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crk
124 Posts |
 Posted - 08/06/2007 : 11:30:19
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Just when you think it's safe to go back in the water... Actually, I've been back in the water. About 3-4 years I think.
Previous TMS experience: 7 years of back pain, hip pain, foot pain... all B.S. and gone in 2 weeks. Since that time, I've been very vulnerable to suggestive "injuries," all of which I fought off successfully. I don't even read the "injury prevention" section in my running magazines anymore, because my brain is so likely to try one out on me. But they've all been minor, infrequent, and easily shot down.
Somehow, this one got through my armor, and it's a doosie. Low back pain and spasms, moving from s.i. joint to various spots within 3 inches in all directions. I am 100% POSITIVELY SURE that this is TMS. No doubt whatsoever. Somehow this time it snuck in deep enough to get embedded and I cannot seem to shake it.
It started Thursday of last week, and could have been triggered by any number of emotional issues. Doesn't matter which, since I know it's emotional. No perfect life available, right? I have yelled at the pain, reasoned with it, tried to ignore it, massaged it, and spent hours trying to focus on my emotional issues. All the usual methods.
A couple of times, I've experienced some relief. I even thought I had it beat Saturday afternoon. And it doesn't hurt at all when I'm in bed at night. At one point I was feeling better until my spouse asked how it was and bam! it was back.
Two actions are incredibly painful, in addition to the general background hum of pain: 1) bending to pick something up, and 2) running. I am a runner and am training for marathon #14 in October. No way am I giving it up for a b.s. pain in the back, so I spent over 4 hours Sunday struggling to complete my 20 mile run. Torture. This morning I ran my planned 6 miles, still hurting. These spasms are driving me nuts, but I do not see any sense in abandoning activity and "giving in;" that road leads to disability.
How do you "resume activity" when it hurts this much? I re-read my Sarno book and know that the fear of pain is just as effective as the pain itself in distracting one from psychological issues. But I would have to be insane to not fear the spasm that will come when I bend over or start running.
Is this just a matter of continuing to repeat my convictions and wait for it to pass over?
I am sorry for the lengthy post. I sincerely hope I can get some ideas for battle.
Many thanks,
CK |
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skizzik
USA
783 Posts |
Posted - 08/06/2007 : 12:46:53
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Lets start at the beginning...Go thru anything lately? Any changes in life coming up?
Sounds alot like me, I was cured 4yrs ago. Went thru something huge this past year, overdid it at the gym, and whammo, back in the TMS saddle.
I'm just now learning to deal w/ the frustration. I think that since I was cured last time, my perfectionism goes nuts that I'm still dealing w/ it. "I'm a Sarno expert", "why do I still have pain?" I'm now just learning to accept the symptoms.
The first time around, I had no such expectations, I was just feeling relief (mentally at first) w/ every turn of the page. Which I think is important now.
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crk
124 Posts |
Posted - 08/06/2007 : 14:05:01
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quote:
Originally posted by skizzik
Lets start at the beginning...Go thru anything lately? Any changes in life coming up?
Thanks for the reply. It seems I am always going through something . At first (on Thursday) I went crazy digging up every possible conflict I'm having right now. Some stuff in life is just bad, and yes, it makes me angry. But I know that, and still the pain keeps firing. One thing I have noticed is that I now find myself just sitting for a while or massaging it to get some relief. I re-read Sarno's thoughts on these types of relief, and how they reflect on some level a belief in a physical cause. I can see that. How do I get through to my brain? |
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skizzik
USA
783 Posts |
Posted - 08/06/2007 : 15:48:02
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wow, we're alike in that sense. I say if it feels good to massage DO IT! Your'e human. You need relief. What seems to be working for me is this whole new "acceptence" kick I'm on. I say "seems" cause I don't want to jinx it.
At some point, as you continue to do the "work" which will now feel less taxing because you accepted the pain, the urge to massage it will be less and less. Again, this is what I seem to be finding out, hopefully a veteran will agree or have a better avenue. |
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mala
Hong Kong
774 Posts |
Posted - 08/06/2007 : 20:16:29
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Hi there crk. I posted about 10 days ago when something similar happened to me. I had gotten rid of my horrid back pain for about a year and a half when suddenly I started getting hip pain and it was so bad that I could barely walk.
Something in yr post struck me. You say that you don't even read the injury prevention section for fear that yr brain will seize the opportunity to try one on you. I was like that too till I realised that it meant I was still fearful . With that realisation I began reading everything and telling myself it was alright and that nothing was going to happen. I think that has been inportant for me in fully accepting I have tms.
During my recent attack, I talked to people on the forum about what was bothering me and found that excersise very useful.
I also took a couple of anti inflammatories to bring down the pain which put me in a better frame of mind to deal with tms. remember the pain is real.
You are right to continue being active but don't let the running mask any emotional issues that need to be dealt with.
You are most welcome to read my discussion which is under the topic 'In need of some help'
http://www.tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=3727
Hope you are better very soon.
Good Luck & Good Health
Mala |
Edited by - mala on 08/06/2007 20:19:02 |
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crk
124 Posts |
Posted - 08/06/2007 : 21:46:13
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quote:
Originally posted by mala
Something in yr post struck me. You say that you don't even read the injury prevention section for fear that yr brain will seize the opportunity to try one on you. I was like that too till I realised that it meant I was still fearful .
Thanks for your thoughts, Mala. It is an interesting question to me. Other than my original disastrous bout with TMS (years ago), and this very similar debilitating relapse, I have seen the other little pains as warnings from my brain that we were going the "wrong way" psychologically, and that I was burying stuff. "Thanks for the call; I'll take care of it -- now piss off" was my attitude.
On the other hand those Runners World injury columns (every month!) are, to me, a reflection of a cult of injury to which I seem to have a standing invition, and of which I want no part. Runners are very good at getting "injured." I have every reason to think that 99% of these aches and pains are bogus. Unless we're talking about a scraped knee from falling on the trail, I view "running injuries" as a giant TMS pit of self-doubt, narcissism, and personal body-image issues.
So, getting back to the question of "am I afraid to read the articles?..." I would say that I am afraid only of the false nature of their assumptions. I don't think that reading about house fires will spontaneously set my home ablaze, because house fires are real, with real causes that I can avoid. By contrast, these lengthy articles, ensconced in scary medical jargon, are a trap to me. Their very nature is based on lies. So, yes, I am afraid to put garbage and lies into my brain that will take real work for me to get out. I fear them because of their innate falsehood. Does that makes sense? Would you still recommend them for some reason? I am eager to hear your thoughts.
Thanks!
CRK |
Edited by - crk on 08/06/2007 21:49:55 |
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mala
Hong Kong
774 Posts |
Posted - 08/07/2007 : 05:10:30
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Your 'piss off' attitude is great and you should keep at it. It is the key strategy in my own battle against tms.
Your other little pains could be psychological warnings or indeed they could be just plain pain. I remember sarno saying that the body does get hurt but given that the body is very adept at mending and healing itself, the pain should go away in due course of time. If you have been able to pinpoint an emotional equivalent to the pain you are having now then you need to do the necessary 'work' and that combined with your positive attitude should do the trick.
About the articles, I think you should read them. Because they are lies, you have to accept them as such and laugh them off. If you are fearful, then you must get rid of the fear and not let it control you. In fact only yesterday there was a full page article in the local newspaper about back pain and how weak the back is and how careful we need to be -you know the usual stuff they tell you about yr back- how to sit, how not to sit, how to bend how not to bend. I read it and thourougly enjoyed poo- pooing and dissecting the article to bits.
It helps me.
Good Luck & Good Health
Mala |
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No! Back in shackles - need help
