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Lizzie
United Kingdom
56 Posts |
 Posted - 02/26/2008 : 02:30:08
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I have been battling TMS for about 18 months now. Before that I had 4 years of back pain and then neck pain without knowing of TMS. I try to journal from time to time and read regularly from various TMS books. I have made some progress but not become care free in my movements. My biggest barrier is fear. I believe in TMS but fear the pain. Now there's a lot of stressors going on in my life currently. I can identify them and last night as is my routine I was doing a few stretches before bed. These are not as a reaction to pain but for two reasons; to improve my general flexibility which although not great has improved and to challenge my fears. (Make myself move to challenge TMS and any conditioning). Well, last night as I bent to the side I had a huge spasm in my back. This was scary but after 5 minutes thinking about TMS I decided to do the stretch again to challenge my subconscious. It hurt just as much. I then wrote in my journal for 10 minutes and talked to my husband about some of the things that were stressing me out. 10 minutes after this I felt I had to do the stretch again to not be beated by TMS. I thought about Dr Brady and going on with his golf swing and Dr Sopher carrying on his marathon despite pain and I said to my husband that I was going to stretch again but could he be there (kind of moral support). I did the stretch and this time no pain. This all sounds fantastic but although I was pleased I still felt worried. I felt that at any time my subconscious could hurt me through my body. I did not feel relief or victorious but still vulnerable. I know I can be a worrier and acknowledge this, but I felt envoius that other like Dr Sopher could claim the victory and not worry that the battle was not over. Today, I have some back ache where the sharp pain was yesterday but I think this is out of fear. I decided to write here to see if verbalising it would rid me of the pain and to see if others understood what I was writing about. I feel as if something about my character is stopping me ridding myself of TMS, then I suppose I blame myself. This perfectionism I know is adding to the stressors/TMS.
Lizzie |
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fighting back against TMS
