleep...so far I've gotten eight pages in and I'm feeling good. The cold symptoms cleared out completely once I stopped worrying about writing and actually started writing. Coincidence? I'm sure not.
I like what you wrote about the heart attack stats. For sure, you've got to believe that flight or fight **** is real. Just look at my dear grandma. For seventy some odd years she never said boo. Raised three kids. Sewed all their clothes. Worked to support my granddad who went on disability after WWII. Still did all the housework on top of that. Was the perfect Mormon on top of that. And no, she didn't have a heart attack but she got bowel cancer. I think cancer and heart disease are like TMS for the big dogs. These folks are crackerjack at keeping IT ALL STUFFED DOWN. Until the big one hits, they're peachy keen, no pain, no rashes. Everything is FINE. : )
And boy, do I realize I have let the meltdown therapy slide. Your door killing sounds like just the thing. I was telling a friend of mine about how therapeutic it is to whale on something and even though she believes I cured myself from TMS etc., she just thinks that "anger release" exercises sound silly and she needs something serious to relieve her "sciatica". I wish I could change her mind but for now I try not to talk too much "crazy talk" to her and we agree to disagree. But for myself, I vow to shred, crush, break or beat the crap out of something soon. You inspired me!
Thanks and be well... |
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JohnD
USA
371 Posts |
Posted - 04/17/2008 : 22:32:24
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Anx-Doc,
I wasn't angry at you or in general when writing the post. Why did you assume that? Just because your daughter thanked you still doesn't mean it was the correct course of action. Many children (grown up or still growing) defend parents that were abusive towards them in many ways, so your logic doesn't really work.
I wish you all the best :-)
J-love
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HilaryN
United Kingdom
879 Posts |
Posted - 04/19/2008 : 11:34:47
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AnxietyDoc,
I'm guessing that you're feeling angry because you're interpreting JohnD's comments as implying that you're a monster for getting angry with your daughter.
When JohnD uses the term “abuse” I think he was referring to a school of thought that says that violence is not just physical, but can also be expressed in verbal form. In fact JohnD's own comment could be interpreted as “violent”. (JD, that's not intended as criticism – I'm far from being free from “violence” in my own conversation.)
While telling children off or criticising is considered the norm among many people, this school of thought considers it to be a harmful method of communication because it can generate further violence – of a verbal or physical form. I don't think that means you can't yell at people, though (sounds like you needed to let off steam!) – I guess it's more the content that matters.
I'm not sure if I've explained that clearly – if it doesn't make any sense do let me know! Maybe you already know this stuff and I'm teaching grandmother to suck eggs (no reflection on age)?
RSR, glad you liked the book.
Hilary N |
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Baseball65
USA
734 Posts |
Posted - 04/19/2008 : 12:39:02
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quote:
Originally posted by AnxietyDoc
Dear Hilary,
Thank you for your comment. You are absolutely correct. I also believe context plays a large role. There is no place whatsoever for true violence.
Using the word "abuse" is sad when inappropriate.
Dr. Freedman
Sorry to Logan for participating in this clear case of thread derailing.
@Dr. Freedman. That comment about "There is no place for true violence"... are you speaking in the context of 'Family' or are you being rather general?
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HilaryN
United Kingdom
879 Posts |
Posted - 04/19/2008 : 13:50:45
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Hi AnxietyDoc,
Do you feel angry because you see the term "abuse" as having been used inappropriately in this case and would like some recognition of that?
Hilary N |
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JohnD
USA
371 Posts |
Posted - 05/03/2008 : 20:55:35
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Dr. Freedman,
I didn't say that you were abusive, I was just giving a real life example that occurs very regularly in our society and the word "abusive" happened to be within the sentence. Is this a sensitive topic for you? If so, it may benefit you to be more conscious of the words you type and how they will be viewed by others. This will allow you to always make sure you are accurately representing yourself.
You jumped to way too many conclusions from just a few sentences that I wrote, and I am wondering if this is how you normally operate? I hope it isn't.
Feel free to comment about the posts that I write on this board, but please don't try to act like some sort of expert who can psychoanalyze me from a few words on a message board - I actually haven't had TMS in over 4 years. I don't respect you just because you write "dr." before your name, but I will respect you if your posts are intelligent and educated.
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Wavy Soul
USA
779 Posts |
Posted - 05/04/2008 : 08:26:45
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As an onlooker I have to say that your comment JohnD was totally appropriate in response to the words the "doc" wrote about venting "with complete abandon" at a daughter who was "young at the time." Good and courageous call to challenge this, John. Better to question possible, apparent child abuse even if you're wrong (as any doctor would know).
And "doc"s defensive responses and attempts to take your inventory are pretty funny.
Let it go.
Peace.
Love is the answer, whatever the question |
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RageSootheRatio
Canada
430 Posts |
Posted - 05/04/2008 : 08:29:39
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Hilary, it has been a slow dawning, but I am beginning to wonder whether Marshall Rosenberg (developer of the Nonviolent Communication model, for those who don't know) is going to have a similar massive impact on my life, the way Dr Sarno has had. At first, when I read something you had posted on this board*, I just copied out the example as something of interest, and kind of tucked it away for possible further use.
Over the last couple of months, looking at more books and on-line resources about non-violent communication (nvc), my understanding of the power of this model has slowly been building, because it is (amongst other things) about handling rage (which I have a great deal of, that is NOT unconscious!) and about getting more of my needs met in the real world (ie not just venting, but also perhaps more soothing, in Dr Sarno's terms.)
For those interested one of the best on-line resources for non-violent communication that I have found, is an (mp3) interview with Marshall Rosenberg, complete with actors who do some role-playing to provide examples. The url, with transcript highlights is:
http://www.goodradioshows.org/peaceTalksL36.html
My two favorite parts are about 19:00 minutes in, where Rosenberg talks about giving a corporate workshop and what happens when HE starts crying (how to deal with freakouts from others!) and also at around 53 minutes in, when he is talking about nvc and doing anger management work in a prison setting. Oh, also another part where a woman is being attacked at knife point, when she has the presence of mind to use nvc! (not sure where that is.)
At any rate, Hilary I sincerely wanted to thank you again for suggesting Rosenberg's work, because I am going through an extremely difficult time with another person in my life, and I honestly think we could be stuck for a very long time, without some other way of approaching our difficulties .. and I am beginning to think that the nonviolent communication model might be a pathways out, for us. I was familiar with Eugene Gendlin's (of Focusing fame) "absolute listening" and of course Carl Roger's work, but none of that was enough. Rosenberg's model takes me farther when I am in actual conflict. *THANK YOU.* (Interestingly, both Gendlin and Rosenberg were students of Rogers, which I didn't know, before.)
* From Hilary's post for those interested:
I highly recommend the book “Nonviolent Communication” by Marshall B. Rosenberg. It encourages you to tune in to your own needs and feelings as well as those of the person you are communicating with and to express those feelings in such a way as to not give offence – i.e. by taking responsibility for your own feelings and not making the other person feel responsible.
Here’s an example from the book:
“Note the difference between the following expressions of disappointment:
Example 1
A: “You disappointed me by not coming over last evening.”
B: “I was disappointed when you didn’t come over, because I wanted to talk over some things that were bothering me.”
Speaker A attributes responsibility for the disappointment solely to the action of the other person. In B, the feeling of disappointment is traced to the speaker’s own desire that was not being fulfilled.”
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winnieboo
USA
269 Posts |
Posted - 09/07/2008 : 18:28:25
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I'm curious to know the consensus on sinus pain and recurrent infections. Are they TMS? I've been reading back posts, and I see that many people have recovered from chronic sinus conditions after finally attributing them to TMS.
My main TMS complaints are neck, elbow and arm pain/symptoms, which have been gone since mid-July. I relapsed at the end of August and when I got better, I went headlong first into a cold, and then into my usual sinus headache/migraine. The migraine's been with me for four days. I went on an antibiotic yesterday and am still suffering. I hadn't considered this to be TMS, since my allergies and sinusitis have plagued me since childhood.
If these symptoms are TMS and I can kick them out of my life, that would be great! I had sinus surgery 15 years ago and still follow up with an ENT, I still go on antibiotics what I think is way too often, and I still have a deviated septum (which I wouldn't let the surgeon alter during my surgery.) I've been allergy tested and I have a long list of sensitivities. Any input would be appreciated. I would love to toss the antibiotics, antihistimines and the migraine meds. |
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RageSootheRatio
Canada
430 Posts |
Posted - 09/09/2008 : 10:02:23
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Winnieboo, not sure about a "consensus" but my sinus pain / sinus headaches and the 3+ years of daily "sinus medications" (flonase) to control said headaches: ALL TMS !!! I had tried for YEARS to get off the sinus medications, but I got wicked headaches whenever I tried stopping the meds and just went back on. In November of 2007 (Nov 7!) I read my first Sarno book (as a result of a NY Times article on "Migraines" which got HUNDREDS of comments, and Sarno's name kept coming up... so even though very skeptical, I decided to check him out!) Well as I was reading the book (I think it was Divided Mind), I really started to think ... "WHAT IF ...?!!!"
I started doing the work, getting more information, reading his other books ... I started to be able to "abort" my headaches ... I gave up counting how many, but it was in the dozens, probably. I REALLY wanted off my meds, but I waited until I had more confidence ... by I think January 7th, I went cold turkey on my meds and never looked back!! While I still get the occasional headache due to probably not dealing w/ the stress (or actually preferring the headache due to past trauma: long story) my life is NOTHING like it was before!! Even with the daily sinus meds, I was still getting very frequent mild to moderate headaches, and had still been getting debilitating severe ones, too!! I HAVE "reclaimed" my life to a large extent! It's been one of the best, most life-changing opportunities I have had ... SARNO ROCKS!
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RageSootheRatio
Canada
430 Posts |
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winnieboo
USA
269 Posts |
Posted - 09/09/2008 : 10:42:34
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Thanks RSR. I'll get to work on it! Hope I have the energy, after just getting through with a neck and shoulder fiasco. I'd love to get some relief without all the drugs. Interesting article, too, thanks. I didn't realize that the Triptans could cause rebounds. I do take more than two per month. My headaches have been too frequent for words.
Interesting, too, b/c after I posted yesterday, I discussed my headaches/sinus issues with my therapist and she suggested I consult my ENT...well, I've been there, done that. Let's see what Sarno can do. Thanks and I'll let you know... |
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moose1
162 Posts |
Posted - 09/09/2008 : 11:52:47
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quote:
Originally posted by RageSootheRatio
For Winnieboo, me again. I forgot to give you a reference to the NY Times article about migraines which got me onto Sarno (not the article so much, but read the comments and do a search in them for "Sarno"):
http://warner.blogs.nytimes.com/2007/10/25/the-migraine-diet/?scp=11&sq=migraines&st=cse
Wow, Sarno is referenced all over the responses to that article. Cool! |
Edited by - moose1 on 09/09/2008 11:53:18 |
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behold - the power of the hissy fit!
