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Penny
USA
364 Posts |
 Posted - 11/17/2007 : 21:25:01
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Don't know if this is off topic, but I'm at a loss and thought I'd throw this out to you guys...
Several years ago I lost 30 lbs and became very self-absorbed about my appearance. (I see this as a form of emotional distraction--obsession). I used to believe my life would be perfect, if only I could lose weight. So after years of being overweight, I slowly lost via complete diet change and did a rigorous running program.
Even after TMS work and psychoT my thoughts about weight sometimes consume me. I have maintained 22 of the 30lb loss through healthy diet. I refuse to starve myself, but I've stopped running regularly which is probably the cause of the gain. I don't run b/c I don't have time. (Lame sounding excuse, but true.)
I am healthy. Not overweight, not underweight. Even when I was smaller, I felt I needed to lose more. Why can I never feel happy with my weight? My husband supports me no matter what size I am, why can't I?
I am very angry about this. I can't quite grasp how to use this anger or process it. No matter what I do (or how much I weigh), I feel inadequate and distracted about my weight.
I'm too close to myself to see what this is all about. I will go back to my psychoT, but wondered if you guys could share any insight about weight issues, TMS and self-expectations.
As always, thanks for reading.
>|< Penny
"Feeling will get you closer to the truth of who you are than thinking."
~ Eckhart Tolle
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Edited by - Penny on 11/17/2007 21:57:37 |
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ndb
209 Posts |
Posted - 11/17/2007 : 23:30:22
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Hi Penny,
I have weight issues, though I am normal (5'4", 110lbs). I obsess even if I *feel* (I may/may not actually be) a little bit unhealthy/bloated from not exercising (although I am lazy about maintaining a regular schedule except for martial arts).
Anyway, I tend to go through periods of not eating much (last 5 days, either lunch or dinner has been a bit of sushi) when this happens, and I feel happy when I look skinny. from pictures, I can tell I sometimes look too thin -- but I don't like how I look if I'm just a bit fatter either.
I have tried to analyze what is behind all this. The most significant thing is my perceived inferiority about my body. i think this came about because my parents never made sure I became comfortable with my body (didn't let me shave legs, didn't let me get rid of upper lip hair, snickered when I tried to dress attractively, forbid my sister and I from wearing tank tops, etc.).
So I would go back and look at events related to how you came to feel insecure about your weight.
ndb |
Edited by - ndb on 11/17/2007 23:38:33 |
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skizzik
USA
783 Posts |
Posted - 11/18/2007 : 07:38:08
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quote:
Originally posted by ndb
though I am normal (5'4", 110lbs).
in no way is that normal unless you are in elementary school. Most women would kill for that proportion of height to weight ratio.
Most hubbys would kill for their wifey's to have this "normal" 
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mamaboulet
181 Posts |
Posted - 11/18/2007 : 07:38:39
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| There is such a self-esteem issue going for women in this country concerning weight. I find it hard to find a woman who is NOT suffering from this issue at some level. I've fought weight and self esteem issues my entire life. Dear ol' Dad really really helped me when I was 17 and he told me my butt was so big that it blocked out the sun (I was a slightly overweight teenager). It's bad enough that our society trains us to obsess, but when our parents get in on the torture, we hardly have a chance. Now throw in the TMS personality. sigh. |
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Penny
USA
364 Posts |
Posted - 11/18/2007 : 09:08:45
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Skizzik, I don't know if it's true that hubby's would kill for that. I think culturally the perception is that men would, but I think a lot of men want a woman of ... well... substance. Fellas? I know this is one of those threads that you probably want to run from. (The "does my behind look big in this dress" question ... LOL!) But can you weigh in on this topic?
quote:
Originally posted by mamaboulet
There is such a self-esteem issue going for women in this country concerning weight. I find it hard to find a woman who is NOT suffering from this issue at some level.
I agree. I don't know any woman who doesn't wish she could lose 5 more lbs. Why can't we be happy and accept ourselves the way we are, Squishy tummy and all?! I feel like I've accepted myself in so many areas of my life (Imperfections, limitations, etc.), but have not been able to reconcile my weight perception.
My dad often said I was chunky when I was a kid, and really I wasn't. I know my family has a lot to do with it, but I'm fascinated by the cultural obsession about weight. I'm NOT talking about obesity here, I'm just talking about how our culture defines a normal, regular, healthy weight.
I often think about the correlation b/t food, weight, and survival--existing, being. When I used to starve myself, I wonder if subconsciously I was trying to somehow invalidate my existence, or diminish my presence--literally. Food equals energy. Energy equals life. Fat means storage for times of food scarcity.
I don't know. This all ticks me off.
NDB you sound very much like me. I have a petite build. You sound perfectly fine to me, but ultimately this is one of those things that our self perception carries much more weight (literally) that others' opinions.
I just can't help myself but I realllllllllly want to know what y'all think. I feel so shallow and vain and petty, but it's such a big deal. So oxymoronic. Sorry, there I go ranting ...
I think I'm going to have a big juicy burger and fries for lunch. I hate this topic, but it's like rubbernecking over car accidents.
Penny |
Edited by - Penny on 11/18/2007 09:14:55 |
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lidge
USA
184 Posts |
Posted - 11/18/2007 : 09:52:19
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On one level, I think that the images of women in the media have
served to make all women insecure about their looks, weight. But as many here mention, I think the most damaging are the comments made by our parents. Totally agree with Mamaboulet about that.
Perhaps by keeping women's focus on the dimensions of their bodies, male-dominated societies can effectively distract them from thinking about things that really matter.
I have found that my thoughts about my weight have taken a real back seat since the pain began. I often think of all the energy wasted on thinking about the outside when it was the inside I should have been attending to.
Skizzik- It is true that 110 pounds is way below the average weight for the average woman who is I believe about 5'4. But that green face with the tongue hanging out is totally creeping me out! |
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Wavy Soul
USA
779 Posts |
Posted - 11/18/2007 : 10:06:56
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My experience of this is that it's one of those symptom imperative things for me. In other words, it is yet another distraction device.
I have been the much-envied skinny woman for most of my life. When I had a great health improvement in recent years (Sarno-style), I started gaining a few pounds. It definitely got my attention, even though it's not much.
To illustrate how this seems to work, I'm going through big family stress right now (mother and sister - remaining family - are both ailing).I also have some feelings about living alone after 23 years of marriage, although I'm mostly feeling whole and happy.
There are other stresses which I might explore further here at some point...
But anyway, here are my "symptoms," which seem to be interchangeable and part of a living system of distraction technologies for my brain:
1) I find myself eating like a crazy woman, but only late at night. And I eat really good stuff, by habit which has become taste, so this only amounts to minor gain
2) Thinking too much about that minor gain, which amounts to not fitting in skinny jeans
3) Major symptoms suddenly (fibroids and bleeding).
I'm doing my best to keep up by feeling/working my way through this stuff, but since I visited my mom in England a couple of months ago, and felt the extent of her suffering, and then heard my sister probably has cancer, this cycle of distraction stuff has gone a bit nuts.
I'm keeping a sense of humor and mostly not going into fear, which, by the way, I can now see was what managed to parlay things into chronic illness in the past. I'm glad I can go through it in a different way now, with a lot of confidence that it's just "passing through."
xx
Love is the answer, whatever the question |
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ndb
209 Posts |
Posted - 11/18/2007 : 10:45:29
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I guess by normal, I meant that I'm not unhealthily thin/fat. I can lift heavy things, and feel energetic, fit etc.
Penny, yes, I am petite, and other factors are I am Indian (I think we tend to have smaller builds), and just turned 28 (I assume my metabolism will slow down later or something).
[Ha! I see my people pleasing personality has come to the fore, I wanted to avoid antagonizing people with my earlier comment.]
Anyway, regarding TMS, I also agree that these things might be a rather good distraction. Yes, one may be more susceptible to these thoughts because of inferiority we perceived earlier. But, I'm slowly starting to think that the brain is so programmable that pretty much with some practice perhaps its possible to make ourselves believe almost anything. So perhaps it is possible to get out of this mode of thinking with some counter-programming (I agree it doesn't help that skinny is glorified all around us).
But my point is that perhaps skinny-thoughts are playing the role of distracting from other weightier things (in my case a new job, competition with new colleagues), and we find it easy to latch onto this distraction, since the excuse is there is some psychological injury behind it.
ndb |
Edited by - ndb on 11/18/2007 10:58:33 |
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Keeping up appearances: a shallow topic runs deep
