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chester
49 Posts |
 Posted - 04/11/2008 : 06:37:06
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I've been doing very well the last week or so. Lots of productive journaling, and pretty successful efforts to stop thinking physical. My left back/buttock/leg pain was reduced to a shrinking tension knot in my butt.
And then, last night, I sneezed.
It felt like a bolt of lightning went down my sciatic nerve. I had to restrain myself from putting my fist through the wall in anger. I have since had constant nerve pain shooting down my leg, and last night was the worst sleep I've had in weeks.
WTF? |
Edited by - chester on 04/11/2008 12:38:46 |
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Baseball65
USA
734 Posts |
Posted - 04/11/2008 : 08:05:12
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quote:
Originally posted by chester
I had to restrain myself from putting my fist through the wall in anger.
WTF?
Hello, oh brother in rage.
You are going to have a really fast recovery. I know it. .I'd even bet money on it.
That little quote there..THAT is where you are going to find your recovery.A lot of people don't know that we ALL feel that way somewhere in our heads.
I read your post about the VAS. I had the very same exact experience. I could have just cut and pasted your post and put my signature on it.
except.
When I went in for the 'follow up' visit, I had a very different experience.
After waiting for 2 hours in the room (missing work for which I am not paid) a different doctor came in and spent 30 seconds scribbling out a prescription for antibiotics. I asked where MY doctor was and he told me he was not there on Tuesdays.
Lies.
F-ing liar.
I was angry that The Doctor who did the Vas didn't see me, even though he did the work, and that is who my appointment was with...I Lost 2 hours pay ....and it seems that the infections are routine and there is no warning about it up front.
so, I happened to see the QUACK who did my Vas while I was walking out of the exam room with the other Doc. I stopped in the Hall and began a LOUD conversation at the checkout window. They wanted to schedule ANOTHER follow up appointment. I mentioned his name and I think I said something like
"Well since Dr (Blank) doesn't seem to be able to perform professional work, and these infections are routine than toss my file, because I'll never come here again, even if my dick is falling off!"
The Doctor Looked up from his clipboard. He said
"Hi Marc...everything OK?"
I said "No BRO..it's not OK. Apparently you're too important to do follow up visits.... You know, I build stuff. High end finish work...when I screw up a job, I go and fix it myself, I don't send a Tard who the people never would have hired in the first place. ...but than from what I perceive , you seem to screw up a lot of your work, because they didn't think this was out of the ordinary."
I have a knack for making that uncomfortable scene. I was careful to keep the swearing out (except Dick...I mean..he is a dick doctor,right?)
He mumbled something meekly and walked off. The Manager of the whole facility asked me into her office and than tried to lecture me about threatening the doctor. I had chosen my angry words carefully. I hadn't threatened him with anything. I just told the truth.
I was careful to say all of this as loud as possible so that anybody in the waiting room could have heard.It's a pretty big place. If I had heard me when I was coming in for my first visit, I would have passed out cold. I was already in a super anxious state.
--------------------------------------------------
That story is 100% true. Unfortunately, I don't have the ability to act out like that all the time. It took a lot out of me, wasted a lot of energy and I suppose was embarrassing. I am a bit of a sociopath in that particular category. I imagine If I wasn't I would probably have fibromyalgia, as it is one of my only areas to 'act out'.
So you want to put your fist through the wall. Because of the Sciatica? I imagine you want to put your fist through the wall a lot, for a lot of different reasons.THAT is healthy! That's what I was doing when I let the Dr. Have it with my mouth. Putting my fist through the wall.
When I was recovering from the majority of my first symptoms I got ripped off in a music deal. After I read HBP I used to take a Louisville slugger and beat the snot out of things and pretend I was murdering that guy. I explained between whacks WHY he was a piece of ****,why he needed to die and why I was a representative of divine justice just doing the right thing.
From what I surmise by reading this board, I had an unusually fast recovery.
Most of my anger is pretty close to the surface. I fought my whole childhood... a lot. I think that's what kept me from being a cripple. It's good therapy...beating the Hell out of your friends. We have become way too nice, mostly out of fear of retribution. 'Fight club' got me to thinking that it's not a bad idea to pound on a willing adversary periodically.
Your sneeze was just a trigger. That's all. Just a trigger. It gave your brain another chance to run with something.
I have worked with a lot of other men with TMS and the one thing I have trouble convincing them of is the value of good old fashion 3D Gestalt therapy.
I know in my heart of hearts that You do NOT have to act out on every murderous impulse...it's really the awareness that heals. But the occasional tossed decorative plate, hole in the drywall, kicked over sandcastle can be very helpful from time to time.
Anger has gotten a bad name, and everybody's suffering because of it.
-bb65
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chester
49 Posts |
Posted - 04/11/2008 : 08:18:56
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Thanks much for that reply. I needed to hear something like that. I was really amped that my recovery was working, and this relapse pissed me off to no end. I was starting to slide into the "it must be physical" mindset again.
I have a SlamMan (www . homevisions . com/product-12/462/61166.shtml) that I haven't used in quite some time. This weekend, I have the house to myself - I think I'll whale on it while letting out more than a few primal screams. |
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Baseball65
USA
734 Posts |
Posted - 04/11/2008 : 08:46:42
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Oh Man! I want one.
I just had an idea. A whole line of after market Modifications for Slam Man, just for people with TMS.
Slam Man - "My Boss"
Slam Man - "Umpire"
Slam Man - "IRS agent"
Slam Man - "Politician"
Slam Man - "Mother-in-law"
Slam Man - "My Back Surgeon"
Slam Man - "Union Business Agent"
Than we could be like little girls having Tea Parties...bring our Slam Man to the park and try kicking the snot out of our Friends' Slam Man.
Somebodies gonna' get rich....and recover from TMS at the same time!
Waaaaay beeter than Transcendental Meditation...and funner too!
-BB65 |
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Can anyone explain this?
