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Lizzie
United Kingdom
56 Posts |
 Posted - 09/20/2007 : 03:40:58
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I am using this forum today to express my frustration with myself ( ok, perfectionist tantrum?) and I am apologising for this moan (goodist?) in advance. My symptoms move around so I wont list them as I am convinced it's TMS. All I will say is the mid back pain currently experienced is really annoying/frustrating me! I have journalled, believe TMS, carried on moving around to challenge it, run up and down the stairs at work to show I am not afraid (well try!), promised myself a treat if it subsides for an hour (aka Fred Amir) but the bottom line is I have never been truly pain free. The pain moves but it's there trying to distract me and yet I have the knowledge that its TMS. I suppose I feel a failure as others overcome this. Is that perfectionist too? I feel I have all the answers, all the knowledge, all the strategies and yet am not winning the battle. I know about the calendar phenonmenon but the various TMS books give case after case that take weeks or months only. Yes, since discovering TMS and Sarno I have done more (but still had pain). Am I missing something? Any thoughts? Do others relate to this struggle who have gone on to be pain free? I have lived with pain for 5 years and have been aware of TMS and trying to defeat it for 12 months. I even received a TMS diagnosis from Dr Sopher to dispel any possibility of doubts, which I am grateful for. Yet here I am in pain and angry.
Lizzie |
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la_kevin
USA
351 Posts |
Posted - 09/20/2007 : 05:04:52
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I've been aware of TMS for about a year, but about half of that time I didn't do any work. I just was aware of the theory and didn't really put any time into it. The only improvement I've seen is either by way of journaling, yelling and punching a pillow, or therapy and getting into what I'm REALLY angry about. Not just the usual "so how is your day going?" stuff.
Maybe it is time you called a therapist specializing in TMS? You might find that there is something you are unaware of. |
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mamaboulet
181 Posts |
Posted - 09/20/2007 : 06:18:13
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well I figure I must be on the right track because almost every pain I've had in the last 10 years or so has resurfaced in the last couple of weeks. It's like one of those movie chases where the person being chased (my subconscious)keeps knocking over shelves and running through restaurant kitchens to get away from the cops (conscious me).
The only one I'm really mad about is the carpal tunnel. It has flaired up bigtime from WRITING. So I'm going to have to switch to the computer for journaling (computer has never bothered my wrist)or take more tylenol.
Who here has faced RSI, and what do you do when your hand won't work and you know it is your brain? |
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BrianFL
5 Posts |
Posted - 09/20/2007 : 10:05:55
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Lizzie,
I feel your pain...figuratively and literally. I have been going through the same process. And I agree w/ Kevin. For us, mere daily journeling and reading the books are not enough. You should still do them...but you must do more by digging deeper into your subconscious. I recently started some tms psychotherapy - which I was hesitent to do because I am basically a happy person without too much overtly obvious trauma in my life. Yesterday, while in pain, I learned from my session that I should try to stop thinking about the pain and thinking about the pshcyhology of WHY I have certain personality traits. We discovered that I have become successful in life and a people pleaser b/c of a feeling that I must prove myself to everyone. Instead of changing my personality (which I can't), I am trying to be the perfection and people pleaser that I am because I like doing it - as opposed to making up for an inferiority complex. All I can say is that I don't have pain today. Tomorrow may be different but I will just celebrate today, and realize tomorrow may be just be a possible relapse...but focus on what I mentioned before. And stay positive. Hopefully, this will help us. Good luck. |
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FORU
USA
22 Posts |
Posted - 09/20/2007 : 17:42:46
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I have lived with pain for 5 years and have been aware of TMS and trying to defeat it for 12 months. I even received a TMS diagnosis from Dr Sopher to dispel any possibility of doubts, which I am grateful for. Yet here I am in pain and angry.
Lizzie
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I would be frustrated too! My aches, pains and ailments still come and go even though I am positive of TMS. If I had constant pain?? Oh, I would be super angry! Everyone above gave you good advice, so I won't bother repeating it.
Something I have recently noticed about myself that MIGHT help you - when I am able to feed my basic needs and nature, my aches pains and ailments either disappear or are forgotten. I'm horrible at explaining so bare with me...
I like to be useful, and productive. I guess we all do? I also like to feel appreciated for the work I do. Not overly so, just acknowledgment for a job well done kind of thing. I like to learn and grow. My workplace doesn't feed ANY of these needs anymore.
I'm now a member of a foundation. The cause is not earth shattering - in fact it doesn't even matter what it is. What does matter is that I work hard, find it interesting, and learn new things. These people appreciate what I do. Not only that but I'm so caught up in the goals we have set, and absorbed with the subject matter, my mind doesn't seem to have room for the ailments.
I'd have to say my ailments have been reduced by at least 50% since becoming involved with the foundation. When things slow down, and activity is low, invariably the pains come back.
To sum it up - find something that interests you while feeding some of your basic needs at the same time. You may have to look within a bit to discover exactly what your needs are. That is the hard part!!! Repressing needs/repressing feelings?? Some of us have done it for so long we have no idea what we want, need or feel anymore!
Anyway, good luck! I hope you can take a little bit of this and use it for yourself.
fka something else |
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Lizzie
United Kingdom
56 Posts |
Posted - 09/21/2007 : 11:23:51
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Thanks for the comment. I think I have gone deep and know (as far as any of ou can know our subconscious) what could/probably is causing anger. Ialso know I compare myself to others ease of movement and feel envy(perfectionist) which is a trait I dislike about myself. Brian
Your comments were helpful below:
"Yesterday, while in pain, I learned from my session that I should try to stop thinking about the pain and thinking about the pshcyhology of WHY I have certain personality traits. We discovered that I have become successful in life and a people pleaser b/c of a feeling that I must prove myself to everyone. Instead of changing my personality (which I can't), I am trying to be the perfection and people pleaser that I am because I like doing it - as opposed to making up for an inferiority complex."
I relate to this but what do you mean by "I am trying to be the perfection and people pleaser that I am because I like doing it." Does this mean how you have always been and what are you going to do from now on in? Why do you think you had less pain today?
Foru
Thanks for your comments.I recently read Fred Amir and did not even know what treat I would like for my inner child. Maybe I do not know my basic needs or ambitions well enough? What I want is to be pain free, undistracted by pain, fully alive and free with physical movement. I have been taking steps to do new movements and experienced many successes but still the pain is there. It moves but is currently squatting in my mid back irritating all movements and seriously annoying me.
Lizzie |
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armchairlinguist
USA
1397 Posts |
Posted - 09/21/2007 : 15:51:57
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Lizzie -- I definitely think that not even knowing a treat you'd like is a sign that you have been very focused on the adult, 'should'-ing part of yourself.
I've found it really helpful to just try to remember what I liked to do/eat/act like as a kid and try to allow more of that into my life. It can be a great source of improvement in dealing with TMS.
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Wherever you go, there you are. |
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What now?
