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johnaccardi
USA
182 Posts |
 Posted - 03/13/2008 : 17:08:56
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Hi Dor,
Sorry it's taken so long for me to get back to you, I just read your comment today. I want to thank you sooo much. That was very nice of you and it really makes me feel good. Now to answer your questions:
1. Yes, I am happy with the school I chose, even though it's tough dealing with these symptoms, the school itself is great(Saint Joseph's University).
2. College is not at all what I expected, I expected parties and girls everywhere and it's not that at all. It's mostly boring and hard work.
3. Yes, I do talk openly with my parents when I feel I have to. It takes some courage but I always find it.
4. Highschool was ok but I definately put pressure on college to fill the void on anything that was missing in my highschool experience.
5. I have made many aquaintances that don't mean much and 1 good friend so far.
6. Yes, I would much rather be home, I miss being around my 2 younger brothers.
7. With these symptoms, isolating myself in the dorm seems to be safe but I fear the approaching summer as I will have to work at my old job with my old friends and the symptoms have changed me for the time being.
Thanks again for writing to me. It means a lot to me. |
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Dor
67 Posts |
Posted - 03/13/2008 : 17:55:22
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Ahhh, thank you so much for writing back. That was really sweet of you and I am so glad you felt comfortable responding. Not to worry. So many of the things you are feeling are very common your first year away at school. You have left a lot behind (how sweet of you to mention your younger brothers), and one does start out with so many expectations that fall a bit short once you are actually there.
It is great that you can talk openly with your parents. At your age one often thinks that parents will not understand. But, often they do because they have felt many of the same things, maybe not exactly the same, but they do know what life feels like and how hard or lonely it might be. Bravo to you and your family for being so close. That is very much in your favor.
We all need a "safe" place. It is part of human nature and as teachers both my husband and I believed that all children, and humans need a "safe" place. Sometimes though you have to push yourself to step out of that "safe" place. When you do that you realize that other places can feel safe too. It is hard, I do understand, but one only has to begin with baby steps. Take those little baby steps for each one will find you feeling more confident and able to cope.
Yes, of course your symptoms have made you feel different and the approaching summer at home with old friends and old job seem daunting. They feel that way to most returning freshman even without the things you have dealt with. Try to remind yourself that everyone has something to deal with and that they are all going to feel uncomfortable for a time. Not many people show that and I am quite sure that your friends from home will not notice a big change in you either. We tend to hind those things, but the knowledge that each one of them is feeling something similar, if not the same, will help to ease the anxiety of returning home.
You have made major changes this year, and your life as you knew it has changed, so give yourself a pat on the back for having done it. It really doesn't matter if you don't think you did it great or that you have had some symptoms. The point is that YOU did it. Good for you. It might all look superficially easy on the outside when you look at other people, but really and truly, all people have adjustments to make in a new lifestyle. You are not alone - that is important to remember. You are not experiencing anything that others before you have not felt.
Relax with it a little bit if you can and realize how good you have done, even if it doesn't seem that way to you. It is OK, it really is, and I, not even knowing you, am proud of you for all you have accomplished with difficult things to deal with.
From my vantage point I can tell you that yes, life does get better. You have to just keep plugging away at it, bit by bit and piece by piece. There are so many good things in what you wrote, so many good things in your life, that I really am not worried about you. It is going to come around OK if you just keep believing in yourself and the rightness of life. I know, I know, it sounds trite and way too easy, but life has a way of turning itself back around. You are on your way John - give it a little more time, a little more faith in yourself, and some major pats on the back. Some day this will all be a memory, and some day you will help someone else who is feeling just as you are. You will have the experience and the knowledge to reach out and help. I promise you, this will turn to your good and what an understanding and helpful man you will be!
Thank you for writing. I love being the mother of sons, and from everything you have written and wrote, you are a son to be proud of. All it takes is being proud of yourself.
Dor |
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johnaccardi
USA
182 Posts |
Posted - 03/14/2008 : 08:07:55
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Dor,
Thankyou so much. You seem to be a very understanding person and your words help me greatly. It feel so good when you say that this will all someday be a memory. I know that this is true and I realize that like you have said this will make me a wiser and more helpful person. When this is all done and over with I'm sure I will be able to see this hard time as a gift. With me being a psychology major, I'm sure it is going to help me immensly in my future career. Once again, Thankyou so much, it's very nice of you to take the time and write to me. |
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armchairlinguist
USA
1397 Posts |
Posted - 03/14/2008 : 11:20:59
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John, a lot of what you are saying resonates with me as well, with college and grad school still being quite recent memories for me. It is a big transition socially, and in many colleges there is very little support for making friends. They say sometimes it takes a year or so before you find the people you will be friends with. Doesn't that suck? (Think repressed anger. Your expectations of fun, partying with friends, meeting girls are all not met -- that would make your unconscious very angry.)
When you go back home, whether you have your symptoms still or not (maybe you won't?) you will be different. You and your friends will not connect in the same way because you've all met new people and had new experiences. It doesn't mean you won't be friends, but it'll be different.
All this puts a ton of pressure on you, all this loss of what's familiar and struggling with what's new. And the inner self hates pressure, it gets very angry. Acknowledging that this pressure is there, that this is a tough and challenging part of life, should help the symptoms you are having.
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It's not 100% belief that's required, but 100% commitment. |
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TO DOR
