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Penny
USA
364 Posts |
 Posted - 05/22/2007 : 09:43:40
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This week, a year ago (before TMS discovery and therapy), my older daughter graduated from preschool and my neice was born. I repressed a lot of anxiety and sadness and ended up in the ER twice with nasty TMS sx--I had a major emotional falling down.
Fast forward to this week-- after 9 months of psychoT and full 100% belief in TMS .... repudiating my brains out.... My OTHER daughter graduates from preschool. Family in from out of town. Neice's 1-year birthday party ... I feel like dejavu all over again!
This time I am allowing myself to feel all the feelings I'm feeling as I feel them. (Not fun, but honest.) I get a chance to experience a very similar week as last year, only this time get it right ... and go through it with awareness and personal honestly.
Anyone here have awful anticipation of a recurring circumstances where you were TMS paralyzed? (Stage fright!) What did you do to get thru? I am afraid by what happened last year and the possibility of emotionally derailing happening again. Anyone here have any advice or handholding for me, I'd really appreciate it.
Thanks.
>|< Penny
"Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain."
The Great and Powerful Oz |
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tennis tom
USA
4749 Posts |
Posted - 05/22/2007 : 10:05:21
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Congratulations Penny, you're 'gonna do all right! The big difference is this time you have been innoculated with TMS Knowledge Penicilin. Anxiety attacks are one of the chief causes of ER visits. The good news is, when you get checked out in the ER and all the tests come back showing that EVERYTHING is normal in the structural departments. This leaves emotional TMS issues as the origination of the symptoms--and now you KNOW about TMS. Live and learn. By the way, fear of public speaking has been named the #1 fear of people, you can feel comforted that you are not alone in that regard.
Regards,
tt
Some of my favorite excerpts from " THE DIVIDED MIND " :
http://www.tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=2605
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Sky
USA
96 Posts |
Posted - 05/22/2007 : 10:12:16
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I agree. Penny, you seem pretty prepped and ready to accept all the emotions that'll be flowing through you this week. I bet you'll find in retrospect that those emotions aren't so scary after all!
Can you let us know how it went?
I'm feeling a success story coming... |
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sonora sky
USA
181 Posts |
Posted - 05/22/2007 : 10:38:28
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Hi Penny,
I'm actually having a TMS anniversary, too. This month last year is when my symptoms were way over the top, debilitating. (This took place BS, before Sarno.) I had just finished my PhD exams (after putting myself under tremendous pressure to succeed for several months leading up to the exams), and then we took off a few days later on our three-week honeymoon trip. Despite my physical agony during the trip (three visits to drs/emergency rooms), we managed to have a great time. So there is so much pleasure mixed with pain in my memories of the trip. After we returned, the physical pain didn't let up, so I started seing a chiro, with no luck. Then I found Sarno, and my mental/emotional outlook changed dramatically. This past year has still been bumpy, but I feel like I've gotten to a better place now through doing my psychological work (therapist and on my own) and increasing my overall sense of awareness (of thoughts, emotions, etc.) which inclues hearing but not listening to my inner critic and cultivating true compassion for myself.
Right now, my main issue is trying to come to terms with the fact that it has been a year and I have not had "100% success." I put this in quotes because I'm still not sure what it means for me. Those inner voices are still trying to get me down, saying that I've failed at fixing myself and even failed at my psychological work/psychotherapy. (My therapist and I laugh about this because I keep trying to summarize, wrap things up, and wean off of therapy in a timely manner. I'm sneaky but she's perceptive.) I've found that you can't silence those thoughts, but you don't have to obey/believe them.
I'm trying to push past the fear of a physical relapse because dwelling on the physical in any capacity (how it was, how it is, how it might be) can have nasty results.
It sounds like you're doing a good job letting yourself feel emotions when they come rather than continuing to supress them. (Disclaimer to appease ShawnSmith: it is not necessary to feel emotions to recover from TMS.) Attention to awareness and personal honesty are fantastic goals. But don't try too hard to "get it right," because that can lead to disappointment and frustration. I try to avoid thinking in terms of right and wrong anymore (it's hard!) because it fuels perfectionism and the ego.
Good luck,
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Edited by - sonora sky on 05/22/2007 10:41:06 |
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Penny
USA
364 Posts |
Posted - 05/22/2007 : 12:16:42
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Thanks everyone and for the affirmations. Want to know something funny? Last night I told my brain that instead of replaying last year's Pword antics, let myself have a cold instead. Guess what?! I woke up with a stuffy nose and have been sneezing all day. Talk about the power of suggestion!LOL! 
I saw my psychoT today and asked him what he had formally DXed and filed for my insurance purposes: after he asked me what I thought (which I really appreciated!), he said adjustment disorder and depression. I thought that was fair. We talked about somatization disorder and he pulled out his psycho-dictionary and read about psychosomatic disorder. He read a formula for DX that said that it typically appears before age 30, and as for DX criteria a patient would have at least 4 episodes of stomach/bowel trouble, migraines, and/or pain in four or more areas of body that would be debilitating and limit work/social function. I was laughing the entire time he was reading, as I am (as most of us here are) text book!
Thanks again everyone. I'll post when I get thru the weekend ... hopefully some kind of amazing revelation!
>|< Penny
"Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain."
The Great and Powerful Oz |
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Groundhog Day
